eating disorders update

[hellosunshine]

ME again,gain 1 kg over the year-now 47.2kg after a bit of a drop.but am on the UP

as i havent posted for a while-its now imperative i get up to a healthy weight as my kidneys are shoeimg signs of disfunction and my creatine levels and white bood cell count is too too low,NOW IS THE TIME TO GET MY HEALTH BACK.over the year ive discovered a lot about my way of thinking and know how to tackle certain traits that will enable me to cope life without resorting to harmful things like anorexia.

SO!ALL IM ASKING,IN CASE WE HAVE ANY NEW MEMBERS IS LOTS OF POSITIVE EMPOWERING TESTIMONIALS FROM PEOPLE WHO HAVE GOT BETTER-ARE HEALTHY AND FEEL SO MUCH BETTER.I think we all know the hell of an eating disorder so im not asking for the negative side but the wellness side!i aim to do this alone now,ive found in the past it doesnt work to rely on professionals to cure you,its ultimately up to the individual with lots of positive influences chipping in..................

[crazycanuck]

Hey HS..Good to see you back again.

I've not much to add in terms of eating disorders but I do want to say good on ya for looking to make your body healthy!

How's racing?

Take care

C

[margo49]

Missed ya...

[alpinerabbit]

Take care Sunshine,

you are what matters.
Live the dance of life.

Best blessings

Rabbit

...
/|\

[velogirl]

HS, I hope you're getting help with this battle. Disordered eating is not something you can solve on your own. And don't be afraid to use this group for support as well.

Are you still training and/or racing while you go through this? You might consider taking a break. I've coached more than a few women (and men) with disordered eating. I think this sport encourages it -- the super-lean are the best climbers, thus the best athletes. Be very careful in this environment.

And get yourself healthy and whole again, okay?

Lorri

[solobiker]

sending positive vibes your way:)

[KnottedYet]

Hey, good to see you again! :p

[Wahine]

Happy to see you Sunshine!!

As for good stories, I've had several friends, clients and colleagues with eating disorders. All of them managed to beat it with the help of clinicians , family and friends. Most of them had to change something about their lifestyle. One friend had to give up athletic competition completely to avoid putting pressure on herself but she is very happy, healthy and whole now. Another friend gave up gymnastics and switched to adventure racing while vowing to never get on a scale again, that worked for her.

Good luck with your battle and we're here to listen.

[Flybye]

!i aim to do this alone now,ive found in the past it doesnt work to rely on professionals to cure you,its ultimately up to the individual with lots of positive influences chipping in..................

The mark of an excellent clinician is one who can help you find your own solution to your own goals and help you find ways to meet that goal through your own drive and power to do so. It is ultimately up to you, like you said! What you don't want in a clinician is someone who just gives lots of advice. It sounds like you haven't had much success with professionals - it is like finding a pair of shoes - you have to get a good one that is a good fit and that you can "wear" even on LONG days or long stretches - weeks. If you get the wrong shoes, throw em' out and look for more.
Statistically speaking, the best way to tackle this is through the helping process.
I like that you are looking for positive influences. Take control of this, own it, and the solution will be yours!

Here is a funny laugh for you.............
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BYLMTvxOaeE

[LBTC]

So nice to see you again, sunshine!

You are wonderful and capable of being the you you need to be! We're here to listen and support you on this fabulous journey!

I'm sending you lots of butterflies of acceptance and guidance and love. Depend on them, depend on us, depend on yourself. We're all on this road together.

Big hugs,
~T~

[bmccasland]

Sunshine - Hope your hollydaze have been great and you continue to improve! We're here to support you.

So in my best, fake, Jewish mother accent - eat, eat! What, you don't like my cooking?

Seriously, you don't have to face eating issues alone, if cyberspace counts! Getting your health back will help your cycling. How's that for motivation?

OK, OK, I won't quit my day job and become a motivational speaker. :D

[hellosunshine]

oh YOU darlings-47.4kg on a "good day"

wow,i am loathe to trouble you all with it but i must say YOU lot are superb and so positive,the anorexic forums are very "poor me" and isnt life a nightmare etc etc,which i dont think is they way to switch into health tbh

HEALTH HEALTH -sodium levels are askew andcreatine levels nincompoop so this has been a real scare and drive to get up to a healthy weight-yes ya right this sport encourages thinness-but thats for the MEN not for us loveli women who need to succeed and be happy and vibrant!

tis a little harder maybe as i live alone and isolated apart from bunch riding with the lads and work interactions

i was given a happy book for christmas that ive printed off things posted on this thread and the weight thread,all the positive examples of wellness for motivation

the racing-well,believe it or not i did managed to do the BBAR comp this yr,best 25,50 and 100 mile timetrail comp-seemed to do better over longer distnace events rather than the shorter 10mile power timetrials,BUT today dropped on the hills so desperatly need leg muscle mass.


i value you all so so much,thanks!

[Pedal Wench]

One thing I've realized is how much better I feel when my body is properly fueled. I really like thinking about what I put in is going to make me stronger, or healthier. Purpose-driven nutrition -- I'm eating this cereal because the carbs will make me faster. I'm putting soymilk on it because the protein helps my muscles rebuild after a ride. I'm eating this fruit because the vitamins prevent illness that will keep me off my bike.

[bikerchic]

hellosunshine
What a perfect name you've chosen you brighten up the place!

My daughter suffered for a few years in her mid to late teens with bulimia. It was a very scary time for us and I must say we tried so many things to help her through it but the one thing that seemed to help most was cradling therapy.
I guess in easier terms it's just giving yourself permission to feel and be loved and to hear from those closest to you that you are loved. Self acceptance.

I used to cradle her in my arms much like a baby and let her cry, I cried, I soothed her just like she was an infant. Sometimes she would fall asleep in my lap and I would just look at her in amazement, how wonderful she is and how happy I am that she is my daughter. I wanted her to get over her illness so badly so she could be with us for years to come.

She did, she is and she has two beautiful children and a loving husband. We are truly blessed.

I know it's a struggle but you are a strong person and you can beat this you sound determined you'll do it just love yourself!

Hugs!

~Kate

[Tri Girl]

I'm so glad that you're on the road to wellness!!! It's a tough road to hoe, but you've got good friends here to help you along the way. :)

[hellosunshine]

thanks guys!well,the only breathing mamals in the house are 2 springer spaniels under 1 yrs old to cuddle/cradle,BUT they are the best buddies,THEY LOVE LIFE


this is the year for me i know and found an totally inspiring website

fishyvb.something-fishy.org so if you know anyone that has the mindset to recover this is a god send.also hospital 29th jan.

i know after all this time the time has come for me to shake my wings and fly!

[Tri Girl]

You're not alone here.
Eating disorders come in all shapes and sizes. I can relate to you in a not so similar way. I'm not trying to take away from you, but can I share something that I've not told anybody else? There are some that are on the other end of the spectrum of eating dysfunction- mine involves food obsession. I constantly obsess about food. Not just the normal- I like food, I think I'll eat some. It's a true obsession. I'm always thinking about: when will I eat next, what will be on the plate, how much will I eat, what will it taste like? It's been a difficult battle. I eat when I'm hungry and when I'm full- the thought of food is like a drug to me. I sometimes hide the wrappers of food from my DH because I don't want him to think I'm a pig. I've fought my weight for years, and my obsession with food has kept me battling for normalcy. I'm overweight by "only" about 20 lbs (which is still a lot). If I didn't try to control it, I'd be easily 100+ lbs overweight. I used to be 60 lbs overweight, and that was not fun. It's not a matter of will power or just not eating or putting it down. I can't help myself. I've not sought help, but often wonder if I should (I think I'm afraid to expose the demons of why I'm like this). I sorta control it now by exercising and keeping myself as busy as I can. If I didn't work- I'd be in trouble.
When food is the culprit, it's so hard to overcome it. It's not like you can go "cold turkey" and alienate yourself from the people you used to "do it" around (like drug addiction). You can't learn to live without it. Food is a fact of life, and it can be hard to learn how to view it as healthy. I'm glad you've found a way to live with the cards you've been dealt and can find peace in your life this year. :)

[Tokie]

Hi! I am putting a link to Colavita pro cyclist Dotsie Bausch's website biography - she is an amazing athlete who has overcome an eating disorder - she will inspire you! And she will be competing in the World Cup in women's individual pursuit this month, hoping to qualify for the US olympic team! She works to raise awareness about eating disorders too. Best wishes to you in your recovery! Carol http://dotsiebausch.com/bio.htm

[lph]

Anyone know where hellosunshine went? I just started to think about her hoping she's doing well, and went and dug up this thread.

Hope you're out there, sunshine! :)

[hellosunshine]

aha! hello,well up to 49.8 kg and LOATE it- i am loads healthier,the renal failure has been corrected,ive got very bad osteoporosis as a result of it and have been advised not to ride my bike,(ive ignored this!)they want me to go onto anti depressants as now im begining to infiltrate life a bit more, im self harming

BUT the main thing is im stronger on the bikehowever i do find that even having put on a few pounds i feel most grotesque in cyclin kit and skinsuits when i ride,this i find VERY hard indeed


the temptation to starve is there 24/7 but i know if i went down to 3 1/2 stone again the damae i have already done would be exhasperated

horrid horrid disease,but battle on!

[crazycanuck]

Hey HS!

Nice to see you! I just wanted you to know that it's good you're still fighting the battle!

Please take care & just know there can be a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm not familiar with eating disorders & can't give all the support required but hope your health keeps improving.

C

[lph]

Hey, great to see you sunshine! I am SO glad that your weight is up a little and your health is improving. Self-image is a strange, strange thing, and I can't imagine what it's like to have to battle that too. Hang in there, you're doing really well!

[Dogmama]

Sunshine,

Did I read your last post correctly - the want you to start antidepressents and you're self harming? As in cutting yourself?

Apologies if I'm misunderstanding you.

[christina_9w9]

You might consider taking a break. I've coached more than a few women (and men) with disordered eating. I think this sport encourages it

[Triskeliongirl]

Nice to hear you have gained some weight and are feeling healthier.

I'll start by saying that while I don't know a lot about eating disorders, I do know that sometimes our mental pictures of ourselves don't match our real images. I had the opposite problem of you. When I was overweight, I would look in the mirror and see a thin person (i.e. myself at my ideal weight) but when I would see a picture of myself, I would see how I really looked (overweight). I wonder if that might help you. That is if you see yourself as 'grotesque' in the mirror, have someone take a picture, and see if that helps you see that you really look fine. Its taken me a lot of time, but now that I am at a healthy body weight, my internal and external images seem to match.

Also, hang around and share. We'd all love to help as best as we can (i.e. in a non-professional support function)! I also hope that I misunderstood the self-harm remark, but if this is a growing problem I hope you are getting good professional help.

I also don't think that stopping cycling is the answer, but maybe changing your goals would help. Is it possible to switch from hard core racing to a more recreational style of riding, perhaps by joining a club with a more pleasure oriented focus.

[papaver]

Hi, I've just read your story and it makes me think of Leontien Van Moorsel. She was a Dutch pro cyclist who had anorexia during her racing career. You should google her and read her story. Maybe it can be a kind of moral support. In the mean time, keep up the good work! http://www.cheesebuerger.de/images/midi/froehlich/a036.gif


Here's one article about her.

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/olympics/newswire/2000/09/30/257274092435_afp/

[cylegoddess]

In very happy to hear of your progress!! I have struggled with a eating disorder for about 15 years and honey, cyling is good for it I think!
Remember, its lean, long , STRONG and muscles. Without the strong,long and muscles the lean isnt going to cut it. And yes, unless we are riding the Tour de France, 12 % body fat isnt really what we need( and they dont stay that way! Plus yes,, are men.)
Its hard, but life is hard. I have some oesto, chronic fatigue, glandular fever, plus some other serious exposures to toxic yuckkies to add. But Once I got a bike and really, saw the beauty of riding, things changed. I dont feel sorry for myself, except that I cant make it on long rides( Ive been riding a year and do at most, I think 35 km.) It makes it lonely not having ride buddies but someday will have em! Anorexia is a lonely disease, so do stay in touch. Puppy are good.
And the whole Lance Armstrong thing, helped.I pretend Im him when its hurts on days to be me, riding. I wish sometimes I was healthier( every day) and I think, if he can - so can I.
Also, here in Canberra, there is a wonderful man with one leg, Michael Milton who had bone cancer, as a child, then had it re-occuring- and rides as a paralympian. He is a real inspiration.
Im so proud of you. You are on your bike and getting strong. And riding far!
I will post some more alt things you can do to help you oesteo.
And I do understand about feeling odd in bike clothes. I like to short circuit this, look at myself and think - future race winner . Need MORE muscles, bigger legs,larger calves and strength. I say to myself, lean ,long and strong! Thats me! Im getting good at it, since Ive rode, I wear my cycling gear in shops and stuff and with a few exceptions, usually am proud.
As someone said, you are on your bike, Thats what counts.
Anorexia is often a way to try to control your life. Today's world can be overwhelming. Ive got ADD, so that was one way I tried to control it.
Now, riding makes endorphins, that are better than fasting ones( which is why many women do this, for the feeling).The more GOOD endorphins you have the better, right? Just make sure you eat enough to stay on target weight,so you can ride faster!
And yes, obsessing about food, if your over weight is another hard one. You can start thinking about how to eat better, and how to eat healthier. As I got better, I thought about food all the time. So I used this obsessiveness to learn ALL about healthy eating and now tell others, everywhere for free! AND I am becoming a personal trainer, in time too,So I can help everyone.
I really am well versed on eating, more than most doctors Ive gone to, except my new ones( who do alt practices too, as well as GP, naturpathy etc.) You can use your 'demons' to be your 'angels' too. Whatever drives you comes from the same source. use it wisely and well and you can conquer mountains - literally!!
Meet you on that mountain someday, sister and race you to the top - deal?;)

[cylegoddess]

oh and antidepressants - I was on those. They have found that they can help recovering anorexics , as starvation leads to a form of psychosis( but temporary). So they can be of use but I find HATHA YOGA very very good.
You can get these taught at YMCA or comm. college.Self harm is a emotional condition. I took care of a good friend for many years with body dismorphia/ Borderline personality dis. so saw it at close hand ,while helping her.
Hatha yoga was invented to specifically CALM and tone the emotions. I use it to good end( but could do more)as do many of friends.
Maybe when you are feeling harmful, you can put on a DVD( do you have a dvd palyer?) and watch the Tour de France or something, and stretch.A intro to hatha is good too.Its is soo good for riding( just ask Cadel Evans!!) and helps you not age as fast.

Also I would start taking APPLE CIDER VINEGAR( everyone should) to stop acidosis. This is caused by eating sugar, meat, soy, dairy,coffee, tea, soda, alcohol and acid food. It make your hair and nails brittle and contributes to oesto as body takes calcium from blood, which get sit from bones to balance out. Some organic apple cider vin, with the vinegar mother ( I love that! ) the essence of the vinegar , is best. tastes yummy on salad too.I take shots of it, with honey with my calcium tablets in morning.
im going to read those storys of chick riders,who recovered. I find that so exciting.I wasnt sure that you could win after such stress but hey! cool!:cool:

[cylegoddess]

Feel free to send me a line anytime! Im here for support:) I have a fabulous BF for mine, so I have plenty to share.

[ClockworkOrange]

I aim to do this alone now, I've found in the past it doesnt work to rely on professionals to cure you, its ultimately up to the individual with lots of positive influences chipping in..................

Hi hellosunshine (and I love the name)

Hope you don't mind but I think your statement above is so poignant.

Well, unfortunately I am a lumpy old lump of lard, funny really but few of us are ever content with how we look or what we weigh but anyway, after reading this thread I think you are amazing, the way you push yourself (just don't push too hard) ;)

AND just noticed you are from the UK, brilliant somebody nearby.

Anyway hun, I so hope you keep doing well. If you ever want to chat, just PM me with your telephone number and I will give you a call.

Sorry I cannot offer any amazing gems of advice but I so wish you well.

Clock

[ClockworkOrange]

Maybe when you are feeling harmful, you can put on a DVD( do you have a dvd palyer?) and watch the Tour de France or something, and stretch.A intro to hatha is good too.Its is soo good for riding( just ask Cadel Evans!!) and helps you not age as fast.



Yes cyclegoddess, your post was so interesting, in fact I got quite carried away with it all, even checked out a book on the internet to do with Hatha Yoga, ahem, think I might cause myself a few injuries.............:D It's fine with you lightweights but not heavies. :eek:

http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y272/Missbe/30.jpg

For me I'm best standing on my feet!

Clock