DH Health Issues... How do you cope?

[Haudlady]

Hello everybody... Well, I'm looking for some advice. I was surprised to discover this week that I have thyroid problems (nothing major, but I expected a clean bill of health). This was a little unnerving... I think of myself as a healthy person and it was a bit shocking to have evidence that, at 31, my body is changing.

I've been talking about the thyroid thing, and aging, and about how people didn't used to live as long, and about a friend who died suddenly, with DH since yesterday when I got the news......

This morning, while I was brushing my teeth and he was ironing his shirt DH started crying... He told me that he has had blood in his stool off and on for 'about a year' and that he's very worried (his paternal grandfather and maternal grandmother both had colon cancer), sometimes his stomach hurts, and he is afraid he should go to the doctor. I stayed with him while he called the clinic and set the appointment - he's going in this afternoon. He's only 34. He's very scared (and, truth be told, so am I).

There's a part of me that really wanted to scold him - what was he thinking? A problem like that, and he waits a year to mention it? There's another part of me that understands... if he doesn't say it out loud then maybe it's not real.

I'm hoping that everything is all fine, but I am worried. It's hard, too, because DH and I are very private people. I don't feel like there is anyone that I am comfortable talking about this with...

What do you do to cope with stuff like this? I'm trying deep breathing.

[mimitabby]

You got him to call the Doctor. That's the most important thing you could have done (well, except make him GO to the Dr and then DO all the nasty things
the dr wants him to do)

My Dh has a funny way of approaching things he doesn't want to do.
On the bike; he can do anything. but pushups? "ow, my shoulder hurts"

a stretching exercise right out of bicycling magazine "ow, my neck hurts"
it goes on and on, all the things he won't do.

BE FIRM. BE GENTLE. and take deep breaths.

[Duck on Wheels]

I definitely empathize with you both. To take your dh's side ... I did the same. I had symptoms of ... well, it could have been many things, but turned out to be Crohns Disease and the symptoms were the same as your dh's: blood in stools, abdominal pain, also some you didn't mention such as increasing diarrhea (SO much easier to spell in Norwegian :o ). I had the symptoms for 2 years, but convinced myself that they weren't really important. I'd been pregnant when they started, so first I thought it was maybe due to the pregnancy. Then my baby had blood in his stools too and I was told that it didn't signify anything, so I took that to be true for me as well even though deep down I knew that pediatric and adult symptoms are very different. Finally it got to where I was having trouble getting through a day's work, so I looked up the symptoms in a book (I worked at a hospital research institute, so we had lots of medical reference books handy) and found out that those symptoms indicated I should be examined IMMEDIATELY because at least one possible diagnosis was potentially lethal if not treated early. Well, I was lucky. I got only ("only") the second or third most serious diagnosis. It wasn't colon cancer, it was Crohns. It could also have been something even less serious, such as hemeroids (sp?). I've also since learned that even the scariest of the possible diagnoses -- colon cancer -- has a high cure rate if caught before it spreads. So ...

my message to you for now is to try not to worry too much before the diagnosis is made. You've done the right thing in making the appointment, but there ARE other possible causes for this than cancer, and even if it is colon cancer there is a good survival rate nowadays. Try to keep your spirits up, and we'll all pitch in and hope along with you.

[LBTC]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Haudlady}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

First, I'd like to reassure you that his symptom could be caused by other things that are not cancer. For instance, I've been diagnosed with Crohn's disease. It's not cancer, and it is manageable. His symptoms could indicate this disease or something else entirely. No matter what, you've both taken the right first step to go to a doctor and find out what is going on! It's a hard thing for people to talk about, for sure, so it is understandable why he's left it so long. Try not to be angry about that...it would be easy to be so, but it won't help with healing!

Second, know that your support is a huge factor in his healing. No matter what they find, you'll be beside him and with him every step of this journey. You may have some times when it's hard to be the positive gentle support you need to be for him, so, please, when you're worried, post here so we can help you with that!!

Thirdly, I think this sheds some light on the other thread you started...an issue like this, kept private from your SO provides for all sorts of isolation and very little intimacy. You obviously love each other very much. This health crisis will lead you to a stronger and deeper love that neither of you realized could be possible. I was going through this a year ago last fall. DH had to find out if the lump was testicular cancer or not. Thankfully, it was not!! It was hard to be upbeat with him all the time, but it was my primary focus. I leaned heavily on the girls here at TE and on some of my girlfriends in RL. I just needed to talk things through sometimes....it was frightening, but it was so helpful to have the girls beside me through it all!

Lastly, ask the girls at TE for their positive energy, prayers and good wishes for his health. I've done it, and my DH was amazingly touched. He's still convinced that all that energy changed his outcome!

I'm sending lots of healing energy and butterflies to make sure the doctors find out what it is as quickly and as painlessly as possible! I'll send more once we know what he's dealing with.

Hugs and butterflies,
~T~

[mtbdarby]

((Haudlady)),
LBTC is right on - please share with us and openly receive the outpouring of prayers, hugs, well wishes, etc. that will come your way. Keep us posted and good luck!

Did you get your thyroid tests redone? I get to go give blood today to get mine checked......

[spokewench]

Haudlady - All my prayers are going out to you and your DH. It is scary not knowing. I'm glad you got him to go to the doctor immediately. It's hard to wait, but you are doing what you can to find out what is going on. Have faith, it will be okay.

[Bikingmomof3]

(((((Haudlady)))))) I shall be keeping you and your DH in my prayers.

[five one]

You've received some very good advice from the others here. I know exactly what you are feeling right now. My DH is a two time lymphoma survivor (15 years!) We have been through some very scary and rocky times because of this. Chemo, remission, relapse, bone marrow transplant is the short story, followed by a horrible case of shingles on his face which destroyed the optic nerve and tear duct in his left eye. The kids were in grade school and middle school back then. I lived on pins and needles much of the time, but tried to keep things as normal as possible for them. Since so much time has gone by now, my subconscious has conveniently tucked away much of the day to day struggles, but what remains with me is that I always had the belief that no matter what we had to go through, he would get well again. Looking back, it was probably naive to think that, but it's what helped me cope. We are also very private and didn't want to participate in cancer support groups, though I know they are helpful to many. DH firmly believed he would fight and win the battle - and he did. "It's not what happens to you, it's what you do about it" is a quote that helped him in that fight.

The important thing for you and your DH right now is that the doctor's appointment has been made. You've taken the first step. Hopefully a diagosis won't take long and then you can deal with it, whatever it is, together.

Going through all that we did actually strengthened our relationship and love for each other and a lot of positive things happened to us as a result, not the least of which is cycling.

Sending positive vibes your way. Please let us know how things go today. You have a great support group here in the forums.

Virginia

[kaybee]

I just wanted to echo want everyone else has said. Don't panic -- as others have mentioned, it could be Crohn's or something else. I have a brother who has had Crohn's for several years, and he's fine. He does have to manage it, but as long as he does what he's supposed to do, he's fine.

Sending positive thoughts your way . . .

KB

[Wahine]

I've been through too many situations like this with family members. It is very hard waiting to find out what's happening. It's a great idea for you to vent your frustrations, worries etc here. Your DH has plenty on his mind, so although you should not hide your feelings from him, try to discuss them when you are both not emotionally revved up and can discuss things rationally. So when your bursting, post it here first. Then let yourself calm down before bringing anything up with your DH. My father had blood in his urine for many years and did not do anything about it. When he finally got it diagnosed, it was serious and I was furious. But what I had to remind myself was that whatever was going on in his head was torturous without me adding to it. So again, I'm not suggesting you bottle it up but try not to let your emotions get the better of you and try to be as sensitive as you can.

Take care and let us know what happens. It's very likely that it's not serious. We're all sending postive vibes.

[Dianyla]

There's a part of me that really wanted to scold him - what was he thinking? A problem like that, and he waits a year to mention it? There's another part of me that understands... if he doesn't say it out loud then maybe it's not real.
I can definitely empathize - I would feel like smacking him upside the head!! However, as already mentioned, he's already stressing himself out so much because of this that you just need to remember that it's "Better late than never" and just keep supporting and encouraging him to face this and get it taken care of.

Maybe, once things have settled down again, you could sit him down and have a heart to heart talk. As husband and wife, you do owe it to eachother to try to take care of yourself and eachother so that you can have a long and happy life together. :)

[Thistle]

He's very scared (and, truth be told, so am I).

What do you do to cope with stuff like this? I'm trying deep breathing.

It would be really scary Haudlady... but i just want reiterate what the others have said, it's not always the worst case, and even if it is, that doesnt mean you cant recover. A 50 something guy i worked with had the same symptoms as your hubby and did nothing for a year. Turned out he did have colon cancer, and they operated, removed some, he had chemo and now he's doing fine! And he's a bike rider :)

So, even if it's serious, which it may or may not be, it can be treated.

Thinking of you and hoping you get some answers soon, cos the waiting must be the worst part. :(

Thea

[Offthegrid]

I think when it has to do with issues ... of the toilet nature ... people are much more private than other things. If he had these same symptoms, say, about his shoulder, he probably would have gotten it check out a long time ago.

My newly discovered problems with gluten are well-known around here, but I've had loose stools and diarrhea for years before I mentioned to my doctor, and I only did that when it progressed to a level where it was 5-6 times a day. And even then I kept telling myself I just had some bad lettuce. Why? I dunno. Embarrassment. Fear of cancer. Fear of doctors.

But I do send you lots of hugs and hope for you. Do not assume this is the worst. Wait until you know. And do your best to reassure your DH and be with him at the doctor's, etc.

[sbctwin]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Haudlady}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
Please take it a day at a time. The first step was making the appointment. It is difficult not to think of all the worst case scenerios. But take it one step at a time. My DH had symptoms of prostate cancer for at least a year and never said anything about it. He went in for his yearly physical and was diagnosed with it. Why, when we know that something isn't "right" do we look the other way? Mostly, I think we don't want to acknowledge that a problem exists, we are scared and hope it will just go away. I am glad that your husband finally said something and you both have taken that first step.

[mtkitchn]

I'm glad he's going to the doctor, Haudlady.
My DH had blood in his stool on and off for a couple years before he finally went to the doctor. He assumed it was hemmorhoids, but getting a guy to get something looked at is like trying to pull teeth. After a colonoscopy, it was found that he had a fissure. He had surgery a month ago and all is well.
I hope your DH's condition is nothing serious. Please keep us posted and know you are in our thoughts!!

[KnottedYet]

(((Haudlady)))

I think it is utterly sweet that you stayed with him while he made the appt. That just about brought me to tears! He was scared, and you stayed with him. What more could anyone want? That's true love, in my book.

Meanwhile, come to us when you're scared, and we'll stay with you metaphorically.

(((((more hugs)))))

[Pax]

(((((Haudlady))))) I'll be thinking healing positive thoughts for both you and your DH. I'm glad that you have each other.

[Triskeliongirl]

As the others have said, he has to take the symptoms seriously and see a doctor, but the symptoms don't mean he has a serious problem. My sister freaks out everytime a screening test indicates more testing, but the older we get the more we have to realize that screening tests are just that, screens, and until we have a confirmed diagnosis we have to assume the best. That doesn't mean you ignore warning signs either, you get them checked out, but you assume the best until told otherwise, or you go crazy with worry. Here is hoping it is something very manageable and mundane (like maybe not enough roughage in his diet). PLEASE KEEP US POSTED as this develops.

[Brandi]

Oh my gosh you poor things! what stress you are having now. Just be loving and supportive with eachother. Now this brings me to an interesting observation here. Am I not correct but did you not ask for advise on sparking things up between you two? I think you have just found two reasons why things have been not so active lately. Stress is a huge killer of sex and thyroid can play a big part in it as well. If your husnabd has been stressed over this it is no wonder the interest has been lacking. Once everything settles down you should bring this up or maybe you won't have to. I will be thinking healing thoughts for you and your husband. Keep us informed on he's condition. By the way my friends husband had the same thing and everything was fine.

[emily_in_nc]

I won't reiterate what everyone else has said -- you've received some great replies here. I just want to add that at 34, the likelihood of your DH having colon cancer is a lot less than some of the other medical problems mentioned here (hemmorrhoids, Crohn's, etc.) It's possible, but cancer incidence increases with age, and it's pretty uncommon in one's 30s.

I'll keep you both in my thoughts -- health scares are no fun, but I'm sure your DH will feel a lot better now having told you what was going on. That's got to have been a terrifying and stressful thing to hold inside for so long. Poor guy!

Good luck and keep us posted....

Emily

[colby]

Haudlady, your DH is lucky to have you by his side. Hopefully his appointment went well, at least in the perspective that it's a step toward knowing what the problem is. Sending good luck and well wishes your way...

[annie]

Haudlady,

I am hoping you and your DH get good news after his doctor visits and tests! Keep talking and holding on to each other and you'll get throught this.

My hubby was diagnosed with rectal cancer (same as colon cancer only diff location). He went through chemo, radiation, and finally, surgery. It's been over three years now and he is cancer-free and feeling fine. Cancer is treatable. It is curable. I hope and pray you don't have to worry about this, but if you do, just know that it is beatable. Try not to be too frightened.

many (((((((())))))) and good thoughts coming your way,

annie

[crazycanuck]

Haudlady-Ditto what everyone else has said. Please take care of yourselves, keep us updated and remember we're here if you need to vent.

Good thoughts headed your way.

c

[Duck on Wheels]

... And do your best to reassure your DH and be with him at the doctor's, etc.

Good suggestion. If your DH is willing, or maybe even asks you to come along, it's often a good idea to have a second set of ears, someone who can maintain a smidgen more emotional distance and thereby remember things more precisely, maybe even take notes. If your DH would rather go alone, though, then don't sweat it. My experience in the US is that the really good docs are quick to hand out written info on any serious or complex issue (new diagnosis, new meds, new treatment regime).

[Haudlady]

Thank you all. I'm reading and re-reading your words, and I appreciate you more than you know. I think you are probably right, in relation to my other thread... both about stress being a factor and scares like this bringing people together. We have experienced this before - when DH and I had been dating for a few months, I got kicked by my horse and broke my hip. It was amazing how much DH was there for me (especially considering we weren't living in the same house then) through that. I guess that's how it works.

At the appointment yesterday, DH's doctor ruled out the simplest causes, so he is being scheduled for a colonoscopy. DH seemed surprised and happy that I wanted to go with him... even if I'm just sitting in the waiting room I want to be there.

I didn't go with him yesterday, so when we got home we made a fire in the woodstove, settled in, and talked for a while. Considering how little we know right now, I think we're doing okay... he's cracking jokes about the procedures. I know that's partly a defense mechanism, but I don't mind... at least he's talking about it. I told him about writing to you guys about it - he didn't mind at all, and had a few questions about your replies. So, thanks from both of us.

Somehow, that thyroid issue doesn't seem so bad now! :rolleyes: My doctor's office hasn't called me back yet about whether or not I can get a re-test, so I'll have to hound them. I would have thought that they could have an answer by now - I asked on Tuesday, and it's Thursday now! I'm really glad it came up, though, because I don't know how much longer DH would have waited if we weren't having all those health conversations earlier this week.

I am on the edge of tears, :( and have been since last night. I'm NOT a 'crier,' so it's an odd feeling for me. I'm just waiting for the okay to talk to my stepmom about this... I feel like I'm going to burst. I brought a fistful of my favorite CDs to work; sometimes music helps. I am having a VERY hard time concentrating here - and I have a long list to do. What I really want to do is go home and weave on my loom. It always settles me, and makes me calm... plus, I'm making a scarf for DH (oddly, I started it at the beginning of the week before we had all of this start)... I want to finish it so he can have that bit of me with him right now. Maybe I can finish it this weekend.

[Pax]

... I'm making a scarf for DH (oddly, I started it at the beginning of the week before we had all of this start)... I want to finish it so he can have that bit of me with him right now. Maybe I can finish it this weekend.

That is so sweet! I know how loved I would feel if I had a scarf made by my honey all warm and snug around my neck.

[Brandi]

The ball is rolling now for him and that is a good thing. I had a health scare last year myself with my throat. It felt like something was in it every time I swalloed. Well I used to smoke. I haven't in 5 years but there is always that thought in your head. I had no idea how scared my dh was till I walked out from having a scope put down my throat . it turned out my tonsils get inflamed sometimes cause of my allergies. But when I finally came out of the dr'd office to the waiting room he had this look on he's face I have never seen. And when I said everything was fine he just melted.
He said the appointment was taking so long and it made him worry even more. I told him they had to numb my nose and throat first and that takes like 15 minutes to take effect. So find out the details so you aren't worring while sitting there.
He was worried too about the fact that I used to smoke and that there possibly could have been something. But because I am still in my 30's and healthy more or less it wasn't really a threat. This all happend right before we went on vacation. It turned out to be a great vacation. We were both relaxed and not a worry. I guess my point here is that you guys are talking and that is a good thing. I think if my dh and I said to eachother what are worries were we would have both just said to eachother " oh everything is going to be fine" we would have both been calmer about the whole thing.
When is he's colonoscopy? Waiting is by far the worst. Keep talking. It definatly helps. Hold he's hand this is a good time to start being more touchy feely. Touch is a great healer.

[SalsaMTB]

Just wanted to say my thoughts are with you and your DH. I hope the tests go well. It's hard dealing with a loved ones problems, knowing you have to be the strong one.

[LBTC]

Haudlady and DH, how are you doing today? I hope you're enjoying time together, not spending your time worrying! When will the next test be?

I have the same test at the end of Feb and have not had it before. I've been told the preparation is worse (the drink to clean everything out) and that I should be sure to have tissue with moisturizer for the night before. A minor annoyance, really, but thought you'd appreciate the heads up.

Take care and keep hugging each other!

Hugs and butterflies,
~T~

[Wahine]

Well, onto tthe next step. I'm glad the two of you are talking and coping reasonably well. A couple of tips for the upcoming procedure:

The prep is horrible and be prepared to be running to the bathroom, a lot!

The prep procedure depletes your electrolytes so you should take in as much sodium as you can, in the form of broth and other clear fluids. If there is not enough sodium in the system, there can be some side effects such as general pain and muscle cramping.

The test itself is not a big deal.

Take care and good luck. Keep us posted.

[LBTC]

Thanks for the tip, Wahine! I'll remember that for my own test, too.

Hugs and butterflies,
~T~

[salsabike]

Just put a really good book in the bathroom during the prep. Test itself is no big deal.

[rocknrollgirl]

I had both ends scoped in November. As everyone has said, the test is easy. The prep HORRIBLE!!!!! I did the broth and as much electrolyte drink as I could get down, and then lots of food after!

Please let us know how your husband makes out. I will throw some good karma your way.


Ruth

[Haudlady]

GRRR! :mad: This is driving me crazy... they still haven't scheduled the test. I guess they are busy - but I want a date. DH isn't pushy... so it's looking like I'll have to be!

I'll warn DH about the prep - and he will be happy to hear that the test itself is 'easy.' I'll have to go shopping for some expensive TP; thanks for the warning!

DH and I did have a nice weekend. We made a special dinner together last night (African sweet potato peanut stew), and Saturday night was his work holiday party (they do it very late so that it won't conflict with other holiday plans - and so people are more relaxed). It was nice - I even got him to dance with me! It's usually like pulling teeth, and I didn't even have to ask twice.

I'm going to call his doctor's office right now. I know they won't tell me anything (for privacy reasons), but maybe I can get them to check on why the referral office hasn't called yet to set the appointment.

[Pax]

...I'm going to call his doctor's office right now. I know they won't tell me anything (for privacy reasons), but maybe I can get them to check on why the referral office hasn't called yet to set the appointment.

Morning Haudlady, just a thought...ask your DH if he would mind signing a Release of Information for you with his healthcare provider so they will talk to you freely. He can be as specific as he wants to be about what they can tell you and he can make the duration of the release for any length of time (usually no more than a year).

[Duck on Wheels]

I've also been scoped every which way. Gastroscopy (tube down the throat) is, to me, sheer torture. Colonoscopy prob'ly would've hurt too, but they offer a decent anesthetic as a matter of routine here, whereas for gastroscopy they need your cooperation so you only get the anesthetics you seem to need as the procedure proceeds. Anyways ... what with the sedative they put me on, colonoscopy was pretty much painless and kind of fascinating, unless I was in serious pain before they started. The first time or two they even let me look in a "student scope" that kinda branches off the main scope so that two eyes can see the same view. The doctor attached the student scope when he was done taking his biopsies, then he explained where and what we were seeing as he slowly withdrew the scope. Fascinating! Not often you get to look deep into your own insides.

Oh, about time expectations: Because of the anesthetic, I had to doze on a recovery gurney for a couple of hours after before they would let me leave. Accompanying partners were allowed in then and the doctor came by towards the end to review the information when the patient is fully alert. At least, that's how it's handled here at my local hospital.

[Haudlady]

ask your DH if he would mind signing a Release of Information for you with his healthcare provider so they will talk to you freely.

Good point, Queen... it's especially complicated because DH works in a 'cube farm,' and doesn't want to talk about symptoms at work! I asked them about that when I called, and DH has to go into the clinic to the records department. We're going to do that soon!

Okay. Just as well I called the clinic this morning... DH went in for his original appointment on Wednesday... I told them at the clinic that I know they can't talk to me, but asked if someone could check through and see why no one has called yet to set the appointment for the colonoscopy... she looked, and looked, and kept asking me questions... I finally said "you are showing the order for this, right?" Um, NO!!! It's not in the notes that he needs it! :eek: :mad: :eek: Now I'm really glad I called. She's going to check back with the doctor - the doctor was VERY clear with DH that this was necessary. Apparently he wasn't clear with anyone else.

Why you have to be proactive... My goodness.

[Aggie_Ama]

You may see if you husband can authorize you on his behalf. It is easier for me to call my husband's doctors, so I am authorized. I have had some conversations that far cross the TMI line. Oops- just saw Queen suggested that.

For the colonoscopy prep, I got my husband UNSCENTED baby wipes. His hiney will be thankful.

[bcipam]

I had blood with my stool for almost 6 months before seeing a doctor. I can understand what your husband is going through and why he waited. The whole stool, poop, colon thing is so embarassing and no one wants to talk about it.

Of course I had colon cancer (previously documented under health issues) but I finally got it taken care of. I made more of the problem than it was. Now I can talk freely about poop with all my friends and have them talking about it as well. Really not something we should be embarrassed about - it's a basic bodily function and we all do it.

Anyway - just make sure he gets his colonscopy. It's really not that bad (the prep is the worse part - the scope is nothing - really nothing. You get an IV pain med and anesthesia and most people are out. I was awake and watched the scope but felt nothing). If it is colon cancer, then deal with it immediately. No sense waiting. It's easily treated and has a very high success rate especially if caught early. The prep (which I went through a total of 4 times for various reasons) isn't that bad. I suggest going on liquids the day before prep and on prep day, need to stay home. I took my Phosphersoda and within 1/2 hour, had the first urge. It wasn't crazy like being sick it was more like I had to pee. The urge continued on and off for most of the day so you have to stay home. Warm broth is nice to take during. I could only do so much jello. You can also have popicles.

I'll be praying for your husband and that you have the strength to make sure he gets all his tests done. Take care.

[Haudlady]

I called the clinic this morning... DH went in for his original appointment on Wednesday... asked if someone could check through and see why no one has called yet to set the appointment for the colonoscopy... she looked, and looked, and kept asking me questions... I finally said "you are showing the order for this, right?" Um, NO!!! It's not in the notes that he needs it! :eek: :mad: :eek:

DH got a call this afternoon (I think that old saying is correct - about the squeaky wheel!). He has an appointment for a consultation on February 12th. So - I won't have any news until after that point. And, I am assuming that since it is only a consultation we won't have the procedure date for a little bit after that.

I know it's 'only' two weeks away... but it seems like a long time to wait!

Patience is a virtue. :rolleyes:

[LBTC]

Haudlady, I'm so glad that he's got a date for the consult. Hopefully where you are the wait for the scope is not as long as here. I probably had a longer wait because I'm having both scopes done at the same session. I booked mine at the end of November, and will have them Feb 28. I'm really appreciating all the tips about the prep here, too.

The next two weeks will alternately crawl and fly by. Keep your spirits up, keep talking and hugging, and keep doing the things you always do. You'll be surprised when the day is here and you think back to how today seems like it was just yesterday. :)

Let us know how it goes.

Hugs and butterflies,
~T~

[Dogmama]

My DH had symptoms for a year that he ignored. I don't want to go into details because everybody's case is different. Just suffice to say that it was hell.

Here is how I coped:

1. Live one day at a time.
2. If you're going to make up scenarios, make up good ones. Why torture yourself?
3. Be proactive!!! If he needs further treatment, be there. Listen to what the doctors and nurses are saying. Ask questions. Write it down. You will need to be his advocate because stress makes people stupid. Be pushy. The medical community is overworked and mistakes are made.
4. Be extra good to yourself. Cycling is a great way to relieve stress.
5. Find somebody you can talk to about your "bad" feelings. Just airing them automatically cuts the power in half.

Be sure to keep us posted. Take good care.

[Haudlady]

My DH had symptoms for a year that he ignored. I don't want to go into details because everybody's case is different. Just suffice to say that it was hell.

Here is how I coped:

1. Live one day at a time.
2. If you're going to make up scenarios, make up good ones. Why torture yourself?
3. Be proactive!!! If he needs further treatment, be there. Listen to what the doctors and nurses are saying. Ask questions. Write it down. You will need to be his advocate because stress makes people stupid. Be pushy. The medical community is overworked and mistakes are made.
4. Be extra good to yourself. Cycling is a great way to relieve stress.
5. Find somebody you can talk to about your "bad" feelings. Just airing them automatically cuts the power in half.

Be sure to keep us posted. Take good care.

Thank you, Dogmama! VERY good advice...

#2... I was hugging him last night, and found myself imagining him all happy and healthy inside (it seems a bit silly, maybe, but it can't hurt... and it might even help).

#3... Good idea to write it down! I'll bring a notebook to the appointment on the 12th. I wouldn't have thought of that! I really appreciate everyones tips about the prep, and about generally dealing with the process. Lots of good advice here!

#4... I'm trying. I'm notoriously frugal... and I sprung for a bottle of my favorite lotion just because it makes me feel nice. Also, I started doing yoga again every morning before work, so at least my body feels better.

#5... I guess this is the hardest one. DH doesn't want anyone to know about this at this point... all of my closest friends are also close to DH, so nobody for me to talk with right now. While I respect his choice not to share what's happening with anyone other than me, this is hard! I really want to talk with my stepmom, who is one of my best friends. I will say, though, that I am trying to have a cup of tea with her often right now... even if I can't talk about it, there is something soothing about sitting with her and a warm pot of tea between us.

I have (and DH is aware) 'talked' with my oldest friend (his mom and mine were best friends in high school, and he and I grew up together) in VERY vague terms. Unfortunately, he is in the Dominican Republic :eek: right now, so I can't talk with him for real (we have only exchanged emails, and it's NOT the same). He will be sailing back to Florida soon - I can't wait to get him on the phone.

[Brandi]

GRRR! :mad: This is driving me crazy... they still haven't scheduled the test. I guess they are busy - but I want a date. DH isn't pushy... so it's looking like I'll have to be!

I'll warn DH about the prep - and he will be happy to hear that the test itself is 'easy.' I'll have to go shopping for some expensive TP; thanks for the warning!

DH and I did have a nice weekend. We made a special dinner together last night (African sweet potato peanut stew), and Saturday night was his work holiday party (they do it very late so that it won't conflict with other holiday plans - and so people are more relaxed). It was nice - I even got him to dance with me! It's usually like pulling teeth, and I didn't even have to ask twice.

I'm going to call his doctor's office right now. I know they won't tell me anything (for privacy reasons), but maybe I can get them to check on why the referral office hasn't called yet to set the appointment.

I want the recipe for your stew it sound interesting! And I looooove peanut anything. When you have time can you post it. Pleeeaaaassse!
My dh is very private about he's health too. He does not like me talking to anyone about it. And talking helps me so much. If I don't I explode! I did that last week with dh. I had been holding a few things for months and it all caught up with me.I am better now.
Once I talked to a friend about an issue with my dh's health. My dh got so mad at me! He asked why I couldn't just respect he's wishes. I am much more carful now. Having all these women here to talk to too (and Mr Silver) really helps. He has no idea when I ask ? here. It has helped me!

[Dogmama]

Thank you, Dogmama! VERY good advice...

#2... I was hugging him last night, and found myself imagining him all happy and healthy inside (it seems a bit silly, maybe, but it can't hurt... and it might even help).



I learned Reiki and sent my DH energy. I cannot tell you if it worked, but many nurses are learning Reiki. There is power in energy and prayer.

Kim

[LBTC]

#2... I was hugging him last night, and found myself imagining him all happy and healthy inside (it seems a bit silly, maybe, but it can't hurt... and it might even help).

I do think this works. I tried it with my dear fur kid yogi when he was fighting cancer. I would massage him and cuddle with him and picture his healthy cells getting more robust and happy. Whether it helped him or not, I can't say, but I know he lived a lot longer than was expected; and I'm sure it helped me as it made me feel like I was actually doing something to help him.

If my DH was going through a health issue I would do the same in an instant.

And as for who to talk to, seriously we are here for you. If you'd rather PM than keep it out in the open, send me something. I haven't had the test yet, but have already been diagnosed (through another test) with Crohn's. I have a bit of an idea of what you DH might be going through, as do others on this board.

And I know how it is about needing to talk, too. I would seriously explode. Seriously.

Keep talking, keep hugging, and keep those positive thoughts going!

Hugs and butterflies,
~T~

[Haudlady]

DH's 'consultation' is this afternoon at 3:00. I'm very nervous! I really wish I could talk freely about this, but I understand why DH wants to keep it private for now.

I hope we can get the colonoscopy scheduled soon! It's awful, LBTC, that you have to wait so long.

I just re-read the thread, and want to thank you all again for your support and advice. I have a (long) list of questions for the doctor, and plan to take notes! The doctor, I'm sure, will be shaking his head :rolleyes: when he walks away from me.

[LBTC]

Sending loads of butterflies to you and your DH today Haudlady. Make sure you write down all of those questions you need to ask!

Hugs and butterflies,
~T~

[KnottedYet]

The doctor won't be shaking his head, trust me! He'll be glad you're writing things down and asking questions.

[Pax]

Be firm with your doc today, mine is under such time restraints that she's trying to walk out the door before I'm through with my questions...I've learned to position myself between her and the door. ;)

[margo49]

Best of...

[Duck on Wheels]

DH's 'consultation' is this afternoon at 3:00. I'm very nervous! I really wish I could talk freely about this, but I understand why DH wants to keep it private for now.

I hope we can get the colonoscopy scheduled soon! It's awful, LBTC, that you have to wait so long.

I just re-read the thread, and want to thank you all again for your support and advice. I have a (long) list of questions for the doctor, and plan to take notes! The doctor, I'm sure, will be shaking his head :rolleyes: when he walks away from me.

No he won't. He'll be nodding to himself and saying "That guy's wife sure is on the ball."

[Offthegrid]

Just wanted to say best of luck to you today at the doctor, although there's been no testing yet. Please know that all of us are in that room with you, holding your hand in spirit, and wishing the best.

[ladyfish]

If you are going to think of "what if's" make them all very positive! I have had a few recent medical issues with my DH. During it all, I kept my normal "everything is just fine until I hear something different". This is always my attitude. Sometimes my DH thinks that means I don't care, but I explain to him that it is much better to think positive (he tends to run the other type scenarios thru his head). He's also in the Military and has been deployed to unsavory locations and shot at with a variety of arsenal. If I chose to think of the "worst" scenarios, I would be in the looney bin by now. Much better to think positive. It's worked for me so far!!!

As for your thyroid issue, don't forget about it. I had some thyroid issues. Didn't realize how much it was affecting me until I got everything fixed!!!

[LBTC]

Haudlady, How did the consult go? Did the doc answer your questions? Do you know when the tests will be? How are you feeling after this?

Here's hoping it went well and you have some good thoughts to focus on.

Hugs and butterflies,
~T~

[Haudlady]

Thanks, everyone, for sticking with me on this!!!

The consultation (and exam) went well enough. DH and I both really liked the doctor, and he is the same one who will be performing the colonoscopy. You were right... he didn't think I was crazy. Even DH didn't mind all my many many questions. We were there for a little more than an hour. The doctor didn't rush us at all, and was very patient for all of my questions.

I guess we have a while longer to wait, though - DH's test isn't scheduled until March 26th! Here's the kicker - we could have scheduled it for March 1st (my preference), but DH doesn't want to take two days off of work, and the 26th was the first available Monday. DH keeps saying "well, if it does turn out to be cancer, I don't want to use up all my sick days early." I suppose that's rational - but I am trying to stay positive!

Plus, this means I have to wait six weeks before getting results! Not to mention... six more weeks of being worried but not able to talk about it! Deep breath, deep breath. Patience is a virtue. Phew.

[Aggie_Ama]

You may try asking the doctor's office to call if they have a Monday come open earlier. We did that with my DH's colonoscopy.

I am confused with the 6 weeks part? My dad had colon cancer and they could tell from the colonscopy that he had a mass and it was probably cancer. They had a biopsy by the end of the week. Or is it because it is 6 weeks to the colonoscopy?

(((HUGS)))

[LBTC]

Haudlady, thank you for the update. I'm so glad you have a patient doctor (sounds like an oxymoron, no?), and that you like him. I agree with Amanda, phone and be sure he's on a cancellation list to get in earlier if possible.

You will be surprised at how fast the 6 weeks goes past, though. Your best bet is to keep busy with life, spend time together as much as possible, cuddling, hugging, talking about other things, and try to devote only a small portion of each day discussing the health issue. And when I say discuss the health issue, focus on making notes of any changes in his condition, writing down any further questions that you have about symptoms, diet, the next test, when you'll follow up with the doctor after the test, etc. Make your notes, have your discussion, then go back to talking about your day, your dreams, your plans for the weekend.

And, as always, please post when you're worried and have no one else to talk to.....or PM me anytime.

You'll both get through this!

Hugs and butterflies,
~T~