Cycling and your relationship. [Archive] - Women's Cycling Discussion Forums

indigoiis

07-16-2007, 08:23 AM

i started riding seriously because HE liked the sport. Got him off his butt again
and got me fit.
win-win

This is why I started - he used to bike years ago and I figured it would help re-motivate him. And so far, it's been working EXCEPT:

Yesterday, we went on an 18 mile ride. About half way through, we got passed by a club ride who were, according to DH, "not even trying." Of course, DH wanted to stay with me, and because my upper gears are not working properly, I have to coast on the downhills until I get it fixed (otherwise it's just spinning.) Mind I am on a hybrid, doing pretty well if you ask me (around 14 mph) and he says, "I could have ridden with them..." (if, of course, he didn't have me tagging along.) Then he said, "I'd ride with a club/shop again if I had the time."

What was yesterday, then? Chopped liver? He had the time to ride with me!

I am wondering whether my whole new interest in this - and the accompagnying weight loss since I started exercizing and reducing calories in March - is making him ... JEALOUS???

mimitabby

07-16-2007, 08:26 AM

equus123

07-16-2007, 08:57 AM

why don't you ask him to fix your bike? or... take it to the shop and have THEM fix it. why let a mechanical ruin your day/date?

whenever my DH is passed by someone he thinks he could pass, it drives him crazy. Sometimes when he's riding with me, I'll say go ahead.. and he'll take off and do his testosterone thing
and get it out of his system... and then he comes back. (this doesn't happen often, but it DOES happen) so perhaps your DH IS jealous because HE really can't keep up with those dudes anymore!

lol, no offense, but this is the exact reason I can't stand going on men's group rides. they can never stop their testosterone and bravado from getting the best of them and some of us (women or newer riders) are pushed way harder than the ride is supposed to be. it's a stupid pissing contest and it happens almost 80% of the time.... :rolleyes:

Grog

07-16-2007, 09:04 AM

I think my sweet partner and soon-to-be-husband and I would not have a relationship if not because of cycling. That's what got us started talking together, dating, and eventually riding together!

That doesn't mean it's all blissful and easy though. He is a MUCH MUCH stronger rider than I am, and values fitness more than scenery. So we both have to do compromises. It doesn't always work, but we're getting better at riding together (and knowing when we should NOT ride together).

He loves my tan lines but the muscles even more.

mimitabby

07-16-2007, 09:15 AM

lol, no offense, but this is the exact reason I can't stand going on men's group rides. they can never stop their testosterone and bravado from getting the best of them and some of us (women or newer riders) are pushed way harder than the ride is supposed to be. it's a stupid pissing contest and it happens almost 80% of the time.... :rolleyes:

I've noticed that longer harder rides tend to equalize stuff. We rode with some 20 something year old guys on a harder ride. At the end, they figure it out.

but yes, you're right. it can be downright stupid.

Crankin

07-16-2007, 11:05 AM

I started riding because my husband started riding because our son started riding and racing. It took me about 2-3 years before I "consented" to let my husband set up his old mtb for me and buy me my first pair of shorts and a jersey. My first ride was about 6 miles and he had to push me up a small hill with the back of his hand...
I thought I was fit, after many years of aerobics and gym activities, but i had slacked off a bit and had gained weight. My husband was very patient with me. I got a road bike after 2 years and now we pretty much ride together all of the time. What happened was that I got much faster and confident and he doesn't feel the need to hammer all of the time. Sure, i will never be as strong as he is, but he does his faster rides when he commutes to work. So he'll average around 17-17.5 when he's alone and when we ride together, our average will be anywhere between 14.5 and 16.5, depending on terrain and how we feel. I don't think I would want to be out riding for 2-3 hours at a time and leave my husband at home. Riding is pretty much our whole lifestyle and almost everything we do revolves around it. Some of our friends think we're "over the top" because we're together so much, but this is the way it is...

Kano

07-16-2007, 12:17 PM

He went out with a friend one day, then "talked me into" going with them the next time they went out. Little did he know what he was getting himself into!

We ride together a lot, though sometimes it works better for us to ride alone. Like, I can get out in the cool of the morning during the week, and have been working a lot of Saturdays this summer, when he's more free to get out.

It's turned into another "play-like" activity that we are enjoying together now that the nest is pretty well emptied!

Karen in Boise

amymisk

07-16-2007, 12:21 PM

My husband and I started riding together and we enjoy it. Although, I don't ride with him all the time and actually prefer some alone time on the bike. His pace is faster than mine. When we do ride together it is an easy ride for him and I use the ride to push harder than I would otherwise, so it works out.

We enjoy riding and it gives us something to do. We are planning our 10th anniversary in October as a riding trip to Hawaii. So, our riding makes the relationship easier.

teigyr

07-16-2007, 12:38 PM

It's made us even busier but that's a good thing :D

I had ridden a lot before I met DH but had been on a hiatus for a while. DH is very active and when we met, we hiked and walked a lot. I had two bikes so he started riding my spare then he got his own shortly thereafter.

We were at a bike shop with a friend yesterday and DH was looking at bike toys and clothes. My friend, who knew me before DH, was surprised that it wasn't ME buying bike things! I know how it feels though, once you get the cycling bug bike shops become very dangerous.

lauraelmore1033

07-16-2007, 12:39 PM

Hubby and I are the classic case of opposites attracting. He's an engineer and I'm an artist and we have few interests in common. Cycling happens to be an area where we can find common ground. He's not into it as much as I am, but it's an activity we can do together that is mutually enjoyable for the most part (as opposed to my dragging him to museums and boring him with art talk and his dragging me to car related events and boring me with mechanical talk).

East Hill

07-16-2007, 01:59 PM

Mr. East Hill's always been an outdoorsy kind of guy, and likes to get out into the woods. So, it was (relatively) easy to persuade him to get a mountain bike and get him used to that. A bit harder to get him onto the road bike, and he's still not very comfortable with it (mind you, he's got a 1980 Schwinn LeTour, so it has stem friction shifters).

He rides with me at least once a week. He didn't make it for Sunday's ride, but he did go with me around the reservoir today--so we did a bit over 13 miles on the mountain bikes.

He likes riding the mountain bike, and he likes the reservoir (it's a great spot to see deer). It works out pretty well, actually.

East Hill

Eden

07-16-2007, 02:14 PM

cycling me and my hubby have quite a long twisty relationship.
I was the instigator. I had done a fair amount of distance riding when I was in middle/high school. He had a hand me down 10 speed that used to be his mom's. It was really small for him. I convinced him to but a new and much bigger bike.
We did some touring and a fair amount of weekend riding together while we were in college, but when we bought our house, home renovations took over for a while. Meanwhile I was working for a hospital and they were sending a team of disabled riders on the STP (Seattle to Portland). We started riding a lot again training to do the ride with them.
Fast forward a few years. After some more touring and another STP the hubby decides he wants to go to the next level and buys a racing bike, starts racing, joins a team. I start having trouble keeping up....
Now its his turn, he convinces me that I need a lighter and better fitting bike. New bike - I stop having trouble keeping up :cool: He convinces me that I should try a race, and I do well, I join a team and start racing!
We're starting to diverge a little bit. I've been doing quite well at road races, he still comes out and does them, but he's been doing track and finding it suits him better. I go and watch his track races, but I've never done it.
We still ride together, but often we are either both racing, or doing team rides, so we probably ride together less than before.

colby

07-16-2007, 03:15 PM

When he was younger, my husband used to ride everywhere -- he was one of those teenagers that didn't have a car. In college, we walked everywhere. Once we left, we got lazy, and a couple of years later bought a couple of cheap mountain bikes to play around on. We ended up biking to work a few times a week. A couple of years ago, I started doing triathlons, and we bought new bikes that were a lot lighter and a lot more road friendly.

Now, we ride together sometimes on the weekends (max 20 miles) and 2-3 times a week to work (12 miles round trip), but my training schedule, speed, and endurance makes non-commute riding together hard. I treat rides with my husband as "quality time" and totally aerobic "bonus" exercise for me, while they are more difficult efforts for him. He pretty much hibernates in the winter and comes out once the weather gets nice to bike to work, but he's improved a lot in the last 2 months. I'm not sure what will happen when we can both go the same speed other than less chit-chat. ;)

When I ride without him on weekends or for non-commutes, he is usually occupied with video games or (software) projects, so it works out okay. I would love to build him up to a cycling or multisport (kayak/bike/hike) vacation, though, I think it'd be fun.

sbctwin

07-16-2007, 03:59 PM

My DH and I used to ride our mtn bikes together alot, but then he was diagnosed with pancerabellum syndrome. This has caused him to slowly loose his coordination, caused some speech impediment and has affected his periphial vision some. Needless to say, we don't ride together much. When he rides these days, his main objective is to stay upright on the bike. He falls quite easily, whether on a bike, walking or just standing and really gets down on himself. There is a ride out to the Great Salt Lake that we enjoyed last year, but there has been construction on the road and he is very hesitant to ride. He will take his bike for a short spin around a park when it is very early and not too many people are about. Riding in a group is out. Hopefully when the weather cools and the construction is completed, we will be able to hit the marina road. I have been trying to get him to consider an adult trike, but he doesn't like the image. Maybe one day... He is very supportive of my biking efforts and encourages me in my riding endeavors.

HillSlugger

07-16-2007, 05:27 PM

DP supports my riding and my triathlon training but there's still some friction. She hints that I should cut back after my second triathlon August 22, says my daughter wants to see more of me.

Starfish

07-16-2007, 07:17 PM

I am no longer married. Before we got married, my BF introduced me to cycling, for which I will be eternally grateful. In hindsight, I can see that the whole cycling experience with him, from bike-buying to how mechanicals got handled, from attitudes toward me and others on training rides to tours, etc, was a little thumbnail sketch reflection of our approaches to people and situations in life.

Hindsight is 20/20. Wish I had known how to pay attention back then to the things that made me uncomfortable in those situations.

As I said, however, we are semi-friends, and I will always be grateful that because of him I got into cycling.

sundial

07-16-2007, 07:57 PM

Well, I got back into cycling again after a 4 year hiatus and my hubby enjoyed seeing my enthusiasm for the sport that he just bought a Trek 1600 SLR to ride with me. :) :)

KnottedYet

07-16-2007, 08:48 PM

It was our passion for bikes and cycling that got me and my sweetie to meet. Otherwise, I'm sure we'd never have met.

Trek420

07-16-2007, 10:01 PM

Yep :D I'm sure there are tons of examples of great couples where one rides, the other doesn't.

In fact one of my favorite examples is right here on TE. AG cycles, hubby rides motorcycles and check out how they combine the two :D

http://forums.teamestrogen.com/showthread.php?t=10634&highlight=arrived+flames

But back in the day when I was dating I found it difficult not to have an active lifestyle in common.

Lots of comments like "You do what? You ride how far? You're doing what next weekend?" and the classic "You spend that much on what? :eek: ".

One gal said "You have to have a screw loose to ride that far"

There was no second date or u-haul :rolleyes: :cool:

It's sooooo nice to have this in common as well as other things of course, like love of wool and chocolate. :D

East Hill

07-16-2007, 10:20 PM

I have been trying to get him to consider an adult trike, but he doesn't like the image.

Have you looked at recumbent trikes?

East Hill

Trek420

07-16-2007, 10:22 PM

Have you looked at recumbent trikes?

East Hill

Or a tandem with you as captain?

nomummytummy

07-17-2007, 02:32 AM

DH & I are happily into different sports. We toyed with the idea of riding together, but I like going fast & feeling the wind on me, he trundles along arrives ages behind me and then asks "Did you see this & that? Oh what a pity you missed it." We were going to train together for a century & it was all looking good. We even got a nanny for Saturday mornings. Then reality set in for DH. If he's going to spend 4 hours out doing sport, he'd rather be on a golf course. I'd love him to ride b/c then someone would change my flats for me, but that wasn't a big enough incentive. Can't work out why not??? So he golfs, I ride and all is well.

quint41

07-17-2007, 03:25 AM

Kimmyt

07-17-2007, 05:35 AM

Cycling is just one more thing we can share.

We met rock climbing, ski/board together, and cycle together. When I met him he had a road bike and I was thinking of getting one. He rarely rode his, maybe once a year or so. I got into it much more, I seem to always go into things gung-ho. I ride alot more than him, but not so much more that our skill level is unequal. He's lucky in that he can ride a bike for the first time in a year and do a century at 17 mph. He doesn't care to push his limits, though, and is perfectly happy keeping at that moderate pace, so we ride well together. Even better, he likes looking at maps and plotting routes, he says it's 'fun'. Hah. I'm so directionally challenged. I love that we can go on rides and he'll plot the whole thing out and all I need to do is enjoy the ride.

Our pattern for hobbies is generally: we're both into it, but Boy doesn't try very hard/have much knowledge of the sport. Met me, I have knowledge but not as much natural skill. I give Boy knowledge. He surpasses me at sport.

At least with triathlon there's a good chance he'll never surpass me on the swim! (and that is one thing he really doesn't care to get into, which is nice for me to have something of my own... i told him some day he can be my jockstrap for when/if I do a HIM or IM!)

k.

Trek420

07-17-2007, 06:32 AM

I didn't have an SO when I started riding for real last year, and I still don't. But I've learned that cycling is a great way to meet guys! At our first metric, my friend and I looked around and said, "WOW! We've been doing the wrong events!" :D LOL

Oh yes, I remember this thread on the advantages of cycling single:

http://forums.teamestrogen.com/showthread.php?t=2534&highlight=praise+single

My club even has a Single Cyclists ride, I don't know the successful date results ratio but it is fun.

chort

07-17-2007, 07:31 AM

sbctwin - I have this recumbent: http://www.kk.org/cooltools/archives/001013.php I got it shortly after I was dxed with MS. I was having some balance issues and now had an excuse to buy a recumbent. It's super fun to tool around on.. but this model is also super heavy! 65 lbs. When I got better, I bough a road bike and never looked back at the recumbent. I'm trying to sell it.. But what I wanted to tell you is that there are a whole lot of people on the trails around here who ride recumbents (men and women). They do make lighter ones - I rode one that was 25 lbs and it was speedy! It also cost $1300----I would suggest that he just go rent one for a day (if you have any shops who do that) and see how he likes it. There are lots of different models and he might be able to find one he likes.

I have been trying to get him to consider an adult trike, but he doesn't like the image.

DH was into mountain biking before we hooked up, biking together has just made us closer :)

Melalvai

07-17-2007, 07:45 AM

I've talked on another thread about the friction in my marriage caused by my bicycling...and the riding buddy.

We are both trying. He is trying to be less jealous. I am trying to cut back on the recreational riding. Although I find it easy to categorize a ride as non-recreational!

The other point of friction is that I am a much stronger rider than he is. That is a hard pill for a guy to swallow! He is slowly getting more involved and more in shape, which thrills me to no end.

In the end, I am confident that we will work through all this, there is no fear in my mind that bicycling will ruin our marriage, and our relationship will be all the stronger for it. It already is.

velogirl

07-17-2007, 08:27 AM

My DH and I used to ride our mtn bikes together alot, but then he was diagnosed with pancerabellum syndrome. This has caused him to slowly loose his coordination, caused some speech impediment and has affected his periphial vision some. Needless to say, we don't ride together much. When he rides these days, his main objective is to stay upright on the bike. He falls quite easily, whether on a bike, walking or just standing and really gets down on himself.

SBCTWIN, one of the women who rides with our club was diagnosed with PS about 6 years ago. She can't ride an upright bike anymore, but got an awesome recumbent trike and swears that it stops the progression of the disease. Maybe that would be an option for your husband? Because of her strength loss, she's not quite as fast as the upright bikes, but she does great and has fun doing something she loves!!!

mimitabby

07-17-2007, 10:24 AM

teigyr

07-17-2007, 11:06 AM

But back in the day when I was dating I found it difficult not to have an active lifestyle in common.

Lots of comments like "You do what? You ride how far? You're doing what next weekend?" and the classic "You spend that much on what? :eek: ".

That's exactly it. I never expected anyone to do my activities as much as I was doing them but I did want someone who could keep up with me in general. DH did take up cycling but before that he hiked and kayaked so he was in decent shape. Imagine being active and being with someone who gets winded going for a walk?!

BikeMomma

07-17-2007, 08:07 PM

Imagine being active and being with someone who gets winded going for a walk?!This has been my frustration since I re-took up cycling about three years ago now.

When I met my husband in 1989, I was still really young at not-quite 19 years of age. I was full-bore into cycling -- racing, riding 200mi/week, the whole nine yards. I was in a somewhat rebellious stage with my mother and she disagreed with my relationship with him (he's African-American). He was really into basketball and working out, and so he was in pretty decent shape, etc., and it was this that I was attracted to, besides the personality. Nearly all my previous boyfriends were non-athletes, and I thought it was really cool to be finally dating someone who cared about me and enjoyed playing sports, too. I stubbornly kept seeing him, things escalated with my mom, she kicked me out of the house, his parents took me in until we were able to find an apartment together, and the rest is history. Not once did I look back and really stop to think about the future. It was all about the present. That was 17 years ago.

Fast forward to three years ago, three kids richer: Although I never really gained much weight just because I was active, I had completely dropped cycling because I felt the duty to stay home to be a wife and mother. He completely let himself go, was now over 325lbs, and I was growing increasingly and completely turned off. I turned to my bike for comfort and started riding again. Felt awesome and as I got more and more fit, my thoughts turned to racing, which I started again also.

But.......as teigyr said above, my husband couldn't walk around the corner without breathing hard. I had hoped that perhaps he would follow my lead and get himself motivated to get back in shape, but I was continually disappointed by his unfulfilled promises to do so. Our relationship was seriously deteriorating. We were SO disconnected, and I dispaired because it was partly the cycling that was to blame. But it had woken me up out of my huge mistake of trying to be someone I'm not --- a couch potato companion -- and I wasn't about to give it up again. And it was NOT the unhealthy example I wanted to set for my children.

Fast forward to now: About three months ago now, after biting my lip hard and praying for not yet another disappointment, I agreed to buy my husband a Bowflex home fitness machine, and I dare to state here that we're on the comeback because of it. He's taking his weight loss serious now, and in his first 6-week diet plan cycle, he lost 24lbs (4lbs a week). He's been working out on the Bowflex, and is obviously enjoying the feeling of strength he's getting from the workouts, the sore muscles, the euphoria of a good workout....all the things we all know about here at TE. ;)

Best of all, his attitude has changed. He hasn't been sulking and withdrawn, he's talkative, self-motivated, alot more lively, and I now feel that I'm not married to so much of a zombie. We still have lots to improve on, but it's a great start, and I definitely don't want to be a single parent. We both realize that we have to fight for this marriage if it's going to work and provide a stable home for our kids.

However, this might sound very bad, but I have to say that IF I had stopped to reeeeally consider what I was doing all those years ago, I should have listened to my mother --- NOT on the racial thing, but when she told me that I was too young and naive to be making major life decisions at that age. I now believe that I should have waited to figure out who I was and what I wanted before plunging into living together, marriage, etc. But I've made the decisions I have, I'm making the best of it, and I feel good about that part. Plus, my kids are awesome and I wouldn't have them if I'd done things differently. ;)

Sorry this is so lengthy -- but my answer is hard to condense into a short one. Teigyr's comment sort of hit home, though, and I felt I had to respond.
~BikeMomma

KnottedYet

07-17-2007, 08:25 PM

But back in the day when I was dating I found it difficult not to have an active lifestyle in common.

Lots of comments like "You do what? You ride how far? You're doing what next weekend?" and the classic "You spend that much on what? :eek: ".

And then you meet some nutcase who not only knows what ALC is, knows what the AIDS rides BEFORE that were, and wishes she could've done them.
AND who eggs your cute lil' heine on to buy yet *another* bike! And who used to own the same bike you did. (Trek 420)

Scary.

I'd run away if I were you...;)

Trek420

07-17-2007, 09:31 PM

I'd run away if I were you...;)

Isn't that a line in the Wizard of Oz?? Nah, not runin'. You know my knees are shot :) I can't run :p

I have a theory that we're different somehow, we few we happy few who like endurance sports :)

I've never been sure how to explain it, maybe it's genetic.

But there's something about we like things that are painfull to others (and not in a kinky way ;) ).

Climbing's hard and I'll have to get off and walk but I like it and feel good after. Not just the endorfin rush, the view or the downhill run or recovery meal.

I know it's making me stronger, and of course there's food after :) I can veg and watch TV or TE, but only if I got an hour of excersise or more that day. Otherwise stand back.

So when we have this in common with our SO it's nice. Doesn't whether we ride together, wait for the other at the top or one is at home making the recovery meal, hats off to our them and to single TE'ers future SO's.

My totally unfounded theory is when you have that in your DNA so to speak it makes processes like Bikeomoma's DH journey back to fitness easier and maybe even dealing with injuries, illness. He's felt this before, likes feeling fit and working out. Hopefully it'll be like old home week "oh, yeah, I like that".

Sure it'll take a while but he knows the route.

All my family all do something active. There may be something to this but I don't care, just like cycling.

sbctwin

07-18-2007, 05:21 AM

SBCTWIN, one of the women who rides with our club was diagnosed with PS about 6 years ago. She can't ride an upright bike anymore, but got an awesome recumbent trike and swears that it stops the progression of the disease. Maybe that would be an option for your husband? Because of her strength loss, she's not quite as fast as the upright bikes, but she does great and has fun doing something she loves!!!

Wow, I have never heard of anyone else having this condition. I have been trying over a year now to convince my DH to try a trike, because I know he loves to ride, but so far no-go. He has to decide it is important enough for him to try it, but I keep bugging him. A year or so ago, when he went in to get re-assessed, the docs told us that they thought he would be in a wheel chair within 2 yrs of original diagnosis. That was about about 8 yrs ago. He walks to work and we think this has helped him immensely. I truly believe he would love to ride a trike and I will keep at it....Thanks Velogirl for letting me know there ARE others out there. I will show this thread to DH and maybe that will inspire him to look into it.

Kimmyt

07-18-2007, 05:50 AM

BikeMomma, I just wanted to say that I thought your post was very well-written and I wish you and your husband the best of luck with his journey back to health... has he expressed any interest in cycling?

wiseowl

07-18-2007, 06:05 AM

Very interesting question and responses! DH and I ride together sometimes, but he is a stronger rider than me but I love riding more, which causes some tension (mostly my issue). We ride together only for a "few miles to an ice cream stand or breakfast spot, and then home", kind of rides- recreational rides, not fitness.

When riding with him, I ride my roadyish hybrid and put him on my mountain bike to give him a handicap, so to speak. After him saying bike speed and power are all about the rider not the bike, we did some trials of my hybrid against his super nice roadie, and he had to back WAY down on that statement!

I love mountain biking, though I don't get out as often as I like. He has NO interest in it and finds it very hard core, which I find amusing.

indigoiis

07-18-2007, 06:33 AM

UPDATE: Things are better after I reported to DH from my visit to the local bike shop yesterday that the Friday night rides have a few sets of riders... from "fast guys like you who do a couple of additional half mile loop arounds" to "pokies/noobs like me who ride back with the tandem."

He raised a brow and replied, "I guess I'll have to blow the dust off of my road bike, then."

Yay!

northstar

07-18-2007, 09:06 AM

My DH is a runner - and sort of turned up his nose at cycling when I was getting started. He was, however, really excited that I had found something I really loved to do, and he LOOVES the muscles in my legs. ;) Since I've become more active, he picked up a used road bike, and we've done a few rides where he keeps asking me, "how fast are we going now? How about now?" I think the bug may be biting. Yippee!

Truth be told, riding does take up a lot of my spare time, but he is busy too, and I'm proud of him and what he does in his spare time, and he is just as excited about my cycling as I am.

He's also excited that the cycling has led to me getting into running. The bike has been a good development overall for our marriage.

singletrackmind

07-18-2007, 09:15 AM

Met my husband while pedaling furiously. We both raced mtb's and were often on the course at the same time and with about the same speed, were always passing each other, saying hi. :D

SnappyPix

07-18-2007, 09:21 AM

Really interesting thread.

My OH and I exist in a constant state of cycling harmony.
Initially I was the only one who cycled, but we eventually invested in a pair of hybrids and had many hours of fun trundling along the highways and byways of rural England.
Then one year she had time on her hands and revamped my old steel framed road bike. The nail in the coffin.
I rediscovered the thrill of the road, she felt like she was missing out, invested in a road bike herself, I upgraded to a lighter frame - and that was that.
We've been co-conspirators in our addiction ever since.
She's now stronger than I am, which is good as it keeps me on my toes and ensures I get the miles in, just to keep up.
OH is about to upgrade again to a carbon frame later this year - and hopefully my time will come at some point next year!
Bike shops are lethal as we both have no self-control - and get a thrill from seeing that "biker grin" on the other's face.

It was a significant birthday for me this year :rolleyes: - and my treat was a trip to Kent to watch the Tour De France go by. Only cyclists would think that romantic! :o

Jiffer

07-18-2007, 02:35 PM

Riding is very good for our relationship. He cycled first, then convinced me to get a tandem with him. One of the first times we went out and rode together I told him it made me feel closer to him. We were doing something as a team, working together. We could talk and just hang out with each other. We had a common interest.

I have since gotten my own single road bike. He's thrilled at my new found love of riding, yet he's gotten jealous the couple of times I chose to ride my single over riding tandem with him. (We rarely ride singles together since he's so much stronger than I.) I love both for different reasons, so we're working on figuring out the balance. We're doing our first tandem century in September, so I need to put some priority on the tandem until after that.

So, in answer to your question. Cycling has been very good for our relationship since we both do it.

BikeMomma

07-18-2007, 05:34 PM

My totally unfounded theory is when you have that in your DNA so to speak it makes processes like Bikeomoma's DH journey back to fitness easier and maybe even dealing with injuries, illness. He's felt this before, likes feeling fit and working out. Hopefully it'll be like old home week "oh, yeah, I like that".

Sure it'll take a while but he knows the route.

That's what I'm hoping...and I hesitantly raise crossed fingers and say it might be true. Thanks, Trek. :D

BikeMomma, I just wanted to say that I thought your post was very well-written and I wish you and your husband the best of luck with his journey back to health... has he expressed any interest in cycling?Thanks Kimmy, for the compliment...great name, btw. :)

We got him a mtb a couple years ago and I put slicks on it so that he could ride it on the streets. He's been on it maybe all of ten times. But, he has said lately that he may start using it in conjunction with the Bowflex as cardio (yay!). Actually, I think he's waiting on me! I have to change out the tube on the back tire (valve broke off). Guess I'm his wrench in addition to his wench! :p :D

~BikeMomma

Zen

07-18-2007, 08:04 PM

KnottedYet

07-18-2007, 08:37 PM

And their wives :(

:D :D :D :D :D :eek:

tjf9

07-18-2007, 10:38 PM

I am hoping biking will have a positive effect on our relationship. I have lost about 65 pounds in the last 8 months and have become way more active - running, biking and lifting. I think he's felt a bit left behind in the process, because he needs to lose some weight too, but it just hasn't happened for him.

We just bought him a new bike this past weekend and we're going to start biking together on the weekends. He'll be on his new fast bike, and I'll be on my old bike pulling the bike trailer with our 2 kids. He thinks he'll be slower than me, but I doubt it. ;)

Although our relationship hasn't been strained, we aren't as close as we were before kids. I hope having some family time like this will help a bit...

RoadRaven

07-19-2007, 02:20 AM

Well... its augmented ours...

We both enjoy it, and I've done it more and more as he and the boys got into it.

We don't ride much together because of our different levels and my work hours... but I relish the times we can... and its great talking cycling with him too.

newbiechick

07-19-2007, 12:34 PM

I started cycling when I met my now-husband three years ago. He's an avid cyclist and I thought it might be something fun to do together. He said from the get-go that he did not expect me to ride and that if I didn't like it I should let it go. Fortunately, I really enjoyed it from the start.

I'm very fortunate in that my husband loves to ride with me, even tho' his abilities are FAR above mine. He says he's just happy to be on the bike. He's been a wonderful teacher and a great inspiration. He and I ride together once or twice a week, and I send him off to ride on his own once or twice a week--so he still gets in his hard, fast, challening rides.

We're doing a 4-day bike tour in the San Juan Islands (WA) in a week and a half. He's done several of these organized tours including some pretty tough ones; but he's happy to do this "easy" tour and enjoy it with me.

anaphase

07-25-2007, 08:50 AM

Well, I'm a little jealous of those of you with cycling-positive partners. My partner thinks bikes are a public nuisance most days :rolleyes: (commuting in Boston tends to show you the bad side of riding/riders). He is, however, very into fitness, so we run together several times per week, and it's fun to bond over that. I really wish I could get him into cycling though.

He might like mountain biking, and I've sort of been pestering one of his friends, who is really into it, to take him out on the trails one weekend. I figure that if he gets the bug in that way, then one day he might join me on the roads. Or maybe not, but I can hope! :)

Skierchickie

07-26-2007, 06:56 PM

So, I met my DH in college, at a cycling club meeting. :D That was, oh, about 20 years ago. Our cycling lives have ebbed & flowed over the years, but when not cycling, we have running (which was really not my thing back then, but he got me into it), x-c skiing (my thing since I was 9, so I got HIM into that), etc. So even though he is 14 years older than I am, we have lots to share. I do sometimes beat him in races these days, but not biking!

One item of dispute all these years has been our first "date". I say "date", because I say it wasn't, but he says it was. He'd say "it's a date", and I'd say "no, it isn't". Anyway, we went biking together, and for some reason he thought he'd try to kill me. First, a ride out to find a big hill. Then, since the pavement ran out and we needed more distance, it was up to the airport (a HUUUUGE hill). Then, back to town. But no, we were hungry, and Pizza Hut is his favorite restaurant. Up a very long, very big hill! Then, after gorging on pizza, I realized there was an enormous uphill between me and my apartment! Ugh - I can't believe I didn't hurl! I was being tough, of course, not wanting to appear to be wimpy, plus I had never ridden any of these hills, and had only seen 2 of them before.

Early in our marriage, we made a pact that neither of us would ever do anything to prevent the other from racing/training/keeping in shape. So sometimes I'm lazy, and sometimes he's lazy, but we don't pull the "why don't you stay here in front of the tv with me, because my priorities are different from yours right now, and if you go it will make me feel like a slug for not going too" thing. I can't honestly say I haven't ever wanted to, or that I'm always the most supportive person in the world, but I try to refrain. And we don't always train together, but I guess we're pretty lucky to have similar interests and priorities, so we don't have the constant battle of "he loves that &%$# bike more than he loves me", like some people do. Hmmm - he is awfully crazy about that Trek Team Time Trial bike of his.....

TrekJeni

07-28-2007, 09:14 AM

Most of you know my story already so here's the short version.

I was in a seven year relationship. Not married but had the house, camper, 50acres of dog training grounds (we owned bird hunting dogs), etc.

I always busied myself with something as the BF has a job that required 60+ hours a week. Along with myself working, I was a gym rat, then finshed my degree, and after graduation, went back to the gym.

His entertainment was the bar. Rough day at work equaled drinking and smoking on the back patio. I can't tell you how many fights we had about "counting his beers"....

Bought my first road bike as a way to get out of the gym along with a girlfriend of mine. BF and I started fighting about the time invested in riding and that I was gone all the time. (he was at the bar - what did it matter) He even told me that he was going out with the boys one Saturday and that I needed to stay home so I could see how it felt to be home all alone? Huh?

Started doing club rides and shop rides. Broke up with BF, leaving him with most everything. Another equally wonderful fight we'd get into. He made 3 times what I did so he always told me how I didn't "contribute" to the relationship and household. I now live in a studio apartment.

BUT I'M HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Turns out, the manager of the LBS and I started riding a lot and we developed a mutual affection for each other. Fast forward to almost a year after the breakup and the NEW BF and I race road and mountain bikes for the same team along with leading a newbie ride for the club on Mondays.

He's a much stronger rider and we hardly ever ride "alone" as we're always with our friends but that's okay....

Hah! Didn't turn out to be so short, did it?

Jeni

KnottedYet

07-28-2007, 09:20 AM

Your story always makes me smile. You did good!

Starfish

07-28-2007, 05:35 PM

Most of you know my story already so here's the short version.

Ah! I had not heard it. Thanks for telling it again! :)

maillotpois

07-28-2007, 08:27 PM

Wow. Great stories.

TrekJeni - big smile!

Knot/Trek - another big smile!

BikeMomma/Kim - good luck. Man, it just always takes work regardless. I think my story's similar in some ways - maybe I'm the future of your story?

We were both pretty out of shape after kid. We both work full time, etc.. Then I started running again, and spinning and MTB-ing. And when we both started road riding together, training for our first century in 2001, he couldn't keep up.

Fast forward a couple years and a couple too many humiliations (none malicious) at being dropped and he just up and changed his life and dropped (in about a year) from 230 to about 190. Whereas I happily remained about the same. But he leaves me behind these days unless I really gut it out - but there's just no staying with him on hills anymore. Math (power to weight) is against me. The competitive part of me is bugged by it, but really I am proud of him. And he's a heck of a lot nicer since he lost the weight and got in shape. Really. We're all a lot happier than we used to be. It sounds silly. But I think there was a lot of bad self esteem stuff going on that he is finally getting the better of.

And cycling is definitely part of our lives together. We both coach and do long rides (though he thinks doubles are "stupid"), and we have done bike tours together. When we go on trips, we figure out how we can get some rides in, even alternating so one of us is with Em. And he's trying to get me back into mountain biking. :rolleyes:

In November we'll try a race together that we've each had great results in separately in the past. I wonder how long I can hang with him. :rolleyes:

Zen

07-28-2007, 09:13 PM

I would rather have no man than an inactive man. Preferably a cyclist, definitely not a golfer or hunter. Those are not sports.

Kristi

07-28-2007, 09:50 PM

I'm just getting into riding a road bike.
My boyfriend is into downhill mountain biking. It's everything to him. He gets up in the morning and goes to work, so he can ride later. He races and rides all the time.
I'm not into this riding and know I will never be. I bought a mountain bike hoping we could bond and have something in common. But I'm more into XC mountain biking, he'll do it but just as a favor to me. It's not his love.
I recently put road bike tires on my mountain bike, and have been getting much more use out of it (alone).
I finally decided to buy myself a real road bike (the Cannondale Optimo Feminine 2 - it should be here this week). I'm basically taking my riding into my own hands. I hope to meet people in the area (don't know a lot of people here yet) and ride for me, not for him.
He's very supportive and thinks it's great that I'm getting into it. He's actually considering buying a road bike to help him get into shape for his races. I think it's actually helping that I've decided to go it on my own.
I can't wait to get going. And I think he feel my attitude and energy. It's great!! And he's so supportive. I think if (when) I start racing he'll be super supportive and cheering me on. :D :D :D

crazycanuck

07-29-2007, 02:39 AM

This is the Kiwi & Canuck story. I'll try and keep this short..

Ian & I didn't own a bike prior to 2003 and spent most of our rec time at the gym or (me) walking to work. I went to Canada in 04 to visit family, didn't have a job when i returned(was an ESL teacher but the NZ market went droopy :( ) and for some reason badgered Ian into buying me a bike. (Crap bike I might add..) He wanted one & that started our MTN biking, road riding life.

Cheap bikes were stolen, bought new mtn bikes ('which were a bit big but didn't know much back then) and this is where we found how much better it is to be a mtn biker rather than roadie in Auckland. We both looked forward to visiting Ian's parents as we could mtn bike :) We began to see how much weight was flying away with the biking we were doing. He's always been faster than me but I didn't care & just rode..

Ian's very supportive of my biking and whenever I whinge about how unfit i feel, he just shows me the :eek: pics of how we looked before we bought bikes..That works for me.. He wonders how I can whinge when i do 200km+ on my bike/week, plus swim 2x's/week plus pilates etc..

Since we've been in Perth we've found a good gang of MTN biking friends. (I'm the tortoise of the group & normally head my own direction when the others go zooooommm.. ) I'm getting faster on my road bike, a bit better on my mtn bike and fitter in general. Ian now has a nice muscular behind for me to pinch..:) When we road bike home together he enjoys pinching mine...

Neither of us complain about the $$$$$ we've spent on our bikes, gear etc as we're just having a ton of fun.:)

C

lyca

07-29-2007, 05:58 AM

Wow, I really love this thread! It's so great to read so many wonderful stories!

Here's mine:

My BF bought a road bike last year after we had been dating for a few months. He fell in love with it right away and I would hear his stories about 20 and 30 miles rides, how he liked his shoes and pedals, and how he loved being out on his bike. He would often try to figure out how he could get a ride in and see me on the same day while continuing to practice (we're both musicians) and get other stuff done.

Fast forward to this May. I decided after doing a bunch of research, independently of him, that I wanted to buy a road bike. He was (and still is) very supportive of me and taught me how to shift, how to ride clipless, how to climb more efficiently, etc. It has hands down been the most positive thing in our relationship because we spend so much more time together now planning rides and talking about bike stuff. I have no idea what the future holds for us, but I know he'll always be the one that got me into cycling! :)

BikeMomma

07-29-2007, 11:35 PM

BikeMomma/Kim - good luck. Man, it just always takes work regardless. I think my story's similar in some ways - maybe I'm the future of your story?Let's hope the future is bright, eh? I shudder to think of the alternative, and it was headed that way.
It sounds silly. But I think there was a lot of bad self esteem stuff going on that he is finally getting the better of.Bingo. I think that is/was the root of it all. All my encouragement, tears, begging, silent treatment, "please be alive to see your kids graduate college" speeches, nagging, and every other "cheerleader" technique I tried failed miserably, with empty promises and crushing disappointment. I'd get my hopes up, then got let down again and again. It was emotionally exhausting for me. Finally, years down the road, I realized that it would take HIM to be his own cheerleader to get him motivated. The last year has been very rough for us, talk of divorce, etc. I think damn near hitting rock bottom in our marriage has been the wake up call he needed. So far so good. :)

I'm proud of you guys, MP -- it's these types of success stories that I would tell him about, if nothing else to let him know that what he needed to do IS possible. Sortof like, "if they can do it, so can we."

~K

KSH

07-30-2007, 08:49 AM

So. Here is a question for all of you:

How has your newfound passion for riding affected your relationship with your significant other, if at all?

Well, about 6 months after my boyfriend and I started dating in 2004, I got into triathlons. Well, I started to train. Didn't compete until 2005.

So, I had a bike and went riding a lot. I finally convinced him to rent a bike and just see how he liked it... since he wanted to stay fit but was hating the gym.

He got hooked. He loved it, and finally realized he wanted to buy a bike. So he bought a Trek 1200... and demolished it 30 days later. Yes, DEMOLISHED it. He knew he didn't want to give up cycling, so he bought a Specialized Allez and hasn't wrecked that one.

How did it affect our relationship?

Well, honestly, we had some "growing pains" when he took up cycling.

Specifically, he was very competitive with me and got VERY PISSY when we rode together because I was faster and could drop him like a rock, which I tried very hard not to do. There were times when we rode together that he was very immature and almost pouting like a little kid. So,we had some conversations about his behavior and he worked hard to fix it.

It helped that he got faster than me... but lately due to him hardly ever riding, his average has gone down. He has done good to keep a good attitude about it... but sometimes he slips. Mind you, we hardly ever ride together and honestly I rather like it that way.

Yea, pretty much I get up on the weekends to ride and he stays in bed. I'm OK with that though. Since he doesn't like riding in the heat or distance... if he did go ride with me, he would be in a horrible mood the whole time with me trying to not let him affect me and trying to keep him positive.

I guess that pretty much covers it! So, he does ride, but we don't ride together and it's probably for the best.