DH ticked me off!!

[Jenn]

Well, we've riden together before, but yesterday since my MIL is here to be with the baby before we leave for Mexico, we decided yesterday to go for a long ride. Well, I swear, it was amazing that we didn't take off our helmets and end up trying to hit eachother with them on this ride. The route we took is a constant uphill climb for 20 miles along our beautiful Sandia mountains. Even though I've been spinning, I found it a little harder then I had anticipated. I averaged 9-12 MPH :( going up depending on the hill. DH of course struggled with some to, but moved along. We got to the turn around point and stopped to rest....I had a few choice words for him becase he dropped me a couple of times:mad: which he PROMISED me he wouldn't do. He had this smirk on his face and kept saying...are your tired? and it wasn't in a nice way it was in a mocking way.
So, on the way back MOSTLY downhill we were crusing along averaging 20-25 mph and it was FUN but he still left me:mad: and I was still nervous about some of the major intersections even though we hit all the green lights, I still get nervous with all the turning lanes. We have ALOT of drunk drivers here in NM and not to mention MANIAC drivers that run at least 100mph up there on that stretch of road. It was a 42 mile ride and when we got home I was beat. He kept saying...ready to go again and making smart a#% comments and said I guess all your spinning isn't doing all that you thought. We have a tendency to pretty very competative with eachother....obviously...Anyway, he's NEVER been to a class and I know it would kill him if we wen't so I just didn't say anything, because had I, we'd be in divorce court right about now.:mad:
Anyway, I'm sorry ya'll I just needed to vent. I felt that he pushed me in kind of a good way, but I'm still terrified of some of our BIG intersections here not to mention we had 1 person almost hit my husband and another guy pulled out right in front of me. We were both wearing BRIGHT green vests, and jackets so you couldn't miss us and it REALLY pissed me off. What is up with that?? Are they just bitter angry people because they are at dunkin donuts smoking at 8AM and we are out being healthy?
Anyway, thank ya'll for listening.....I hate to get on here and complain, but maybe riding with DH isn't such a good idea afterall!:o

[margo49]

Get it outta your System with us, Jenn
We love you and think you did really well. Whatever.

[mimitabby]

Jenn
When going up a hill, it is better to go up as fast as you can. If he slows down for you, he will lose his momentum. Why can't he go on ahead and wait for you?
My husband zips up the hill and then he circles back down and goes up again with me sometimes (annoying, but entertaining too)

Hills are the same way. He loves to go 40+ miles an hour down a hill. Me? I use brakes liberally.
So, he waits for me at the bottom. You're not built the same, you don't have the same strengths. Yes, it sounds like his attitude stinks, but you both have to compromise. It might be a lot less stressful for you to find someone else to ride with sometimes, instead of just him.

take this advice or throw it out the window.

ps: 9-12 mph UP HILL??? that's pretty good!

:cool:

[Mr. Bloom]

I know you're just venting, but let's not lose sight of the positives here:

1. You have the beautiful mountains vs. the piles of "coal slag" we call hills around here
2. You're going on vacation to Mexico
3. You had a kick@$$ pace on the uphill
4. You hit all the green lights
5. You're going on vacation to Mexico without the kids
6. Despite it all, you didn't punch your husband (Silver might have...:eek: )
7. You're going on vacation to Mexico at a beautiful time of year
8. You still feel he pushed you in a "good way"
9. Despite a healthy fear of intersections and crazy drivers, you confronted and pushed through.

Oh, and finally, you're going on vacation to Mexico with a couple of valium for the flight;) ;)

I think that riding together is good for each of you. He has the ability to challenge you athletically and you can add some considerate grace to his personality.

[solveig]

Hi Jenn -
I ride with my DP a lot, too, and it's taken me a long time to come to terms with his fastness in comparison to me. After a good many rides feeling frustrated and down on myself, I figured out that my training rides - even with him - need to be focused on my training. Likewise for his rides. And mostly I had to / have to figure out that as a 3rd year rider who didn't start from a very athletic background, I'm just not going to keep up with someone who has been riding and racing for 15 years.

Here are a couple of things we do to help both of us get a good workout on the same ride:
1. He leads at a "tempo" or "cruise" pace. I have all I can do to hang on his wheel - when I do, I get the benefit of the draft; if I don't, I can hang back at my own pace until he finishes his interval.

2. I take off on an interval of some sort, and he gives me a head start. Then he chases me down and passes me.

3. We do hill intervals on the same hill, but he starts working hard before I do - so our intervals are the same length of time, but he covers more ground.

Basically, I'd rather have him leave me for periods of time and ensure that he's getting a good workout, too, than hold back for me and not build his own fitness.

That said, he also doesn't tease me about my training "not paying off." Because it IS paying off; I'm just less experienced at this. And if he did say something like that, I'd probably feed him his handlebar tape.

Best of luck-
Solveig

[mimitabby]

And if he did say something like that, I'd probably feed him his handlebar tape.

Best of luck-
Solveig

:D :D :D :D :D

[lizbids]

Some guys (and girls) love to tease and make others annoyed b/c they LIKE to get under people's skin. Maybe it's a control thing? How about the next time he's feeling amorous you find a reason to complain you're "too tired" from all those hills :p :p :p :p

[roguedog]

:D :D :D :D :D

+100

this gave me a good laugh!

seriously, i agree with mimi. it is really hard going up a hill at a diff pace than you're used to. yesterday on the cindy i had some friends who rode at a diff pace than i did. i tried,.. tried to keep with them but i kept feel out of sorts.. and kinda out of rhythm.. and man, when i hit the hills, i just had to do it at my pace or i'd end up walking the hill.

i can't account for the 'tude but the pace thing i can.

[silver]

mr. and I are still working out the kinks of riding together. we've parted ways on rides. when he frustrates me with pace, I tell him, go ahead, I'll meet you later. I feel like he pushes himself to the point of possible injury. And I will not do that to myself to keep up with him. sometimes, I could easily match his pace but know that I will compromise my knees or my ability to finish the number of miles that I want to do, or my ability to do a run that I have planned later that day. Other times, I can't meet his pace.

sometimes, I see him speed up as I catch up and that makes me angry. Other times, I feel that he acts recklessly regarding intersections and drivers.

My bottom line is that I will not ride in a manner that I don't feel comfortable with in order to ride with him. I think that he's gotten that now. At least we are working on it! :D

[Batbike]

I don't think it was the RIDE that was the problem ... sounds as if you rode REALLY REALLY well ... but the DH ATTITUDE was the problem -- snide comments do no one any good! Of course you know him better than anybody, so if there is some way to get him to understand that his fitness level is different than your fitness level, or maybe fitness is equal but his body type gives him advantages (men are built differently :D), and that you would appreciate less sarcasism and more positive reinforcement, than it may all work out and you guys can ride together.

I ride with my DH, who is slower than me, and it gets on his nerves. He is ALWAYS making comments about how "I must feel" riding with him, when in fact, it does not bother me (I look at his comments as a "backwards compliment"). I ride with many people, most are men and stronger and better than me, and they treat me with respect and so I try to do what/how they do to me to my DH. For my DH, it is more his problem than mine ... I will climb a hill and come back down or wait on top (depending on my fitness); I will spin on flats and sometimes stay back, letting him get ahead of me, and then chase him down (giving me a sprint workout); and on downhills he will ALWAYS out ride me because he is 100 pounds heavier and not as cautious as wimpy me. I tell him how good he is doing and he tells me how "unfit" he is ... I say nothing because it is true, but only he can change that. We then talk positive about ride and move on. All good, because we know what to expect and work to respect each other ... it is how others treat me on the bike and I like it, so I work hard to do the same with my DH.

[Grog]

I've held on to this for almost 20 years now so I'll share it with you!!

When I was 12 years old, I liked riding my bike around the small town where we lived. It was quite a rural area and I'd often go on my own for this ride that I now know to be about 7.5 km or 5 miles. (Sometimes it would be 6 miles because I'd detour in front of the house of some guy I had a big crush on. :o ) Sometimes my mom would join me. Now be aware that my mom has always worked physically and walked A LOT and FAST, so she was reasonably fit, but she underestimates herself in all things and fitness is one of those. So on those bike rides, she'd be much stronger than me and could leave me in the dust, then say things like "Didn't you spend the whole summer riding your bike? Aren't you supposed to be fit?" or "How come am fitter than you young thing?", stuff not unlike what your DH said to you on that ride. She didn't mean it badly I think, she was mostly teasing and above all, in a weird way, expressing how happy she was not to be the one left behind. It always made me feel quite bad and it added to my clear sense that I was not made to be an athlete. It took me 15 years, and another new bike, to discover my inner-athlete and learn to love sports. :D

So the bottom line is that maybe your DH has felt bad about himself all winter, especially when you were going spinning and he was not. Sometimes when one partner discovers a new passion, the other might feel funny about it. Maybe he thought you would smoke him on the bike, and his teasing was his way of expressing his relief at not being so unfit after all.

I don't know how clear this (long) story is, but in any case it doesn't make his behaviour acceptable, and it could be useful to tell him you felt hurt, but also to be aware that he might have felt hurt too, for reasons that are outside of your control, and that this was his not-so-funny way to cope. (I also like the idea of feeding him his handlebar tape, but that should be last recourse!!! :eek: )

All things being equal, most men are much stronger than women on the bike, which seems to be the perfect machine to demultiply their strength. It's possible to find ways to ride together - compromise is the name of the game - but it's not always the best thing to do for the two partner's mental sanity.

[Surlygirl]

My DH hammers with the boys for his fast rides. When we ride together he is really good about staying with me. He uses me as his recovery ride partner. When he rides with the boys they avg in the 20's. Me, I putter along at 12-14 tops. It takes awhile to learn each others hot buttons on rides. We also plan out rides on our GPS so there are no BIG surprises on the ride. We also go out on solo rides. You just have to find what works for you. If he wants to scream have him ride with some guys, it might be a humbling experience. :D

[IntenseRide]

What is up with that?? Are they just bitter angry people because they are at dunkin donuts smoking at 8AM and we are out being healthy?


Yes, you got it! People that drive their cars as close to you as possible and then give you the 'look', trying to intimidate you while they talk on their cell phones or flick their cigarette at you. I just got a road bike, so for the most part have been riding my hardtail on the streets. Just the very intention of what these people are doing infuritates me. I've noticed they are usually overweight slobs that also look like they don't have two genes to rub together. I have to believe they are angry at themselves and the world and the person on the bike is an easy target to bully. I also hear alot of motorists just don't want to share the road, its inconvenient and slows them down. Everybody is just so impatient, but I bet if you got some of these people to ride, maybe just once, and they felt how good it made them, maybe some things would change.

Hope you are feeling better, I get you on this!

[Jenn]

~~~HUGS~~~ Ya'll are the bestist!! ( I know it's not a word but ya'll are!)
We talked everything out and we rode more hills today. He did ALOT better, and we actually enjoyed oursleves on this one!:D
I swear the hill we went up was freaking Mount Everest I think it was something sad like 3mph and my heart monitor was beeping at me at 182. But, I made it up and I was so happy and then I got a flat....DH fixed it for me though, bless his heart proabably after the verbal abuse he took the day before but it was nice.

But, again, to those of you that know my issues with flying and have given me support there, then listened to me crying about him leaving me yesterday....I love ya'll I mean it. I'll have a cerveza or margarita after we hike the pyramids in Tapetezlan and know ya'll have my back!!
Thank ya'll again, I'm sending BIG HUGS your way, I'll let you know how Mexico is when I get back!!!!
RIDE ON !!!:p

~~HUGS~~~

Jenn

P.S., Forgot to tell ya'll....some A**hole, in a beemer almost took me and DH out running about 50 MPH and this is on the base we are stationed at. I almost stopped at the golf course where he pulled in and wanted to give him a few words, but afer I read all the etiquette posts on here, I just uttered a few foul words, exchanged them with DH and we rode on!

[mountainchick]

Glad you had a better time on this last ride!

I can sympathize with you about the driver on base. We live on a military base in Japan, and I worry more about the Americans than the Japanese!

:)

Have fun in Mexico!