A sad day

[solobiker]

I have worked as an OT in nursing homes for close to 14 years. Not sure how to say this part but here it goes, working in this type of environment I have to deal with a lot of death and dying issues, including many of those who want to die but " just can't seem to do it." Well, I currently work in a relatively small nursing home, and today we heard over the intercome for a nurse to go to a certain room STAT. All of the therapists including myself all knew who it was. Several minutes later the ambulance came and shortly after that we heard he had passed away. I will not share the rest of the details of how I had to help out, out of respect for him and his family but it definately was not the last image I wanted to have of him or his family. Please know it was not anything that the home did or didn't do. I know it is part of life, and that often around this time of year it is what happens as I have seen it many times before. I just can't seem to shake the image from my mind. My thoughts are with his family. He was a great guy.

[Blueberry]

I'm so sorry. ((((solobiker))))

We went through a similar situation when my grandfather passed away. Unfortunately my grandmother was there the entire time.

Thank you for caring about the people at the home. So few do. They're lucky to have you there:)

[AllezGirl]

Solobiker: My thoughts are with you and the family of the deceased.

[sbctwin]

Solobiker...sorry to hear that your day had such a tragic end. Hugs to you and I hope that you can remember this gentleman in a good way and not remember how his life ended....

[Brandi]

I am sorry you have to deal with that. I would not be able to handle it myself. I would suggest watching a very happy movie. That always helps me forget bad things. We are lucky to have people like you who are willing to handle the not so pretty side of human nature. Thank you.

[Geonz]

{{{{{ solobiker }}}}}

that's rough

and I"m also glad you are there to care and feel and feel and care.

[KnottedYet]

((((((solobiker))))))

My ex worked in a nursing home. Very tough job. You are strong and brave and I thank you for the work you do.

[mtbdarby]

((solobiker)) So sorry for the tragic loss. I hope you can find a way to find some comfort during your grief and echo the others in thanking you for caring for those in your care.

[Wahine]

(((((Solobiker)))))). I have had the experience of being with someone in their last moments a few times now. Most of those times were a blessing. One was not. It was filled with trauma and pain for everyone invovled. I had to go for psych treatment after that one. Apparently, there was a little PTSD involved. I just want to say that there is no shame in getting help. If the images persist you may need a little assistance to process the memories. It only took 2 treatments for me to get things under control.

Take care of yourself and try to have a Merry Christmas.

[carpaltunnel]

Every one of us needs someone to care for the body we leave behind when our spirit leaves this world. The kindest people are the ones who can and will. In a few days, turn your thoughts to your departed friend in better times, to bring those memories to the fore. He is blessing you, I'm sure, for helping him at the last.

[BleeckerSt_Girl]

Solobiker,
I and so many others are so grateful to you and those like you who help people in their last part of life. It can be so sad and depressing. Nobody ever really imagines that THEY will die alone and under such unpleasant conditions.

I am privileged to have been able to be alone with both my godfather and last year with my mother when each of them died. In both cases, the nursing staff was respectful about leaving us alone and being quiet. They brought me food and drinks unasked. they tiptoed around to take care of things but mostly left me alone. I was able to be with my mother for hours while she died. There are sometimes things about dying slowly that no one would want to see or be a part of. But what is much more important is that the dying person senses a loving person is there with them and will not abandon them. A reassuring peaceful voice assuring them they are not alone and not to be afraid. That is more important than our own comfort level. I cannot ever forget some of the frankly awful details about my mother's death, but when those images come up I try to replace them in my mind with visions of her lovely smiling face when she was full of life and so beautiful. In fact, I always hung a picture of my beautiful smiling young mother over her bed in the nursing home, so that the staff that tended to her could catch a glimpse of the radiant woman that was hiding within that shriveled ill-fitting disguise.

Those of you in the health/nursing/hospice field who do this day after day deserve eternal gratitude and admiration from the rest of us. What unbelievable strength and kindness you give. Thank you for making things better for so many helpless, frightened and alone people in pain, who cannot make things better for themselves. And thank you for posting, reminding us to be grateful for what we have in our lives.

[carpaltunnel]

"I always hung a picture of my beautiful smiling young mother over her bed ..."

Lisa, what a loving thing to do!

[teigyr]

solobiker, I am so sorry but I am also so grateful for what you do. I've been lucky so far because I've never experienced anything like others here have. Part of me wants to kick and scream and say "but I don't want to be a grown-up yet!". I know, however, it's inevitable.

It must be so difficult but you truly make a difference to both the patient and their family. A long time ago I knew someone who's aunt was terminal with lung cancer. She was in home hospice and a nurse was there pretty much 24 hours a day. The nurse was always so helpful and nice and could even bring humor to the situation when it was appropriate. The family felt better though it's still painful. The patient, who was in and out of consciousness, knew she was being cared for and that her family was there.

I often carry visions of things and have trouble letting them go. Maybe get out with friends and allow yourself to feel what you feel when it happens.

[Starfish]

I echo all the thanks being said here, and also what Wahine said. I was with both my folks this year when they went, and even under the best of circumstances when someone goes, there can be images that are disturbing and impossible to erase. Caregivers need care, themselves.

Thank you for posting, and again, thanks for your service.

[silver]

thank you solobiker for your work and compassion.

Mr.'s Dad is not doing well and he was transferred to a Rehab Facility (nursing home) today.

Very difficult.

I'm so sorry that you had a difficult day. Thank you for the job that you do.

[shootingstar]

Solobiker, you make difference in your job professionally. But take care of yourself also ..so that you can give well to others.

My partner's mother is 92 and has been in nursing home for past 18 months. It bothers him to hear his mother fret if she will make to her birthday...this coming Feb. She even wonders if she will make it past this Christmas.

The nursing home is part of a major teaching hospital so there is the best care given here with experts and high ratio of health care workers per patient. But still difficult to see...

My baby sister (who's 38) is a family and emergency services doctor. She emphasizes that families sometimes have this romantic idea of having their loved one die at home. The thing is that many people find it difficult to care for and see their loved one...die.

[roadie gal]

Thank you Solobiker. Working in a nursing home is a tough job both physically and mentally. It's wonderful that these people, who are at their weakest point have someone like you who cares about them.

I work in an ER. (I know I've mentioned this a few times before.) I've seen a lot of death, but I usually don't have a relationship with the patient or family like you do. I've always said that when it stops affecting me, then I should quit and do something else. It must be much harder on you. My condolences for your loss and for the family's loss.

[OakLeaf]

((((((solobiker))))))

Amid your grief, I hope you know how important your work is, and how much residents, families and friends appreciate a therapist who really cares (even if they don't always show it). Thank you.

[IFjane]

I'm so sorry. ((((solobiker))))

We went through a similar situation when my grandfather passed away. Unfortunately my grandmother was there the entire time.

Thank you for caring about the people at the home. So few do. They're lucky to have you there:)

Same here when my Dad passed away in 2002. I felt so bad because it was all so undignified and he did not deserve that.

Solobiker, you have a difficult but very important job. Thank you for doing it day after day, year after year. It takes a special person to do that and you are clearly one of those special people.

[solobiker]

Thanks so much for all of your kind words. He was such a hard worker, although initially very stubborn and would often swear at me. I somehow managed to get on his good side and he always went above and beyond what I asked him to do. I know in this field we are not supposed to get attached, but I guess I am not wired that way. I see each person as an individual who needs something. I am sure people find it anoying that when they ask me "where is room 151" or any other room number. I honestly don't know, I only know the rooms by who is in it. Well thanks again.

[SalsaMTB]

Wow, this was a really really hard thread to read...

Solo, I can't think you enough for the services you provide. I just lost my mom last month to cancer, and in the last weeks of her life she was in a nursing home. My sisters and I can't speak highly enough for how special the people who work there are. I honestly don't know how you can handle working in that environment. It must be very hard emotionally. Just know, the families and the patients deeply appreciate it. When my mom found out she only had a week or two left, one of her final requests was for my dad to give one of her nurses a small gift from her to show her gratitude.