Goodbye, my Kallie Kat

[sbctwin]

I had to say goodbye to my Kallie yesterday. It was such a difficult decision. She started having breathing issues in March and she was diagnosed with asthma. It was so painful to watch her breathe, but we did get it regulated and she was doing so good...until 2 weeks ago. Even the vet commented that for a kitty on death's door, she is doing so good. She was active again and breathing comfortably. I struggled with a way to administer her meds and found a teaspoon of baby food (chicken) with the crushed pills mixed in served it up in yummy fashion for my girl. She took her meds without complaint. Then, her breathing became labored again, so I took her to the emergency hospital and she spent the night in an oxygen cage. I transported her to my vet the next morning and she was 'perky'. My vet kept her for the day and said she was doing quite well and she did for another week. On Sunday, I went on a bike ride and when I got back, she was in breathing distress again. I took her to the emergency vet again and they gave her a shot that would help her breathe easier. But I was back to the emergency vet in the early morning (3am) for another shot. I just wanted her to rest comfortably until my regular vet opened up. I realized during this time, that her prognosis was not good and that I really had to let her go. Watching her gasp for air and watching her try to get some air, I wondered why I was putting her through this pain. I wasn't going to post this, but I am missing her and wanted her to know that I loved her very much and I will miss her. My DH isn't much of a pet person. He never had a pet and doesn't understand why I am crying so much and why the decision was so difficult. Hopefully she is playing with Katrina Kat and Toby Dog and will forgive me for letting her go....

[mimitabby]

Your kitty has already forgiven you for letting her go. She is somewhere right now with clean lovely strong lungs chasing butterflies. And there are lots of folk right here who DO understand what a good friend a cat can be and how hard it is not only to lose them, but to have to make the decision to do it.

[roadie gal]

My heart goes out to you. It's so hard to make that call. You question yourself, "Did I do the right thing?", "Could I have done anything else?", "Was it too soon?". But you know in your heart when it's time. Kallie isn't suffering any more. You did the right thing.

Hugs to you!

[Tri Girl]

Oh no- I'm so sorry. :( You did the right thing- and Kallie knows it!!! I'm crying right along with you- for it's such a terrible thing to lose a beloved companion. Hugs to you!!

[Velobambina]

I'm so, so sorry. I just went through something similar with my best girl (Agnes, my sweet beautiful golden retriever), and hard as it was, I had to let her go. It's been about 5 weeks but I'm still heartbroken over the loss of her. Please PM me if you want to talk about it.

You did the most selfless, loving, courageous thing for your wonderful baby. It was the right thing, so please don't question yourself. My husband and I were w/Agnes when the vet put her to sleep and it was very, very peaceful. While I would give anything to have her back, I would not want to have her suffer as she did during those last few days.

My husband got me a votive candle after Agnes died. On it is a verse:
"Grieve not, nor speak of me with tears, but laugh and talk of me as if I were beside you ... I loved you so - 'twas Heaven here with you."

Your Kallie is waiting for you at rainbow bridge. My Agnes went and welcomed her, and she will make sure Kallie is taken care of until you can be with her again.

[LBTC]

{{{{{{{{{{{{sbctwin}}}}}}}}}}}

Your Kallie knows you did the right thing and you did it for her, and she's so grateful. She's up at the rainbow bridge, and she's found so many TE friends that got there first. My Ted cat and Yogi dog are showing her around now.

Yes, I am crying for you, because I know how much it hurts to have to say goodbye. That lump in your throat will eventually become a soft spot in your heart, and you'll smile when you remember Kallie when she was healthy and playful.

Hugs and peaceful butterflies,
~T~

[makbike]

I'm so sorry. Please know what you did for Kallie was your final act of love. You did not allow her to suffer. She is and will always be with you. Your kindness allowed her to be set free and to become whole again. My buddies, Squire, Hondo, Cumberland, Scooter, Motor, Saw, Bones and Max were at the bridge to welcome her. She will be at the bridge to welcome you some day and what a joyous reunion it will be. Cry your tears for there is a hole in your heart. There is a great childrens book entitled "All God's Creatures Go To Heaven" that I read everytime I lose a buddy - it's message brings me so much comfort. If you get a chance stop by your local book store and pick yourself up a copy - it will help.

[BleeckerSt_Girl]

Everyone has said it so well already.
((((hugs))))) to you for being there for her right up to the end. It's takes real strength to give love during the worst of times. You did good for her.

[Starfish]

Someone once said, grief is the price we pay for love. You did the right thing. Give yourself a lot of grace and patience in the coming weeks.

[Lise]

My husband got me a votive candle after Agnes died. On it is a verse:
"Grieve not, nor speak of me with tears, but laugh and talk of me as if I were beside you ... I loved you so - 'twas Heaven here with you."


Oh, I am so sorry to hear of Kallie's death, but I know that you freed her from a body that could no longer hold her spirit. There's no question of forgiveness--she would be so grateful to be released.

I put both of my beloved cats to sleep in this past season--Isaac in February, and Ariel 2 weeks ago. The decisions were hard to make--partly because I *knew* they couldn't keep on, and yet my heart ached at the thought of being without them. When they put Ariel to sleep, I was right there with her (Isaac,too). I cupped my hand near her nose so that she would smell me right up to the end. And afterwards, as I rested my hands on her body, I felt her energy fill me up. I "saw" it as vibrant red with gold sparkles, and I almost laughed with joy. I told my dear BF, "This cat's spirit is so much bigger than her body!"

The quote on the candle from Velobambina was also on the card the vet's office sent me after Isaac died. It made me cry then, and now.

You made the right decision. Without oxygen, there is no life. You freed her from a body that couldn't give her what she needed anymore. Many, many of us here at TE understand, and you can share your feelings with us any time.

Gentle best wishes,

Lise

[Ninabike]

I'm so sorry for your loss and I know how you feel, but you did make the right decision for your Kallie. She is enjoying herself over the rainbow bridge.

[han-grrl]

Billie was about 15 years old. I adopted her from the SPCA in 1995. Actually the little princess picked me. She let me pet her and made me fall in love with her. I brought her home a couple of weeks later after it was determined that she had no owner looking for her.

This past year she had some teeth pulled and was diagnosed with a thyroid issue. She took her pills mostly unhappily.

Today i noticed her breathing was wierd and she was breathing with her mouth open. I brought her to the vet. He told me that she likely wouldn't make the night. No matter what i did, testing, take her home, she was suffering and i had to let her go. I have known this vet since i moved here in 1998 so i know he was being very honest with me. The best option was to put her down and it broke my heart.

The house seems completely empty without her and i am a complete mess.

It just happened so fast, which i am not sure is good or bad. I feel like she was taken from me.

Anyway, I understand your loss and send you hugs too.
Hannah

[makbike]

han-grll and sbctwin:

Again, I am so sorry for the lose of your buddies. Below is a poem a friend shared with me when I lost my beloved cat, Scooter. He was my buddy for 17 years and I still miss him deeply.

Lend Me a Kitten

I will lend to you for a while a kitten, God said.
For you to love while she lives, and mourn when she is dead.
Maybe for twelve or fourteen years, or maybe two or three.
But will you, 'til I call her back, take care of her for me?

She will bring you her charms to gladden you and, should her
stay be brief, you will always have her memories as solace for your grief.

I cannot promise she will stay, since all from earth return.
But there are lessons taught below I want this kitten to learn.

I have looked the whole world over in search of teacher's true.
And from the folk that crowd life's land, I have chosen you.

Now will you give her all your love, nor think the labor vain?
Nor hate me when I come to take my kitten home again?

My heart replied, "My Lord, Thy Will Be Done"
For all the joys this kitten brings the risk of grief I will run.
We will shelter her with tenderness, we will love her while we may
And for the happiness we have known, forever grateful stay.

But should you call her back much sooner than we planned.
We will brave the bitter grief that comes, and try to understand.
If, by our love we have managed your wishes to achieve,
Then in memory of her who we loved, please help us while we grieve.

When our cherished kitten departs this world of strife,
Please send yet another needing soul for us to love all their life.

- Author Unknown -
Adapted from 'Thy Will Be Done' by Edgar Guest

[suzieqtwa]

I am so sorry about Kallie. This is a sad poem ,but it says a lot.

" I Loved you Best"

So this is where we part My Friend,
and you'll run on, around the bend,
gone from sight, but not from mind,
new pleasures there you'll surely find

I will go on, Ill find the strength,
life measures quality ,not its length,
One long embrace before you leave,
share one last look before I grieve,

There are others ,that much is true,
but they are they ,and they aren't you
And I ,fair ,impartial,or so I thought
will remember well all you've taught,

Your place Ill hold ,you will be missed
the fur I stroked the nose I kissed,
And as you journey to your final rest,
take this with you " I LOVED YOU BEST.

Author Jim Willis

[LBTC]

Oh, Han, I'm so sorry.

Billie has been welcomed at the rainbow bridge by so many loving TE fur friends, including my beloved Ted cat and Yogi dog. You did the right thing and released her with love. Now she's chasing butterflies and waiting for you to reunite in many many years.

Peaceful butterflies to you, Han,

Hugs,
~T~

[han-grrl]

Suzie- such a lovely poem...thank you

LBTC - thank you too.

My head is hurting from crying. I keep thinking i see her little head poking around the corner.

Her energy and her spirit will always be with me and I am so grateful that she was part of my life.

[Ninabike]

Han-grrl, I know what you are saying about seeing her little head poke around the corner. I couldn't say too much today when I replied to sbctwin -I was at work and could only think of my kitties. Both of you ladies - hang in there. You will have other kitties. None will replace the ones you have lost, but each one is so very special.

[Lise]

I keep thinking i see her little head poking around the corner.

Her energy and her spirit will always be with me and I am so grateful that she was part of my life.
I know what you mean. I keep thinking I see Ariel out of the corner of my eye, and maybe I do, in a way.

I hope you get some good sleep tonight. It will get easier, day by day. love to you and sbctwin...L.

[LBTC]

I do know how it feels, too, as my 16 year old Ted cat passed away on Mother's Day.

A couple of weeks later, while I did yoga early in the morning and everyone else was sleeping in the bedroom at the other end of the house, I could hear him purring. If I listened too hard, it would fade away, but as I relaxed into the yoga poses, Ted was right there with me like he had been so many times before. I guess he knew I needed a real goodbye. I thanked him and asked him to give my regards to all of the critters at the Rainbow Bridge, especially the ones that were in my heart....

It's amazing how much room we have in our hearts, isn't it?

Hugs and peaceful loving butterflies,
~T~

[margo49]

Thinking of you, Secret Sister.
It must have been an awful decision, but you know it was the only one really. Just wish it could have been different.
There is nothing like a cat; and no cat like any other cat either.

[spokewench]

So Sorry for Both of you. It is so hard to lose a pet! I cry every time I hear a TE'er lose a wonderful pet. Sending all my thoughts your way.

spoke

[sbctwin]

Hannah, I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Billie was truly blessed to have you as a mom. I know the pain of our loss will get easier each day. But it is too fresh. I see Kallie come around the corner, her determination walk, I would always think. I woke up during the night as I felt her on the bed. She was on the bath rug as I stepped out of the shower. I know it is only her spirit, but I will miss her. Hannah, I hope for you too, time will ease Billie's passing.

[crazycanuck]

:( *sniff* *sniff* :(

I'm sorry to hear so many of you lovely ladies have lost a fur friend recently. All those poems made me cry :(

I'm sure that all of you were wonderful human friends to your fur kids and they loved you for it.

Thank you for taking care of your pet & giving them the love they deserve.

Take care

C

[han-grrl]

I want to thank my TE sisters for their hugs and words during this time. I had been feeling terribly alone but i see that I am not. Our furry friends are more than animals, aren't they? They are kindred spirits and I am so grateful to have shared part of my life with my Billie "the monkey-cat". I used to joke how she was part monkey, part rabbit and part cat.
http://bp3.blogger.com/_ysE9reiaT-w/RoJQnVPGVvI/AAAAAAAAABc/OqLMSaI3ANk/s1600-h/100_0297.jpg

[short cut sally]

sbctwin and han, my heart goes out to you..sbctwin, i had tears in my eyes while reading..so sorry for both..a pet is part of the family and it is such a tough decision to make, but they are not suffering and at peace.

[Ashgarth]

*hugs*

I cried too when I read the posts. I have two cats, Miso and Bento and although young, I know they too will have a time. I dread that day, but hope I have all this wonderful support too. If I may say, we are lucky

[indysteel]

I'm so, so sorry about Kallie. I'm crying just reading through all these posts because it makes me think about losing my own beloved kitties and the dogs that I've had to say goodbye to. It's so, so hard. You did the right thing, but that doesn't make it easy. My heart goes out to you.

K-

[annie]

sbctwin and Hannah,

So, so sad to hear of your losses. It is truly amazing how much a part of our life our kitties can be. And the emptiness that they leave behind - oh it hurts! It will get easier, but right now, I know how you are suffering. Be glad your sweet kitties are not suffering, thanks to your wise and caring decisions to let them go. It's been some months now since we had to let our kitty, Monkey, go to her rest. Reading these posts brings back all those sad feelings. We've since been blessed with a new little guy, Houdini, who is a joy to all of us. When you are ready, I hope you find another darling to love and share your life.

Annie

[mimitabby]

Please don't forget there are MORE kitties sitting in shelters wishing someone loved them.

[DDH]

sbctwin and Hannah I'm so sorry to hear about the loss the both of you have had. It's always so hard to lose our pets. They are our family, our dearest loyal friends. I wish we could keep them forever, but sadly we cannot.
My heart goes out to you both.

[Pedal Wench]

So sorry for both of you. As I recently posted, I just lost my dear pup, but there was another dog that I lost 2 years ago, and my sweet kitty-cat a few years before that. All had lived long, happy lives. I still step over the place where the dog should be lying.

[teigyr]

I am very sorry for your loss. It's always so difficult and as much as you don't want to lose them, you have to do what is best. They trust you for that...and you didn't let her down.

I know it's so painful - but you did the right thing and you tried as long as you thought it could make a difference.

Jane

[han-grrl]

You ladies are a wealth of wisdom and advice. I was wondering if this all gets easier. I just find myself crying every few hours. I'll be fine, maybe focused on a task, but then I'll stop, thinking of Billie and start to cry again.

I visited with a friend yesterday, and her husband gave me their 3 month baby to hold, and it took everything in me not to just burst into tears.

Right now it feels like I will always feel this way.

Does it get easier??

H

[Lise]

Oh, yes, this pain will ease. There will still be moments when you're brought to sudden tears, but it will ease, and you'll be filled with grateful, loving memories of your baby. My boyfriend gave me a shirt of his to roll up and sleep with in my arms, as Isaac used to sleep with me that way. Hold on, ride this wave of grief, and it will pass. love, Lise

[Starfish]

It does get easier.

It is also my personal experience that whenever I am going through a time of grief, if I have areas of other types of grief or pain in my life that I have not dealt with or acknowledged, that the "current" grief will be deeper and last longer.

Just my own experience over the past few years and a number of losses.

Give yourself a lot of grace, and get whatever support you need. I have found support for my grieving processes in groups, with a counselor, and with friends. It gets better. Give yourself plenty of time.

[LBTC]

Yes, Han, it does get better

Don't be hard on yourself, don't try to be macho. Cry when the tears come. Honour your feelings, and thereby honour Billie's memory. Over time, you feel the same, but the tears will melt away and you'll feel that heart-expanding love and gratitude for having had Billie in your life, and having her spirit around you always.

Hugs and peaceful, grateful butterflies,
~T~

[sbctwin]

I just find myself crying every few hours. I'll be fine, maybe focused on a task, but then I'll stop, thinking of Billie and start to cry again. H

I, too, Han-grrl, find I cry at a whim. I have been plagued all week with a head cold and my mind just wanders to Kallie. I know the pain will fade, but it is still raw. I told my DH last night, that I can't bring myself to remove Kallie's essence from the house and it will take time. I have not been without a pet since the early 80's and not having a fur-friend walking the house makes the home feel empty....

[Lise]

I, too, Han-grrl, find I cry at a whim. I have been plagued all week with a head cold and my mind just wanders to Kallie. I know the pain will fade, but it is still raw. I told my DH last night, that I can't bring myself to remove Kallie's essence from the house and it will take time. I have not been without a pet since the early 80's and not having a fur-friend walking the house makes the home feel empty....

Me, too. I put Isaac down in Feb, and Ariel 2 1/2 weeks ago. The hard part is coming home, and she's not at the door. Going to bed, and she's not there. Getting up and not greeting her. Leaving and not saying goodbye. I haven't lived without a beastie for 18 years. My BF's dog and cat are wonderful, and I get lots of loving from them at his house. But here at my place...it feels lonely.

[han-grrl]

My friend has told me that i should start removing Billie's things, that it is old energy, and for me to heal, i need to let new energy in. I find it hard. i have started to. I took away her dish and her special eating mat - it says "the princess eats here", but i haven't had the heart to take away her pillow from her special chair. I packed up the litter box, giggling that i am sobbing at the sight of her last little pee.

I have decided to give her scratch post to a good friend who has a cat. I rather give her things away than bury or throw things out. I just don't simply want to "erase" Billie from my house.

Her ashes are coming home today. In a way its a little comforting, as if she is coming home. I hope that doesn't seem to wierd.

My friend told me to make a special photo album for Billie, putting all her pictures together. So i started putting that together.

What's special to me too, is that my husband, who used to complain about the cat, because of his allergies, as also been crying with me. He says he misses that little pain in the ***. I guess despite his complaining, he too loved her, and benefited from the energy and spirit of this little angel.

[teigyr]

You know, my only salvation was that I had other cats. As sad as I was when I lost one (lost two last year), I could go home and curl up with the others and promise them that they would be valued no matter what because you just don't know.

It gets easier but it is never perfect. If I think about it too much, I will cry and this is after a year. I still periodic dreams about one or the other and there are times I think I see one of them.

I wouldn't get rid of everything. There are things that are too painful to see now that you might appreciate later. I have some things that I would never have the heart to get rid of just because it reminds me of them. Being reminded isn't a bad thing though it's painful especially at first.

Jane

[deidre]

Han-grrl, I am so sorry for your loss. The pain does ease with time.

There will be a day where you don't cry as much. I had to put my Rottie to sleep over 5 years ago and I still get a little choked up and cry sometimes, especially when I read your post or when I talk to a friend who is dealing with the loss of their beloved dog or cat.

Part of loving our cats and dogs and other furry friends is doing what is best for them when we are faced with the decision. You did that. They trust us to do the right thing and you did. Take comfort in that.

[Python]

So very sorry to hear of your sad loss:(

(((((hugs)))))

[sbctwin]

I will not be getting rid of anything of Kallie's. She inherited a lot from Katrina. I have put away the litter box, I have removed her food dishes, but her perches are still around and her scratch post is still visible in the living room and her toys are gathered and placed in a ceramic platter that she use to go to and pull her catnip toys out of. I will not be releasing her presence in the house for awhile. There may come a time, but not in the near future. I hope Han, that you too will find peace with your decision as at some point I will too.

[han-grrl]

My husband brought home Billie's ashes today in a beautiful white urn. Now she is a beautiful angel cat looking out for husband and me.

[deidre]

sbctwin, I am so sorry for your loss.

Hugs to you!

[TriMom217]

I am sorry for your loss. My Georgie dog went to join her yesterday and I can't stop crying over him being gone. I keep thinking he's right behind the office door over there, but he's not. The house is much too empty today. Who is going to let everyone know that I'm home at the end of the day? George was an 11 yr old Sheltie who did as much to raise my children as me and their father. He is loved and missed by us all :(

(what a great first post...)

[sbctwin]

TriMom217, I am sorry for your loss. Last week was horrible for me, but it is better this week. Georgie is playing at rainbow bridge with all the rest of our fur-buds. I miss Kallie...but it does get easier. I feel her presence in the house still and I keep her memory alive by visualizing her, but I know that will fade with time. I imagine Kallie with Katrina and Toby and they are happy together....

[han-grrl]

Big hug to your trimom.

I hadn't realized how much i anticipate seeing my cat, if that makes sense. I guess i get this wonderful feeling just before opening the front door to see her there. Just a feeling of contentment that she brought to the house. I keep doing it, its been a week since she is gone. I am getting used to this new "normal" as I call it, of her not being around. I can't say i am "better" but it is getting easier sort of in a way.

I have been journalling all my memories of Billie, as many as I can think of.

I bought a photo album and have collected her pictures together. There is space in the album to write in, so I am going to write in some of the stories that go with the pictures or just thoughts. Sort of scrap booking, although i am sure the "real" scrappers would shudder at my creation. Anyway, i don't want to erase her memory from the house. I just don't. I have this little wooden ornament and that says "a house is not a home without a cat". She made me feel like home, and I want her memory to bring me the same peace. So that is my own focus right now

Trimom- i have to say that TE has been an amazing place for comfort and understanding and compassion. I felt completely alone when everything happened, and saw SBC's post and immediately felt like there was some one else who understood. There are actually LOTS who understand.

Many hugs to you
and Thanks TE

Hannah

[TriMom217]

thanks all. SBC, I did not mean to hijack your thread with my own grief. Today was not any easier than yesterday. I keep wishing I had stayed with him longer, put it off for....I don't know....not like that would change anything....

Three years ago we decided we wanted to move to NH. The real estate market here in MA totally fell apart and we have not been able to give away our house. George loved playing outside so much, especially in new-fallen snow. We kept telling him how much he was going to love NH, LOTS of snow for him to run around in, to bury his nose in. The sign on the NH/MA border says "You're going to love it here." Well, now we're saying, "he would've loved it there." I can't believe we couldn't pull off this move in time for George to go with us, he would've loved it there.

I washed his dish and put it away. Same with the water dispenser. The brushes are still full of hair and can stay that way for now.

goodbye Georgie Dog

http://beginnertriathlete.com/discussion/photos/get-photo.asp?photoid=70

[Celeste]

My Georgie dog went to join her yesterday and I can't stop crying over him being gone. I

I too lost my dog on July 2nd. Still trying to recover from the loss. My little "big" girl Nutty; welsh corgi extraordinaire. I miss her. She was 14 years old.

Hugs to you trimom217 and sbctwin. These types of losses are never easy. But the love they give us will stay in our hearts for all time. Remember the good times, talk about them, laugh about the silly things they did.

For me talking about the funny silly times makes the hurt ease a bit. Take care...

[Zen]

I too lost my dog on July 2nd. Still trying to recover from the loss. My little "big" girl Nutty; welsh corgi extraordinaire. I miss her. She was 14 years old.

Hugs to you trimom217 and sbctwin. These types of losses are never easy. But the love they give us will stay in our hearts for all time. Remember the good times, talk about them, laugh about the silly things they did.

For me talking about the funny silly times makes the hurt ease a bit. Take care...

I have been so depressed since Ranger died, I never know what's going to bring me to tears. I can't go to they gym, haven't felt like riding, I really have no reason to get out of bed except to feed the cat. It's been three weeks and I'm so lonely without him. I just can't go on like this. I am going on a charity ride at the end of the month and after that I'm hittin' the animal shelter.
I know how you miss Nutty and I am so sorry.When they get to be that old (Ranger was 14,too) you know they won't be around much longer and try to prepare for it but it still hurts like hell.

At least I know now that it's not just hormones.

[ClockworkOrange]

I wish I could write something really special but I think that has been done by so many on here, what a great group of people there are on TE.

My heart does go out to you.


((((hugs))))) ..............Sally

[mimitabby]

I have been so depressed since Ranger died, I never know what's going to bring me to tears. I can't go to they gym, haven't felt like riding, I really have no reason to get out of bed except to feed the cat. It's been three weeks and I'm so lonely without him. I just can't go on like this. I am going on a charity ride at the end of the month and after that I'm hittin' the animal shelter.
I know how you miss Nutty and I am so sorry.When they get to be that old (Ranger was 14,too) you know they won't be around much longer and try to prepare for it but it still hurts like hell.

At least I know now that it's not just hormones.

good for you, Zen, there's a little soul at the shelter just waiting for you.