Snowglobe vs Bike

[ACG]

I've been reading the depression discussion and thought that this was better off in its own subject line. I wholeheartedly think that all of those who are doing something to make their lives better, be it thru medication or not, are 1000 times stronger than they give themselves credit for. Hooray to all of you. I've often thought I might need medication, but none of my therapists suggested it. Maybe I'm just wound up too tight.

Here goes my story, not at all as important as many of yours. Yesterday was my b-day. For the last 2 months I've been researching bikes. Knowing that $ is an issue, I narrowed my search scope. I have pictures on the fridge of bikes. And have told my hubby many times I want a new bike. I currently have a mountain bike with road tires. It is too heavy. I ride roads. Weekdays 15 miles (time limitation) weekends 30 or more. I can go farther, however the bike gets heavy, especially on hills.

He has told me I should go with lesser bikes, no stirups, comfort handlebars, heavier seats, why do I want a carbon fork, etc., etc., etc., I know bikes are expensive, I told him that he could give me a gift certificate to the LBS so I can use it towards a bike.

My 14 year old took him to the bike shop, showed him one of my favorites and he did nothing.

Anyway, he went out and bought me a disney snowglobe! A stupid, Mikey and Donald on a train snowglobe. We live in Southern California, so Disneyland is about 45 minutes away. Don't get me wrong it is worth about $100. But that is not what I wanted. I can't return the stupid thing. So I'm stuck with it.

I know this seems trivial, but every year, he either forgets or buys my some stupid gift I can't return..... He does it on our anniversary and xmas too.

[pedalfaster]

ohhhh I can sooooo relate.

Your post really struck a chord with me. In my case it's my mother. 99% of her gifts to me go directly to Goodwill.

I know that "it's the thought that counts" but I guess what really stings is , that after all these years she hasn't taken the time or effort to really know me.

Perhaps you can e-bay the snowglobe??? :(

p.s. Happy belated birthday :)

[caligurl]

gosh.. i'm so sorry :(

i know a lot of people have issues with gift cerfiticates or money as gifts... but heck.. he KNOWS you want a bike! and we all know that $100 woulda helped toward one... :( :(

{{{HUGZ}}}

i can understand him thinking you need to start out less expensive.. i a new convert cyclist and didn't get the whole thing when hubby wanted nice stuff.. however.. the difference is i would try to explain to him pick out something cheaper.. he would then eiher insist on the higher end but wait for his gift.. or rethink it and come down a notch.. which sounds like exactly what you were willing to do!!!!!

p.s. are you absolutely positive you cannot exchange the snowglobe?

[annie]

I used to get impossibly bad gifts from my mother-in-law. Drove me crazy. I never said anything and now she's gone and can give gifts to no one........ sigh........so I am glad I kept silent.

However, that's got nothing to do with your situation, ACG! I was just reminded of it.......... I, too, would be upset if I received something I did not want from hubby if he knew perfectly well what I DID want. Perhaps he is feeling threatened by your interest in biking? The time you spend on the bike is time you aren't at home. Just a thought. Hope that's not it or you will have to find some way to work around it. It sounds like he does not bike at all so explaining why you need a better bike makes no sense to him. Can you get him out riding at all? Maybe then he'd "get it."

I think E-bay sounds like a good idea for the globe........

annie

[spazzdog]

ACG, they are people who actually collect those snowglobes. They LOVE them!

Do check out EBay. Sell it, and put the money toward a bike. Then tell hubby it:

1) fell off the shelf and broke

2) the cat/dog knocked it down and it broke

3) a burglar caught you napping and the globe was the first thing you grabbed... you threw it at the burglar, it crashed and the burglar ran from the house with wet snow and the figurine sitting atop his head... thank god you were alright!

4) wait until he asks for something REALLY wonderful and go buy him a snowglobe... from Disneyland :D

[IronHorse213]

ACG - happy birthday, just a little late!

Spazzdog writes: 4) wait until he asks for something REALLY wonderful and go buy him a snowglobe... from Disneyland

I like this a lot! But better, buy him the bike you want, in your size. Then when he doesn't ride it - well, someone really aught to!

Seriously - like the slogan says, just do it. Buy the bike. What's that saying - I'd rather appologize then regret.

Good luck!

[ACG]

He keeps buying them for me. I don't want them. I have about 10 of them, worth about $100, I don't ask for them, can't get rid of them. (Have thought of getting rid of him). He rode his bike one day, got hit by a car. He probably is jealous. He is high maintenance.

I asked him this afternoon, he said that he didn't buy me a bike or a gift certificate (I love gift certificates) cuz then I'd get mad. Total cop out in my mind.

It's taken my a while but I gotta do for me, no one else will.

[Veronica]

How long have you been married? It sounds like he doesn't know you at all. BTW, has hubby recovered enough to start exercising again?

V.

[pedalfaster]

Originally posted by ACG
He keeps buying them for me. I don't want them. I have about 10 of them, worth about $100,

That's $1000 toward your new bike already! I can just see the auction now....

:D


If the snowglobes truly are gifts then they are yours and you can do as you please with them. Tell dear hubby that you just got tired of dusting them and wanted to send them to a better home.

[spazzdog]

ACG wrote:

He keeps buying them for me. I don't want them. I have about 10 of them

Before you have to go out and buy a curio cabinet for these babies, it's time to go drastic...

Sit hubby down and V-E-R-Y slowly tell him you don't want any more snowglobes.... none, ever, period. Then ask where in gods name he got the idea you liked them? I mean, maybe he's confusing you with his mother or his sister... you know, that guy thing that sometimes happens "Well this girl loves them so wifey loves them".

If he still looks confused, go the testosterone route... tell him if he brings another one in the house, he's gonna wear it :D

And a collection of ten would REALLY sell well on EBay!

check this out: I did a search on EBay for snowglobes. Here's the return...
http://search.ebay.com/snowglobes_W0QQsokeywordredirectZ1QQfromZR8

spazz

[Irulan]

It sounds like passive agressive behavior to me, if you'd expressed your needs/wants/desires clearly and he chooses to do something out in left field. Have you considered marriage counseling to root out what's really going on? And no, I am not joking.

Irulan

[Veronica]

My hubby says it's a cop out gift. He knows he's supposed to do something, but doesn't want to put the time, energy or thought into what you'd really like, so he gets snowglobes instead.

That behavior could be endearing or annoying depending on the rest of the relationship. I too have in-laws who for years never gave me what I really wanted (cashmere sweaters), but they'll spare no expense on buying me good cookware. I do like to cook, so that's okay.

V.

[Adventure Girl]

I think there's more going on here than what is showing on the surface (Isn't there always?). It looks like an innocent post about "I don't like the gift." But when putting that together with a prior post… I draw different conclusions. Old TE thread (http://forums.teamestrogen.com/showthread.php?s=&postid=8925#post8925) The first thread basically says, "I don't want to give up my cycling time to take care of my husband who broke his leg." Now this one says, "He knows what I want, but bought me something else." It does sound a little like what a few people have contributed here:
Originally posted by annie
Perhaps he is feeling threatened by your interest in biking?
Originally posted by Irulan
It sounds like passive agressive behavior to me
There are always 3 sides to every story—his side, her side and the cold truth. We’re not getting the whole picture here. AGC, I'm assuming that at least some of your resentment showed when he needed your help. He had to feel it! I know we all have different relationships, but I would give up cycling FOREVER if my husband needed me. And he would give up EVERYTHING if I needed him. Our lives absolutely revolve around each other. We do it because we want to, not because we feel obligated. One more quote here...
Originally posted by han-grrl
love doesn't make the world go round, its what makes the ride worthwhile

[Irulan]

Originally posted by Veronica
My hubby says it's a cop out gift. He knows he's supposed to do something, but doesn't want to put the time, energy or thought into what you'd really like, so he gets snowglobes instead.

That behavior could be endearing or annoying depending on the rest of the relationship. I too have in-laws who for years never gave me what I really wanted (cashmere sweaters), but they'll spare no expense on buying me good cookware. I do like to cook, so that's okay.

V.

what a bunch of analysts we are, LOL. Yours sound the best so far.

irulan

[Veronica]

Yeah- Thom's parents are actually pretty cool. I got lucky all around. It makes it hard to understand what others go through. Like Adventure Girl said above about how devoted she and her husband are, that's us too. It's not always perfect, but what is? Good communication helps.

V.

[bounceswoosh]

My question is, did you ever actually tell him that you *don't* like snowglobes? If you did, well, nevermind. But if you didn't tell him because you didn't want to hurt his feelings ... now's the time.

[Justina]

life's too short girl. sell the globes, buy the bike, take a nice long ride on it and figure out what else you want in your life, Maybe its time to get rid of the globe giver too. Seems like you need to resolve some things with each other. like I said life is so short what a waste it would be......I know :(

[trekchic]

Ya know, you can almost ALWAYS attribute the problem to some deep-seated, internal fear, or concern, or attitude toward something.

In the case of the husband who got the globe instead of the bike, maybe he is subconsciously sending a message that he doesn't want you out on a bike all the time and not with him. Some of you will think, "aaaaawww, isn't that sweet?" But those of us who live with this know it has nothing to do with sweet! It's manipulative and controlling! UUUUUUUUHHHGGGG!

Maybe he's like every member of MY immediate family and thinks bike riding is stupid and doesn't want any of their friends to see you dressed in spandex!:o

Who knows? Next "gift-giving" event, instead of saying, "I'd like money or buy me______" take him to the bike shop a week before and PICK OUT WHAT YOU WANT AND BUY IT! Then say, "...thanks for my Christmas present, HUUUUUUUUUN!" Or just buy it, bring it home and put a bow on it. Then when everyone asks what's that for? Say, "it's the birthday present you guys bought for me........you're so sweet and thoughtful!"

;) ;) ;) ;) ;)

[Trek420]

bounceswoosh wrote "did you ever actually tell him that you *don't* like snowglobes?"

But you told him what you *do* want.

I don't mean to kvetch but...since the party is not a member of this board so let's just go there and share the experience...in a certain past LTR I pretty much always had a list going; things my s.o wants, noticed looking at etc, never at a loss for the surprise "how'd you know?" gift. Didn't have to be expensive, just notice, listen, watch. I got.. pretty consistently....New Balance cross trainers. I like NB but...all the time? When I've dropped hints the size of bowling balls of other ideas? It was just one thing but was a sign of lack of communication.

Hope you two work things out.

[bounceswoosh]

But you told him what you *do* want.

I don't know what your financial situation is like, but just because I want something doesn't mean my hubby is in the position to get it ... I might mention a few extravagant gifts I'd love to have, but I'd make sure to include some much more reasonable choices, too.

[Trek420]

bounceswoosh "I don't know what your financial situation is like, but just because I want something doesn't mean my hubby is in the position to get it ... I might mention a few extravagant gifts I'd love to have, but I'd make sure to include some much more reasonable choices, too."

uhh, I'm pretty financially strapped right now, but thanks for asking, gone from being a DINK to a SINK. But did I mention prices? I'm not ever one to ask for extravagent gifts so everyone hold off on the carbon crank set you're getting me ;-)

It simply sounds like ACG is not being listened to. She's made suggestions, amended them (gift certificates, parts), showed some flexibility still gettin' the snow globe, not even a Lance Armstrong snow glove (do they make one?)

[bounceswoosh]

Yeah, you're probably right. My instincts keep screaming "communication issue," though. Not just about the gift. I do see a lot of people make assumptions about what their s.o. knows, or "should know." Heck, I do it myself sometimes. But of course, I don't know ACG or her hubby at all, so I'm playing extremely ineffective armchair psych.

Sorry about the SINK demotion =/ I didn't mean to be snitty, and to be honest I didn't re-read the post. Now I see the mention of a gift certificate.

Anyway, enough of me second-guessing others' relationships.

[Trek420]

bounceswoosh wrote: "Sorry about the SINK demotion =/"

Thanks, but no, I don't consider it a demotion in rank. Breaking up is hard to do (everybody sing!) but I've come to feel it's better than being in a relationship that was not meeting my most basic needs and with one who was not willing to do any of the work...takes two to do that and so I'm clippin' in and a'rollin' on.

Of all the things we do, relationships are the hardest and maybe the most important.

[ACG]

Ofcourse there is more going on here, you ladies are perceptive. I'm not happy at all in my situation. Wish I could have the type of relationships some of you have. I'm working towards a solution for myself. With kids it is hard, however they are older. I guess I was just hoping he would support the one thing I love to do, cycle.

Sure I resented helping him out, he never put his life on hold for me. Moreover, when I needed assistance due to medical reasons he called my sisters, my mother and had our girls pitch in.

Cycling is my release, my therapist was overjoyed when I started cycling. It keeps me sane. I feel like a million dollars when I get home, even if it is a short ride.

For now the snowglobes can be a nestegg.

By the way, last night I went to the lbs and ordered myself a new bike!

[caligurl]

Originally posted by ACG
By the way, last night I went to the lbs and ordered myself a new bike!

errrrr did you do this with or without discussing it with hubby?

if you did it behind his back.. i predict fireworks (and rightfully so!) :eek:

[bikeforlife]

well im sorry you are not happy have you ever thought of just divorcing him if your not happy? i mean im sure some of this might be your fault also. communication is the work and as i see someone also said we only get one side. do you think you are looking for to much.

but sell the snowglobes and make him feel like a worm along with everyone else keep riding and keep a smile on your face

[pedalfaster]

Originally posted by ACG
By the way, last night I went to the lbs and ordered myself a new bike!

Men often do this at the shop; treat themselves to a little shopping spree without consulting the Mrs.
Components, new wheelsets, whole bikes...they often tell me "she'll never be able to tell the difference."

Of course I like to think that in those relationships that the wife is also out buying shoes, clothes, furniture and jewelry ("he'll never know the difference" hehe).

Personally, I'm a fan of the three-pot system for couples. Joint-household account for expenses, and then individual accounts for each partner for fun-money without the guilt. But then what do I know, I'm single....
:rolleyes:

[IronHorse213]

Great! Which bike did you buy? details, details please!

[ACG]

2005 Trek 1000 WSB,

Alpha SL Aluminum Frame

Bontrager Carbon Fork

Alloy hubs; Alex rims

crankset Bontrager Sport 52/42/30
rear derailleur Shimano Tiagra

Not an expensive bike but better than what I have now. I currently use a Mountain bike, with some alterations so I can road ride. I had to order it cuz they don't carry my size. Hubby knew.

I've had my eye on several and this one for the $$ was not a bad deal.

[pedalfaster]

Congrats on the new ride ACG.

I think it already has a name ;)

[maryellen]

can't wait to hear about your first rides on the new bike!!! Good for you.

And it's not just men! My partner (a woman) also has a tendency to get me gifts I'm not wild about. Hmmm, can I trade in a bunch of cashmere sweaters for a new bike?