only 20 bucks but

[stacie]

Former ride partner calls up and ask if husband can get a product through his company for him. We can at 1/2 price. Husband orders as asked and pays for it. Make arrangements for friend to pick it up. He knows total cost is $60. He shows up and reaches in pocket to find $20. He asks his girlfriend if she has any money and she hands over $20. He says he'll drop the other $20 off. He only lives a mile away. We don't hang out with this person anymore but hear from him a couple of times per week. He usually sends an email about cycling news. Well, at least until he picked up his item. We haven't heard a word since and it's been about 6 weeks. I know it's only $20 bucks but I feel taken advantage of. It's not a matter of not having the money either.

[spokewench]

Maybe they just forgot. I'm pretty good about most things but occasionally i've been known to forget some things.

Just call them up, gently remind them, and then you probably can quit worrying about it

[SadieKate]

If he emails you regularly, just send an email back containing a LOT of humor along the lines of "where's my 20 bucks? The children are starving and we're having to rummage in garbage cans." He probably just forgot. Give him the benefit of the doubt once.

[stacie]

He quit emailing when he picked up his stuff. I sent an email. If I thought it were an oversight I'd overlook the 20 bucks. If we were close I would as I periodically pick stuff up for friends. They do the same for me. History and personality make me draw the conclusion I did. I hate asking people for money.

[Veronica]

That reminds me... how much do I owe you SK? :D

V.

[SadieKate]

It depends on whose math we're using. :p What do you think of $37 this time?

[Veronica]

Yeah... whatever. :p

V.

[mimitabby]

A good thing to do might be to ask him in person around other people.

"Did you forget about the blabla that i got for you? you still owe me $$$. I figured you just forgot, thanks"

[pooks]

Email and ask, "How is that blah-blah working out for you?"

Or maybe not. He might decide to tell you it isn't at all and ask for his $60 back, ahem.

[stacie]

I used a little advice from each of you. I sent an email and said we were discussing that we hadn't seen him since he picked his stuff up. that's unusual and we wanted to check up on him. BTW, how's that stuff working out for you. He responded "Are you collecting your husband's debts now". I just responded that we have been starving since loaning the money, but drop it by anytime. Actually I wanted to collect and spend it and never tell my husband. No response. I have dropped the hint. My husband would be mortified if he knew.

[mimitabby]

are you collecting your husband's debts now?? That guy has A LOT OF NERVE!

[spokewench]

Nobody should be mortified about collecting on a debt. The person who should be mortified is the one who forgot to pay or did not pay.:mad:

[Geonz]

He's a user.

[Mr. Bloom]

Yo!! You giva' me dat address....and there ain't no way they gonna forget!

Seriously, a friendly reminder "hey, did I forget to get that 20 bucks from you?"

[teigyr]

RUDE!!! So he knew all along and was intentionally not paying you?! I kind of thought he did being that you had stopped receiving the e-mails but still.

I guess even though you might be out the money, it's good that you know his character and know not to do him favors any more. Who knows, maybe he borrows from his girlfriend all the time and maybe she's tired of it too!

[Brandi]

I agree he knew what he was doing. And at this point I would just write it off unless you really do need the money. Then that is another story. It's funny I am not shy at all about money matters. With my really good friends, if we lend money let's say because we have come up short at dinner or something it always seems like something will come up prior to paying it back that is like paying it back. We might be a bit short but our saying is "It all evens out in the end". Like right now my two best friends owe me for a camp site we reserved in a few weeks. But the one friend will probabaly get all the beer. So it even's out there and the other friend well they owe me 21.50 for their spot and I WILL COLLECT!:p Good luck by the way but there is a point you have to just let it go. And you just won't be giving him anymore blah blah. (very intriguing)

[stacie]

I was really just venting. I've mentioned it. He's not an evil person. He just doesn't think about others sometimes. You probably know someone like this. They are sweet, but not always considerate. Another example: I was teaching a spin class. It was time to start and a new person walked in. I started the music and began helping the new person set up her bike. A regular who had been there when I arrived 20 minutes before the class started called my name. When I looked over, she held up her water bottle. I acknowledged her and said I'd be over in a minute when I finished helping the new rider. I actually forgot and went to the instructor bike and got on. After a few minutes the regular called me over again. Oh yeah, she needed something. I hopped off my bike and went over. She asked me to fill up her water bottle. She was there riding when I arrived, obviously knew she needed water (i guess that's why she was holding up her bottle earlier), knows I would have to leave the room and walk to the other side of the gym, and knows I am there to provide a class for 24 other people as well. She's a sweet person but this is normal for her. She has no idea that there are other people coexisting around her.
Thanks all for listening. stacie

[spokewench]

I sometimes wonder, but now I know, I'm a B _ _ _ _! My personality is to confront or at least say what I want to say. I would have told the gal in the class to get her own water when I was fixing the new gals bike! That's what we do in our spin classes. Anway, it is confirmed, I ask people to pay me back, I tell them to do things for themselves when it is appropriate, I am a royal B _ _ _ _!;)

[stacie]

I should clarify. I didn't get her water. It honestly didn't even occur to me when she waved her bottle that she wanted me to fill it up for her. When she asked me, I was dumbfounded that she thought I should leave my responsibilities to get her water. If it were anyone else, I'd think it was insulting. From her, I just think she has no idea that I"m not there just to serve her. s

[snapdragen]

Kind of like the lady I used to work with, she brought me the empty coffee pot "Snap, we're out of coffee". I looked at her and said - "Then make some more!" She was stunned. :rolleyes:


I should clarify. I didn't get her water. It honestly didn't even occur to me when she waved her bottle that she wanted me to fill it up for her. When she asked me, I was dumbfounded that she thought I should leave my responsibilities to get her water. If it were anyone else, I'd think it was insulting. From her, I just think she has no idea that I"m not there just to serve her. s

[teigyr]

I don't know...I tend to define people by their actions. A sweet or nice person doesn't act quite so inconsiderate unless it truly is an oversight instead of a pattern. This guy KNEW so, um, in my mind it makes him something I can't say here :D

DH and I get into debates about this. He'll say someone is a sweet person but they just have these bad "habits". These habits can include lying, using people, you get the idea. I say then no, this person is NOT a sweet person. I can see genuine misunderstandings or forgetfulness but not as a rule. Also, apologies work wonders and a truly nice or sweet person will be somewhat mortified by their actions (or forgetfulness) and say they're sorry. Maybe?

Then again, I'm kind of a b&*^# too :o

[mimitabby]

Then again, I'm kind of a b&*^# too :o

NO YOU ARE NOT! (but I agree with you about the rest of what you said)

[Mr. Bloom]

DH and I get into debates about this. He'll say someone is a sweet person but they just have these bad "habits". These habits can include lying, using people, you get the idea.


I think a psychologist would argue with DH as to whether these are "bad habits"...but clearly DH should be affirmed for his positive perspective :)

[silver]

Mr. this thread makes me think of your parents and B and B. this couple B and B are predators. they identify the wealthier residents of the retirement home and ingratiate themselves. they bought liquor for the In-laws to the point of them drinking 15 ounces of scotch each/every day. We had to call them to stop it threatening a court order. then they borrowed money from the MIL when the FIL was in the hospital, then were slow to pay it back and THEN stole the money from where they saw that she kept it.

But the In-laws still say they are sweet people. :eek:

[teigyr]

See, there are things that sweet people simply do not do. There are momentary oversights or special circumstances but it is the exception and not the rule. DH tends to give people the benefit of the doubt which is nice and tolerant of him; I am quicker to link the action with the integrity of the person. (Thanks Mimi for earlier, by the way! I joke about the B word just because I can be fairly resolute about things.)

Back to the friend who borrowed money - I see pattern. He borrowed from his GF then borrowed from his friend THEN intentionally avoided contact and when contact was made, he was insulting. Grrrrr. I would've loved to have been the one he said that to because I DO have aggressions to work out :D

Silver, we had a situation like that also though it was a relative. Was bad. Fortunately, nobody thought this guy was nice or sweet though he did a lot of damage.