Dear So and So

[SadieKate]

Some just started this thread on another forum. It's making me howl with laughter! She said, "it was really nice and theraputic, and a lot of fun. This is how it works: You write short little notes to people who may or may not see them, just to get your feelings out there and make you feel a little better." Here's my letter:

Dear Sun Gods:

Pretty, just pretty please, may we see you this weekend in California? I'll sacrifice my first born child . . . oh wait, there isn't one. How about chocolate?

Sincerely,
Me

[spazzdog]

Dear God,

Please ma'am, could you shift the axis of the earth just a pinch so that New England becomes a tropical paradise.

It's just too cold here and I think I'm stuck here until I die (relationship, home ownership, older pets... you know. Those grown-up responsibility things)

Thank you.

spazz

[CorsairMac]

Dear (insert your All-Powerful Being of Choice):
Can I Please get warm again? I'll even take being warm for say - 1 week if it isn't asking too much! 100 degs in the summer is Not too hot for me so please can I Just have hmmmm 70 in the winter? I'll sacrifice Spazzdog if you need me too! (no wait...thats not right) I'll give up posting threads for a whole day!
Yours Truly
Kathie -Im cold and hate it - MacV
aka CorsairMac

(cripes I can't remember my Real name anymore!)

[SadieKate]

Dear Outdoor Apparel Designers,

What do you have against us girls? Just what does it take to design tights that go full length of the leg and jerseys that accomodate boobs? What, you've never looked at the feminine form or you don't believe our money is as valuable as the boys?

SK

PS - Thanks for bringing pink back into fashion.

[Dogmama]

Dear Ambulance Drivers,

The bike lane is not there to collect broken automobile glass.


Dear Redneck Truck Driver,

If I need to pick my teeth, I'll use my bathroom mirror. I don't need to use your rearview mirror.


Dear Pearl Izumi People,

How do you figure one yard of stretchy material is worth $100?

[nuthatch]

Dear Discovery Channel,

Now that you sponsor a team, can you please start televising more cycling events - maybe even WOMEN'S events??? I promise I'll watch every commercial and maybe even buy something if I can see more coverage. I need inspiration during the winter when I'm on my trainer, even if it's taped events from six months before!

[Trek420]

Dear Dubya

You say you want to reduce our need for foreign oil by, oh, say let's drill the Alaska Wilderness? I've got two words for you...oh, not those words...this is a family forum, how about these ...."bike lanes"? We could even name them for you like those memorial freeways, the Nimitz here and such, or landscape them with shrubs and bushes.

It'd take care of our big, fat obesity epidemic and the smog issue too! Just ask your Texan buddy Lance

Thanks

Trek

[JanT]

Dear Homebuilders,
Could you please build the new communities in the flat, boring desert areas and leave our mountain biking areas to us and the coyotes?

Dear Road Builders,
If you really must lay asphalt in the desert, could you please make the streets wide enough for bike lanes?

Dear City Planners,
Could you please keep in mind that people need to get exercise, recreate, and might like to use something other than a car to commute? I know all the progress is great for our financial well-being, but it would be nice if the new developments were people-friendly.

Jan

[yellow]

Dear Very Fast Drivers,

I realize that 70 mph is too slow for you and it's very important for you to get there 30 seconds faster, but can you give me time to get out of your way before you give me the bird or flash your lights at me?

(Gawd, I have so many others...)

[mtbstarr]

Dear Weather Gods,

Could you please make your minds up. I enjoy cold or hot. I just need consistency so I can adjust. :D

[MightyMitre]

Dear Employers

Please can a really cool company phone me up later today offering me a great job that's close to home, pays well, offers lots of annual holiday for cycling trips, is incredibly interesting and also fulfilling.


Dear Mightymitre

Please can you pull your finger out, get your act together, get out there and go find that super job mentioned above.

[Dogmama]

Dear Person Spinning next to me:

Ever heard of Beano?

[Veronica]

LOL

Poor Dogmama.

V

[MightyMitre]

Dear Person Spinning next to me - ever heard of Beano:

Erm - what's Beano?

[Veronica]

Well you know the effect beans have on most people? Beano keeps that from happening.

V.

[MightyMitre]

ROFL!!:D :D :D

Superb!! Thanks for filling me in.:p :p

[Bike2Work4Me]

Dear School Bus Driver-

Can't you see that the bike lane has ended and I've moved into your lane? Don't you drive the same route every day and the bike lane ends at the same place every day? Do you really have to come within a few inches of my shoulder when there's absolutely no one in the lane next to you?

Signed,

The commuter with the 5 flashing blinky lights on the back of her bike


Wow, I feel better already :D

[massbikebabe]

Dear God:

Can you please cancel the 15 inches of snow you were sending this weekend? I'd really appreciate it so much that I'll stop eating Cold Stone ice cream. While I have you on the line, could you maybe send me a financial windfall so I can open a bike shop catering to the needs of women cyclists?? Everyone would appreciate that greatly.

sincerely,
karen, the one with the bad cold

[Surlygirl]

Hey Karen,
If you need someone to help you run the bike store count me in, I'm in the neighborhood. Now maybe if we both do the "no snow dance" maybe the Nor'easter will miss us.

[shewhobikes]

Dear Fellow Path Users,

We are all in this together. I know you walkers wish those of us on wheels would go away, but we don't like getting hit by cars. Also, we are trying to be as careful as we can. So when we say, "passing on your left," could you please just make sure you're on the right half of the path? You and your little dog, too? Thanks. That would be great.

Also, a special message to roller bladers: It's not a great idea to have your Ipod cranked up to concert volume. Better to do that on the couch at home. Because you tend to use a lot of path and if you veer left when I've already said "passing on the left" I may not be able to avoid driving up your back.

Yours in courtesy and safety,

Shewhobikes

[SadieKate]

Dear Santa,

Daisy loves her new wheels! Thank you, thank you. She is one happy girl. They are smooth as silky, oh so comfy, and, my gosh, are they flashy! They danced all over the road today on their first ride together.

By the way, do you know anything about that dark menace that followed us? It turned when we turned, it mirrored our every movement and followed us home. There was also this bright orange ball in the sky. Is the end drawing near?

Signed.
Happy Sarah

[Barb]

Dear Parents:

Would some of you consider buying your kid a bike...and riding with them once in a while? They might 1. get off the couch more often 2. be better able to transport themselves and 3. be less interested in drugs and alcohol. If you ride with them, you may even find out what is on their minds.

Dear lottery officials:

I am paying my dues but you are not coming through on your end. Thanks in advance for your attention to this matter.

[LBTC]

Dear maker of shop-vac

Can you please make a quiet model? Having 3 of these running in my basement for the entire weekend did avoid damage to the carpeting, gyproc, and our tenant's belongings, but the ringing in my ears hasn't stopped yet!



Dear weather gods

Can you please cancel any remaining extreme weather you had planned until after we have our backyard dug up to put in proper drainage? That should be in May or June, so let's just keep it a steady -5 C with a gradual and windy melt, okay?



Many thanks

~T~

[yellow]

Dear 3M (and other tape manufacturers),

Can you please make one kind of masking tape that comes off as intended when you take it off the roll?

(This should tell you what kind of a morning I am having; I wouldn't normally post from work because of Big Bro!).

Love,
yellow

[DirtDiva]

Dear cycle clothing manufacturers,

Have you ever even considered producing a pair of womens baggy shorts that:

a) doesn't look like boys swimming trunks;
b) doesn't smash my "never spend more than a day's wages on a single item of clothing" rule???

Yours,

- tlkiwi

[SadieKate]

Dear University Student Bus Driver:
If you ever pull in front of me again and stop where there is no bus stop just so you can let your buddies off at their apts, I will be waiting for you and I will have more than my little bitty Torelli pump. :mad:
Signed,
Good Community Citizen and Tax Payer (so you can go to school and have a job)


Dear University Bus System Phone Person:
Thanks for asking for lots and lots of details, confirming the lack of bus stop, and letting me vent. I'm all calmed down now and enjoying my post ride glow. :)
In appreciation,
SadieKate

[pedalfaster]

Dear 3M (and other tape manufacturers),

Can you please make one kind of masking tape that comes off as intended when you take it off the roll?


Oh YEAH...I am SO with you on that one. Packing tape too please!

:D

[fixedgeargirl]

Dear Publisher's Clearinghouse,

Could you please skip the formalities and just confirm my winning entry? I need more time to ride, my son really wants to be homeschooled, and this working full time thing is really getting in the way of both of those. I don't need the convertible Thunderbird, cash will be fine.

Thanks in advance,
fixedgeargirl

[LBTC]

good one fixed gear girl! and ditto Independently wealthy would work much better for me and my habits!

so, do you really ride a singlespeed? do you race it? wow. I bow down in awe of you!

namaste,
~T~

[fixedgeargirl]

LBTC - I do ride a fixed gear. It's set up like bikes you'll see in photos from the late 19th-early 20th century, when bikes were a major mode of transport for Americans. It's my townie/commuter and I ride mellow single track on it. Though I think my concept of *mellow single track* is skewed, since I grew up in Crested Butte, LOL. I've never raced it, and am less likely to now, since I blew my ACL last year skiing. I've become a lot more careful.

[SadieKate]

Dear Corporate Grand Poo-bahs,

Please don't make that email you just sent be a tease. Your loyal hardworking employees would love to have a corporate charity cycling club. I've wanted this for the 9 yrs I've slaved away on your behalf. Please make this a promise and follow through on it. And, let us choose events other than 6-day gonzo tours. These events all have their place but we also need rides where we can recruit newbie riders and get them sucked into the joys of riding. Then, we'll have double the effect - raise funds and grow the cycling community.

Your hardworking, dedicated employee.

[DirtDiva]

Dear many, many, many American-based websites,

I do not live in the U.S. of A. One would think that when I click to say that I do, in fact, live in NZ, it might occur to you that I cannot select a particular state to go on my billing address as I DO NOT FREAKING WELL LIVE IN ANY OF THEM!!!!! This is particularly irritating when I wish to make a donation in memory of a friend who passed away recently. Would it be so damned hard for a few more of you websites to offer "none" as an option or automatically make filling in what state I come from non-compulsory once I have selected a non-U.S./Canada country?

I shall wait with un-bated breath for you to remedy this idiocy.

- tlkiwi

[Trek420]

Dear Wage Slave, Cubicle Dweller oops Dedicated Employee,

Thanks for suggesting that we have a corporate cycling team. Our CFO and the accounting firm of Dewey Cheathum and Howe have done exhaustive resarch over a round of golf and calculated that for the cost of printing jerseys we could either buy a box of golf balls with the co. logo or an entire College Bowl Game which we also own.

We think the average employee and potential customer would rather see the seemingly more acheivable fitness level of football or golf (run 5 seconds, run to the sideline and get oxygen or .... hit a ball, get into a cart). We think our market share and employees are intimidated by the idea of riding a bike 60-100 miles for one day much less multiple days. * One of your coworkers wrote us "I can't ride that far so I don't even want to hear about it" **

We've done our job encouraging fitness, we sent out a company wide e-mail that everyone should excercise more. That was followed by the one that profits are down and folks should work harder if they want to keep their sorry jobs and health insurance which was followed by a desk drop of excersise that can be done at your desk.

Remember we are now merged as ABC- FYI - ATT-Round Table Pizza - Fritos - Hertz Rental Car - Dr. Pepper - 711 stores - ESPN so we have an interest in people sitting and watching satelite TV (our product) while they consume junk food (our product) and drive (our product) to the store and buy more of our products.

We will support walkathons as long as they are: flat, no longer than 3 miles, we have to sponsor because our competitors are too and our CFO has the option of just sitting by the snack area and not walking at all.

Who do you think you work for, Cliff Bars? You may have to after we read this.

We don't care about fitness, we don't have to....***

Sincerely

Corporate Grand Poo-bahs
PS: Hope you like the corporate water bottles we sent you. Sorry they don't fit in a bike. What do you mean you can't wear the t-shirt or hats we sent you on a century? You mean there are special clothes?

* Seriously no disrespect to the skill and fitness level it actaully takes to play golf and or football.
** Someone actually said that to me.
*** Yes, I work there

[halfbit]

Ah ladies, my heart cries out to you...

Tlkiwi, sorry to say but frankly the US has its head up its you-know-what when it comes to the rest of world....rather depressing to some of us who would like to join the world community.....

Trek420, if you're waiting for the corporate world to become personable and caring, well, it could be a wait. You are, I think, assuming that most corporations are concerned with the well-being of their employees. Sadly, that it not the case unless it serves their best interest, and we are living in an age where that is not in the short term the case. Think about it - pensions are disappearing, layoffs ("reenineering") are becoming the standard - do you see any sign that corporations are concerned or investing in their employees' welfare? Corporations are not human - they are entities whose primary purpose is to value - at any cost. Sad, but true.

Gee, don't I sound like a cheery soul today :rolleyes: sorry

[SadieKate]

Thank you for looking out for me and giving me a level head in emergencies. You saved my tush today as well as Daisy and her brand new Topolino wheels. When the doofas with the giant side view mirror and no helmet decided to turn left across my 23 MPH path without looking or signaling, because of you, I didn't panic, swerved with him as far into the traffic lane as safely possible and then leaned into him. The pros would have been proud. I took the blow and stayed upright. Doofas? Well, he's kinda shaken and bloody but he, 2 guys that stopped and my riding buddy all agreed it was not my fault. The guy even admitted several times that he was completely at fault, did not look, did not signal and was not wearing a helmet. Guardian Angels, I'm having a huge rush of guilt that I did something wrong so please look after Doofas also. He was quite the gentleman and said he was fine, plus everyone kept saying it was not my fault so I'm focusing on that and the ice pack on my arm. Thanks for keeping this fracas to a relatively minor blip.

SK

[Veronica]

Geez, maybe there's same bad karma going around. Lately everyone you ride with has a mishap. I hope it's not catching 'cause I really enjoy our group rides. :D

Seriously, wow! Sounds like some awesome bike handling skills and you're not at fault. I'm glad you're okay.

V.

[Trek420]

Dear OLN,

Did you see the bike handleing skills on our Sadiekate? She did an emergency turn with locking wheels like a pro. That probably saved the life of the doofus who cut her off.

Can you put this gal on a pro team or give her a team bike or jersey or sumthin? You can't coach balance and calm like that, you got it or you don't.

Signed

I wanna be Sadiekate when I grow up

[SadieKate]

Dear Veronica and Trek,

You all are so sweet and, Trek, you're silly; a cookie would probably help. The black and blue knot on my upperarm looks like Veronica took some Rockville Revenge on me. :D The guy probably outweighed me by 50 lbs or more so my speed gave me enough momentum to counteract his weight. Both of us were lucky. You know, in 20 years of riding I have never seen so many near misses. The motorcyle stunt on Sunday was really freaky. So, thank the Guardian Angels for looking after Bubba and Nancy.

[Trek420]

motorcyle stunt? :confused:

[SadieKate]

Sunday we started our ride kinda stragggled out. So, Nancy and Bubba are bringing up the rear and from what I understand a motorcylist went out of control behind them. Remember these are winding wine country roads that are wonderful riding for both the motorized and nonmotorized two-wheelers as long as you stay in control. Anyway, the motorcycle followed by its rider went tumbling by about a foot from Bubba's wheel. Harley came to rest against a bridge abutment in front of Bubba. Rider come to rest upon striking motorcycle. Bubba said he could hear the screech of metal on pavement from quite a ways back and could do nothing but wait. Whew!

V is also referring to the fact that 2 of our friends have been T-boned on the American River Bike Path in the last 2 weeks in separate incidents. That thing is narrow and has a ton of bike, skater and runner traffic on it. You have to pay attention and keep space been you and the rider in front. Unfortunately, our friends were the ones in front and couldn't control the daydreaming of the person(s) behind. I am sure hoping that the worst is over.

[fixedgeargirl]

Dear Goddess of Tenderly Administered Lessons,

Thank you for watching over me the last couple of rides and keeping unsavory events from becoming full blown emergencies. First was that ride out on 360. There I was, ripping downhill, looking at the computer, imploring "C'mon, 40!" (mph, that is). Then came that infernal, repetitive racket from the back end. What the!! Oh, must be that 2 inch galvanized spike stuck in my tire!!! In your infinite wisdom, you made sure the spike, amazingly, missed the tube. Then you sent that rider with the allen tool set, who extracted said spike from my tire. And you made sure the tire didn't blow on the way home. Muchas Gracias.

Then last week I underestimated the length of the ride, overestimated the amount of daylight left. With only one of two bar end flashers and the little reflective bits on the backs of my shoes for safety, you got me home without incident. Oh, and thanks for leaving that fleece jacket by the side of the road. Turns out I didn't need it, but it could have saved my life.

Ever grateful,
fixedgeargirl

[massbikebabe]

Trek, your the best...and I also want to be SadieKate when I grow up...but
here is what is hissing me off today...

Dear Higher Being Whoever You May Be:

WHAT!!!! ARE YOU NOT LOOKING WHEN PERVERTS ABDUCT BEAUTIFUL 9
YEAR OLDS. Your lack of interception has turned me into an overly paranoid
mother of 2 who was reluctant to leave her son at school today with just one teacher for a Saturday detention...(had gum, gum against rules, Catholic school). WHY, in your name did you let that little baby be taken, and then made her poor family to suffer by the questioning they had to endure. I am very angry at you and hope you can shed some light on this for me.

karen

[SadieKate]

Dear MassBikeBabe,
Why me? I agree with you about the perverts but wonder about you wanting to be me. Makes me feel like the Loreal is wearing off.:p Thank you . . . . I think.

SK

Dear TE Girls,
Please tell me whatever it takes to get my b*** on the trainer and turn on the Evil Coach Troy. The rains are back, I probably won't get to ride Diablo tomorrow with V and Kim (and Jo?), and I'm in a bad mood. I know a shot of endorphins would help and that a turn on the trainer would provide them, but watching figureskating and eating chocolate sounds far more tempting right now.

[LBTC]

sadiekate....watch the figure skating *while* you ride the trainer. when you're done you'll have burned enough calories you can enjoy a little chocolate guilt-free

:D

did that work?

Namaste,
~T~

[SadieKate]

Dear LBTC,

Maybe, but what do I do when I fall off the trainer laughing because they keep falling down and are exhausted after 4 mins of effort? Now, for those of you who might be offended, I do enjoy figureskating. I just don't understand how you can be exhausted after only 4 mins of effort -- unless you don't do any endurance training. And, this is the WORLD's for goodness sake. What would you think if the NYC or the Joffrey Ballet kept falling down? Wouldn't you think they'd change the choreography or something before the curtain goes up? Even the pairs who do far more risky manuevers don't fall down as much as the singles. Then, there's Nedly whose still competing in extreme endurance events and smoking the young'ns.

I wanna be like Ned! :rolleyes: OK, I guess that means I gotta get my b*** on the trainer. Thanks for any and all words of encouragement.

Thanks,
SK

[Veronica]

I've wondered about that exhaustion thing too. They talk about it a lot with one of the Russian pairs teams. The guy looks so listless at the end. I've wondered if is a mental thing with all the choreography as much as a physical thing. You know kind of like riding rock gardens for hours at a time. Eventually you lose your focus and biff. :p

V.

[LBTC]

hey, I look at them flying around on the ice and I can't believe that they can stay upright at all!! (this girl can NOT skate!) I can see that their whole routine would be anaerobic, especially those twirling jumps, and they don't really get to warm up. Like sprinting up the steepest hill for 4 minutes. I know I'd be winded!! :eek:

Namaste,
~T~

**but it is kinda good for a laugh, I must say :D

[SadieKate]

Picture this, you ride the same stretch of rock garden every 2 weeks 9 months a year. You don't get scored for riding it faster or slower than anyone else, you just have to get from point A to B in no less than 4 minutes and maybe, what, no more than 4 mins 15 secs. The rocks don't move between rides. The weather is always the same so the traction and bumps and mountains are always the same. You can memorize your everyone move. Wouldn't you train so that you can handle the physical and mental output? Sure, your style points may fluctuate, that's human nature, but wouldn't you be able to get from point A to point B without total exhaustion?

[massbikebabe]

SadieKate:

I want to be like you because of your recent expert bike handling, (I think I may have panicked). I also want to be like you because you are grabbin the bull by the horns and challenging your MS. I wish I had yours and my friends hutzpah!!

karen

[SadieKate]

Dear MassBikeBabe,

Aw, shucks. Thanks. But, see, I look up to you because you can stick a needle into someone. Don't know that I'll ever be able to do it myself, so I weekly thank the powers that be for my nurse friends. If I ever have to be on the east coast when I need it, can I call you? Veronica pointed out that what I call my S&M night (shot and movie) is just the opposite of MS. So, we can call it my fight motto. As far as hutzpah? You get more of it when you have friends who you can talk with openly and just treat it as another ailment of the group - like someone having a chronic bad knee. You do what it takes to accomodate and keep going. We could rename this forum the Ladies' Mutual Admiration and Support Society.

SK

[CorsairMac]

Dear MassBikeBabe,

We could rename this forum the Ladies' Mutual Admiration and Support Society.

SK

or LaMASS for short?

(sorry, couldn't resist)

[massbikebabe]

Sadie:

You can call me anytime and I will call the shot!!! :) Corsair...love the name, it reminds of the other New Englanders, (the Red ones), who call us m*******s...makes me giggle.

karen

[fixedgeargirl]

Dear Friendly Strangers,

Thank you first to the woman who pulled over to see if I was okay out there on Barton Springs Road. I was just sitting on the ground changing my lenses, but you pulled over in front of me, backed up, then looked through your rear window giving me a thumbs up to ask if I was okay. I was. I'm still glad you stopped.

And thanks to the two cars and the runner who stopped to check on me while I fumbled around fixing my flat tire (why is it always on the rear?). I haven't had many flats in my life, and I've usually had an eager guy around to change the ones I have had, so I'm not too quick with the procedure. I could have gotten help from the runner guy, but knew I needed to figure out how to get the bead seated for my ownself. Thanks to all of you.

However...now for the four cyclists who rode on by while I fixed the flat, I'm frankly a little disappointed. A simple "Got everything you need?" would have been nice. Oh well, just makes me resolved to make sure I extend that kindness to every flatted-out, mechanical-experiencing cyclist I encounter. Especially the cute ones ;).

[SadieKate]

Dear Giant Kamikazi Squirrel,

Thank you for stopping when you turned around and tried to run in front of my wheel a 2nd time. I already knew you were fast when I missed you the first time. Was it my screech of fear that made you stop or the wheel a quarter inch from your face?

Tell you what, I'll tell everybody how fast you are if you'll agree not to try that manuever again. That shot of adrenaline lasted me quite a while today.

SK

[massbikebabe]

Sadie:

Sorry 'bout that squirrel, but the story you told has me ROFLMAO! Been there, know the feeling, cept mine was with a bunny on a night ride. I never knew that bunnies hiss... :eek:

karen

[SadieKate]

Dear Karen,

Bunnies hissing? OK, that one goes right up there with the butterfly I saw chasing a swallow last year.

SK

[KkAllez]

Dear God,

Please let me pass the NCLEX-PN, the ACT, AND get into RN school in January. I promise that I will NEVER complain about being puked on by a patient again.

Kik

[smurfalicious]

Dear Jerk Who Dumped Random Car Stuff in the BLM -

Thank you, for thoughtlessly dumping on public lands. You, unlike your household trash dumping peers have risen above with this effort. Unfortunately the trash fairies haven't come along yet, to clean up after you, so my bike, and almost my knees, paid for your laziness.

How was I supposed to know that while I was focusing on my line through that rock garden that my rear wheel would hit your metallic trash, spin forward and wedge it unceremoniously into my beloved bike. Thankfully I caught my fall, or you'd be in big trouble, mister!

So as I took off my back wheel to unstick this metal mess, I counted bent spokes, mourning that it wedge between two cogs on my cassette, and thanked gawd it didn't hurt my derailluer. Next time you need $16 for the dump fee, ask me, I'll give it to you, happily.

-HillBill

[roughingit]

Dear Wimfull Wind Gods,

Please limit your activities to the hours in which I am not trying to bicycle. I would not mind so much except that when I start out, I am always facing a strong headwind, and by the time I turn around, the wind has reversed. If that is not possible, I would be more apreciative if you could simply alter this trend to give me tail winds in both directions instead.

Yours Windedly,
Roughingit

[MomOnBike]

Dear Weather Gods,
attn: Rain Gods:

Was it something I said?

Now, while I remember saying that I'm not a cold-weather wimp, I don't remember saying that I enjoy/love/prefer to ride in the rain. Did I?

The band of really wet, windy weather that you parked over the route of my first bike tour was not at all nice of you. Now was that necessary?

I could almost accept that, but the sudden drenching rainstorm two days ago, complete with thunder and lightning really was over the top, don't you think? I've had less water come down on my head in a small waterfall. My helmet is still dripping, the bike seat is still soggy, and I'm just tired of it. I did not buy my nice aluminum bike to be a foul-weather bike. Really.

Please, whatever I did, I didn't mean it, and I'll never do it again. Just turn off the taps.

Soggily yours,
MomOnBike

[weathergal]

Dear Nashbar website people,

It would be nice if you included a little more information with your sizing charts. Having a waist measurement only may be useful for men. But for me, a pear-shaped woman with a relatively small waist and huge hips, it tells me squat about if your shorts will fit me or not. I'm really glad I found the TE website, which does not have this problem.

Will be buying bike clothing elsewhere,
weathergal

[Technotart]

Dear Gods of higher education

[Technotart]

Dear Gods of higher education

Please let the next ten weeks they call the summer semester pass quickly and painlessly. Please let me pass with good grace, and keep me from being so sick of school that I have hope of making it through the last two semesters and graduating in May......

[yellow]

(I had to resurrect this based on my lovely evening...)

Dear Interior Designers of the 70s,

WHAT WERE YOU THINKING when you installed "popcorn" ceilings throughout my house?

(And what was I thinking when I thought I could paint it???).

Love,
Paint covered whiney moany home repair gal.

[yellow]

Dear Weather Gods,
attn: Rain Gods:

Was it something I said?



Oh MoB...I so feel your pain. May you pass through this tough time with dignity and grace. :p

[KkAllez]

Dear Gods of higher education

Please let the next ten weeks they call the summer semester pass quickly and painlessly. Please let me pass with good grace, and keep me from being so sick of school that I have hope of making it through the last two semesters and graduating in May......

I'm right there with ya! Who ever told me microbiology was a science class lied. Micro is a closet foreign language! My husband hears over and over, "I'm so sick of studying I could puke."

[yellow]

(I'm bumping this as I'm having a particularly difficult time with dog and cat hair, polar fleece, and the demands of my new job.)

Dear Polartech People (Malden Mills),

Can you please make some polar fleece that sheds rather than attracts and holds for its lifetime the yellow dog hair and white cat hair that pervades my home? I am tired of looking like the abominable fur woman and having to carry around one of the masking tape roller things.

[Bad JuJu]

I know I'm a JuJu-come-lately on this thread, but wanna play anyway.

Dear Left Knee--
We're in this together. I've given you lots of R.I.C.E. and other TLC, tweaked my saddle position, foot position on the pedals, and let you have plenty of rest between rides. Now will you please stop b**ching and just enjoy the great outdoors with me and your buddy, Right Knee? She's perfectly happy spinning away--come on, be a teammate!

[SadieKate]

Dear So and So,

Thanks for having such funny girls on the TE forum.

SK

[maillotpois]

This is pretty cool! Taking up from Ju-Ju's talking to body parts theme....

Dear Lungs:

I know you guys think I am expecting too much, but why do you have to be filled with gunk and make me sound like I have the SARS all the time? Some dude actually felt that he had to move his family away from me in the theater when we saw Ice Age 2. I feel like Typhoid Mary. How do you explain that you're not "sick" but your lungs are just rebelling? I guess you don't, you just let Mr. Howard Huges of Marin fear that he may have contracted avian flu.

Seriously, I know I've neglected you and really expected a lot out of you, and I've probably had asthma for a while and haven't done anything about it, but I'm working on it - inhalers, nose squirters, whatever you want I'll get it. I'll work with you here. We'll go to that weirdly named allergist doctor dude - you'll love him. Just let me get to the top of a climb without wheezing.

[DrBee]

Dear Bike Manufacturers,

Could you please have mercy on or girly bits and put quality stock saddles on your bikes with cushioning in all the right places? Happy girly bits make happy girls and happy SOs and happy people tend to spend more money.

Gratefully,
Fishdr

[nuthatch]

(I'm bumping this as I'm having a particularly difficult time with dog and cat hair, polar fleece, and the demands of my new job.)

Dear Polartech People (Malden Mills),

Can you please make some polar fleece that sheds rather than attracts and holds for its lifetime the yellow dog hair and white cat hair that pervades my home? I am tired of looking like the abominable fur woman and having to carry around one of the masking tape roller things.

Hear, hear!!! I've got so many coats and blankets that are half dog.

[snapdragen]

Hear, hear!!! I've got so many coats and blankets that are half dog.

If I drive with the windows down in my car, I have corgi fur swirling about my head......:rolleyes:

[kaybee]

To My 47-Year-Old Mind and Body:

Would the two of you PLEASE try to agree on what we can and cannot do?

KB

[fixedgeargirl]

Dear So and So,

Thanks for having such funny girls on the TE forum.

SK

Yeah that!!!!!

[yellow]

I love this thread! It makes me laugh!

This is still my favorite, though I really like fixedgeargirl's Publishers Clearinghouse one alot, too.


Dear Person Spinning next to me:

Ever heard of Beano?

[Brandi]

Dear Dh,
Even though you are a really great man and I will love you with all my heart to the day I die, COULD YOU PLEASE PICK UP YOUR SH*% AROUND THE HOUSE! Thanks!
Your loving and wonderful wife!

[Tuckervill]

Dear T-Ball Parent:

We know your little angel is the next Derek Jeter and we know that it's essential that the major league scouts have access to his entire baseball record all the way back to when he first wrestled three teammates for the ball in right field. But, would you PLEASE give us 24 hours after your last game before you begin emailing about updating the team standings on the website?

We also know that his grandmother will be absolutely mortified if she happens to see a grass stain on the knee of his uniform in his team pictures. But we just don't care.

Signed,
Youth Baseball Volunteer

[Nanci]

Dear Eagles,

I know you are just birds and it would be anthropomorphic to assign human emotions to your instinctual behaviour. That being said, I woud like to thank you for sharing your lives with the world for the past several weeks. Imagine that, two birds, more popular than anything, anyone, ever, in history, except for the Pope. Everything you did, every action you took, was so caring and touching and loving and I was proud to be one of the millions of people who came to think of you as family. I had such high hopes for your potential offspring. I looked forward to watching the tiny babies grow into beautiful young birds- to seeing them fledge and leave the nest, perhaps to get a glimpse of them when they returned. I wish it had worked out that way.I spent hours upon hour participating vicariously in your private lives- neglecting work, missing sleep, rushing to check in first thing in the morning for any bit of news, staying awake far too late, just because I couldn't say goodnight.

I have two birds that live with me, two tiny pigeons, hardly what you would call distant relatives of yours, but so similar that every single thing you did was already familiar to me because of my own birds. As much as you are different, you are more the same. It comforts me to know that you don't feel emotion like we humans. It would break my heart if you did. If only we could all experience such a calm, loyal, caring relationship...I don't know what happens to older birds, those whose reproductive days are over. Pigeons- hey, in the wild, they are lucky to make it to two years of age. As a beloved pet, they may live to 25. Who's to say which life is more desireable? Is it better to live free, but exposed to the cruel whims of Mother Nature, "red of tooth and claw," or to live ten times as long as a pampered, but never free, pet? You're at the top of the food chain, so I guess I know how you'd vote. My little guys- I think they're happy- I hope they are. When I hug my birds tonight, please know, if I could, I'd be giving you a hug, too.

Love,

Nanci

[maillotpois]

Aaargh, Nanci. No fair makin' me cry.

[Lise]

Aaargh, Nanci. No fair makin' me cry.
Yeah.

Dear Creator Who Made Nanci,

She makes us cry all the time. But she is a very good writer, so we tolerate this.

Us gals at TE.

[shadon]

would you please choose this month to be late with the period? Please...really...I'm ridin' my bike a *really* long way...for a really good cause. I'd really like to not have to deal with tampons.

Thanks...really...after mid month...go to town!

[DrBee]

Aaargh, Nanci. No fair makin' me cry.

Geesh Nanci.

*fishdr says to coworkers*...yah yah - I just put eyedrops in to help my contacts... that's not tears.... really.

[doc]

would you please choose this month to be late with the period? Please...really...I'm ridin' my bike a *really* long way...for a really good cause. I'd really like to not have to deal with tampons.

Thanks...really...after mid month...go to town!

Go to the thread entitled Diva cup. Or search diva cup, moon cup and keeper. Then you won't have to use a tampon ever again. You also won't have to worry about that very unpleasant dryness when tampons and hormone changes are mixed together. G'luck

[Bad JuJu]

This sure is one emotional roller-coaster of a thread--I'm laughing and crying and laughing again and ..... but it's all good venting!

[bikerchick68]

Dear Potential Dates,

I'm looking for normal. By "normal" I mean emotionally healthy, has a job, loves mom but isn't looking to marry her, enjoys more than just sports on TV and perhaps even gets off the couch oh say, 3 times a week, doesn't think online porn is "cool", and realizes that belching and farting are NOT charming. Bonus points if you own a bike or like to garden or know how to dance.

Regards,

Women of the World

[Tater]

Dear Powers That Be;
I thank you from the bottom of my heart for stepping in earlier today. See, I was at work, popped into TE to read a couple threads at lunch and came across this one. Your timely intervention prevented me from braying laughter that for certain would have not just startled the people in the cubes next to me, but most likely the whole mapping department on the fourth floor! How I managed to have tears leak out the sides of my eyes, but not squeak, snort or guffaw as I read about Snap and her Corgi, and Nuthatch and her dog fur blankets, is beyond me.
Thanks again,
The Silent Snicker

[Duck on Wheels]

Dear Calendar,
Could you please happen to have an extra week this month? And next month? And so on? And maybe a few extra days per week and hours per day? I need to be out on my bike, and working at the computer, and running errands, and knitting a baby shower gift, and keep up with TE and and and ... oh, and sleep. I'm running out of time here!
Slowpoke

[Lise]

Dear Potential Dates,

I'm looking for normal. By "normal" I mean emotionally healthy, has a job, loves mom but isn't looking to marry her, enjoys more than just sports on TV and perhaps even gets off the couch oh say, 3 times a week, doesn't think online porn is "cool", and realizes that belching and farting are NOT charming. Bonus points if you own a bike or like to garden or know how to dance.

Regards,

Women of the World
And please know that I can be a strong, capable, feminist woman and like the door held for me and my chair pulled out.

[DrBee]

Dear Dove chocolate makers,

Please stop making your chocolate taste so good. And why do you have to package them so conveniently??? As I sit here typing this, there are 8 of your eggs sitting on the desk calling to me. Resissssttttt.... I know I can do it...... :D oh well .... yummmmmmm.

Guess I'll ride an extra mile tomorrow. ;)

[SadieKate]

Dear fishdr,

Resistance is futile.

Signed,
Dove Chocolate Makers

[DrBee]

Oh crud.... I think I've been assimilated. They're still calling to me... 6 left...

[Lise]

Dear Dove Chocolate Makers,

We will assimilate you, too.

Signed, the Borg

[Duck on Wheels]

Oh darn! Now I hear the ice cream calling from my freezer. Must plug my ears! Where's my noise-blocking headset?

[DrBee]

It serves them right for making these things sooooo good.

[Lise]

It serves them right for making these things sooooo good.
They really shouldn't have called attention to themselves when the Borg were in the neighborhood. Alas.

[DrBee]

Dear bikeless in WI,

Resistance is futile. Join us and go get the ice cream!

Signed,
The collective

[DrBee]

They really shouldn't have called attention to themselves when the Borg were in the neighborhood. Alas.

They were mocking me. Sitting on the desk and looking so pretty in their shiny little wrappers.

[Duck on Wheels]

Dear bikeless in WI,

Resistance is futile. Join us and go get the ice cream!

Signed,
The collective

Ah ye of little faith. I ate a tangerine instead. :)

[DrBee]

You are stronger than I - I must admit. 2 eggs left. :eek: I will NOT head to the pantry to get more. I will NOT!

[fixedgeargirl]

Dear Whoever Metes out "What Doesn't Kill You Only Makes You Stronger",

Enough already!!

Futiley Yours :rolleyes: ,
fixedgeargirl

[Crankin]

Dear Legs (and back, knees, neck....),

Would you please stop hurting? I know I am a 52 year old post menopausal woman, but enough, already. Did moving to a place where the end of every ride is a 15% grade climb do something to annoy you?

The season is just beginning. I would appreciate it if I could wake up one morning and nothing was sore.

Robyn

[JoyfullySo]

Dear Walt Disney World,

Could you please keep the stimulation and crowd level down next weekend? I would really like for the kids to be asleep by nine the night before my first tri....

Thank you...
JoyfullySo (who doesn't want to be extremely tired next Sunday morning)

BTW- I think my idea of doing a tri in Disney, and choosing to make it a family vacation has the potential to work against me....

[Bad JuJu]

Hey, Robyn, I hear ya! Got the post-menopausal thing going on myself. Though I do not have those 15% grades to deal with, here in flat ol' Florida.

[Brandy]

Dear fishdr...

Big thanks for your mention of chocolate in your previous posts. I'm now obsessed with the thought of eating it and broke into my secret stash of Trader Joe's dark chocolate bars that were stealthily hidden in the freezer.

Dear small child...

Please go upstairs and read your book so I can eat aforementioned chocolate without sharing with you. :D

[Brandi]

oh that is a funny one! Mine would be
Husband please go upstairs so i don't have to share with you. I have a small handful of cadbury eggs left from easter and tey are in a good hiding place where he can't find them.

[DrBee]

Dear fishdr...

Big thanks for your mention of chocolate in your previous posts. I'm now obsessed with the thought of eating it and broke into my secret stash of Trader Joe's dark chocolate bars that were stealthily hidden in the freezer.

:D

See - resistance is futile ;) Bwaaaahaaahhaaaa... All part of my evil plan....


FWIW - my 2 yr old can detect the smell of chocolate on my breath and immediately says "want some" - insistantly. I totally understand.

[Nanci]

Dear Dillbird,

Thanks for not causing a single problem on our trip to Chattanooga. Thanks for not having a cooing attack in the hotel room. Thanks for being perfectly housebroken! Thanks for not bursting out of your travel arrangements in the truck. Thanks for waiting patiently for me to do a nine and a half hour ride before you could have dinner.

Love, Nanci

[Lise]

Dear Dillbird,

Thanks for not causing a single problem on our trip to Chattanooga. Thanks for not having a cooing attack in the hotel room. Thanks for being perfectly housebroken! Thanks for not bursting out of your travel arrangements in the truck. Thanks for waiting patiently for me to do a nine and a half hour ride before you could have dinner.

Love, Nanci
Awwwwwwwwwwwww..........:D

I love his WWII sleeping bag. What's the story behind that? L.

[Lise]

Dear Rollerbladers on the Chicago Lakefront Path, North Branch:

It has come to our attention that most of you haven't got the sense God gave a goose. Therefore we wish to inform you that the following behaviors are bad ideas while rollerblading on the lakefront path:


Talking on the phone
Walking your dog
Dancing
Taking up the entire side of the path
Listening to headphones, gesticulating wildly while singing (see above, dancing)

The civic-minded individual who brought these concerns to us has also suggested that we make the above behaviors illegal, and that she be allowed to use a tazer to enforce them. (No names, but she is very fond of dachshunds...we'll say no more...)

We suggested that she get off her high horse, remember that she is not the boss of us, and just avoid the darned path if it ticks her off so much.

Sincerely yours,

The Chicago City Council

[Bron]

Ok, I´ve got back from a ride, so here goes:

Dear Driver,

I am sure that you found it very amusing that I fell off my bike in front of you. I understand that it was pure incompetance on my part that left me getting closer to the road than I had intended. I don´t suppose that it occurred to you to ask if I was ok, so I´ll let you know that I am.

Thanks for not asking, Bron

[Nanci]

Dear Tennessee, Alabama and Georgia,

Thank you for being so beautiful and having such perfect weather on Saturday. Thank you for allowing me to ride all three difficult mountains with only a quarter mile of walking on a 22% grade. Thanks for not letting the squirrel I screamed at get hit by either bikes or cars. Thanks for the baby mule. Thanks for the gorgeous bridge over the Tennessee River, and the mountaintop view of it form Alabama!

Nanci

[Nanci]

I bought it on eBay! It's from WWll, part of this whole two-pigeon carrier thing. The two sleeping bags go inside a bamboo cage that takes apart and turns into a pen with a net over it.

Nanci

[Lise]

I bought it on eBay! It's from WWll, part of this whole two-pigeon carrier thing. The two sleeping bags go inside a bamboo cage that takes apart and turns into a pen with a net over it.

Nanci
That. Is. So. Cool. :D

Was it for messenger (carrier) pigeons?

[Veronica]

Dear Nice Bicyclists and Cute Guy in the Truck,

Thank you for asking me if I needed help, not insisting on helping when I declined and for not being psycho axe murderers.

Veronica

[Veronica]

Dear Front Derailleur,

I know you are infatuated with the chain rings. However it is not your place to be down amongst them. You have been repeatedly bolted into place and yet you insist on slipping down to romp with them. I have decided to resort to more drastic measures to ensure you stay where you belong. You will not be allowed to bring another ride to halt with your desperate need to be caressed by the chain rings. It's not good for you and it disrupts the normal course of the chain. You need to stop being so self centered and think of others.

Sincerely,

The Pedaler

[Nanci]

No, it was from the actual Swiss Army, who, along with many other countries, most noteably the US, England and France, used homing pigeons to carry messages from where the soldiers were back to their bases.

Nanci

[rocknrollgirl]

Dear Youths on the Garden State Parkway,

Please refrain from doing an exit to the right across three lanes of traffic at 70 miles an hour. It is not good for this middle aged mt bike chick just trying to get her sweaty butt home.

And if you do repeat this in my presence, please do not flip me the NJ state bird when I lay on the horn.....

[mmelindas]

Dear God of body parts,

While I am grateful for still having all of mine, I request a "stop work order" on the rebellious ones which are plotting to renovate themselves: I may have small boobies (despite hours of dedicated standing on my head in a futile attempt to enlarge them) but I would like very much to keep them intact vs mastectomy or lumpectomy.... (well, if you'd spring for Dolly Parton reconstruction surgery, I might quit whining, but scaring the crap outta me with hiden lumps in both is NOT nice!!) :mad:

And by the way, what's with this vaginal bleeding thing years after menopause? That's totally uncalled for - it has killed sex, biking, summer plans, and swimming, while waiting for the Gyn doc to rip my works out and leave me bedridden, at the mercy of DH and DS (who will have to wait on me hand and foot post hysterical-ectomy...and I know those two, they'll eat chocolate in front of me and laugh, while not sharing, just because they know I can't get up and beat the duwhanggy out of both of them....) :(

Then there's the back thingy.... can't I have just one week of night's painless sleep without having to get up and hunt for those good drugs to put me out of my misery for a few hour's sleep? Why did you inflict a MRI on me for that stuff? Do you realize that when they stuff fat ladies into that high tech radiology tunnel, their arms are mashed so tight against them they go to sleep?

Say, while I am talking to you, can I trade in this huge thing that is dragging along behind me (which makes my pants look like 300 pounds of beans stuffed into a five pound bag) -- can I trade it for a nice tight, small bootie? I am tired of getting it stuck in those tiny theatre seats!!

And hey, about those "stray eyebrows" I have to rip out of my neck and chin before going out in public - they are such a pain! Why don't you keep them on my real eyebrows which now have all of two hairs in them? And let''s talk about that third chin...was that nice to do to me? Two were enough, thank you!

Finally, let me tell you that farting is NOT funny when you are an old woman and you already have to deal with wet panties and gigantic Depends undergarments.... it's bad enough to smell "old" without knocking off those in close proximity with errant unexpected explosions, ....and would you please give me a warning ahead of time so I can at least yell, "fire in the hole!" :eek:

In fact, what about giving me a new body? I earned it, I have lived 62 years without killing anybody ...and raised three sons who are not jailbirds, and am nice to all kinds of wildlife... I don't flip anybody the finger, and I have tolerated other people's bratty kids and those dang politicians all my life...:D

Signed sincerely (and pleadingly), Mmelindas

P.S.
I'd take anything female that weighs in a 125 lbs and was healthy

[Brandy]

Dear Grandma...

I really love you and I appreciate it so much when you watch my kids. Could you please stop feeding them doughnuts, allowing them unlimited visits to the cookie jar, walking them to the convenience store for candy and giving them soda after soda when they're in you're charge. They're freaking maniacs when I get them back. I know that you love them, but I'll tell you a secret that might help you from getting so exhausted when you watch them. They're a lot easier to deal with when they're not on a sugar high!

Sign me...

BRUSH YOUR TEETH...YOU'RE ALL GOING TO BED NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!!!

[cinderly]

Dear Weather,

SNOW?! It's May. I'm not even supposed to still have my studded tires on! I was getting so excited because we were down to one tiny patch of snow in the yard.

And you decided to torment me with more.

I was good this winter. I did my chores, turned in my homework on time, and was nice to my coworkers. I let others merge into my lane (even the giant trucks with "Sierra Club Sucks!" bumper stickers).

I know I should make hay while the sun shines, but there was yard work to do this weekend, and I was really, really looking forward to getting back on my bike this morning. And I woke up to a white blanket on everything.

Can there please be no more snow until, say, October? That'd be nifty.

Sunshine and flowers,

Cindy


Dear Traffic Enforcement Division,

I know I'm supposed to have my studded tires changed over by May 1. I'll do it this week, I swear, as soon as my mechanic can fit me in.

Any chance you can continue to look the other way and not write me a ticket? I won't complain if you do, because I'll deserve it, but it would be super-nifty-neat-o if you cut me some slack.

I'll even stop plugging strangers' meters for the WHOLE month of June if you hold up your end of the bargain.

Hopefully,

Cindy

[DirtDiva]

Dear germs,

PISS OFF!!!

[SadieKate]

Dear Bra Manufacturers:

Why can't you understand that some of us don't feel the need to succumb to your marketing drivel and are quite satisfied with our boobage? Some of us don't feel the need to maximize the volume or insulate an area that is already overly insulated? While I'm at it, could you also figure out that a 34D is big enough for the full figure section and waaaay too big for the little lacy scraps with strings? Perhaps you do make such a bra but the retailers won't carry it. Am I doomed to wander in the wasteland of women's foundation wear searching for a non-existent needle in a haystack [insert whimper]?

[Nanci]

Dear Patagonia,

I love your Tiny Bra. But it would be nice if the stretchy band at the bottom was a _little_ more substantial so my boobies would stop trying (and succeeding!) to escape out the bottom...

Nanci

[Veronica]

Dear Clueless Drivers,

I am riding faster than you think. You really should plan to merge behind me rather than cutting me off and causing me to brake hard to avoid hitting your car. It would cost you maybe ten seconds. You should count yourselves lucky that I like my bike too much and think it's too pretty to allow it to run into your ugly, fossil fuel burning, steel cages.

Sincerely,

Nearly Roadkill

[Nanci]

Dear Toilet User(s),

Please check to make sure everything goes down before you leave the bathroom.

Nanci

[DrBee]

Ewwwwwwwwwww - but so true.

[carback]

Dear oh, you know who you are,

Thank you for our first (and last) date. While you are cute, funny, smart and sexy, you could really use a few first date pointers. Allow me to help you out:

1) Do not talk about your ex-girlfriends unless prompted. And even then.
2) If you disobey rule 1, please do not tell your date how sweet, nice and petite your ex-girlfriend is/was. We don't want to know.
3) If you invite your date on a bike ride, it'd be really nice to actually ride WITH her instead of zooming ahead and showing off your supposed bike prowess when really, she couldn't give a sh*t less that you can do a slalom course through lampposts, thereby dodging people and commanding a fair whack of disrepect
4) Ask her questions.
5) That's great that you love motorcycles. It's OK mentioning it once. It's even OK to mention it several times. But to ramble on a 15-minute dissertation about the intricacies of its ignition system isn't. Unless your audience seems geniunely interested. Your date's glazed over expression, coupled with an inability to ask any follow up questions is a good indication she doesn't care and is probably compiling her grocery list in her head.
6) If you've jumped the shark (lost interest), don't think you're doing anyone a favour by extending the date into a 2nd day. Really, your date would have been happier going for a ride with friends instead.
7) Ask more questions. About her.
8) and most importantly, be interesting and INTERESTED.

Good luck out there. I think you're going to need it.

[Lise]

Yeah. Like carback said!

...and: When you write your follow-up email, the phrase "I hope lunch wasn't too painful for you ;-)" is not enticing.

A 10 minute riff on why we need to re-establish the gold standard as the basis of our currency is boring.

Your former step-son did not wreck your marriage. Telling me the same story three times does not make it so.

Checking to make sure I'm of Northern European descent first doesn't mean I'll be OK with your anti-Semitic or racist comments.

Don't tell me how the last three women done you wrong. It makes me not want to be #4 when you're out with #5.

If you don't want to see me again, or you don't want to keep the date you made with me, have the decency to say so. I'll get over it, and really, you can endure the momentary discomfort of seeing or hearing my response. I'll be polite. If you're not man enough to tell me directly, send an email. Good grief.

Similarly, if I say it's not working for me, please have the dignity to walk away. I will.

The above based on dates with a variety of guys I met on-line.

[snapdragen]

Dear Department Managers - please do not attempt to blame your the $1 million dollars in outstanding claims on me. I run the production, I transmit the claims, and provide you with the reports. It's up to you to follow up on them, not me. Try to pin this on me and I will nail you to the wall......

Love,

Your pizzy IT Technician

[Nanci]

Dear Event Photographers,

Could you please use the skinny filter, and give me fair warning so my face isn't frozen in the Dead Elvis Grin?

Thanks!

[fixedgeargirl]

Dear Thrift Store Angels,

Thank you for guiding me to the Salvation Army yesterday afternoon, when I really had no real reason to go. I picked up a Topeak floor pump with a gauge for only 2 bucks :D ! I have yet to try it on a tire, but it does blow air out of the Presta valve, and the gauge needle moves when I do that, so chances are it functions, and really, that's all I need. I can deal with the stiction at the top of the stroke, but I do hope I can sneak some lube down there and loosen 'er up a bit.

Please continue to look out for me and guide me to the various tools and apparatus of life that I will be needing (like furniture) as I embark on this next leg of my life journey. I'm going to be needing all the help I can get. I know I can count on you, oh Spirit of the Thrift Store, as you have been so kind to me all these years.

Yours On a Budget,
fixedgeargirl

[Kimmyt]

Dear Lady on the Side of the Road in a Residential Area,

There is no need for you to laugh at me and call out mockingly, 'Having problems keeping up?' because I am lagging a good bit behind the rest of my group. It is 6:30 on a Tuesday evening and I have just worked an 8 hour day and am on the last 6 miles of my 20 mile rolling hill ride, following which I will head to the climbing gym and work out for another 3 hours. I am a new cyclist and have not yet developed the stamina to keep up with my group at all times (particularly after Tuesday icecream stops!). Please keep your nasty comments to yourself, or perhaps try and get your behind on a bike and do a fraction of what I do in a day, and then maybe you will have the right to laugh at me for getting tired.

Sincerely,

An angry and tired cyclist.

[DrBee]

Dear Thunderstorms,

Please stop raining. You graciously provided us with multiple inches of rain overnight and tornado sirens... twice. Now, you're at it again. The streets are flooded, my pool is overflowing, my poor baby tomato plants are drowning, and I really wanted to ride with my new saddle this afternoon - before I go out of town for a week where all I will do is eat and get zero exercise. I see on the radar that you are planning to hammer us periodically throughout the day. Go somewhere else - but be gentle with them.

Thank you.

[bikerchick68]

Dear Kimmyt,

Please point out that lady. My friends and I wanna ride with you in her neighborhood soon...

biker <evil> chick

[Nanci]

Dear God,

Thanks for not letting my coding patient die in my room this morning.

Nanci

[Lise]

Dear God,

Thanks for not letting my coding patient die in my room this morning.

Nanci
Yikes. No kidding. L.

[SadieKate]

Dear Dianyla,

Please don't post links like engrish.com again. My fits of hysteria are upsetting the dog.

SK

[maillotpois]

Dear Dianyla:

Since your posting of engrish.com, my law firm has lost countless billable hours due to my paralegal's and my inability to complete tasks and lack of interest in anything but engrish. I have lost almost all self-control and some bladder control, and now I am locked in a duel with SK to find the best example.

MP

[SadieKate]

Dear TE Members,

Don't engage in an engrish duel with MP while eating. Bad things happen.

SK

[SadieKate]

Dear Person Spinning next to me:

Ever heard of Beano?

Dear Dogmama,

Print this out and hang it on the person's spinning bike.

http://www.engrish.com/detail.php?imagename=dsc00415.jpg&category=Signs/Posters&date=2001-07-14

[maillotpois]

Dear Bubba -

Please stop SK.

MP

[Lise]

Dear MP & SK,

Compiling a list, I hope?!? :p L.

[maillotpois]

Must ... stop... now...

http://www.engrish.com/detail.php?imagename=fragrant_nuts.jpg&category=Snacks&date=2003-07-10

[Brandy]

Dear Dogmama,

Print this out and hang it on the person's spinning bike.

http://www.engrish.com/detail.php?imagename=dsc00415.jpg&category=Signs/Posters&date=2001-07-14

http://www.tinklebelle.com/Smilies/images/laughinghard.gifhttp://www.tinklebelle.com/Smilies/images/laughinghard.gifhttp://www.tinklebelle.com/Smilies/images/laughinghard.gif

[Nanci]

Dear Engrish enablers,

I just spit on my monitor when I read "NO SMORKING IN BUILDING."

Nanci

[SadieKate]

Dear Nanci,

You may want to clean that screen.

http://www.engrish.com/detail.php?imagename=pot-scrubbing-pad.jpg&category=Household%20Items&date=2004-08-26

SadieKate

[Dianyla]

Dear Imaginary Internet Friends,

If you thought engrish.com was funny, you may need to acquaint yourself with http://www.jesusoftheweek.com/

Have a Nice (unproductive) Day! :)

-Dianyla

[maillotpois]

Dear Dianayla -

You stink!

Love,

Your Imaginary Internet Friends' Employers

[SadieKate]

Dear Jee-ay-sus!

Save me now!

Sadie "penitent" Kate

[Dianyla]

Dear Jesus,

I saw your picture this week on JOTW (http://www.jesusoftheweek.com/) and I was thinking maybe you should try Weight Watchers?


-Dianyla

[Nanci]

Dear Jesus,

I'm thankful that in between people trying to die on me, or peeing giant puddles the second they stood up, or wanting to show me their imaginary free-range chihuahua, or kids throwing tape balls at the radiologist and scaring him, I had time to look at engrish.com and JOTW and _still_ had time to view the baby eagles and cheer on Lil-let.

Love,

Nanci

[betagirl]

Dear Mother Nature, Zeus/Jupiter, Thor, Yu-Tzu, Tlaloc and any other rain god I may have missed,

Please take the day off on Saturday, May 13th between the hours of 7am and 7pm.

You deserve a break today. :D

[Brandy]

Dear girl with the really cute little yorkie,

While you're busy yapping on your cell phone, your tiny dog on 15 feet of leash is blocking the bike path and made four of us stop and wait for you to grab a clue. Don't you have a cute little purse to carry him in?

[Brandy]

Dear squirrel,

Thank you for being fast enough for me not to hit you on the bike path. In the future, please don't stop right in front of my bike and act like you're there to stay, though.

Love,
me

[betagirl]

Dear girl with the really cute little yorkie...Don't you have a cute little purse to carry him in?

lmao!! :D :D :D

[betagirl]

Dear President Bush

My phone conversations aren't that interesting....really.

[maillotpois]

Dear President Bush

My phone conversations aren't that interesting....really.

Dear President Bush:

Um. Actually, mine are!

[DrBee]

Dear Elizabeth and Ben (my kids),

Thank you for being soooo well behaved in the car today while we drove over 600 miles in 11 hours, for not crying, for playing nicely and not fighting with each other - all without a DVD player. Thank you for being so well behaved in the restaurant and the ice cream shoppe. Thank you Ben for letting out that ear piercing shriek in Red Lobster when you saw the lobsters in the tank. I'm sure that the other patrons in the restaurant appreciated that. Please be good for the remaining 7 hours of driving we have tomorrow to get to MD.

Love,
Mom

[DrBee]

Dear Ben,

Go to sleep and please stop talking. We have to wake up early. Your sister is asleep, daddy is nearly asleep, I'm heading there. I think you might be the last one up tonight. That's probably not a good thing.

Love,
Mom

[Lise]

Dear Jesus,

Thank you for the Japanese. I trust we are as endlessly entertaining to them. It's only fair.

L.

[natheless]

Dear rain clouds,

Can I ask that you stop weeping over the greater Providence area for at least a couple hours on Sunday? Perhaps starting around noon? It's been a very dull week, and I want to go for a bike ride, please.

best.../julia

[Popoki_Nui]

Dear Mother Nature,
Could you please assign a higher altitude to those @#*(%^#$ clouds of little bitty flying bugs? Why do you make them fly in swarms at mouth height anyway? I mean, my lungs can't really use them, and I'm sure the bugs aren't particularly thrilled at being inhaled, either. It would be doing both of us a favour if you could get them to use the airspace above, say, 10 feet AGL, and I'll be happy with the airspace below that.
Thanks so much.
Sherry.

[crazybikinchic]

Dear lungs,

I know that you hate my exercizing, but I really long to get back on my bike. Everything I see is turning into cyclist going happily down the road. I would desperately like to be one of those people (or imaginations) again.

Dear B*!#% at work today,

I know that spina bifida sucks, but that does not mean that you sort of have a grandchild. That baby did not ask to be that way and most importantly, still needs and deserves the love of any normal child. And yes, it is the same as having a normal child, just a little different. I am sorry that the child is not as perfect as you, but he will still bring you joy. I suggest that you get off your high horse and figure it out. :mad: :mad: :mad:

Dear God,

Thank you for not having me come over the counter and killing that woman today.

Dear Lungs,

Thank you for not acting up when I had to get her out of my system, especially since my husband had the inhaller.

Oh yah, P.S. God,

Thank you for giving me a place to vent and laugh at the same time.

[crazycanuck]

Dear house

Please forgive me for ignoring you while i am out biking...i would rather bike than clean you...

Dear legs& lungs-i'm sorry we didn't get to go & do the hill again today but i had to clean the stupid house..please be nice to me this week..

c

[mtkitchn]

Dear Jogger who runs in the bike lane,
Perhaps you've been subjected to the heat too long and fried your brain, but I'd like to point out the three foot wide sidewalk next to you with nobody on it, as well as the Arizona statute that says a bicycle lane is for the EXCLUSIVE use of bicycles.

To the joggers in the bike lane running against traffic:
To the one out of four who actually hopped up onto the sidewalk...thank you.
To the other three who didn't...do you really want to play chicken with a bike going 20mph? I'm not going to sway into rush hour traffic to avoid you because you're too damn lazy to get on the aforementioned empty sidewalk.

To the joggers in the bike lane running WITH traffic:
Don't look surprised as I whiz by you without a ton of clearance. Again, I refuse to get creamed by an SUV because you won't use the sidewalk, and you obviously didn't hear me shouting at you because of the earphones in your ear. Turn down the music.

Thank you for your attention!:o

[Dogmama]

Couldn't have said it better. Maybe it's an AZ thing. We get it in Tucson too.

[mimitabby]

Dear Master of the weather

Do you think it's funny to give us gorgeous better than summer days all week and then on Saturday and Sunday, 50 degrees and rain?
We here in Seattle are used to the 50 degrees stuff all year round but it's not fair to give us Sunny and 80 on Monday Tuesday and Wednesday, and even better, Sunny and 75 on Thursday and then turn around and bathe us all going home on bike to work friday.
We've all here put in an order for 50 degrees and rainy on monday because none of us feel like riding on monday anyway.

apparently you aren't listening because I am facing another weekend with rain in the forecast for both days (and it's not just a consideration, it's a fact) and clearing up on monday.
hahahaha

[Selkie]

Dear Sweet Puppy - I'm sorry that your owner is a jacka## and lets you wander across the bike path, making a "flexileash trip line" for cyclists. I'm sorry I scared you when I said "Passing on your left, reel the dog in please." I'm not sorry for telling your owner--under my breath, of course--to "pog mo thoin."

[Popoki_Nui]

Dear Master of the weather

Do you think it's funny to give us gorgeous better than summer days all week and then on Saturday and Sunday, 50 degrees and rain?
We here in Seattle are used to the 50 degrees stuff all year round but it's not fair to give us Sunny and 80 on Monday Tuesday and Wednesday, and even better, Sunny and 75 on Thursday and then turn around and bathe us all going home on bike to work friday.
We've all here put in an order for 50 degrees and rainy on monday because none of us feel like riding on monday anyway.

apparently you aren't listening because I am facing another weekend with rain in the forecast for both days (and it's not just a consideration, it's a fact) and clearing up on monday.
hahahaha
Oh, I am SO with you on this one. Cloudy and cold here in Victoria, after a similar week of 80F weather. I have a serious lack of motivation happening today....riding out in the cold wind with rain threatening seems like too much effort.....:(
~Sherry.

[Brandy]

Dear man at the gym who is old enough to be my father...

Yes, I'm working my traps. You get an "A" for anatomy today, I would give you a "good job" sticker but I left them in my car. I realize that I'm the only female in the weight room today, but really...you're creeping me out. Might I suggest that you stare at the floor, yourself in the mirror, anything but me.

Thanks,

girlwhoisnotimpressedthatyouknewIwasworkingmytraps

[shadon]

enough already. Okay...last week on White's Hill was hard....the downhills were scarey
and the vocal chord spasms were scary....but c'mon....enough!

you're keeping me from looking forward to the Ride. It's gonna be a differnt ride than I planned on, but really I want to have fun and enjoy this.

please...back off!

[snapdragen]

shadon, you will probably be nervous until you ride out on day 1 - it's perfectly normal! Deep breaths, relax as best you can....you will have the time of your life! :D

[Dogmama]

Dear man at the gym who is old enough to be my father...

Yes, I'm working my traps. You get an "A" for anatomy today, I would give you a "good job" sticker but I left them in my car.

Too funny!!!

It's weird being the only female in the weight room sometimes. I just put on my headphones & ignore them.

[Lise]

Dear man at the gym who is old enough to be my father...

Yes, I'm working my traps. You get an "A" for anatomy today, I would give you a "good job" sticker but I left them in my car. I realize that I'm the only female in the weight room today, but really...you're creeping me out. Might I suggest that you stare at the floor, yourself in the mirror, anything but me.

Thanks,

girlwhoisnotimpressedthatyouknewIwasworkingmytraps
Maybe you could wear a t-shirt with a picture of your DH in uniform, that says, "Yeah, but you should see the traps on my husband!" ;) L.

[Brandy]

Maybe you could wear a t-shirt with a picture of your DH in uniform, that says, "Yeah, but you should see the traps on my husband!" ;) L.

http://www.tinklebelle.com/Smilies/images/laughinghard.gif I'm in there so often without dh that I think I might appear to be single...especially when my lifting gloves cover my wedding band.

I'd use the iPod technique, but I don't have one! DH was planning to get me one for my birthday when I told him I wanted my road bike instead. :D

[kelownagirl]

Why did you have to pick today to ride up the same hill as me? Don't you know it's not polite to effortlessly glide past a 46 year old woman who is struggling up a steep hill at 6 kmh on her mountain bikes in 100 degree heat after she's already told her husband she doesn't want to climb hills today because it is way too hot but she has been dragged up one anyway? Don't you realize that men, who are also capable of riding effortlessly up a hill but are toodling along slowly so they don't get too far ahead of their newbie, out-of-shape wife, don't like to be passed by pretty, young things who might think they can't ride any faster? Don't you realize that the older, unfit woman gets irritated when her husband suddenly speeds up so he can keep an eye on your perky little lyric-covered butt, and make sure you realize that *he* can indeed ride faster? Don't you know that when this woman gets even more annoyed when her husband suddenly realizes that he's left his wife in the dust while he was chasing the cute young girl up the hill and guiltily turns around to come back to keep his wife company? And finally, don't you think you could have at least found another route so that the same woman and her husband didn't have to catch up with you later at an intersection and notice that you hadn't even broken a sweat while she was still beet-red, huffing and puffing...? Next time you see that woman, do the decent thing and TURN AROUND and take another route. Someday, after you've had 3 babies and haven't ridden in 15 years, it might be you... ;)

(My apologies if it turns out that it was one of you...) :rolleyes:

[Lise]

(My apologies if it turns out that it was one of you...) :rolleyes:
I wish.

No, no, I mean, I would've been much more polite! :rolleyes:

I also wish it were a bit warmer here. How is it that we have a high of 59 for today, and it's 100 in BC, which is surely north of Chicago?!? :confused:

Ride on! Lise

[crazycanuck]

Dear pen & paper,

Please remind me to make a list and check it twice before i go biking....Had i made a list & checked twice i would not have left my shoes at home today...

I remembered i'd left me shoes by the door about 10min away from the starting point...

I ended up walking a certain mtb trail...noone was around though...!

:(

c

[Nanci]

Dear CrazyCanuck,

One time when I was training for my first "real" triathlon (first and only, so far, not counting the super-sprint kids tri I did a year ago) I wore my swimsuit to swim, first, and drove to this really cool bike trail, and found out I forgot my bike shorts. So I had to ride in rolled up knit crop pants. I had a hard time deciding if I would look weirder with my bike jersey or my swimsuit...

So now I have a small bag with a spare everything in it in my truck- stuff that I don't miss, like my least favorite jersey and shorts and socks and shoes and swimsuit and a little towel.

And I just store almost all my bike gear in that Mountainsmith Modular Hauler thing in my truck, but I realize probably most people don't have enough room for that.

Nanci

[doc]

Dear pen & paper,

Please remind me to make a list and check it twice before i go biking....Had i made a list & checked twice i would not have left my shoes at home today...

I remembered i'd left me shoes by the door about 10min away from the starting point...

I ended up walking a certain mtb trail...noone was around though...!

:(

c

Don't feel bad. I once arrived at a group ride to find I remembered everything but MY BIKE!!!!!

[crazycanuck]

Umm doc, please tell me how you forgot your bike....????:confused:

I don't feel so bad now....

I just want to make sure the dirt & rocks still love me.....
:D


c

[doc]

crazyc, this is how my thought process goes:
Mental checklist of things easily forgotten:
helmet check
gloves check
shoes check
waterbottles check
chamois buttr check
$$ check
snack check
OK I must be ready then!!
Duh!!!

My bike goes IN the car so I didn't have an empty bike rack to remind me. After all, how the hell do you forget your bike??? Imagine my expression when I opened the hatch.

[Brandy]

Dear camping gear,

Please pack yourself.

Signed,

lovestocampbuthatestopack

[Lise]

Dear SUV owners:

I know you are very bummed that the bank won't give you another mortgage so you can put enough gas in your vehicle to drive to the gas station. I understand that you must leave it parked on the street. But would you please fold in the mirror so it doesn't take up most of the bike lane? I am sure I'm going to be clipped by one of those things some day.

Thanks so much,

Snotty Bike Commuter.

[Dogmama]

Dear SUV owners:

But would you please fold in the mirror so it doesn't take up most of the bike lane?

Dream on!

I have one:

Dear Cops:

Did they tell you at your morning donut round-up that cars must give bikes 3 feet distance? So, how about it? Next time I can pick my teeth in some redneck's mirror - how about putting down the donut & giving him a little ticket?

Signed,

Resident in a "Bike Friendly Community"

[mtkitchn]

Dear Landscape People,
I understand that you must park on the bike lane to do your job trimming trees, raking rocks and using your polluting leaf blowers to blow stuff all over creation (what do those things really do anyway, except move dust from one yard to another?). Would you please turn off the leaf blower as I'm passing and not blow rocks in my face? And is there any possible way you can clean all the tree branches and crap you've created out of the bike lane? That sidewalk looks real pretty, but nobody uses it anyway.

[salsabike]

Dear Contractor,

I am really excited about our pending house expansion, especially about getting a weaving studio for me, new rooms, skylights, a porch, etc. And I've seen your work in several places so I know you do a good job. The only thing that really scares me is the money part. Could you please find someone ELSE to pay for the whole thing? Thanks!

I remain, best regards, etc.

PS And could you also a) find someone else to pack/unpack and move all the stuff on the first floor, including the seven full bookcases, or b) wave a magic wand and just have it be done. We are not looking forward to living in the little basement bedroom with its many spiders for five months. Much appreciated!

[fixedgeargirl]

Dear Guy Throwing the Partially Full Pepsi Can Out Your Car Window,

What are you thinking? Oh, I am assuming you have that capability. Silly me.

Yours,

Bewildered Motorist Behind You

P.S. How did you manage to chuck that thing all the way across the front seat of your land yacht to toss it out the passenger window? And why?

[Dogmama]

Dear Landscape People,
And is there any possible way you can clean all the tree branches and crap you've created out of the bike lane? That sidewalk looks real pretty, but nobody uses it anyway.

Amen Sister!

[Beth-Ro]

Dear Parents of the Kid with the bb gun,

Would you please consider revoking your 12-year-old son's bb gun priviledges? He doesn't seem to have the capability of grasping the "don't point that thing at people" concept. Being a "people" type, I don't particularly enjoy being shot at while trudging up the grunt hill past your single-wide trailer. To be quite blunt, your son is not very neighborly when he uses us for target practice.

Regards,

The cycling group that is now avoiding your street

PS. Were your son my youngun, he'd not be hanging out with the older boy who "encourages" his bad behaviour. He would also have more supervision, less weaponry, and better manners.

[DrBee]

Dear muscles on my shins,

Please stop hurting. I know that you like riding the bike, but we need to work on running, too. If you cooperate and feel better then I can walk around like a somewhat normal person again, instead of hobbling around. I'll give you some time in the jacuzzi tonight, ok? Will that help? Tomorrow we will try to run again. Hopefully you will cooperate.

[maillotpois]

Dear muscles on my shins,

Please stop hurting. I know that you like riding the bike, but we need to work on running, too. If you cooperate and feel better then I can walk around like a somewhat normal person again, instead of hobbling around. I'll give you some time in the jacuzzi tonight, ok? Will that help? Tomorrow we will try to run again. Hopefully you will cooperate.

Dear Fishdr:

Running stinks.

Love,

Reformed marathon runner

[DrBee]

Dear Reformed Marathon Runner,

I agree! But I'm driven to do a triathlon for some mysterious reason. Why did I wait to start running until the temps were in the 90's??? 5:15 am seems earlier when I'm running then when I'm on a bike.

Love,
waiting for the replacement tube to arrive

[Brandy]

Dear yummy foreign boys riding your road bikes from Vancouver, B.C. to the Mexican border,

Thanks for providing some eye candy for three stay at home moms while you were walking around your campsite shirtless. Oh, and you're welcome for the milk.

Love,

I may or may not have told my kids to go play on that tree in your campsite so I could walk over and talk to you http://www.tinklebelle.com/Smilies/images/bucky.gif

[maillotpois]

Dear yummy foreign boys riding your road bikes from Vancouver, B.C. to the Mexican border,

Thanks for providing some eye candy for three stay at home moms while you were walking around your campsite shirtless. Oh, and you're welcome for the milk.

Love,

I may or may not have told my kids to go play on that tree in your campsite so I could walk over and talk to you http://www.tinklebelle.com/Smilies/images/bucky.gif

Did you at least get pictures of "your kids playing in that tree..."?

[Brandy]

Did you at least get pictures of "your kids playing in that tree..."?

No :( I didn't want to scare them away. http://www.tinklebelle.com/Smilies/images/laughinghard.gif

Edited to add...I just had to double check my pics to see if any of them made it in to the background and nope. I'll have to check with the two other desperate mommies and see if yummy boys made it into their pics. ;)

[EvilTwin]

Dear allergies
Could you please go away so I can ride without wheezing? Please? I'd like to be able to breathe again and not be air hungry and tired all the time. My eyes would also like to not itch. I know you usually disappear by July 4th, but would you consider leaving early? I know I live in the mid-Willamette Valley, and that the valley is one of the grass seed capitals of the the world, and that I'm mostly allergic to grass pollens, but please????
Thanks, Barb

[Lise]

Dear Reformed Marathon Runner,

I agree! But I'm driven to do a triathlon for some mysterious reason. Why did I wait to start running until the temps were in the 90's??? 5:15 am seems earlier when I'm running then when I'm on a bike.

Love,
waiting for the replacement tube to arrive
It's a form of illness. I have it, too.

Favorite t-shirts from the Chicago Marathon last year:

Running Stinks!

and

But I thought you said 2.62!

:p L.

[Kimmyt]

Dear The Boy,

I know I told you that I didn't care if you went climbing this weekend (without me *pout*) while I stayed home for a family function. I guess I thought you would get the sarcasm when I said, "I don't care if you don't ever make time to meet my family". But I guess what I'm really saying is that a 5-year-old has more common sense than you.

Sincerely,

The GF

p.s. I can't help but feeling a bit vindicated that it's gray and rainy out and likely to be so for some of the weekend while you're leaving me alone yet again to face my family and explain that, no, you couldn't come and that, yes, you really do exist.

[Lise]

Dear City of Chicago,

Thanks for the water fountains. They really help on my runs. I'm going to pretend that you've used the $110 I've paid in parking tickets so far this year to do upkeep on the water fountains.

Delusionally yours,

LH

[Trekhawk]

Dear germs,

PISS OFF!!!

Dear Mr Mole
I have given you the chance to move to my neighbours yard and I have been civil. Still you pesist so Im sorry this is my new message wonderfully provided by tlkiwi and get the hint PLEASSSSSSSSE.

[Tater]

Dear Mr. Runny Nose in the next Cube Over:
BLOW IT ALREADY! I understand that several of us in the mapping department have allergies and we are doing our best to cope with them however we can. Most have Kleenex at our desks and use them often, some have gone as far as to mooch a roll of toilet paper from the bathroom for the express purpose of keeping snotsies off our keyboards. Please, pick a method that works for you and stick with it because hearing sniff...Sniff...SNIFF all day gets rather tiresome!
Thanks,
The Booger Free Gal to your left

[SadieKate]

Dear Ms Coughing Co-worker:

I finally got Mr. Runny Nose on the other side of me shipped off to Tater-land. Could you please join him? You are more than loud enough to drown out Mr. Runny Nose so she won't hear him.

If you can't move, try seeing a doctor. While you're there, ask him or her to check your hearing. Your conversations can be heard through solid walls and doors, and they really aren't all that interesting and dreadfully ruined the Beethoven on the radio.

SK

[DirtDiva]

Dear chickens,

Words cannot express how much I enjoyed my fry-up breakfast just now, but it's all because of you. Cheers.

[crazycanuck]

Dear fog,

Thank you for making the super 14 final an interesting affair...What a game, we in the pub, our friends in auckland nor anyone else could see what was going on. I'm sure the comment from murray mexted saying "for all we know, the ball could have landed in new brighton" will remain in many people's minds the quote of the game!!!!

Sky tv, thank you for telecasting the game but could you please show the level shots when it's pea soup on the field?

Avid crusaders fan

:)

[Nanci]

Dear Wickham Park,

Please try to stay at least 50% cloudy and under 85F on Sunday. A shower in the afternoon would be nice!

Nanci

[DrBee]

Dear postal service,

PLEAAAAAASSSSEEEE deliver my replacement tubes today! I really need to ride. It's been a week, afterall. I've had a stressful week and if I don't get to ride soon, my head may explode, just like the old tube.

Anxiously awaiting the mailman,
Fishdr

[Aggie_Ama]

Dear New Apartment Complex Residents,

Why did you put that bizarre seahorse birdbath outside? It not only frightens my dogs, it is ugly. The complex looked nice, now your apartment is resembling the "My Flea" market outside Rockdale.

Curious about the birdbath,
Your Neighbor

[Brandy]

Dear childcare worker at Gold's Gym,

I understand that you had to put my child in time-out because he threw a block. You tell me that you put a movie on and he calmed down after said time-out. Why did you feel the need to force a conversation out of him? Why wasn't the time-out enough? You tell him that he can't play with any toys until he really sits down and talks to you about this and then you're surprised when he has a meltdown? Earth to you...not all strategies work on all kids. You can't force a thought provoking conversation out of most three year olds. Ugh.

Signed,
thanksforthe20minuteworkout

[DirtDiva]

Avid crusaders fan

:)
Dear crazycanuck,

You are a good woman.

Yours,
;) One-eyed Cantab, born and raised.

[RoadRaven]

Hi Brandy - its interesting that your childcare workers are allowed to use "time out" as a strategy for "behaviour management".

Over here we have changed the words... behaviour management" is called "positive guidance" and the strategies used have to reflect that phrase.

Timing children out can potentially get early childhood teachers into alot of trouble... it is written into our ECE Regulations here. So I will join you in your letter to this childcare teacher, and if she worked in Middle earth I would also be able to tell her I was going to report her "teaching strategy" to her supervisor/head teacher... and if that wasn't taken seriously, then to the Ministry.

Isolation from others is used for POWs, and should not be used for three year olds.

[RoadRaven]

Dear crazycanuck,

You are a good woman.

Yours,
;) One-eyed Cantab, born and raised.

Did you manage to catch the game last night Kiwi? CC? Crusaders/Hurricanes?

Dear Wellington... next time you decide to host a significant final of the worlds greatest ever contact sport, please ensure the rolling fog stays out of the caketin... although I was seated in my living room and got some excellent close-ups - it would have been nice to have some "aerial" views and I am sure those that played good money to actually be there are extremely disappointed to be unable to see most of the action!

Rugby-Raven

[Brandy]

Road Raven...I think the fact that we don't really use time-outs here at home is why he has a hard time with them there. He's one of those kids who when he knows that he has done something wrong he feels bad and doesn't want to keep talking about it. I was telling my husband that he probably felt really bad and he had already been in time out...forcing him to have a discussion about it afterward just sent him over the edge and into meltdown land :( Unfortunately, using time-outs there is the policy. It's really not the best situation and I try not to use it unless I absolutely have to.

[Duck on Wheels]

When my "little one" (now 23 y.o., 6'5", and very sweet and laid back) was in his terrible 2's ... and 3's, and 4's ... the day care teacher designed a whole program for dealing with, not only my explosive kid but several others in the same class. She did a year-long program on "feelings". They went to the art museum and looked at paintings to see what emotions the people in them showed. They listened to music and painted emotions as they listened. They read books on emotions -- anger, joy, sadness, etc. After a few months, these little toddlers could understand and express their own feelings better, at which point they stopped "exploding". Much easier to recognize, and talk about, your own feelings when you've used books etc. to learn about others' feelings first.

From there, this teacher went on to a several year program about trees -- which put an end to kids breaking branches off the trees in the park around the day care. The class would "adopt" a different tree each year -- a big pine in the forest one year, a neighborhood birch the next, and so on. They'd visit the tree in each season, and a botanist from the university gave them a toddler-accessible lecture on what the tree could be used for -- like making sweet syrup from birch sap, which they then did, or a trip to the paper plant to see spruce made into paper. Great program!

Then in grade school, when there was a littering problem, the whole faculty decided to do a program on colors and seeing your surroundings. For instance, my son's class spent one lesson on their knees by the windows painting the winter scene outside. learning that snow is not white and spruce trees neither simply green nor black. Not long after, he started taking pictures of sunsets over the fjord and sending them to his big sister (who was away at college) to make her homesick; he'd just stand there awestruck by the windows and say what a beautiful place we lived in, then take a picture to remind his sister of that. And yes, at least for a while, there was a lot less litter around the school.

So yep, time-outs and "serious talks" with 3-year-olds are not the best methods, just the "easiest" and "fastest" for impatient and unimaginative teachers.

[DirtDiva]

No, RR I didn't manage to see it (it was played at Jade, btw). I had to catch a train to go and pick up my bike - it was still in Surrey after my (mis)adventure the other weekend.

[RoadRaven]

(it was played at Jade, btw).

:rolleyes: I just LURVE it when I can make a complete dork of myself on a global scale! :p

You didn't miss much as the fog was very thick... but glad you have picked up your bike... free of holly I assume?


Brandy and Bikeless - early childhood is something I can rant on about for a long time - this is my job - teaching early childhood teachers...
In short though, I am glad neither of you support "time out" as all it teaches children is that you have more power than them and you can be a bigger bully.

And what a progressive teacher, Bikeless, to be teaching your terrific two about feelings and empathy. We often do not credit the very young with ability to reason and think laterally or to be empathetic... and yet most people quip that the most learning happens in the first three years...

[crazycanuck]

RoadRaven...we were at the pub watching it live...or what we could see of the game....

Dear Edmonton Oilers, Thank you for doing so well this season. It's great to see my hometown happy about thier hockey team once again...14yrs is a bit too long though!!!!! Make Canada proud and bring the cup home....

Happy hockey fan..but unhappy hockey fan that has to put up with only being able to listen to the game online...*&^^^F^^ sattelite tv that cancelled the contract to carry the nhl games live down here in aust after the players strike.....

Crazy "off to beg someone with broadband to allow us to borrow thier house to watch the games live..."canuck...

[DirtDiva]

Well, Ms. Raven, I couldn't let anyone here go assuming that Canterbury hadn't qualified top of the round-robin and earned that home final fair and square. :D

You know, I give lots of what could be considered in-class timeouts (if someone is preventing someone else from learning, then they will be moved somewhere they won't have the opportunity to continue doing so), but I don't send anyone out of my classroom unless they have done something (i.e. a fist fight) that warrants an immediate visit to the principal's office. It's pointless - most behaviour problems arise when children don't have the skills necessary to complete the work required, and they'll never learn those skills if they're not in the classroom. The single most frustrating aspect of doing supply/relief/sub work is that you simply don't have the opportunity to implement any of the long-term, positive strategies that help those kids so much.

[DrBee]

Dear Postal Service,

Why do you insist on taunting me??? Yesterday you delivered my tire levers, but not the tubes. Now - I know that both boxes were sent at the same time from the same place, presumably. Now, since Monday is a holiday, I will not get me tubes until at least Tuesday! Which is even more torturous, because it's my telecommuting day. So I'll have to look at the tubes, but won't be able to do anything with them until "after work". Torturous!

Sincerely,

REALLY needing to ride my bike:p

[Nanci]

Dear Wh*re who stole my tube of Aquaphore out of the bathroom during my 9 hour 48 minute death march (Wickham Park Marathon). Thanks a lot. I hope you have a good use for it. Perhaps you, like me, have salt chafing on the insides of your thighs, in about 3" diameter circles, that every time you peed for the next four stops, felt like someone was slicing your inner thighs with razor blades. Or maybe you felt the oncoming of inner arm chafing from the too-rough fabric of your running shirt (the only one that could possibly stay dry and not soak up ten pounds of sweat) and sought to nip that in the bud before they, too, turned into two-inch diameter circles of raw skin. But probably, you are some loser who has never run for 30 seconds in your pathetic life, because you can't put down your smokes long enough to! I hope you enjoyed it!!

Nanci

[DrBee]

Dear Nanci,

Wow - you survived! I've been wondering how you did and I never had any doubts. :) I'm impressed!

Hoping to just run around the block without stopping,
Fishdr

[Nanci]

Out of 33 starters, 13 people finished the marathon, and two of those went on to finish the 50 miles. 39% finishing rate.

I'll come up with some highlights, but first I have to figure out how to get on my bike for the Memorial Day Bike Club picnic.

Nanci

[jeannierides]

Dear Furniture Shopper,

Don't you realize how rude it is to come into our store talking on your cell phone? You can obviously see me walking up to you in order to greet you. Are you so self-important that you can't put your phone down for a few minutes out of common courtesy??:confused: I promise I won't pin your arm behind your back and make you buy anything!

Sincerely fed up,

[DrBee]

Out of 33 starters, 13 people finished the marathon, and two of those went on to finish the 50 miles. 39% finishing rate.

I'll come up with some highlights, but first I have to figure out how to get on my bike for the Memorial Day Bike Club picnic.

Nanci

Dear Nanci,

Good luck! I hope your legs don't rebel. And I hope your weather is better than here - cloudy and drizzly. At least it's not in the 90's - finally.

Fishdr

[Tater]

Dear Ms Coughing Co-worker:

I finally got Mr. Runny Nose on the other side of me shipped off to Tater-land. Could you please join him? You are more than loud enough to drown out Mr. Runny Nose so she won't hear him.

If you can't move, try seeing a doctor. While you're there, ask him or her to check your hearing. Your conversations can be heard through solid walls and doors, and they really aren't all that interesting and dreadfully ruined the Beethoven on the radio.

SK

Dear Allergy Fairies,
Could you please ignore SadieKate's request to send Ms. Coughy to my area? See, the Tater-cube is nice and quiet now and I would really rather it stay that way!
Thanks so much,
The Silent Spud

[Nanci]

Dear New Programable Thermostat,

Thank you for working (as in turning the AC on!) after I installed you. I was worried because one wire didn't match up, and one slot was left empty, and I didn't know if I had a "heat pump" or not. I do not know what a heat pump is. But all seems to be well, at least until I need the furnace!

Nanci

[Nanci]

Dear God,

I had this idea. Wouldn't it be cool if we could move trees around just by pushing them? I could move the huge ones to where they could shade my house better. I could move the really pretty ones in the back 40 closer. I could move them all away when a hurricane came through, instead of sleeping in the part of the house that wouldn't get crushed if one fell. I could fill out the bare sections of fence line, so I wouldn't have to look at the neighbors or the road. Just an idea, please take it into consideration.

Thanks,

Nanci

[carback]

Dear weather gods,
Here is your weather schedule for the week beginning Monday, June 12th:

Monday June 12 - you may choose to rain this day. Rain yourself dry.
Tuesday June 13- if you're still feeling a little soggy, go ahead. Rain. Surely you'll be fully wrung out by midnight.
Wednesday June 14- Sunny. And Hot. Like +25 (celsius)
Thursday - June 15 Sunny. And hot. Like +25 (celsius)
Friday June 16- Sunny. And hot. Like +25 (celsius)
Saturday June 17- preferably overcast, maybe some sun. Not a chance of rain. Even a cold front would be acceptable. Please don't go any hotter than 25 (celsius). Or cooler than 5 celsius. Oh, and if you could keep the mosquitos and wind at bay, that'd be greatly appreciated too.
Sunday - I don't care what you do because I and 799 other riders will be done our race. You can even snow if you feel you need to let off some steam.

Yours in racing the ride of my life,

Rider 596.

[Kimmyt]

Dear Self,

Why do you suck so much at everything?

[Trek420]

Dear Nanci,

What I had in mind when I placed the trees where they are is that you put the *house* where the huge ones are so they can shade you better. And you could put the *house* 40' closer to the pretty ones in the back.

Sorry about the hurricanes. Could you prune the big branches? Don't prune the fig though :eek: oops.

Or how about this: for all that you do for my animals, I'll just try to keep the branches off you when you sleep :)

Feel free to fill out the bare sections of fence line though. I don't like to look at your neighbors or the road either.

Thanks,

G**

[Nanci]

Dear Kimmyt,

There must be _something_(s) you are good at! Please elaborate!

Nanci

[LL_Super_D]

Dear "Everything Happens For a Reason",

Last week was truly awful and this week is feeling just as difficult. I understand that time and patience reveals all, but I would really appreciate things getting better soon, especially if I don't get to know the reason just yet. Thank you.

[LL_Super_D]

Deat kimmyt,

I agree with Nanci. I'm sure there must be a bunch of things that you're good at!

[crazycanuck]

Dear kimmyt...do you accept long distance hugs & smiles? :D

Dear dudes on the kebab run (tues night ride) thank you for taking good care of Linda last night...(she dislocated her elbow & stretched the tendons quite badly). It's good to know we ride with funky people!

Dear Man(my dear) thank you for staying with greg & tom @ the hospital whilst waiting for linda to be fixed up......!!!

Dear ladies on TE...thanks again for being there!

c

[Kimmyt]

Dear TE gals,

Thanks for the well-wishes.... it was just one of those days, you know?

I'm feeling a bit better now though!

K.

Also, I guess I'm pretty good at posting on the Internet!!

[crazybikinchic]

Dear legs,

I'm sorry that I told lungs to get over themselves because I was going to work out whether they liked it or not,but please go easy on me.

Dear ex co-worker,

Well, I guess you got your way anyway by quiting so that you could have Saturday off, but I to have a life. By the way, you can not get through life without having any stress, so suck it up!

[DrBee]

Dear Mr. technology guy on the phone,

Please stop bragging about your accomplishments and talk to me about what we're supposed to be talking about - developing technology. Please pardon the noise - even though it sounds like I'm whapping the phone on the desk, it's construction outside. Yeah yeah... construction.

Sincerely,
A person in need of riding a longggggg ride today to relieve stress.

[mimitabby]

thank you for supporting me in all the ways that you do.
Thanks for buying me the great b67 saddle and installing it
onto our tandem even though the rest of the bike club continues to make snide comments about it being too springy and large.
Thanks for bidding on a bike on ebay for me because i liked it.
Thanks for axing YOUR bike ride thursday night (all right, there was a deluge but who's checking) and occupying your entire evening working on the new Veloce bike so that I could ride it.
Thanks for accompanying me to the school playground (where there were an unusual number of cars and kids playing basketball) so i could get used to
the new bike on a relatively flat surface with lots of room for turning around.
Thanks for being patient when it appeared that i'd forgotten everything i used to know about bicycling including shifting and braking.

Thanks for being patient while I complained about the b17 seat you lovingly installed on my new bike.

Thanks for being there when in my despair, it looked like i didn't like my new bike at all..

Thanks for not totally losing it when i went and bought yet another saddle ( a b67, the only kind that seems to work for me) for a bike that we're not even sure i can ride.

You are an incredibly cool husband and I promise I will never trade you in or make another comment about the 30 + bike Jerseys that you own.
Thanks again.
mimi

[Brandi]

Dear fishing gods,
Thank you for the start of fishing season! Even though I loooove my dh we spend way to much time together. We work together as well as we are married. It is hard sometimes not to have any time to yourself. But because of this great thing called fishing season i am now getting a few morning's to myself!
Just please watch over him and keep he's boat safe. See the time before last he's boat sank.

[Kimmyt]

Dear mimitabby,

Aww! Thanks for making me take the time to think about some of the things I appreciate about my SO too! Sounds like you got a good 'un!

K.

Also:

Dear chocolate cake on my desk,

Stop staring at me.

I mean it.

K.

[snapdragen]

You are an incredibly cool husband and I promise I will never trade you in or make another comment about the 30 + bike Jerseys that you own.
Thanks again.
mimi

Perhaps he deserves and AV jersey....as do you!






OK - SadieKate made me do it...

[DirtDiva]

Does she have you working on a lemondrop commission basis? ;)

[snapdragen]

Does she have you working on a lemondrop commision basis? ;)

:rolleyes: maybe.....:rolleyes:

[DirtDiva]

Are you trying to look all innocent there, snap? :p

[snapdragen]

Are you trying to look all innocent there, snap? :p

:rolleyes: maybe :rolleyes:

[Dianyla]

Dear Shower's Pass Jacket,

Why, oh why, did I decide to leave you at home yesterday? I promise it won't happen again.

[DirtDiva]

Dear bike clothing manufacturers,

See that picture just up there? You need to make snap a jersey with that on it. :D

[Brandy]

Dear New York Style Garlic Pita Chips,

Please stop finding your way into my mouth!


Love,

I'veeatenwaytoomanyofyou!

[susiej]

Dear Fellow Drivers,

Thank you for stopping to allow the family of jaywalking geese to cross the road. My faith in humanity and drivers was restored for a short time.

And thank you geese for crossing when I had the red, and making it to the other side by the time my light had changed to green.