restorative cycling

[paintgirl]

I was in Stowe Vt., weekend of Aug 14, 15. My hubby goes to the antique car show, I find lots of time to bike. I almost didn't go this year, my younger brother died suddenly a few weeks ago, and I can't get into doing anything, we had to get a bed and breakfast, because I had cancelled hotel reservations,thinking I wouldn't go. It was a peaceful place on the mountain road, old, with a pretty healthy brook rushing right outside our window, owner was very low key.... my heart was still not into the cycling like before, but I put in some good hard miles, hiked up Mt. Mansfield, I don't know how I will get on with life, Gerry was the third of my 6 brothers who have died in the last 3 years. We are still 6 siblings, but we are all fragile, all i can keep saying to myself is enjoy what I have and live it now, I love biking, and I'm counting on it to help me heal,,, be kind, and go for it Lori

[maryellen]

hi, thx for sharing this. Today is the 15th anniversary of my mother's death. I went out on a great group ride. My mother and I had a difficult relationship but I am certain that she would be happy to know I have taken up this new activity that has brought me so much joy.

Your description of it as restorative is very powerful.

[pedalfaster]

Lori,

I am so saddened to hear about your the loss of your brothers.

I've used cycling and other forms of exercise as "therapy" for similar loss/grief in my life.

I think it really does help.

Going "hard" can help release some of those feelings of anger and pain. If I may quote a NIN song --yikes!-- ( I kind of prefer the Johnny Cash version) : "I hurt myself today, to see if I still feel. I focus on the pain, the only thing that's real".

Being alone on the road or trail gives me time to think.

I'd like to think that those who love us want us to keep doing those things that bring us some peace and happiness.

I wish you hope, courage and yes peace during these trying times.

[paintgirl]

Thank you, I am sure that those we love who are not here physically, do urge us on to do just that. When this happened 3 years ago, that is when I started back to semi serious, or at least regular biking. Cycling hard down a hill, I could almost hear my brother's laugh. We used to bike to school, and always race home, one big gravelly corner often saw one of us wipe out. I guess now, maybe my brothers are forming some kind of an ethereal peleton!I appreciate the kind support from this forum Lori

[Maine-iac]

I sympathize with your loss. andf Thank you so much for sharing.
I lost my only sister and sibling in Feb. For two months I "helped" her die. Her funeral was Feb 14th. She never made it to the age of 40. I found myself in an unusual situation that I had lost my only sibling became an only child in my early thirties. And it is very true when they say the sibling is the forgotten survivor. I've been unable to find anyone in similar situation that can understand. As much as my partner tries, and despite all the loving support she provides, she just can not relate.
The days are still long, but I do find cycling a great outlet. Peace and quiet, and solitude. I find myself more centered and even keeled when I can put in the miles. I've had many conversations with her during these times as well. I still question why she was taken and I was spared, but I have resolved to live the best I can and ride to the end.
May you all find your corner of peace.

[KkAllez]

I'm so sorry. So much pain for many people who posted here. When our son's best friend was killed in a car wreck two years ago I thought we would all just curl up in a ball and die. I went through a horrible depression and until I started biking recently, that and nursing school, it didn't really lift. My signature line on this board 'post tenebras lux' means 'after darkness light'. I didn't believe it to be so for a long time but it is true.

((HUGS))

[fasteryet]

Lori, I'm sorry for your loss. You sound like you'll make it, though. You're already finding things to be positive about. And yes, your passion for cycling does really help.
I have no children, but recently lost two cherished pets in one week.They were my family members. One I had for 11 years, the other for 24. The biggest thing that's helped me through is to go out and just ride. A few times I've been riding with tears flowing, but it beats sitting home.