Bad PMS attack brewing

[makbike]

Okay, ladies I need your help once again. I feel a major PMS bout approaching and I feel very, very blue and it is only Tuesday. I hate to think where I'll be emotionally by the end of the week:eek:

Just a little backgroup/update: I had surgery on June 12 to remove a softball size dermoid cyst and my left ovary. I also had my right tube tied off during the surgery. On June 14 my BF (now ex-BF) of 3 1/2 years appeared on my doorstep unannouced and shared with me he was ending our relationship. I have for the past three weeks handled my emotions well. Weekends suck but that is to be expected given we spent every weekend together. However, Sunday evening - Friday evening I typically feel very upbeat. I'm also seeing a counselor on a weekly basis for help and insight. Now the PMS is brewing and I feel like I'm backsliding emotionally. It did not help that exBF was at the club ride to or that he sent me a congratulations note last night for a silly club event.

Please does anyone have any suggestions on handling this PMS event and keeping my emotions in check? I would appreciate any suggestions.

Thanks!

[Tater]

Oh, darn. I don't have anything constructive to say, but hang in there! ((((Makbike))))

[sbctwin]

You have been through a lot in the past month. Whether it is pms or grieving for your losses in the past month, you need time to heal. Sometimes life just hands us crap and it is ok to just get down. You sound like you are doing everything right (whatever that is for you), but we grieve anyway. I hope you feel the hug I am sending you now.....

[F8th637]

Have a good cry, I think you well deserve one
Eat some chocolate (aka spoil yourself)
Go for a good long, cathartic bike ride
Don't do anything you don't want to do


Big hugs! You've definitely gone through a lot and you seem to be handling it all quite well. Just remember that the hormones aren't helping. Good luck!

[SouthernBelle]

Do you have a couple of girlfriends you can plan something with for the weekend??

[teigyr]

I think everyone has given some great ideas. You have been through SO much too.

Back when I had PMS (been about 10 years but when I had my surgeries, I pretty much was gutted so there went PMS!) I'd just tell myself exactly what it was. I couldn't change my feelings but I would say "I'm feeling this because it's PMS and it'll go away and I will feel better". I don't know if that makes sense but even though I felt SO emotional, a part of me knew it wouldn't be for long.

I'd say do something for you. What have you put off but wanted to do? Or is there something you've wanted but couldn't really justify it? I'm not talking high dollar but something little. Maybe book a massage or facial. Let someone pamper you. You deserve it.

Don't know about exBF sending notes. Seems like even though you see each other at club events, he has to realize it's painful and maybe there should be some boundaries.

[makbike]

Sadly, I'm the only single in the group. They all have families/husbands so weekends are filled with family responsibilities.

I think I'll ride a century on Saturday - that will keep me busy for a few hours and hopefully I'll sleep well afterward. There is an club ice cream ride on Sunday and I'll attend that even though exBF will be there to share his tales of his RAIN ride with those who will listen (I won't be in that crowd).

I've tried the chocolate. I've logged nearly 400 miles for this month alone. I've pulled out my cross stitch and have been sewing like a mad woman. I've typed a letter to exBF (never to be mailed) spilling out my emotions. I've cried most of the day. I spent an hour on the phone with my best friend who quickly reminded me why our breakup is a good thing, etc. At least for the time the tears have stopped.

I know things will get better once the hormones (damn that remaining ovary) return to normal levels. How can something so tiny have such a major impact on your emotional state?

[teigyr]

Hmmm. I think you need to respect that ovary!!! Really! I miss mine.

Writing is good as is riding. You're not backsliding, it's just like that sometimes. As you deal with it all, more emotions that were hidden come out. It's good for you to feel these things even though I know it's not much fun.

Do you have any other projects to work on or any goals that need accomplishing? And yes, you ARE better off now! It will get so much better.

[northstar]

Hugs. Wow, you've been through a lot lately. I'm sorry to hear that you are having a hard time...it's understandable!

I like a good cry in a nice hot bubble bath. It usually wears me out enough so that I don't take out my stress on others. :rolleyes:

I also am exceptional at cleaning the house and decluttering when I am b*tchy. ;)

[Starfish]

Wow, you have been through a lot in a short time. Don't underestimate the depressing after-effects of surgery, either. It is real.

It sounds like you are doing some very wise things for yourself. Something that helps me sometimes is to remember that while I need to keep moving and seeking out friends, etc, my energy under those circumstances could be very normally low. Recovering from surgery takes physical energy. Recovering from shock and loss takes physical energy. Doing all the "right" things to take care of yourself takes energy. You don't have to be at the top of your game right now. It would be OK to avoid club events with the ex if you want.

Give yourself permission to feel tired and pull back a little (not isolate, but you know what I mean)...and take that nap if you want, and don't answer the phone if you don't want to, etc.

And, shamelessly tap into anyone who loves & adores you and will heap positive affirmations into your life: friends, family, TE, whoever.

You are going to pull through this! Hang in there, and keep letting us know!

[dellafalls]

My thoughts, support, and healing energy goes out to you. It happens to the best of us. All the above is excellant and it sounds like your doing everything right. When my emotions are a mess I visualize them like waves of the ocean now there is a storm and it's unsettled and I know that it will calm down. It helps me to not let my emotions drive me, just watch them and recognize them.

[Zen]

I know all too well that weekends are the hardest/ If you don't feel like getting out of bed that's ok, you know it will pass. I'm trying to find more organized road rides, otherwise its just me, Dinahcat, and Fred G. Sanford.

[Kano]

I like a good cry in a nice hot bubble bath. It usually wears me out enough so that I don't take out my stress on others. :rolleyes:

I also am exceptional at cleaning the house and decluttering when I am b*tchy. ;)


The good cry just about anywhere works pretty well, and cleaning and decluttering may be therapeutic in more ways than one! I find myself ranting loudly and slamming things around a bit when I'm doing this too.

Knowing that PMS is involved helps some -- and having it as an excuse does too! Sometimes, a good temper tantrum is just what we need!

Karen in Boise

[indysteel]

I'm so sorry to hear that you've been through such a hard time of late. My heart goes out to you. Regarding the PMS, when I'm going through a hard time emotionally, I sometimes have some really bad days. Lots of crying.....The sadness can be extreme to say the least. It's hard to tell yourself that it's going to pass when you're in the middle of it, but I generally just try to ride it out. Cry, nap, exercise, talk to friends, watch a movie, buy flowers, play with my cats. I would "warn" my closest friends of what was coming and suggest that they remind me that it would pass in a few days.

Prior to the breakup, did you have acute PMS sypmtoms or is this a new thing? If it's the former, I would suggest talking to your GP or OB/GYN or, even your counselor, about whether some form of drug therapy is appropriate. Isn't there a new BCP on the market specifically designed to treat PMSDD?

Having gone through a breakup over the last year, I turned to some of the same things, e.g., cycling, that you are. I also went to A LOT of yoga classes. I found that they, more than anything, helped me get through the worst days and weeks with a little less sadness. However, I will admit to crying at the end of a number of classes. I would have felt terribly stupid about it except that I've talked to a lot of people who've done the same thing. Yoga can help bring emotions to the surface and, in that way, can be very cathartic--in a good way. The community I found at the yoga studio also felt really good.

I also found it helpful to involve myself with more community service, too. Within a month or so of my breakup, I joined the local YMCA--where I also found a sense of community--and started getting involved in volunteer work there. Over the past year, it's provided me with a great deal of happiness and satisfaction.

Oh, and read the book Eat Love Pray by Elizabeth Gilbert. It should be required reading after every breakup IMO. I've bought this for almost all of my good friends, and they've loved it too.

I hope you feel better soon. Hugs!!!!!

K-

[KnottedYet]

hang in there, babe!

exBF sounds like he's right up there with Newt Gingrich (who served his wife divorce papers as she was recovering in the hospital from breast cancer surgery)

[Kano]

hang in there, babe!

exBF sounds like he's right up there with Newt Gingrich (who served his wife divorce papers as she was recovering in the hospital from breast cancer surgery)

Isn't a newt a lizard? Shouldn't a girl be suspicious of a guy everyone calls Newt to begin with? (:D :D )

Karen in Boise

[short cut sally]

Makbike, don't have much advice to give you, havent been there to share any advice but have had friends that have. Cry all you want, get rid of those feelings and frustrations. Cycling is good therapy. Don't give up. As far as the PMS, have another chocolate frosted brownie with walnuts, on me of course:D . Helps me everytime. Best of luck on your road to recovery.

[LBTC]

Ah, MB

I don't really have advice for you, just admiration. You've faced so much and you're doing so many positive things through it all. Way to go!! You're my hero!

Sending you peaceful blue and green butterflies that help you recognize what a wonderful person you are, and that let you understand that what you feel and where you are is exactly as it should be. Who knows what we learn from these bouts of being human? Hopefully somehow they make us better people.....hard to imagine you needing to be a better person, but you know what I mean. :)

Hugs,
~T~

[Duck on Wheels]

Have a good cry, I think you well deserve one
Eat some chocolate (aka spoil yourself)
Go for a good long, cathartic bike ride
Don't do anything you don't want to do


Big hugs! You've definitely gone through a lot and you seem to be handling it all quite well. Just remember that the hormones aren't helping. Good luck!

I second that emotion.
Don't see why you should need to control your emotions given recent events. Treat yourself to a good cry. Let go ... and feel the relief when you realize that you will, after a bit, stop crying all on your own. If you find it hard to start, maybe a good sad movie on the dvd can help. Have comfort food handy. Then when the cry ends, take a good hot shower or bath so you feel even more refreshed. And be sure to have the next day off so you can do something fun to celebrate, like go for an exilerating ride, preferably with a good gang of friends. And I do mean celebrate. You may discover, after the cry, that you're quite happy to be alive, to have many much better friends than XBF turned out to be, to have hormones still doing their thing, and ... well, whatever makes you happy when not overshadowed by all that's landed on your lap lately.

[Geonz]

What Duck said. You *know* the source of these emotions. It's not sanity you are lacking; these are normal, healthy responses to biological and emotional conditions. You don't need to try to do anythign social or anything you don't want to do... you do need to watch the cycles of your thoughts and have the right phone numbers if they go too far into the darkness.
Bicycles and chocolate and movies are good... This Too Shall Pass from darkness into light.

[Starfish]

However, I will admit to crying at the end of a number of classes. I would have felt terribly stupid about it except that I've talked to a lot of people who've done the same thing. Yoga can help bring emotions to the surface and, in that way, can be very cathartic--in a good way.

Ditto about getting a good massage from a therapist you can trust with your feelings, as well as with your body.

[makbike]

Thanks for all the support and kind words. The hormones seem to have quieted down for the time being - there still is a sense of "blueness" but nothing like it was earlier in the week. I have an appointment to see my counselor this afternoon and I'm looking forward to our session. She has great insight and is so positive. I'm taking myself shopping tomorrow. Time to purchase some clothes that fit before the school year begin in two weeks.

I rode hard last night - an attempt to work off some of the negative energy that had built up in my being. I was exhausted when I got back to the car but I could tell there had been a shift in my mood. I kept telling myself, "since you can't punch him, push his away with each stroke of the pedals." I guess it worked to some degree for I as climbing like there was no tomorrow yesterday evening.

Thanks again for all your support and ideas. It is very comforting to know I'm not alone at the moment.

[uforgot]

Here's something I did when I was in the same situation as you, I scoured the internet (and amazon.com) for trails and rides I had never ridden before. I've even traveled to other states, (KOAs everywhere!) and have ridden in places I've never been. You can leave early Sat or Friday night and get home Sunday. Let the house collect dust, this is for YOU! It worked wonders for me! I recommend you stay away from club rides and other places where your ex is. At least for awhile. No contact, that's the only way to let time do it's work!

[Duck on Wheels]

...I rode hard last night - an attempt to work off some of the negative energy that had built up in my being. I was exhausted when I got back to the car but I could tell there had been a shift in my mood. I kept telling myself, "since you can't punch him, push his away with each stroke of the pedals." I guess it worked to some degree for I as climbing like there was no tomorrow yesterday evening. ...

Ah yes. Forgot about that part. I was lucky enough that we were lowering our basement floor at the time. DH had brought in a big compressor drill and cut the cement into squares. I went down there with the sledgehammer and SMASHED those babies, imagining this and that person's head lying there -- Take that you anti-semitic boss *****! Take that you wimpy dean who can't stand up to her! The cement squares made the most satisfying whoomp sound when I smashed them. :D Then, when I ran out of cement floor, I got one of those inflatable clowns with a sandbag in the bottom. Too bad the inflatables of Munch's "Scream" had a flat bottom, so I had to go with a clown one that would roll with the punches. It's now "wilted" in one corner of the new basement bathroom. Maybe I should pack it up and send it to you?

[Starfish]

Hey MakBike, glad to hear it! Keep us posted!

[Wahine]

You've had a lot of very good advice here and I would support everything that everyone has said. I do have a little bit of a different angle to reveal. I am trained in traditional chinese medicine (TCM) and PMS as well as cysts are related to problems that can be treated with herbs and acupuncture. It would be worth checking out. In addition to this, being under anaesthetic can misalign your "bodies" of energy - physical, spiritual, mental and emotional. These things can be addressed with a special type of AC treatment called a vital alignment but it's hard to find a practioner that does this. Yoga also helps with this as it realigns the chakras.

As for the exBF, the compassionate thing to say would be that he did what he had to at the time and like LBTC said, you are where you are right now because you need to be there and you will ultimately come out of this a more enlightened person. The other side of me wants to say, "Throw a wrench in his spokes at the next club ride."