oh I am so sad!

[Brandi]

:( I just got a call from a dear friend that told us another dear friend just passed away today from complications due to hiv. He just came out when he started to get sick. We told him we already knew and loved him anyway. But he's partner of 6 years had it and didn't tell him. He started getting very sick this year and realized things were not right. I just saw him not two weeks ago. I guess i should see it as a blessing that we at least got to see him since it had been a year since the last time we saw him. He was young and talented. I am so going to miss him and he's wonderful energy he had. I just feel empty right now. I haven't lost many young friends in my life and it makes me mad that someone was selfish enough to take he's life. I mean that is what happend when he's partner didn't tell him. They broke up a year and half ago I believe.
Sigh....i just don't know what to do with myself. My dh and just sat here stunned and crying! Sorry I had to tell someone. Thanks!

[solobiker]

so sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you and his family

[Brandi]

Thank you so much! just reading that made me cry again.

[teigyr]

Brandi, I am so sorry. It makes me angry, I don't understand how someone could do that to another person. My thoughts are with you and your DH during this time.

[LBTC]

Oh, Brandi! How sad and pointless! Sending you lots of hugs and butterflies that will guide you through your grief and towards healing and forgiveness. I'll send a few butterflies over to the ex, too, so that he can learn what his actions did and be sure to not do it again. *sigh*

Big hugs,
~T~

[slmdunc]

That truly is heartbreaking, Brandi. My thoughts are with you, and all of his friends and family.

[sbctwin]

{{{{{Brandi}}}}} Sorry to hear of the loss of your friend. I am glad you were presented with the opportunity to see him. That probably meant a lot to him as it did to you...

[sgtiger]

(((((((Brandi+Dh)))))))
I'm so sorry for your loss.


~sg

[bmccasland]

((((((((((Brandi))))))))))))

If this was 20 years ago, an HIV diagnosis would have been a death sentence, but much of it is treatable now. Such a shame that the partner kept the secret for so long. I still remember working in a hospital when HIV was new and scary. That and sadly seeing patients rapidly decline over a period of time.

[Brandi]

Thank you all (((((0)))))).It really mean's alot to me to be able to share this with all of you and have you be so understanding. The tears just seem to come when I don't expect them too. And i have a cold right now so I am weak as it is.
He was a great dancer so I keep seeing him in my head just breaking out and dancing whenever we went any place with him. I think of the way he used to giggle and kinda cover up he's mouth when he did. Or all the funny stories he would tell us about he's little Korean mom. He was a neat person!

[Pax]

Brandi, I am so sorry for your loss. I've lost nine friends and many acquaintances to that sh!tty disease over the years. :(

[Brandi]

Brandi, I am so sorry for your loss. I've lost nine friends and many acquaintances to that sh!tty disease over the years. :(

Oh I am more sorry for you then me at this moment.

[Pax]

Oh I am more sorry for you then me at this moment.

Don't be, my losses are long ago and I've had time to heal. Remember all the best things about your friend and when you get together with people who knew him, share all the good memories...it helps a lot.

[OakLeaf]

((((((Brandi))))))

[mimitabby]

we lost a friend 3 years ago to AIDS. We'd known him for 10 years and he sort of acted like he was our son. It was very hard to accept the fact that he died so young. It's an old feeling, a feeling old feeling that is terrible.
On the other hand, he accomplished much after starting from so little. Even though he's dead now, he's still an inspiration to me. I hope that you have some solace about your friend, and I'm sorry that you lost him. I hope that you can forgive his friend for what he did. He probably loved him in his own way but was too weak to do the right thing.
{{{{Brandi}}}}

[KnottedYet]

(((((((Brandi and DH))))))

A family friend died of AIDS, he's buried near my dad's grave. I always light a candle to set at his stone and care for his gravestone every time I go to care for my dad's.

Little things like that can help, and even be a comfort to think about. Big things like volunteering as a test subject for HIV vaccines can also help. Wearing a red ribbon. Posting to TE so we all think about it. Many things.

Also, consider getting tested for HIV yourself so you can tell someone who is fearful that *you've* done it, and there's no social stigma. I get tested for everything at the end of relationships, and one of my patients was actually comforted by the fact that I had been tested for HIV and wasn't immediately branded as a freak or something, and was more encouraged to get tested themself. (many people are afraid of having the test in their medical record or of getting the test at all. The more of us who have been tested, the less social baggage there will be on getting tested in the first place.) I have several very healthy patients who are HIV positive. They've been kept from developing AIDS because they had testing early on and early drug intervention. Many many people are HIV positive, but don't know it yet. Encouraging the testing is part of how I honor our family friend.

[Pedal Wench]

Brandi, I just read your post about the meteor shower. Part of the joy in that moment is having friends worth crying over when they go.

A dear friend had a similar experience. His (at that point) boyfriend cheated on him, AND did drugs, and didn't tell my friend he tested +. My friend has had it for about 13 years, and seems to have it under control. I couldn't imagine losing him.

[Brandi]

(((((((Brandi and DH))))))

A family friend died of AIDS, he's buried near my dad's grave. I always light a candle to set at his stone and care for his gravestone every time I go to care for my dad's.

Little things like that can help, and even be a comfort to think about. Big things like volunteering as a test subject for HIV vaccines can also help. Wearing a red ribbon. Posting to TE so we all think about it. Many things.

Also, consider getting tested for HIV yourself so you can tell someone who is fearful that *you've* done it, and there's no social stigma. I get tested for everything at the end of relationships, and one of my patients was actually comforted by the fact that I had been tested for HIV and wasn't immediately branded as a freak or something, and was more encouraged to get tested themself. (many people are afraid of having the test in their medical record or of getting the test at all. The more of us who have been tested, the less social baggage there will be on getting tested in the first place.) I have several very healthy patients who are HIV positive. They've been kept from developing AIDS because they had testing early on and early drug intervention. Many many people are HIV positive, but don't know it yet. Encouraging the testing is part of how I honor our family friend.
It doesn't really seem important for me to get tested. My husband and I have been together 20 years and there IS no one else for me or him. We don't want anybody but eachother. I try and encourage my friends to be with people who love them for who they are and for an honest and caring relationship. And i am huge on going to the Dr if you suspect anything. i have seen to many people die from being scared to go to the Dr. it is a waste of wonderful poeple. But I do see it all the time. This one has just hit closer to home more then most.

[Mr. Bloom]

Sorry about your loss...


:(But he's partner of 6 years had it and didn't tell him.

Wow! This is pretty sad. Did he ever know?

[Trek420]

It doesn't really seem important for me to get tested. My husband and I have been together 20 years and there IS no one else for me or him. We don't want anybody but eachother.

(((Brandi)))) I don't think that's what Knott meant to imply:o

I can't imagine why your friends partner wasn't open about his HIV status but just talking about it is so hard for some. For him to be silent at the risk of his partners life is not something I can understand. :mad: But when people talk about HIV, getting tested, prevention it destygmatizes (sp?) it and could save someones life.

Even us talking here.

And especially when "straight" people talk about HIV because then a lightbulb goes off "oh, this is not just a G*y disease, this is something that effects us all."

At my last check up I have a new Dr. and she asked me if I'd been tested ever
"well, yes I have been"
"do you want to be tested again"
"I don't think I need...."
"Have you ever had a blood transfusion"
"well yes I did when I ..."
"within the last 20 years?"
"why would I need to ..."
"How well do you trust the lab that tested the blood? There's an incubation period of 20 years and if it's not your own blood..."

Right now I think it's a time for memories, and to smile as you remember your friends laugh and his talents ....and for tears. Maybe someday later on volunteer or .... UK Eliphant , Knott and I plan on doing the AIDS ride again in '09 (right Knott?).

C'mon and ride with us.

I lost many friends "back in the day"; Brian, Markham, Asa and his twin brother, Tom, Nikko, Mark, Rick a chef I worked with and a dear friend I miss most of all .... these are fellas I thought I'd grow old with like your dear friend.

OK, now you're got me crying :o

I was skeered to do the AIDS ride, so many hills. I asked a rider how he managed it and he said he greeted each hill like another angel, they are his friends back.

[silver]

I'm so sorry! (hugs)

[Brandi]

Sorry about your loss...



Wow! This is pretty sad. Did he ever know? He was told when it was way to late. Now a days if you find out early you can live for years and years on proper meds. But he didn't know in time to save himself.

[Brandi]

(((Brandi)))) I don't think that's what Knott meant to imply:o

I can't imagine why your friends partner wasn't open about his HIV status but just talking about it is so hard for some. For him to be silent at the risk of his partners life is not something I can understand. :mad: But when people talk about HIV, getting tested, prevention it destygmatizes (sp?) it and could save someones life.

Even us talking here.

And especially when "straight" people talk about HIV because then a lightbulb goes off "oh, this is not just a G*y disease, this is something that effects us all."

At my last check up I have a new Dr. and she asked me if I'd been tested ever
"well, yes I have been"
"do you want to be tested again"
"I don't think I need...."
"Have you ever had a blood transfusion"
"well yes I did when I ..."
"within the last 20 years?"
"why would I need to ..."
"How well do you trust the lab that tested the blood? There's an incubation period of 20 years and if it's not your own blood..."

Right now I think it's a time for memories, and to smile as you remember your friends laugh and his talents ....and for tears. Maybe someday later on volunteer or .... UK Eliphant , Knott and I plan on doing the AIDS ride again in '09 (right Knott?).

C'mon and ride with us.

I lost many friends "back in the day"; Brian, Markham, Asa and his twin brother, Tom, Nikko, Mark, Rick a chef I worked with and a dear friend I miss most of all .... these are fellas I thought I'd grow old with like your dear friend.

OK, now you're got me crying :o

I was skeered to do the AIDS ride, so many hills. I asked a rider how he managed it and he said he greeted each hill like another angel, they are his friends back.
Oh thank you for your words. And I know knotted didn't mean that. It is hard to translate how you are talking online. I was just saying.. oh it doesn't matter. Knotted rocks! And so do you for honoring the people you have loved and loss. I will do something in he's memory the day after christmas we are doing a big hike. I plan to take a moment at the top and say a few words in he's honor and spill some single malt scotch on the earth. He would have liked that.
I am doing much better today.

[Wahine]

Hugs Brandi. I'm really sorry to hear about your friend's early death. It is very sad and the circumstances of his illness sucked. But he gave you many great memories and helped you become who you are today. In that sense, his spirit lives on in the memories of his loved ones. I think it's a great idea to do the AIDS ride.

[KnottedYet]

And if pedalling the AIDS ride doesn't appeal, there is also crewing the ride. I intend to crew in the Sports Medicine gang.

[Brandi]

And if pedalling the AIDS ride doesn't appeal, there is also crewing the ride. I intend to crew in the Sports Medicine gang.
Where is this ride. And I am a hybrid bike not a road bike.Well my bike is mountain and raod. It has slicks on it right now. But I do have a friend who has a road bike she is not riding right now. I could borrow her's.

[KnottedYet]

the ride is from San Francisco to Los Angeles. Trek and UKElephant and others have done it, and I met some of the other riders at the SF Pride Parade. An amazing experience, from everything I've heard and seen.

http://www.aidslifecycle.org/index.html

I am far more interested in crewing than in riding, but would like to ride it someday as part of a tandem team.

[Brandi]

Shoot that is a terrible time of year for me work wise. I am always doing a sand sculpture at that time!

[Trek420]

He was told when it was way to late. Now a days if you find out early you can live for years and years on proper meds. But he didn't know in time to save himself.

We don't really know. :( In the early days of the pandemic a diagnosis was a death sentence. People went from young and vibrant health rapidly downhill. Now with early diagnosis and perhaps more important acceptance and not denial of the disease, combined with access to advance treatment options (not always available in all communities) people are living longer.

But the risks and side effects of the drugs are not known. There is no cure and one has to manage this for the rest of ones life.

I remember on ALC 4 getting to the top of the Evil Twins (two tough climbs) and pulling out a water bottle to casually take a swig which disguises the fact I can barely catch my breath. A ridercaught up, one of our Pos Peds (HIV+ riders) and I hear beeping. I'm thinking his HRM.

But it's a timer for his meds. He stops, swallows a pill, takes some water. Sort of put a perspective on it for me.

This is something he must do at regularly timed intervals on the dot every day or the virus replicates. Not everyone has the organizational skills to do. It takes access to health care (don't get me started on that) and very determined, organized, attentive patient.

I got the opportunity to tour Childrens Hospital HIV ward. We did not meet the kids to protect their privacy but talked to the doctors. When you couple the chalenges adults have fighting this disease imagine a kid? Inner city kid or homeless? Without access to refrigeration?

The good news is with kids for some reason if it's caught early, managed, if we can get them through adolescence often the virus is gone for some reason. Not true with adults.


And if pedalling the AIDS ride doesn't appeal, there is also crewing the ride. I intend to crew in the Sports Medicine gang.

Riding is easier :cool: Roadies rock (as do all volunteer crew at cycling events). But that is one thing that kept me coming back, the support on this ride is incredible.


Where is this ride. And I am a hybrid bike not a road bike.Well my bike is mountain and raod. It has slicks on it right now. But I do have a friend who has a road bike she is not riding right now. I could borrow her's.

You'd be in good company. While a road bike with a triple is recomended many do the ride on mountain bikes or even hybrids with slicks. Most important that the bike fit you. It's a looooooooog ride.

[Brandi]

We don't really know. :( In the early days of the pandemic a diagnosis was a death sentence. People went from young and vibrant health rapidly downhill. Now with early diagnosis and perhaps more important acceptance and not denial of the disease, combined with access to advance treatment options (not always available in all communities) people are living longer.

But the risks and side effects of the drugs are not known. There is no cure and one has to manage this for the rest of ones life.

I remember on ALC 4 getting to the top of the Evil Twins (two tough climbs) and pulling out a water bottle to casually take a swig which disguises the fact I can barely catch my breath. A ridercaught up, one of our Pos Peds (HIV+ riders) and I hear beeping. I'm thinking his HRM.

But it's a timer for his meds. He stops, swallows a pill, takes some water. Sort of put a perspective on it for me.

This is something he must do at regularly timed intervals on the dot every day or the virus replicates. Not everyone has the organizational skills to do. It takes access to health care (don't get me started on that) and very determined, organized, attentive patient.

I got the opportunity to tour Childrens Hospital HIV ward. We did not meet the kids to protect their privacy but talked to the doctors. When you couple the chalenges adults have fighting this disease imagine a kid? Inner city kid or homeless? Without access to refrigeration?

The good news is with kids for some reason if it's caught early, managed, if we can get them through adolescence often the virus is gone for some reason. Not true with adults.



Riding is easier :cool: Roadies rock (as do all volunteer crew at cycling events). But that is one thing that kept me coming back, the support on this ride is incredible.



You'd be in good company. While a road bike with a triple is recomended many do the ride on mountain bikes or even hybrids with slicks. Most important that the bike fit you. It's a looooooooog ride.
My bike and i are formed fit let me tell you! We have done many a mile together. She is a great bike. No problems there. I just don't think I will be available because of work. We do a lot of sand sculptures at that time.

[Pedal Wench]

Right now I think it's a time for memories, and to smile as you remember your friends laugh and his talents ....and for tears. Maybe someday later on volunteer or .... UK Eliphant , Knott and I plan on doing the AIDS ride again in '09 (right Knott?).

C'mon and ride with us.



2009? I think I might have to ride with y'all. I've done multi-day tours, the MS150, and bike support for the breast cancer 3-day, and it looks like this combines them all in a cause I want to support. It would be great to have some contacts who've done it before.