mtbdarby
12-20-2007, 11:11 AM
Happy Holidays!!!
Eating Tips for the Holidays:
1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet
table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots,
leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.
2. Drink as much eggnog as you can and quickly. You can't find it any
other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000
calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an
'eggnog-aholic' or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it!!!! Have one for
me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!
3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of
gravy. Gravy does not stand-alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your
mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or
whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car
with an automatic transmission.
5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control
our eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other
people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello???
6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New
Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is
the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table
while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like
frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself
near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them
behind, you're never going to see them again.
8. Same for pies. Apple, pumpkin and mincemeat - have a slice of each.
Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?
9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the
mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some
standards.
10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party
or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread tips.
Start over. But hurry... January is just around the corner!
Remember this motto to live by: 'Life should NOT be a journey to the
grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well
preserved body. But rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in hand, body
thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO-HOO what a ride!'
(OK, I was gonna post this in the humor section but I thought I'd get more of a chuckle with it here - enjoy:D )
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!
Eating Tips for the Holidays:
1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet
table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots,
leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.
2. Drink as much eggnog as you can and quickly. You can't find it any
other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000
calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an
'eggnog-aholic' or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it!!!! Have one for
me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!
3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of
gravy. Gravy does not stand-alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your
mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or
whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car
with an automatic transmission.
5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control
our eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other
people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello???
6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New
Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is
the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table
while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like
frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself
near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them
behind, you're never going to see them again.
8. Same for pies. Apple, pumpkin and mincemeat - have a slice of each.
Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?
9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the
mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some
standards.
10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party
or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread tips.
Start over. But hurry... January is just around the corner!
Remember this motto to live by: 'Life should NOT be a journey to the
grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well
preserved body. But rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in hand, body
thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO-HOO what a ride!'
(OK, I was gonna post this in the humor section but I thought I'd get more of a chuckle with it here - enjoy:D )
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!