something i'd like to know? (re: housework)

[caligurl]

something i read somewhere made me wonder.... how many of you married women or women living with men do ALL the housework... all the dishes? all the vacuuming? all the laundry? all the cleaning? all the cooking???? etc!

i get irrited when i see posts from men that say they don't do that cuz they have a wife (or live in girlfriend)! YIKES! both of us work and we both do things around the house... granted i do the laundry.. cuz i have my quirks about it.... but once it's folded.. he puts his own away... i load the dishwasher... he unloads... we both vacuum, clean the bathrooms... clean the catbox (ok... he does that more than i do!) HE takes the trash out and cleans the dog doo!! lol! but we pretty much both do things...we both work... we both ride... ones not the "boss" over the other... it's a partnership!

and for your lurking men.... do you help around the house?

[Bikingmomof3]

DH does half of the housework, care of the kids, ect. We work together as partners/equals. :)

[mimitabby]

I do more than he does; but often he cooks, cleans the kitchen, sinks, toilet, and does laundry. he also does 95% of all bike work.

so the answer is, I do more; but if he didn't do any it probably wouldn't work! It's close enough to 50-50 for me considering his job takes a lot more hours out of the day than mine does.

[caligurl]

It's close enough to 50-50 for me considering his job takes a lot more hours out of the day than mine does.

see! that's cool... and it works for you two! i mean... if i didn't work at all... then i'd do a lot more (but i still wouldn't take out the trash and scoop the poop! :eek: )

[annie]

When I was a SAHM, I did almost all the "house" work. I was there. I had the time, usually. When I went back to work, I was still doing it all..... for a short time, when I decided it wasn't fair, I couldn't do it, and I was going to go crazy. So we had family meeting, set some new standards, and while it hasn't been perfect all these years, it helped. I do my part. Hubby does his. The boys do theirs. I probably still do the most, but that's partly 'cause I want things done my way. :rolleyes:

annie

[bike4ever]

Gosh, I though dust was a protective coating for furniture.:D

[caligurl]

Gosh, I though dust was a protective coating for furniture.:D


well... you notice when i listed the chore splits... i NEVER mentioned dusting!!! (i DESPISE dusting! HATE it! WORST chore in the world!)

[five one]

I think we're pretty close to 50-50. I do the cooking, but he'll do some prep if I leave a note. He does all kitchen clean up after dinner. Laundry - him (taught by me:) ). Bathrooms - me (I have higher standards of cleanliness). Everything else is negotiable, done together on the weekends mostly. The process has been honed over 35 years of togetherness - almost 32 married. DH is self employed, leaves the house at 4:30 am, often works 12 hour days. Then he gets on his bike, which he takes with him, and rides or comes home and trains in the garage until I get home. I feel very fortunate he is cheerfully willing to do most anything around the house. I wish I had as much energy.

[Veronica]

I do a little more, but I have more time at home.

V.

[mimitabby]

Dusting? what's dusting? Is that like shaking up dust into the air?
or is it beating someone on your road bike ? :D :D

[HappyAnika]

We split things up, very similarly in fact to Caligurl. Except I always do the dusting and vacuuming because he just can't do it to my standards. We share the cooking, and whoever doesn't cook cleans up the kitchen. My standards of cleanliness are definitely higher than his, and it was really difficult to train him how to do some things. He's good at the bathroom and the kitchen, but like I said he just can't vacuum very well. Overall I do more of the cleaning, but he also does a lot more work on the house in terms of things like fixing leaking faucets. We also have some minor reconstruction projects that he does more work on than me (like rebuilding our double hung windows, squaring off doorways, installing crown moulding, etc. . .).

We both work, we both ride and work out, we both take care of the dogs. If I was home more, like when I was unemployed, I would gladly do more around the house, and definitely cook more. :)

[HappyAnika]

I should also mention that when we have a baby (hopefuly in the not too distant future), we are hiring a cleaning service. I feel like I barely have enough time for my dogs as it is. I will gladly pay someone to dust and vacuum so I can spend more time with my family.

[light_sabe_r]

I can't stand Vaccumming. BF reckon's it's strength training so I let him do it. He's very good at it

I love folding so I usually do it. We dont' iron much

We both cook when we feel like it, and we both clean kitchen bathroom etc equally.

I dunno. i'd say it';s 50:50.... although the house is a mess at the moment so we can both take blame for that. ^_^

[mimitabby]

I will gladly pay someone to dust and vacuum so I can spend more time with my family.

Dust? Vacuum? what are those? :D (tore up all our carpeting years ago!)

[five one]

Dust? Vacuum? what are those? :D (tore up all our carpeting years ago!)

We just had hardwood floors installed in all but the bedrooms. Best investment ever in terms of keeping things cleaner and less dusty. It's actually fun to run the swiffer around.

[Sheesh]

I'm always harping on the "fairness" of the housework. I refuse to do it all, and I'm more than happy to leave something until Mr. Sheesh gets around to taking care of it. :rolleyes:

If I cook, he does the dishes. I do the laundry, he takes out the garbage. I take the dogs to the park so he can clean the floors without them getting in the way. He takes the dogs out in the morning, I take them out at night, and whomever gets home first takes them out in the evening.

I clean one bathroom, he cleans the other.
This system seems to work well for us.

[Artisan]

I only work two days a week. So I pretty much do most of the housework. We do split the laundry between us. I much rather do most of the housework than get up at 5 in the morning each day to go to work. I'm sooooo not a morning person. When I did work full-time we shared the housework, but his idea of clean and mine are totally different. :eek:

[Thorn]

When SO moved in, my stipulation was that we would hire a cleaning service. Wonderful man that he is, SO has this ability not to see messes. This, of course, extends to things like the grass--it could be 6" tall and he would say, "oh, do you think it needs cutting?"

So early on, I bought "relationship insurance" in the form of a cleaning person. Besides the fact that she is the most wonderful person I've ever met (I mean, she leaves flowers, gives Christmas gifts to the cats, works around schedules....). As long as we're a two income family, "relationship insurance" is a requirement.

Of the things that are left, well, they just get split. Who does most? Depends upon the week and the schedules. But we both feel guilty that the other does more...so I think it must be even.

[Mr. Bloom]

Mr. Silver walks in the room...

...hears the question...

...and goes :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :D

In an abundance of judiciousness, Mr. Silver poses a question to the group before he responds (and he will respond...):


How does one differentiate expectations in the following situations:

A couple where both parties are employed, vs.
A couple where only one member is employed and the other is a "homemaker"

[Bikingmomof3]

Clever Mr. Silver. :)

I am a SAHM, so naturally I do more aroung the house while DH is off earning an income. I would say for the most part our home life is equally split. I usually have dinner ready. I was on a ban from driving, so he was picking up our 3 boys and running errands. I was cleaning, doing laundry, making lists :D , etc.

We have a good balance. I have the children trained well (thank goodness they are teens) so we actually all have work to do around the house. :p

I did not truly answer much of anything. :rolleyes: Long post short, it all depends on the day.

[BleeckerSt_Girl]

I think there are no hard and fast rules that can apply to every couple.
I think the most important thing is for there to be an agreement and discussion about what things should be done by whom. The point is that negotiation/discussion should leave an end result that is both fair & satisfactory to both people. That INCLUDES taking into account hours spent doing various things like outside breadwinning jobs, part time jobs, housework, childcare and transportation, yard work, shopping, cooking, pet care, taking out garbage, etc. All are essential work to lead our daily lives normally.

DH and I sorted it all out when we moved in together and worked out the labor sharing to our mutual satisfaction. By "labor", that includes BOTH money making work and the also essential work required to maintain the house, get and prepare food, etc. We also are happy to "cover" for each other if someone wants a break from some chore or doesn't feel well.

[Triskeliongirl]

We share the 'work' to running a home 50/50, but that doesn't mean we split all jobs equally. We both work the same amount outside the home. My husband is really good at putting good meals on the table quickly so he does that including most of the kitchen cleanup most of the time (although I do have my specialty dishes that I make), I fix the bikes and do the financial stuff for us and my in-laws, he fixes broken things around the house. We shop together, he unloads and I put away. At the moment we have a cleaning women that does most of the general cleaning and laundry, but I de-clutter and do most of the deeper cleaning, and look more after the clothes (delicates, etc.) while he carries out the heavy stuff. We plan to let our cleaning women go after our youngest leaves for college next fall, but then we'll just split her duties.

[EBD]

I am soon to begin cohabitating for the first time, and I'm nervous about this. I think it'll be ok, because we complement each other - I'm *cleaner* than he is, but he's *neater* than I am, if that makes sense. (Or, we could just go nuts over each other's flaws). But I have already discovered one good trick - from the beginning, I've always told the BF how sexy and hot I find the sight of him washing dishes. I really hammed it up at the beginning. And y'all . . . he washes the hell out of those dishes. My kitchen is often cleaner after we have dinner here than it was before I started cooking, once BF is done with the (hot, sexy) cleanup. ;)

[mimitabby]

I am soon to begin cohabitating for the first time, and I'm nervous about this. I think it'll be ok, because we complement each other - I'm *cleaner* than he is, but he's *neater* than I am, if that makes sense. (Or, we could just go nuts over each other's flaws). But I have already discovered one good trick - from the beginning, I've always told the BF how sexy and hot I find the sight of him washing dishes. I really hammed it up at the beginning. And y'all . . . he washes the hell out of those dishes. My kitchen is often cleaner after we have dinner here than it was before I started cooking, once BF is done with the (hot, sexy) cleanup. ;)

positive reinforcement REALLY helps. If that DH of yours JUST ONCE does a chore you want him to do more of, lavishly praise him (and telling him it's sexy is about the BEST way to do that!)

on the other hand, if there's a chore you WANT to do, just keep telling him he doesn't do it right. More guys will QUIT doing chores for that reason. Who cares if he folds the towels differently? Just let him do it and THANK HIM!

[Mr. Bloom]

...clears his throat...pauses at the prospect of being in a minefield:p ...and says:

I think that the basic issue comes to parity and balance. As Rocky said to his brother-in-law when asked what he saw in Adrian's - "well, it's about gaps...I got gaps, she's got gaps...we fill in each other's gaps". So, we should each provide to our strength and share the load.

Having said that, as to single income households, I sincerely feel that:

The role of "homemaker" is undervalued by society and is often misappropriated as a servant role (you know, Archie Bunker yells: "Edith, where's my slippers...EDITH")
Likewise, the breadwinner in a single income family is often expected to expected to burn the candle at both ends...employee all day...then taking an 'equal' share in the housework at night.


So, Mr. Silver straigthens his tie, hopes that he's not made anyone mad, and goes to the men's room to comb his hair...;)

[7rider]

DH and I both work - outside the home and inside the home.
In the house, we both have our "chores" - I cook, he does the dishes. I clean the upstairs, he cleans the downstairs. He does the bunnies' litter boxes, I make their salads (shhhh, I got the better half of the deal on that one!). We split laundry.
So...summary...we split. We find a way.

[emily_in_nc]

I have a somewhat unusual situation in that I am the one working full-time, and my husband is retired. He was laid off from a software design position (same thing I do) during the telecom bust of 2001, so his situation kinda segued from unemployment to retirement. Our debts were all paid off and we don't have children, so we really didn't need to make two salaries; as a result, we jointly decided that it would improve our joint quality of life to have him home, so we wouldn't have to spend all our free time after work and on weekends doing chores, errands, and projects as we'd been doing for years.

So, as a stay-at-home husband, he does about 75% of the housework, including most of the cooking, laundry, shopping, vacuuming, trash duties, bathroom cleaning etc. He has always done most of the heavier maintenance duties such as cutting/chopping wood, making/tending fires (we have a wood stove), landscaping, home repairs, filling bird feeders, etc. I do things that he just doesn't notice, like dusting, floor mopping, ironing, plant watering, straightening up, countertop wiping, putting things away, and keeping things organized in the household.

I feel kind of guilty because he does so much now, but when we both worked full-time, we were much more 50/50 with the division of labor, and I am sure we'll be that way again once I retire. For now, the way we do it works for us. He makes an attempt to get as much done during the week as possible so that we can either have fun on the weekends or do major projects that he needs my help on (we are currently tiling a sunroom floor, for example).

A lot of women I talk to seem to think our arrangement is really odd, but it works for us. As long as both people are satisfied with the arrangement so that there's no resentment, that's what counts....

Emily

[Mr. Bloom]

I feel kind of guilty because he does so much now

A lot of women I talk to seem to think our arrangement is really odd, but it works for us.

I personally don't find it odd...nor do I think you should feel any guilt at all. It's great that it's working so good! I think it should be applauded!

[colby]

Another interesting question. I have a slightly unusual home situation in that my husband and I share a home with my dad and my younger brother, who is 13. The three adults work full time, my dad teaches on weekends in winter (skiing), and my brother is in middle school (high school next year, sigh).

When it comes to chores, we kind of have a system that looks like chaos. :) We each do our own laundry (I do my husband's), but if clothes need to be rotated, we pitch in. My husband does daily dishes and kitchen duty, but we all try to pitch in on keeping the counters clear. My husband sorts the mail, but I sort it first to find important stuff, and I pay the bills (and do taxes, ugh). My dad pays some bills and buys the groceries, but we plan meals together and I try to shop with him so he's not alone. We all bring in the groceries, we all put them away (unless it gets crowded!). My dad cooks most meals, but if I'm home, I will help cook (and clean somewhat afterward), and sometimes we'll go out (we trade off paying each time). My brother is assigned miscellaneous chores, like vacuuming some part of the house, cleaning up his computer area (no computer in his bedroom), cleaning up his bedroom, that kind of thing. Whoever remembers takes out the trash/recycle. ;) I can't remember the last time my husband cleaned toilets/sinks/showers, bathroom duty is kind of my thing, though my dad and brother have their own bathroom that I never use and only clean for them when company's coming over.

It's a delicate balance with 2 peoples' habits and personalities, it's a more delicate balance with 4. You really have to work to make a family successful, just like any relationship. We still have a lot of clutter and sometimes general house cleaning waits longer than it should, but I don't think we realise just how busy we are. Cleaning service is sounding better and better ;)

[lph]

But I have already discovered one good trick - from the beginning, I've always told the BF how sexy and hot I find the sight of him washing dishes.

Funny :D

The sight of my dh washing floors is VERY sexy. He usually takes his shirt off, and gets all efficient and authoritarian :p

[Offthegrid]

I'm a bit late coming to this thread, but I wanted to add that I am always amazed, shocked and repulsed when I watch "Supernanny" or "Nanny 911" and the woman is doing EVERYTHING from sunup to sundown while the man puts in his 8 hours at the office and then plops on the couch. So she's a SAHM -- does that mean she doesn't ever deserve a break? Amazing.

Re: housework. It's one other thing that doomed my relationship with my ex. When you're in an apartment, there are no typical "man" chores such as lawn care, washing cars, etc. Finally I made him do his own laundry because I was sick of doing everything, and he would stuff the washer so full of all his clothes, then wonder why they came out wrinkled after 90 minutes in the dryer. :rolleyes:

[alpinerabbit]

I actually do less than him. He's very orderly and I am a slob. But I am currently paying for the cleaner so I have outsourced some of my responsibility...

[SheFly]

[rant on]

Vacuuming - SheFly
Laundry (incl folding & putting away) - SheFly
Cleaning bathroom - SheFly
Emptying kitty litter - SheFly
Feeding cat - SheFly
Tidying and dusting - SheFly
Paying bills/managing household finance - SheFly
Car maintenance (taking cars for inspection, regular maintenance) - SheFly
Grocery shopping - SheFly
Loadin/unloading dishwasher - SheFly
Making moring coffee - SheFly
Knowing where EVERYTHING is, including DH's stuff - SheFly
Cooking - Shefly and DH
Watering plants - DH
Lawn care - hired out....
Bike maintenance - DH - of course (he has to do SOMETHING!)

[rant off]

I am an enabler. It's defintely not 50/50 at our house, and some days I'm bitter about that. Oh yeah - we have two houses and the same rules apply at both houses.

[mimitabby]

I want to play!
originally from Shefly


Vacuuming - no vacuumnig
Laundry (incl folding & putting away) - Mimi & DH
Cleaning bathroom - DH & Mimi
Emptying kitty litter - ONLY mimi
Feeding catZ - usually Mimi
Tidying and dusting - ? :confused:
Paying bills/managing household finance - DH
Car maintenance (taking cars for inspection, regular maintenance) - Mimi & DH
Grocery shopping - Mimi & DH
Loadin/unloading dishwasher - Mimi, DH, DS
Making morning coffee & tea - DH
Knowing where EVERYTHING is, including DH's stuff - :confused: only the shadow knows
Cooking - Mimi and DH
Making pie - DH
Watering plants - bwahahaha Mimi (only cactus survives in this house)
Lawn care - .... DH mows once a year whether he needs to or not
Yardwork - mimi
Bike maintenance - DH
Floors - (sweeping, washing) Mimi
Sending cards and making phone calls to ailing relatives his and mine Mimi
Remembering - Mimi

[Hub]

Ditto most of what SheFly said- I'm so glad she posted so I don't feel alone!
[rant on]:mad:

Vacuuming - Hub
Laundry (incl folding & putting away) - Hub
Cleaning bathrooms - Hub
Emptying kitty litter - Hub
Feeding dogs -Hub
Tidying and dusting - Hub
Paying bills/managing household finance - SheFly& dH
Car maintenance (taking cars for inspection, regular maintenance) - Hub
Grocery shopping - Hub
Loadin/unloading dishwasher - Hub
Making moring coffee, refilling coffee cups - Hub
Knowing where EVERYTHING is, including DH's stuff - Hub ( Well alot gets lost)
Cooking - Hub
Walking dogs- Hub
Lawn care - hired out....
Bike maintenance -Please- only one cyclist lives here.
Paying for 'domestic assistance'- when we can find someone to work -dH
Driving HIS mom around to do errands- Hub
[rant off]

I am also an enabler. It's defintely not 50/50 at our house, and some days I'm bitter about that.

[mimitabby]

Paying bills/managing household finance - SheFly& dH
Car maintenance (taking cars for inspection, regular maintenance) - Hub
Grocery shopping - Hub


Hub, how do you get Shefly to pay your bills? :D :D :D :D

[IFjane]

Vacuuming - usually IFjane
Laundry (incl folding & putting away) - usually IFjane
Cleaning bathrooms - IFjane
Emptying kitty litter - SO
Feeding dogs -Don't have dogs
Tidying and dusting - IFjane
Paying bills/managing household finance - both of us
Car maintenance (taking cars for inspection, regular maintenance) - both of us
Grocery shopping - SO
Loading/unloading dishwasher - both of us
Making moring coffee, refilling coffee cups - SO
Knowing where EVERYTHING is, including SO's stuff - IFjane - example: this morning on my way to work I had to deliver SO's WALLET to him because he couldn't find it (it was on his bedside table :rolleyes: )
Cooking - SO
Walking dogs- No dogs
Lawn care - hired out....
Bike maintenance - both of us


I feel very lucky because SO does so much - much more than my ex ever did (one reason for the divorce). One decision we made last year was to hire out the yard work - though we both love to putter out there - but we have about 1.5 acres to mow & it was taking way too much of our "play" time. It is not cheap but is one of the best investments we have made in each other.

[margo49]

In theory 50-50 from the beginning (22 years almost).
In practice 50 -50 altho' over the last 10 years we have specialised more (I do the bathroom (standards), The Friday Dinner (coz I'm the best cook), the laundry (coz I love it), I change towels and sheets (coz the rest just don't care); SO does more (and for some periods all) of the shopping (coz he sticks to the list), the chopping of the firewood (I became incapacitated so I taught him 10 years ago and DS#1 is qualified too and DS#2 is ok with the tomahawk ).
The one who cooks doesn't do the dishes, Dad gets a rest on Friday night and the kids split up the clear-up and dishes between them, emergencies involving both of us means the home front devolves to DD are some of our family customs.
That said we can each run the show of 3 kids cat and dog alone . This has been critical when it's been critical.
The kids are doing a lot more now and we (me + 3) have been known to do the Friday blitz and then all sit round with a beer feeling virtuous! SO is too virtuous for even beer!

My basic theory tho' is that it is not so important what you do but that your contibution is remarked upon from time to time and appreciated and respected.I developed this in my late 30's when I met a lot of people living very traditionally/stereotypically. And I saw that he thought she was a great at running the house and family and she thought he was a good provider and dealt with Matters of State to the benefit of all the family. [I myself would never live like this for all the appreciation in the world ... but I have seen it wenough to know it can work just as well as the most carefully worked out scheduled "equality"]

[SalsaMTB]

Yes! I'm not the only one....thanks shefly. DH and I both work full time. Dh runs our new business, I have the steady income. He puts in about one extra hour a day than me, I'll help out at the store on weekends.

Vacuuming - Salsa
Laundry (incl folding & putting away) - Salsa (DH will put away normally)
Cleaning bathroom - Salsa
P/UP Dog Waste - Hired Out
Feeding Dogs - AM: DH PM: Salsa
Take dogs to vet - Salsa
Tidying - Salsa and DH
Dusting - Salsa
Paying bills/managing household finance - Salsa
Car maintenance (taking cars for inspection, regular maintenance) - Salsa
Grocery shopping - Salsa and DH
Loadin/unloading dishwasher - Salsa (or DH w/ guilt trip)
Making moring coffee - Salsa
Knowing where EVERYTHING is, including DH's stuff - Salsa
Cooking (all threee meals)- Salsa
Watering plants - DH
Lawn care - hired out....
Bike maintenance - DH - he does run a bike shop :)
Snow Removal - DH (although we really haven't had any this winter)

[SheFly]

Hub, how do you get Shefly to pay your bills? :D :D :D :D

I wondered where those extra bills were coming from... :D

[SheFly]

Sending cards and making phone calls to ailing relatives his and mine Mimi
Remembering - Mimi

Oh Mimi - good catch! I left that one off. If it weren't for me, none of my inlaws (or my family, his/our friends) would EVER get cards, calls or gifts...

SheFly

p.s.
After three pages of 50/50, I thought I was the ONLY one who didn't fit that mold. SO glad to know that I'm not alone....

[spokewench]

Vacuuming - Spoke
Laundry (incl folding & putting away) - 80% Spoke
Cleaning bathroom - Spoke
Emptying kitty litter - DH
Feeding cat - DH and Spoke
Tidying and dusting - Spoke
Paying bills/managing household finance - Spoke/DH
Car maintenance (taking cars for inspection, regular maintenance) - DH
Grocery shopping - Spoke
Loadin/unloading dishwasher - DH/Spoke
Making moring coffee - Spoke
Knowing where EVERYTHING is, including DH's stuff - Spoke
Cooking - Spoke
Watering plants - Spoke
Lawn care - DH/Spoke
Bike maintenance - DH
Cutting and building fires - DH 80%

So, we share responsibilities. The only thing I would really like my DH to do that he does not, is clean up the dishes after I come home from work and cook. (He does not cook). Somtimes he will put the plates in the dishwasher but only about twice a year does he ever clean a pot or a pan. That would be nice!

[SR500]

Vacuuming - DH
Laundry (incl folding & putting away) - Mostly SR
Cleaning bathroom - SR
Emptying kitty litter - SR (DH hates cats)
Feeding cat - SR
Tidying and dusting - Tidying DH - Dusting SR
Paying bills/managing household finance - SR
Car maintenance (taking cars for inspection, regular maintenance) - DH
Grocery shopping - SR
Loadin/unloading dishwasher - DH
Making moring coffee - We don't drink coffee
Knowing where EVERYTHING is, including SR's stuff - DH
Cooking - Mostly SR
Watering plants - DH
Lawn care - DH
Bike maintenance - DH
Home repairs/projects - DH (plenty to do with a 100+ year old home)
Take out the trash - DH

I should add we each have our own business. DH is home based and he still takes care of the kids, I have an office and 7 employees. So there is always plenty to do...

[bouncybouncy]

Vacuuming - bouncy...tho DH claims he takes part! HA
Laundry (incl folding & putting away) - 99% DH
Cleaning bathroom - generally bouncy...but DH does (cause he does a better job) when we are expecting houseguest!
Walk dog - my little one doesn't need much walking BUT we are getting a new baby tonight which will be DH's responsibility since he was the instigator of the new addition (with VERY LITTLE risistance from me:p )
Feeding dog - bouncy
Tidying and dusting - bouncy
Paying bills/managing household finance - DH
Car maintenance (taking cars for inspection, regular maintenance) - DH
Grocery shopping - bouncy/DH
Loadin/unloading dishwasher - DH...but he needs reminding every once in a while
Making moring coffee - bouncy
Knowing where EVERYTHING is, including DH's stuff - BOUNCY...he can't find his own head sometimes!!! HUGE joke amonst friends how directionally impaired he is...kinda scary actually!!!
Cooking - bouncy...cooking for DH is taking me out...so no complaints from this chic!!! and he does clean up after dinner 63% of the time with 67% effort!!!
Watering plants - bouncy...until they die then I watch them dry out till I buy more for that pot :o
Lawn care - DH/bouncy (whining the whole time!!! ...and truthfully not doing much but playing with the dog or riding in circles on my mtb hehe)
Bike maintenance - DH
Cutting and building fires - DH
Sending cards and making phone calls to ailing relatives his and mine
Remembering and following through - bouncy

I am very lucky to have a hyper DH who loves to "stuff" and stay active whether it be yardwork, housework, or play...he does know how to lay around on a rainy sunday staying in jammies all day and just relax!!! I think our balance works out very well...I tend to do the daily little things that keep the house tidy and he does the major chores that take alot of time...

[KSH]

something i read somewhere made me wonder.... how many of you married women or women living with men do ALL the housework... all the dishes? all the vacuuming? all the laundry? all the cleaning? all the cooking???? etc!

i get irrited when i see posts from men that say they don't do that cuz they have a wife (or live in girlfriend)! YIKES! both of us work and we both do things around the house... granted i do the laundry.. cuz i have my quirks about it.... but once it's folded.. he puts his own away... i load the dishwasher... he unloads... we both vacuum, clean the bathrooms... clean the catbox (ok... he does that more than i do!) HE takes the trash out and cleans the dog doo!! lol! but we pretty much both do things...we both work... we both ride... ones not the "boss" over the other... it's a partnership!

and for your lurking men.... do you help around the house?

When I was married. I did it ALL.

Paid the bills.
Worried about keeping a job to pay the bills.
Washed the clothes.
Cleaned the house.
Went shopping for the food and cooked.
Made sure his car got oil changes, etc.
Made sure he went the dentist, etc.

ETC... ETC... ETC.

He basically did nothing.

Oddly, I never want to be married ever again... go figure.

[mimitabby]

When I was married. I did it ALL.

Paid the bills.
Worried about keeping a job to pay the bills.
Washed the clothes.
Cleaned the house.
Went shopping for the food and cooked.
Made sure his car got oil changes, etc.
Made sure he went the dentist, etc.

ETC... ETC... ETC.

He basically did nothing.

Oddly, I never want to be married ever again... go figure.

KSH you sound perfect for my son! (except he cooks and cleans in the kitchen!)

[maillotpois]

We're pretty even. We're both full time attorneys and we both ride bikes. I do most of the helping kid with homework, dinner prep during the week because I tend to get home earlier than he does. I tend to go into work earlier and leave earlier than normal business hours because it helps my commute immensely. I also try to work at home as much as possible.

The laundry stacks up until we both get so sick of looking at it that one or both of us folds it. I generally keep the laundry "going" in terms of making sure things get washed - mostly because DD is so fussy about what clothes she wears and we've been burned too many times on a weekday morning with her having no "right" pants. :rolleyes:

Whoever cooks dinner doesn't do dishes. He's a better cook than I am so I do a lot of dishes.

I do 95% of the work on my own bikes. I still can't pull a crank or adjust cables well, and sometimes he'll step in and do something nice like putting on my new tires for me.

I always take the trash out or he'd forget. I almost never vaccuum. We do have cleaners every other week, but if the animal hair, dirt or whatever builds up too much between, then he deals with it.

I do all the dog transport (our dog has to go to Guide Dogs to breed every other month or so), but I'm the dog person.

I do most of the kid to doctor/orthodontist type visits, but DH's mother does a fair amount too. I do all of the working in school or field trip driving - but his mom will work my shift at school if I cannot. My work is a little more flexible than his - and it's also still tough for men to take time from work for school things whereas it's more expected of women. :cool: I'm lucky that his mom's nearby so I can volunteer for regular school work and not sweat if I cannot make it because of work.

It's pretty fair. The only time I get a little peeved is when I come home from work after he does and he is sitting at the computer, having done nothing to get dinner ready. :mad: He's the president of our tennis club, so he spends a fair amount of time at night on the computer dealing with all the work associated with that. So that gets a little old! :rolleyes: As soon as I get home my priorities are 1. has kid done her homework? 2. has kid been fed or is there a plan in the works to do so?

[MyLitespeed]

Gee sounds like I will have to retrain my husband, although it may be to late (24 years to late). Our schedule is we both get up M-F at 3:45, I make the bed, clean the cat boxes, collect all the trash and take that out, eat breakfast, take my shower. At 6 am I take both dogs for a 45 minute walk, do the dishes, maybe throw in a load of laundry then start work at 7:30(I work from home). My husband gets up, takes a shower, eats, gets on the computer for about 1/2 hr. goes to work at 5:30. Then at 4:30 pm we either go to the gym (M,W,F) or walk the dogs for an hour. When we get back we usually just grab something quick to eat and head to bed by 8 pm. He does do all bike maintance and sometimes works in the yard. Overall though, he's a great husband and I couldn't ask for a nicer person to have married. A clean house isn't everything. :D

[Crankin]

The situation right now: 2 married adults, no kids, both work full time and ride bikes.

All housecleaning: cleaning service. Had one for probably 20 years, with the exception of the first 3 years i moved back to Massachusetts. Before this, we split it equally.

Cooking: I do most, he cleans up. He is a good cook, though. Cooking relaxes me and I like it, so it doesn't seem like a chore.
Food shopping: Now we go together 85% of the time. Like the "old couples" you see... when kids were little we had a strict every other week rotation on friday, after work. There were many years I couldn't stomach the thought of taking my kids to the store.

Bike repair: All husband. I know nothing, except how to change a flat and he is an excellent mechanic who has every bike tool known to mankind.

Cars: I take my car for the state inspection, gas, etc. but the dealer is a mile from his office, so when it needs service, we switch cars and he takes mine there.

Anything outside or mechanical: Not me. Our new house has no lawn, but when we did have a lawn, we had a landscaping service for most of the time. it was cheap in AZ and when hubby got into cycling, he no longer wanted to spend weekends doing that, so we got someone to do it. He used to like gardening, but now it is just done out of necessity. We have to landscape some areas in the spring and I am being coerced into helping because we don't want to spend the $ to hire someone. I actually helped rake out a large hill area in the front of my house in the fall. I hate it and the only way i can make myself do it is to look at it as exercise.

Bills: he does it, all on line. I know what's going on, though. I don't like the on line aspect of it because I am generally old fashioned and don't mind writing checks. We discuss everything and plan the financials together.

Fixing stuff: My husband has saved us lots of cash, because he can fix just about anything. he loves gadgets and has a tool for everything. I'm like my dad, who could barely hammer a nail. My mom fixed everything, though.

Buying stuff: We both do our fair share of the spending!

Laundry: I mostly do it, but for years, he did.

Advising adult children: They come to both of us for different things and I suspect tell us different things, too....

When kids were small, he always took them to daycare and I picked up. I arranged the daycare and babysitters. He took them to birthday parties (I had no tolerance for those things), movies, and computer related things without me. I took them to children's theatre without him. But most of the time, we did stuff together. I took them to sports practices, but he went to the games most of the time. I also took them to Hebrew school during the week. When Scott was racing he did everything, took him to races, helped arrange rides, dealt with the other psycho parents of junior bike racers. After Scott could drive himself, we went to see him race together, a few times. This was right when I first started riding, so I wasn't that interested.

Next year, when I retire, things will pretty much stay the same. I probably will do the food shopping alone, though, during the week.

[Tuckervill]

Been married 17 years and we've been through a lot of changes. He used to be more concerned with things like bed-making, etc., but I was always satisfied with "sanitary" when the kids were little.

But now it's pretty much me doing all of it, except he will do the dishes before bed every night if they need doing. I don't go in the kitchen after supper's over, (I clean as I cook) but he usually makes a late evening trip. I'd leave dishes until morning, but he just can't. Doing the dishes keeps him from eating at that time of night:)

There was a short time when he was out of work and I went back to work to make ends meet. He's a MUCH better housewife than I am! Made my lunch every day, laundry always done. He didn't have to do it day after day for 17 years, though. :)

We don't divide it up in any way, except laundry. Everyone does their own laundry. We just see what needs doing and we do it, if we've got the time. I have more time at home, so I do more. If I asked him to do what I usually do, he would.

Karen

[Aint Doody]

We own a small business. We get home; he sits down with the newspaper, and I start dinner. I pretty much do it all--except for some of the yard work that isn't hired out. I've always said, "Gee, I wish I had a wife."

He does rake the leaves in the fall and complains loudly about it. I used to feel guilty and help. Not any more!

[suzieqtwa]

I have been married 16 years ,and we help each other out. My daughter is grown ,so its just us ,and the 2 cats. I do the laundry ,but he cleans the bathrooms ,and cuts the grass. Who ever has the most time does it. If I cook dinner, he cleans the dishes. We never really talk about it ,just do it.

[Deborajen]

We're about 75/25 and both work full-time. He'll vacuum the easy areas, take out the trash (once a week of it), help load and unload the dishwasher, clean the bathroom (excluding the shower/tub), and feed the dog and cats (most of the time). I get the rest - cooking, laundry, and pretty much anything not otherwise specified as his.

He is gradually doing a little more, though. Ironically, what got him started was buying a boat. He and our son (who's now away at college) like to go fishing - I'm kind of a hydrophobe and don't get along with boats. They started out just heading off to the lake - whenever - and letting the housework slide 'til later. They seemed to feel a little guilty about leaving me out of the fun, plus they got tired of hearing me gripe about the housework not being done. I pointed out that if the housework was out of the way, it wouldn't bother me if they wanted to go enjoy some fishing - especially if they alternated fishing trips with some family bike rides. They seem to like that incentive.

Deb

[Mr. Bloom]

OK, here's a question:

Silver is a "clean" person...she's OK with clutter as long the clutter is on a spotless countertop. When she cooks, she piles the dishes in the sink.

I'm a "tidy" person...I don't like clutter. I wonder how you know it's a spotless countertop if you can't see it for the clutter. When I cook, I clean as I go.

Fill in the blank with "Tidy" or "Clean":

I am:____________

DH is: ______________

[kelownagirl]

I want to play!
originally from Shefly


Vacuuming - DH
Laundry (incl folding & putting away) - KG and DH puts away his own
Cleaning bathroom - usually KG
Emptying kitty litter - ONLY KG
Feeding cats and dogs - DH
Tidying and dusting - mostly KG
Paying bills/managing household finance - KG
Car maintenance (taking cars for inspection, regular maintenance) - KG & DH
Grocery shopping - KG & DH
Loading/unloading dishwasher - DH
Making morning coffee - DH
Knowing where EVERYTHING is, including DH's stuff - KG
Cooking - KG
Making pie - my mom
Watering plants - no live plants
Lawn care - .... DH mows once a week, spring to fall
Yardwork - mostly DH, KG does most of the flowerbeds
Bike maintenance - DH
House maintenance, building stuff, renos etc - DH
Picking up dog poop - DH
Remembering - KG
Nightly back massages - DH (which is why I do all that I do :) ?

[SheFly]

I've always said, "Gee, I wish I had a wife."


:D

Great line! I was working around the house trying to frantically get everything done one day when DH looked at me and innocently said, "What are you doing?" I snapped and retorted, "I know that you think that everything around here happens by magic, but I am the magic!" He started helping a little more after that. ;)

SheFly

[SheFly]

Originally by Mr. Silver:

I am:_Clean AND Tidy____

DH is: _Neither__________

SheFly

[Bikingmomof3]

OK, here's a question:
Fill in the blank with "Tidy" or "Clean":

I am:____________

DH is: ______________

I cannot function in clutter.

I am: Clean and tidy.

DH if left on his own is neither. He does not "see" clutter. You should see his office and lab space. :eek: Yet, he knows where everything is in his office. If it gets filed, he cannot find a thing.

The boys-the twins share a room and are the odd couple. One is clean and tidy, the other a slob. My oldeset has his own room and is a slob. I keep threatenting to put the two slobs together and giver] the clean and tidy child his own room. I would have years ago, but the twins prefer to be together. :confused:

[emily_in_nc]

Originally by Mr. Silver:

I am:_Clean AND Tidy____

DH is: _Neither__________

SheFly

What She(Fly) said!!!

However, DH is terribly handy and does so much about the house and yard, I can't complain too much about the crumbs in the sink or the clutter on the coffee table. He just emailed me that he fixed the electronic garage door today already... :)

Emily

[mimitabby]

I am ________sort of clean

DH is _______ak..um, sort of

help!! we need a wife!!

[im4smiley]

I would agree with Mimitabby....I do everything, bills, cleaning, cooking etc....although..now that the kids are grown and out of the house..he cleans the living room (where he spends all his time) and if there are less than 10 dishes in the sink...he will do them. something wrong here!! I told him that next time around I was getting a wife :-)

[KnottedYet]

I highly recommend the wife option...;)

Knot-has-no-legal-rights-in-the-US-and-knows-it

[Deanna]

Over the years, my DH and I have worked out a pretty good system--we each do what we do better than the other. I do all the housework, but he does all the yard work. We have a big enough yard with enough leaf dropping trees that this is equitable. I like the housework done a certain way (okay, MY way), so I'd end up redoing it if he tried. We split most other duties. I dothe dinner cooking and the dishes (I can make things that don't require a can opener). He manages a bike shop, so he does any bike maintenance beyond cleaning and changing flats.

[emily_in_nc]

I would agree with Mimitabby....I do everything, bills, cleaning, cooking etc....although..now that the kids are grown and out of the house..he cleans the living room (where he spends all his time) and if there are less than 10 dishes in the sink...he will do them. something wrong here!! I told him that next time around I was getting a wife :-)

So, why do you ladies who do nearly everything (that seems to be a common response here) put up with it?

I'm not trying to be rude, just truly curious. It just doesn't seem right to me to put up with that disparity unless it is serving you in some way. Don't you get resentful? If you don't, and you truly do enjoy doing most everything, then that's one thing...but I'd wager that most of the "do it all" gals here have to resent it just a bit. I know I would.

I just can't imagine doing 90%+ of everything unless I were at home full-time and DH worked. Then I would. If we both worked or both didn't work, forget it -- it's got to be divvied up in some semblance of 50/50. Fortunately, my DH is a rare bird; he's always done a lot. He likes to stay busy; he's not one to sit around and watch TV, except late in the evening. And since I'm the one working full-time, and he's retired, I do a lot less right now than he does.

Just trying to understand....

Emily

[aggiecorgi]

I unfortunately do about 90% of the work....DH does the bills and sometimes mows. We both work full time, my job pays more and has longer hours. I think a lot of it has to do with which part of the county your significant other grew up. My husband is from the hill country of Texas, and many men from that area seem to expect these "typical" male/women roles. He does help with the housework if I ask, but only with lots of complaining and resentment. In the past I've asked for more help, but the "help" only lasts for a few weeks.

I do have one thing that might help....I've told him he has to help out more before we have any kids. No help = no kids.

[kelownagirl]

You can train them to help. It's easier if you start off small and give lots of praise. If you sit down and make a list of everything you do in a day, and everything he does in a day and then list the things you each get to do in your free time (ie how many minutes/hours of tv or reading or relaxing or biking etc), you will often see pretty quickly that you do way more work and less free-time. It's hard for him to argue if you show him the list. I don't buy the whole argument that he works and you stay home so you should do ALL the home stuff. When I was a SAHM with two toddlers, I agreed to do all the housework during the day. But when he came home, he had to help with the child-rearing and after dinner housework. My day didn't end at 5, why should his?

Anyway, I started with insisting that he help with the dishes, later we moved to him doing all the dishes as long as I cooked. Then we set aside one morning a week that we did housework together and I gave him his choice of what he wanted to do. It wasn't always easy but it's worth working on. It took me about 10 years to get it working though.

This time around, I have stepped up the training and expect to be done in 10 months instead of 10 years. :D :D

[ACG]

I was married, please note the word "was". I did it all, ALL OF IT. And was not appreciated. This is one, no two reasons why I'm not married. My ex also lurks on this site from time to time........... Oops there is another reason.

To all who can, share the work, it is the only way.

[Mr. Bloom]

You can train them to help. It's easier if you start off small and give lots of praise. If you sit down and make a list of everything you do in a day, and everything he does in a day and then list the things you each get to do in your free time (ie how many minutes/hours of tv or reading or relaxing or biking etc), you will often see pretty quickly that you do way more work and less free-time. It's hard for him to argue if you show him the list. I don't buy the whole argument that he works and you stay home so you should do ALL the home stuff. When I was a SAHM with two toddlers, I agreed to do all the housework during the day. But when he came home, he had to help with the child-rearing and after dinner housework. My day didn't end at 5, why should his?

Anyway, I started with insisting that he help with the dishes, later we moved to him doing all the dishes as long as I cooked. Then we set aside one morning a week that we did housework together and I gave him his choice of what he wanted to do. It wasn't always easy but it's worth working on. It took me about 10 years to get it working though.
:D :D

I'm glad that this approach seems to have worked for you. However, I think if I took this approach with Silver or vice versa, then fireworks may have resulted. Don't misunderstand...I like the list idea, but comparing you vs. him...well, I'm not sure that would work with everyone.

Personally, I'd suggest simply listing the tasks and making it clear that you need his help in sharing the burden equally.

Just my humble opinion...

[kelownagirl]

I'm glad that this approach seems to have worked for you. However, I think if I took this approach with Silver or vice versa, then fireworks may have resulted. Don't misunderstand...I like the list idea, but comparing you vs. him...well, I'm not sure that would work with everyone.

Personally, I'd suggest simply listing the tasks and making it clear that you need his help in sharing the burden equally.

Just my humble opinion...


Most of that was tongue in cheek actually Mr. S. But honestly, in my first marriage, at one point I really did sit down and make a list of everything I did because he just didn't get it. I think for many men, it's the way they're brought up. It's tough for them to see another point of view, that women weren't put on this earth to serve them.

[Mr. Bloom]

Most of that was tongue in cheek actually Mr. S. But honestly, in my first marriage, at one point I really did sit down and make a list of everything I did because he just didn't get it. I think for many men, it's the way they're brought up. It's tough for them to see another point of view, that women weren't put on this earth to serve them.

Sorry for thinking you were serious, but you're right. My mother came home from work every night, cooked dinner, washed dishes, and on weekends did laundry. She had a cleaning woman for other stuff...If I were to look to that role model...I wouldn't have known better. Silver's mother was exactly the same.

[mimitabby]

Aggie,
my mother married a first generation american that she met in Texas, so first he was spoiled by his aristocratic polish bourgeois mother, and then by his first wife, a texas born and bred stay at home mom.
My mother has trained him to vacuum, load the dishwasher and MAKE HIS OWN LUNCH. This dude is 80 (they were about 55 when they got married)
so it CAN be done.
My mother still complains about all that she has to do, but you can get your man to help out...

He's got it way too easy.

[Aggie_Ama]

Native Texan , married to a native Texan. He was raised by his mother after his parents divorced in a home with a Texas Hill Country bred stepfather. His stepdad does a lot of things for them. I have seen my stepfather-in-law wash dishes, repairing things, making dinner, etc... I think my mother-in-law trained him though. It isn't where you are born, it is how you were raised. My father-in-law pretty much only tends to the yard and the grill, but my husband didn't grow up in his house.

We divide the housework. Honestly, my DH does more than his fair share when his job requires 5-10 more than mine a week. I do the bills and slack on almost everything else. I do all the cooking, unless it involves the grill. :) The onyl thing DH hasn't done in the 5 years we have lived together is clean a toilet (I do that).

My uncle is getting us a knew kitchen sink and faucet and was asking me what I wanted. I told him "I don't know, C does most of the dished. We should ask him!"

[Crankin]

Well, my husband's mother did everything for all 4 kids and his dad (who looks helpless when he is confronted with making a sandwich), but my husband came into our marriage willing to do everything equally. It's really an equity issue. When we were first married, we actually had a list and schedule of all household tasks on the fridge. I have lightened up considerably. We are both clean and tidy, but my husband is super tidy, almost anal. I am a bit of a secret slob , like don't look in my dresser drawers. I just couldn't be married to someone who expected me to come home and do everything. My dad always came home, did child care, gave my mom time to herself, even in the fifties.
Maybe if couples discussed this before they married or moved in together, and then re-evaluated on a regular basis, there would be less of an issue. But, I guess they're all thinking about those $20,000 weddings!

[mimitabby]

Well, my husband's mother did everything for all 4 kids and his dad (who looks helpless when he is confronted with making a sandwich), but my husband came into our marriage willing to do everything equally. It's really an equity issue. When we were first married, we actually had a list and schedule of all household tasks on the fridge. I have lightened up considerably. We are both clean and tidy, but my husband is super tidy, almost anal. I am a bit of a secret slob , like don't look in my dresser drawers. I just couldn't be married to someone who expected me to come home and do everything. My dad always came home, did child care, gave my mom time to herself, even in the fifties.
Maybe if couples discussed this before they married or moved in together, and then re-evaluated on a regular basis, there would be less of an issue. But, I guess they're all thinking about those $20,000 weddings!

lol. if my husband looked helpless when confronted with making a sandwich, he would have starved 25 years ago!!! :D :rolleyes: ;) :eek: