Accident

[MightyMitre]

Spoke to my riding partner earlier today and heard her hubby was involved in a very nasty accident last night. He was knocked off his bike by a car, head on, while riding home and is now in intensive care with rib & pelvis fractures and a collaped lung. This is horrible! Both me and by bf are very upset as we often ride together as a group.

Apart from the How-the -hell- did- this -happen- & -why questions I feel totally useless. Can't really do much for her hubby - the hospital are taking care of that - but what can I do to help my friend out? She's only about 15 mins away and just feel I should do something.:( :confused:

[SadieKate]

Oh, this is awful news. And so difficult to know what you can do. Just be there for her. Does she have family around? Does she need pets looked after, plants watered, mail brought in, anything brought to her at the hospital? I think anything that helps her be with him would be a help.

[aka_kim]

That's awful. It's always terrible to hear about bike accidents. I don't really know what you can do for your friend, other than to be a friend and be available for her right now.

Not sure if this helps or not... a friend of a friend was hit (intentionally) by a car a few years ago with very similar injuries -- broken pelvis, shoulder, wrist. While recovering he found out he'd won a lottery position for Ironman Hawaii, and less than one year after his accident he competed at Hawaii. So, moral of the story, your friend's athletic life isn't necessarily over if he doesn't want it to be.

[Adventure Girl]

I’m very sorry to hear about your friend! It makes us all realize how fragile we all are! My thoughts are with you!

As for what you can do for your friend… All you can do is be her friend! My husband was in a very serious accident (and had similar injuries to your friend’s husband). I can’t explain how much I appreciated just having someone to talk to. My supportive friends saved me during that time!

While Robert was in the hospital, I drove an hour and a half (round trip) to see him for just a few minutes before I went to work every morning. I would call my friend, Heidi, from my car. Luckily she’s on the east coast and I’m on the west coast, so my 5:30AM calls to her were OK with her! Just talking to helped so much!

Let your friend know that she’s not alone. Ask her if you can do anything for her, but I she’ll probably say, “no”. Take her to lunch (hospital cafeteria food isn’t that bad!). Give her a shoulder to cry on.

[DeniseGoldberg]

I had a crash of my own (http://denise2004crash.crazyguyonabike.com) last May, so maybe I can give you some ideas from a patient's point of view. I'm single, and I was lucky in that my mom was able to come to Boston and be at the hospital with me - nothing like a 52-year-old relying on her mother! Your friend's situation is probably different in that she is likely supporting her husband in a familiar place. I have to agree with SadieKate that being there for your friend is the most important thing. Going and sitting with her when she's not in intensive care (since they probably won't allow additional visitors) and bringing her food so she doesn't need to leave the hospital would both be helpful and provide the emotional support that she probably needs.

I had friends and neighbors who really jumped in and helped - the neighbors by taking care of my newspaper and mail and managing to convince the state police that they should give them my bike so I didn't need to worry about it, and my friends by picking up clothes for me at my house, bringing food to the hospital for us since the hospital food was pretty much inedible, and most important - visiting me both when I knew they were there and even at the beginning when I was pretty much out of it.

I'm sending my good wishes to your friends.

[MightyMitre]

Thank you all so much for your thoughts and support. I spoke to my friend again this evening and they're going to operate on hubby tomorrow to put a plate on his pelvis fracture. They also gave him an epidural earlier as the mophine wasn't working. That should be a good source of joking, about child birth etc, when he's well again.

My friend Sarah seems to be coping well, but I'm guessing it won't really kick in properly for a day or two. I told her she could call me any time, day or night and so I'll keep my mobile handy. Will definitely take her something nice to eat in the next few days, whether she asks not.

Certainly shakes you this kind of thing. Was going to go out for a ride this afternoon, but opted for the home trainer today instead.

[DeniseGoldberg]

It definitely shakes you - but don't let this keep you away from cycling. Just think of how many rides you've had without incident. The non-cyclists I know who really don't know me just assumed I wouldn't get back on my bike after my crash - but biking is an important part of my life, and I was riding again as soon as I was able. I would bet that your friend's husband will be back on his bike too.

It sounds like he may have a long recovery - but I'm sure that your support is important to both of them.

[CorsairMac]

oh MM - I'm so sorry to hear that. I send up prayers every day I cross the 2 really bad streets safely! Keeping your friend and her husband and you in my prayers! You're already doing for her just by being there. Let her know about your post too - it'll help her to know there are people all over pulling for both of them!

[MightyMitre]

This is what also sucks. We've already got loads of trips planned for the first half of the year. We're all meant to be doing the Tour of Flanders sportif ride in Belgium in April . It's about 90 miles and includes lots of steep cobbled climbs http://www.rvv.be/eng/parcours/hellingen.html and Phil also is meant to be going to Italy for a Gran Fondo sportif ride in Tuscany as part of my fiance's stag weekend in May.

Oh well, plans change. Funny how you suddenly get a new perspective on what's important and what's not. ...Apparently he was asking earlier if there were any bits that could be salvaged off his bike. 'Luckily' he was on his winter hack bike, not his very spiffy Colnago C50 :)

[mtbstarr]

That is awful to hear MM......I wish I knew what to say. My thoughts and prayers are with all of you.

[MightyMitre]

Thanks again for all you kind messages - I passed them onto my friend ( and hubby) and she was really touched to know that people she's never met are sending their thoughts. It meant a great deal to her. :)

Quick update on her hubby : he's now on a normal ward. They've put a massive pin in his pelvis which sounds horrid and he's not allowed to do anything weight bearing for 6 weeks. He's just flat on his back for the moment but very relieved to here he's now stable.

Current thoughts are it could be up to a year before he's fully recovered.

Denise - I read your story about your accident and I'll certainly be passing it on for Sarah to read. Very glad you've made a good recovery.:)

[Veronica]

Oh good, I'm glad to hear things are improving.

Veronica

[Dogmama]

MM, my husband was diagnosed with colon cancer & due to many problems, spent almost a month in the hospital - one week of which was in intensive care. Here is what helped me.

Having people come to the hospital & sit with me. Now that your friend's husband is in a room, you can take your friend out for coffee (or better yet - bring some in & sit in a lounge.) I still remember the people who just sat with me. They didn't even need to carry on conversation. Just the feeling of having support was wonderful.

Bring munchable food. Fruit is always a good choice or anything in a wrapper.

Call often but let her know she doesn't need to return your calls unless she wants to. I was inundated with calls from friends and felt guilty that I didn't have the energy to return all of them.

When he gets out - bring more food. Anything so that she doesn't have to cook is good. Go to the grocery store for her. I was so drained from having to be a nurse, wife, worker (I worked from home) that cooking seemed an insurmountable hurdle.

Take her out for more coffee. I needed to get away from the whole horrible situation more than I realized. Those stolen moments were so precious. When he comes home, he'll undoubtedly be in pain and she'll feel stressed and helpless. Good friends can help ease the situation.

I'll say a prayer for her and her husband. And yes, it certainly makes one realize that life isn't just about "how many miles" or the newest Campy bits.

I don't know how medical care is across the pond, but whenever my husband is in the hospital, I stay with him night and day. Medical mistakes (in the U.S.) count for more deaths than breast cancer. I've caught the staff almost giving him meds that he is allergic to, not hanging his antibiotics when it was time, etc. Plus, he needed me to help to little things - move the kleenex box where he could reach it, get him ice water and just generally be there. Nurses are overwrought and simply don't have the time to do the things that make a hospital stay a little more bearable. I would go home twice a day to feed the 4-legged kids, get some dinner and/or shower and then I'd go back. It's tough, but I wouldn't have it any other way. We just got done with a hernia repair last week - five day hospital stay. (He ripped open all of his abdominal stitches while throwing up during chemo.)

Sorry this is so long. Just had a "little bit" of experience with this one!

[MightyMitre]

Dogmama - thanks for sparing the time to pass on your tips. Sounds like you've got a lot on your plate at the moment. You and your hubby are in my thoughts. It must be a tough time for you both. I hope things get easier for you soon.



My friend is actually a litigator, specialising in medical claims so she's well and truely on the ball with the medical care issues. She said herself, as great as the nursing staff are, they can't be there for every minor thing and she's been doing all the little things you mentioned, like fetching drinks etc.

Looks like Starbucks is going to do well out of us in the coming months. Better get some cooking practise in as well!:)

[Veronica]

My God - you have Starbucks over there! What's the world coming to? I really just don't like their coffee. :D


Thom, in an effort to lower his caffeine intake, has begun drinking decaf Earl Grey - no milk, no sugar. It's pretty good. Although I feel like Capt. Picard every time I have some.

V.

[sarahfixit]

Yay, trekkies.
I used to do lots of caffine(from sodas) but never coffee, and now I cen't understand how I ever did it, lol. It was so bad for me.

[MightyMitre]

Yes - we've been assimilated. Resistance had proved to be futile. The Starbucks plague has been over here for about 3 or 4 years. Just recently they even opened one up in my old home town - Hereford ( as in the place where the cattle come from, for those who know their cow :p) a small, sleepy market town in the west of England on the boarder with Wales.
I don't live there any more and these days use it a gauge for the spread of globalisation - if it's reached Hereford then things must be bad ! :eek: ( or good, depending on your view point and if you like coffee.)

Trouble is, I LOVE Starbucks lattes. I've tried loads of other places but I still prefer the Starbucks stuff. My BF and I try and balance it out by only going every other coffee and going to Costa Coffee instead for their Fair Trade coffee beans.

PS Bring on the decaf Earl Grey - it's my drink of choice at home. PPS Bring on Jean Luc -mmmm what a great voice. :cool:

[CorsairMac]

MM - good news about your friend! Still keeping all of ya'll uppermost in my thoughts! Another thought - when my grandmother had cancer and my aunt was the care-taker, we the neices and nephews took turns going over to sit with grandmother so my aunt could have some time away. No matter how much you love some one - there are just times when you have to get out - say for a bike ride. Since they know you well - she may feel comfortable enough to leave him in your care for a few hours while she gets out. Or better yet, have your partner stay with him while you take her out - riding!

as for all us Trek-heads - isn't this board pretty much about just how futile resistance is? :p

[SadieKate]

You know, I have lived and died by the motto "Friends don't let friends buy Starbucks" but then I had one of their peppermint mochas this Christmas. So, now I'm trying to fess up to the addiction and break free so I can support my LCS the way I support my LBS.

So, I'm on a 12-step program of homemade hot chocolate with peppermint schnappes. Hardly any caffeine!

I'm am so glad to hear news of his good progress.

[LBTC]

Hey, MM, how are your friends doing now? I just found this thread and see it's been over a week since an update! I hope the improvements have been dramatic!

Add this crazy canuck cyclist to the list of those thinking about you and your friends getting fully recovered and making it through a difficult situation. There will be something you all get from this and you may not know it for years to come.

My own experience with injury was minute in comparison, but between a broken shoulder and the loss of my fur-kid to cancer, I developed a passion for taking pictures that got me through a two year depression (which, in turn, increased my photographic experience and skill). Life's like that, there's always a reason.

Sunny thoughts to all of you!

namaste,
~T~

[MightyMitre]

Thanks LBCT - I haven't actually got to see my friend this week as both me and my BF have had rotten colds and thought it was probably better if I kept out of the way till I was better.

Her hubby came out of hospital today so is much better but as he's got so many fractures he's obviously going to need a lot of help round the house for a good while. My friend is actually studying to become a physiotherepist which is ironic. Maybe she can use some of her newly learned skills on hubby. :)

As I'm unemployed at the moment I'm going to be dragging her out as much as possible, for walks on the beach or just for a quick beer/coffee. Also thought I'd make myself available for if she needs to go out but feels hubby should have someone there.

I also like to look for the learning point out of situations. It'll be interesting to see what comes out of this one, apart from realising that it can only take an instant to turn life on it's head and maybe I should live for the moment more. Rather than waiting for the perfect day to ride I should just get out there. In another thread someone had a great quote,
'Ride Till the Apocalypse' - I liked it so much I printed it out and stuck it to my wall. Think it's time I went out and grabbed life instead of just waiting for it to come to me.

Thanks for your interest LBCT and your kind thoughts. :)

[CorsairMac]

Good Morning MM: I was just thinking of you, your friend and her DH and wondered how he was doing. Any updates?

[bikerchick68]

you've gotten some great input here already... just wanted to say I'm so sorry to hear that your friend was in such a horrible accident... certainly every cyclists worst fear realized...

the only other thing I can say is... don't worry about "what to say"... most times you don't need to say anything... just BE there... human companionship, in and of itself, is the best support you can offer! You're a good friend to care and want to help... don't forget to take good care of YOU too... this is certainly stressful for everyone that cares for them! Hugs...

[MightyMitre]

Hi there! Thanks for your thoughts all. There must be something cosmic going on CorsairMac - I was just thinking yesterday how I ought to post an update since everyone was so kind.

I just read back over the thread and I know they all say time is a healer, well it seems the saying is true. :)

Friends DH, Phil, has been at home for about 6 weeks now and last week he was given permission to start putting some weight on his legs. The pevlic break was very near the hip and the bone seems to have knitted well to the massive pin they put in to secure it.

Phil seems to be in good spirits and has had lots of visits from friends bearing gifts ranging from fruit, to videos of classic riders like Eddie Mercx winning races way back when, to even a Playstation. This caused much hilarity as my friend and I were struggling even with the most basic driving game. Think it must be an in-built male skill to be able to be immediatly competant at computer games! :D

Now Phil can weight-bare it looks like he might even be able to get on the home trainer in the next few weeks, just to turn his legs round. He's very keen to get back to it which is great, but my friend is a little more cautious and will be very sure to make sure he takes things very gently.

For a week or two back then things seemed to be pretty grim but spring is on the way and things look a lot brighter all round. Thanks again everyone, for all your kind thoughts. :) :) :)

[LBTC]

Fantastic news, MM!! I bet the taking it easy part will be a struggle for him, but he's got all that time before he could put weight on it to remind him of how far he's come!

You're a great friend to them!

Namaste,
~T~

[CorsairMac]

Wooohoo MM!! That's Grand news! I'll still keep ya'll in my thoughts until I hear he's up and riding again - but what a relief. I reread the first part of this thread right before I posted and I remember it was very grim, and very disconcerting to cyclists just how vunerable we are. Nice to know he's "on the mend"! Keep us posted!

[nuthatch]

Yay! Hope he's drinking his milk (or other calcium type beverage) to build up those bones. It's good to hear his progress - I was just thinking how hard it is to bear being too hurt or sick to ride.

[AutumnBreez]

It definitely shakes you - but don't let this keep you away from cycling. Just think of how many rides you've had without incident. The non-cyclists I know who really don't know me just assumed I wouldn't get back on my bike after my crash - but biking is an important part of my life, and I was riding again as soon as I was able. I would bet that your friend's husband will be back on his bike too.

It sounds like he may have a long recovery - but I'm sure that your support is important to both of them.

Being new, your friends accident made my head spin! The visions of such action. Just terrible. Plus the...that could happen to me thoughts...
The quote above helped alot in reminding me, that for how many people ride everyday, how many times so far we (I) have rode, there are not many of these accidents to be letting fear govern our (my) joys out on the road. Many prayers for your friends recovery. Let's all get back up and ride.

[MightyMitre]

Hi Autumnbreez. Hope you haven't been put off riding by Phil's accident. I admit it certainly shook me for a while, but like you say, it's very rare and the idea of no longer being a cyclist just hasn't entered my friends head.

Obviously we can all do things to make sure we stay safe, always wear a helmet, light ourselves up like Christmas trees if riding in the dark and ALWAYS assume that motorists haven't seen you - even if you're riding down the middle of the road waving a red flag. :D

[AutumnBreez]

No, this will not keep me off the bike either. Just going to be cautious enough yet confident. Take care.

[CorsairMac]

Would that red flag be the Union Jack? or the Star N Bars? Sryy MM....couldn't resist!! ;)

[MightyMitre]

LOL!! Actually I was thinking more of the early days of motoring. When the car was invented it did a scarry top speed of about 6 miles per hour, but to protect the poor, unexpecting British public from speed demons burning up and down the Queens highway at such breakneck speeds, a law was passed stating that all cars must be proceeded by a man, walking, and waving a red flag. :eek:

I just had this image of all cyclists having their own man with a red flag clearing the way for them :D :D :D

[LBTC]

I just had this image of all cyclists having their own man with a red flag clearing the way for them :D :D :D

Do I get to pick my own man? :p

Namaste,
~T~

[Adventure Girl]

Do I get to pick my own man? :pI call dibs on George!
http://a104.g.akamai.net/7/104/1751/0001/www.lancearmstrong.com/lance/online2.nsf/images/TdF03Team/$file/hincapie.jpg

[CorsairMac]

I just had this image of all cyclists having their own man with a red flag clearing the way for them :D :D :D

Well when I'm coming down the mountain (here she comes) that man better be RUNNING in front of me! LOL but I Like the idea of picking my own man And having him walk in front of me clearing my path!

OH OH OH OH OH.... I just had this mental picture of trying to hold the TdF with 200+ cyclists and a man walking in front with a red flag! Too Funny!...thanks for the laughs MM

(PS AG: wrong colours but still good looking although I'm favouring Bobby Julich or Ivan Basso!)