Hobby recomendations

[Hub]

Dear Folks,
I need some advice and maybe some time to vent. My 'DH' is desperate to find some hobby or activity that we can share.
There are some things you need to know before making recommendations:
#1. He can't or won't ride bikes --- yet. He's a large guy with a lot of medical problems- he has leukemia, back problems, shoulder problems, and of course depression. Right now he stays home all the time, will not go farther than the mailbox without me driving him.
#2. We've been married 19 years, going on forever. For the past 6 years our emphasis has been taking care of him and his medical problems.
#3. He likes HAM (Amateur Radio), Woodworking, Home Theatre- AV equipment and shopping.
#4. I like books, bikes, sleeping and shopping- and of course our 2 little dogs.
Of course we still have the shopping thing in common- but as you can imagine, that could quickly lead us to the poor house. He says he is really trying to find something we can still do together, but my fear is that he's looking for another venue to boss me around. ( And I know I have issues of my own). I do almost all the stuff that gets done around the house and I really just want to rest.

thanks y'all

Pat

[KnottedYet]

How about cooking?

Lots of fun things to try, lots to learn (nutrition and such), can get very creative, plenty of fun tools (flaming torches to melt sugar on creme brulee!), dishes and cooking utensils to buy and learn to use, tons of ideas on the internet, forums, etc.

Maybe he could do vegetarian one day, Italian the next, Norweigan the next, a Cuban day, and so on.

He gets a hobby, you get someone cooking for you!

[sandra]

Hubby and I had a period where we searched for things to do together. Now we do almost EVERYTHING together. The only thing we don't do together is...I refuse to take up hunting. ;)

The thing I thought of immediately though, WALKING. If your husband is depressed, he really, really does need to get out every day and walk a little, even if for a short while. Getting out in the sunshine can lift his spirits. Maybe short afternoon walks together. Do you have a dog? (yes, you do. I read fast and missed that.) Can you go out each day and walk the dog? Drive to different places if you get bored. Once hubby and I started walking around the high school which was close to our house. We helped fund our retirement with all of the change those students drop in the parking lot. I know it sounds corny, but it was fun looking for the prize!

I'm still thinking on other things. Good luck.

[SadieKate]

Sounds like he likes gadgets and eletronics. HAM radio puts him in touch with the outside world. Part of the shopping thing (to me) is the curiousity about other "stuff."

So, how about geo-caching? Even if you have to drive to start with. He'll have to get out and walk to the location of the cache. Maybe he'll walk farther each time.

[Grog]

When I read "dog" and "shopping" I also thought "walking." Maybe progressively even take him into gentle hikes?

SK's idea (geocaching) is more sophisticated and oh! so good, too.

Maybe he could use the walks to start a sound collection? In the movie Amelie the beautiful dreamer character was collecting sounds of people laughing. Maybe you could be talked into photography (even with a simple camera one can do wonders)...

[bacarver]

What about volunteering at your local animal shelter?
Or tutoring/teaching others to share the skills you have?
Does the local library have any programs to tap into?
Barb

[LBTC]

There are loads of things people can do together....and some great ideas here, too! (walking, of course, being the easiest to start/learn/do anywhere)

Here are a couple more ideas....
dog agility, flyball or any other dog sport
decorate your house and yard for every holiday


You'll find something, Pat!

Hugs and butterflies,
~T~

[silver]

I love the geocaching idea, may need to shop for some GPS gadgets. I was thinking walking or trail walking.

I can't find any links to it, but in my confirmation booklet for the Hilly 100, they say that HAM operators will be in sag vehicles and on stops to help with any communication needs. Maybe you could tie this into some of your local rides. Maybe you could contact the Hilly people to get more info.

[Tuckervill]

Geocaching sounds like a great idea, because if Mississippi is like Arkansas, a lot of the significant points have not been accessed. (I think I saw a thing once where people were marking the places where longitude and latitude intersected or something like that.) There is one of those near us, but someone already marked it or whatever they do. (I don't geocache but I know someone who does, and I've read about it.)

There are people who simply try to visit every single county in America. You can do that on a smaller scale. I like to do that around here, when I get bored I drive to the small towns near me and see what life is like there (it's usually not that different than my house, but if I go in a flea market or something, I might find something I didn't know I was looking for).

Those kinds of traveling things, like Volksmarch and geocaching really appeal to me for some reason. It kind of ties in with my weather watching and my love of geography. That might not turn other people on, though.

Karen

[Flybye]

If he likes woodworking, that's where I would start. Men feel more intimate with their spouses when they do activities together. I think that it is funny that my husband and his buddies never get together to just hang out and talk like I do with my girlfriends. They do something centered around an activity. I would take it as a great compliment that he is seeking to do something with you - he wants more of your time.

My concern for him is actually his depression. I am a social worker, so that's where my heart lies.

Here's my idea for you to mull over. If he is down in the dumps, could you find some woodworking project that you can do with him that will benefit other people? Christmas is coming. Perhaps wooden trains or other toy projects for needy families? Maybe build shelving for non profit agencies?

The reason that I suggest this is that if he is depressed, giving to other people gives the giver a huge sense of self worth. So often what we do for other people ends up being more for us than anything else. I don't know whether or not he works, but if he doesn't - that's just plain out and out hard on a man. There self worth is tied so much to providing. This would give him an outlet to fill that need to provide. He'd have the deadlines, and feel needed by others. It also would have the benefit of getting him out of the house. He'd also be getting a little physical activity.

If your projects are smaller, like toys, there is a good chance that you can get all of the wood that you need for free from the leftovers at home construction sites. That way you'd not be heading to the poor house :D

I wish you the best in whatever it is that you find to do together. Oh, and as for the bossiness - sorry :( My hope would be that after awhile of being together on a project, that need to boss you around would diminish.



It also would have the benefit of getting him out of the house.

[wannaduacentury]

Dear Folks,

#3. He likes HAM (Amateur Radio), Woodworking, Home Theatre- AV equipment and shopping.
#4. I like books, bikes, sleeping and shopping- and of course our 2 little dogs.


thanks y'all

Pat

Hi Hub, on our club sponsored century last July, we had Ham operators as part of our communication system. They graciously did the event for us and they do it for fun. So I was thinking, you ride bikes for local events and he can do the Ham radio thing. Just a thought- You'll be doing something together(not beside each other) but related. Jenn :)

[SadieKate]

I love the idea of wood toys for needy children. As a team, I bet you could turn out some wonderful stuff and spend time together. Flybye is abosolutely right that giving to others only gives back to the giver.

[RoadRaven]

The problem with walking for me, I am not passionate about walking and therefore feel there is no purpose per se... bear with me... what I mean is that I don't walk for fitness, I walk somewhere because I need to be somewhere or do something.

The same could be said of cycling - I wouldn't just hop on my bike and tootle around - I bike because I want to lose weight, want to be with my family and want to race.

So I doubt a man committed to not walking and choosing to tinker inside is going to decide to walk just for walkings sake.

An idea like SadieKate's is most excellent. Get him interested in the idea, and the idea will drive the movement. Walking has a purpose to achieve an interest. Does he like the dogs? Perhaps time with you and helping with the dogs could be the purpose to walking.

Of course, once walking becomes a pleasure, then walking just for walkings sake might become a habit.

Knot's idea of international/styles of cooking each day is a great one - I'd love that in my house ;)

Also Flybye's idea of doing for others through a hobby is very cool - you could be involved in the design, and together you could distribute the end products... In fact, you could go walking in parks, reserves, the beach... wherever there is wood that trees have discarded :p gather these bits and use them to make interesting toys... do you have a creative streak in you? Maybe you could sculpt in wood alongside him as he works the wood into whatever he creates?

What about movies... going out once a week to a movie that is not "box-office"... go to a boutique movie theatre, and challenge yourselves into arty, political or different movies... and then walking under the stars somewhere while you talk about how fantastic or how rubbish it was...

[singletrackmind]

Geocaching is a wonderful idea....
Geocaching.com
I use it to get my kids out and about, and it works! We started out small and close (some a few feet from the car) and went from there. Now they get so busy trying to find a cache they walk a couple-few miles without realizing it. And have a great time. Together you could make some small wood doo-dads to leave as a signature treasure or just little thing-a-ma-jiggies work great too.

I LOVE the wooden toys idea, too.

We also like Project Linus, though that's blankets. They can either be bought or made. We make polar fleece ones, which are pretty easy. You get to shop for patterns you think kids would enjoy.

Feeding the birds. We're constantly calling out to each other to see what's going on at the feeders and stand there watching from the window for a few minutes each day. Buy or make a/some feeder/s. Check with your department of conservation for free plans. Just make sure they're squirrel proof!

Make bird and bat houses together.

Mall-walking/window shopping/no buying allowed. Perhaps a small drink or treat in the food court for people-watching together?

Dinner together at the table, no tv or radio.

Our art museum has a free family art day where you get to see exhibits and create something from the inspiration. We take a picnic which we eat outside, then go in a see what we can make.

Well, what else do the two of you like to do?

[li10up]

How about model trains? I lot of time could be spent together putting together a whole country-side scene with roads, hills, trees, building, people, roadside businesses, etc. The trains don't even really have to have that much focus. I've seen what some people can do with that and it's pretty amazing.

[Zen]

Sandra is right, he does need to get out of the house. Take those dogs for a walk in the park or an easy trail. Energy begets energy and sunshine definitely has an effect on depression. Unless he's had an injury or a diagnosis like herniated disc or spinal stenosis his back pain could be tied into depression as well.

Silver had a great idea too. Ham operators are often used on large organized rides. That would give him a great feeling of being needed & useful. Plus it would tie in to something you're doing.

[sundial]

Would he be interested in helping pets get to their forever homes?

I am active in german shepherd rescue and often I transport dogs to their homes or meet another volunteer that transports. I can't tell you what a real charge I get knowing some family is eagerly waiting for their new family member. Often these dogs are castaways and were sitting on death row. But because of a brave soul that canvases dog pounds, these dogs are sprung from jail and are on their way to their new families.

Pets are very therapeutic and the rescued ones are even more grateful and try even harder to please.

Here's one that I transported. Look how happy she is!

http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y186/2dogcrew/Jenny2go.jpg

To become a volunteer for transport, check with your local rescues and find out if they need someone to help transport. You can google a specific breed to find a rescue in your area or check for a specific breed rescue on www.akc.org

[Zen]

Rescue transport is a great idea.
Anything that will get him out of the house and actually interacting face to face with people.

A rescued dog isn't necessarily a definite breed. The organization I foster for goes to shelters in West Virginia and Ohio that have high kill/low adoption rates and rescue dogs according to personality.

[sundial]

I suggested purebred rescues because they are more prevalent than all-breed rescues. Any good rescue is a worthy cause and they are often in need of good volunteers. :)

[Mr. Bloom]

leukemia? What's the prognosis?

Are there meds that slow him down and lead to depression or is this totally separate from his other maladies?

[Hub]

you folks are great! You've given me a lot of great ideas- we go to Jackson today to the hematolgist. We'll have the day together & hopefully good opportuniteis to shaare some of your ideas.

A couple folks had questions- I want to try to answer- HE does have some stenosis-mostly in his neck- He had a double laminectomy in the lumbar region in 2002- when that incision healed, the scar tissue grew back quickly, thick and ropy. Now the scar tissue puts more pressure on his spine than the original bulging discs. We go to a pain clinic to monitor and administer his pain meds.
He was diagnosed with acute promyleocytic leukemia in April. He spent 45 days in the hospital this spring and summer. ( I spent this summer on Hwy 49 going back and forth from home- work & the puppies and UMC in Jackson). He is in remission at the moment- his type of leukemia has a very good prognosis. We are 2 months into his 18 month course of maintenance treatment.
We have done some woodworking stuff together in the past, it usually degenerates into me assisting- being Gilligan to his Skipper. . . . but I will try again. Right now he is sort of jealous of any time I spend away from the house doing something by myself- like riding Old Blue. It hurt his feelings that I went to LR to ride avross the Big Dam Bridge and he soen't want me to ride the TOur da Delta- but I'm working on a plan for that.
ALl that said, I know we have a lot of issues . . . but I thank all of you for your ideas and support (especially the cooking ideas!)

I will update y'all on our progress

Thanks bunches!

Hub

[SouthernBelle]

Having just bought a home-built teardrop trailer for the purpose of going camping and taking my bike, would the 2 of you be interested in building something like that?

If so, I can direct you to a forum and some websites.

[PscyclePath]

The Central Arkansas HAM operators supported the Big Dam Bridge 100, and and are supporting the Arky 100 down at Sheridan this weekend. THey also work closely with the state's Department of Emergency Management in setting up networks during the frequent storms and post-tornado activities around here. I went to HAMFest here for several years when I was the local FidoNet BBS cooridnator, and was looking into getting into HAM for awhile, until I figured out that carbon fibre bicycles were cheaper, and ultimately better exercise ;-)

The geo-caching idea has merit... and if you figure that might help, the Big Man has a birthday & Christmas coming up, and I've got a guy who works for/with me who's a GIS/GPS wizzard...

Pscyclepath
currently cold in Kentucky)

[Mr. Bloom]

we go to Jackson today to the hematolgist. We'll have the day together & hopefully good opportuniteis to shaare some of your ideas.


How did the discussion go?

[Hub]

Well, not so well- He got a neutral report at the doctor's office- not good, but not bad- he is not responding to the maintenance treatment the same way most folks do-so doc took him off the metyltrexate, mercaptopurine &
vesenoid for the next 2 weeks. He did another bone marrow biopsy- and we should have the results today or tomorrow- He had to have a transfusion as well. SO instead of shopping for a sofa like we planned- he stayed in the clinic all afternoon.
We spent the trip home talking about why doc did the biopsy & asking what if the cancer is back. - I just didn't get around to asking him to cook.
I plan to try again after the report.

[sandra]

Hub, do you have some sort of support system? Are there any groups in your area for spouses of people dealing with cancer? I know I would need one or at least a good friend to talk with about all that you are going through.

Hugs to you.

[Mr. Bloom]

Hub, it sounds like this is a tough time for both of you.

I really wish I knew how to advise on finding a hobby, but there's a lot of complexity in your lives right now...magnified by an uncertain prognosis. I do think that some level of light physical exertion would help his depression...

As a man, I want to say "Is it possible that he's lonely and scared...and using the idea of a hobby as a 'red herring' for more companionship." BUT, your "bossing around" comment really bugs me about whether he's being sincere or not...and that's why I don't know what to say...:o

[crazybikinchic]

When my husband was on dialysis, we played games. Nintendo, Phase 10, etc. We liked to play Tetris a lot, and Phase 10 (card game). He often did not have the energy to go walking, and by the time his transplant came around, he should have been in a wheelchair, so walks that were once taken were no longer an option. We are both competetive, so Tetris was a good avenue for us. It satified the need to compete, yet gave us quality time together. As far as your need to ride your bike, have you tried to explain that when you are on your bike, that is when your problems, ie. stress, leave even for a short time? I am fortunate that my husband understood this about my exercise (I was not riding at the time, but was exercising). I tell people that the reason that I do not have to take purple happy pills, is that I exercise.

[Hub]

Hub, it sounds like this is a tough time for both of you.

As a man, I want to say "Is it possible that he's lonely and scared...and using the idea of a hobby as a 'red herring' for more companionship." ...:o

That's part of it- he depends on me for his emotional support and entertainment- I know that he is trying to get more of my attention
and time. As far as being bossy- that's his nature- not a new development. The deal is that since I'm the one responsible for more and more stuff- I'm less inclined to be told what to do and how to do it.
I did mention the cooking and HAM stuff this morning . . . told him just to think about it- Right now we're still waiting for the info from his bone marrow biopsy.

thanks y'all

Of and for support - I have my mom & my sis - I talk to them almost every day- and I work with a great bunch of folks- and then there are my neighbors- that keep the little one during the day
shown here with her poppa.

[Tuckervill]

They're having a little tete-a-tete there, eh?

Cute picture.

Karen

[Trek420]

:D He likes HAM radio he could volunteer with the local bike club on tours, charity rides. You ride, he's there in the SAG wagon on the radio.

:D Gardening, he can start with gentle excercise such as container gardens, indoor plants, move it outside. There raised bed can give him something to rest on while working. Eventually it could become quite the workout such as cultivating, pruning etc.

:D Gardening can be as strenuous as you want to make it. My Mom's 85 and while she has health issues, who wouldn't at the age, she's in great shape for her age and credits gardening. Her one problem is she recently grew a pumpkin too heavy for her to take indoors and needs help with the heavy lifting. ;) But there are all kinds of adaptive devices from tool kits with a built-in chair to sit in while gardening :)

:D Related to that there's allllllllll kinds of shopping; tools, plants, gloves you name it. And if you're growing fruits and vegetables you can justify the spending with saving on the grocery bill :p


:D Plus adds to the value of your home.

:D This garden bounty could not help but improve his health or inspire you to enjoy gourmet cooking together.

:D Photography, painting or art. Lots to see and document in a garden.