umm a ? about E D?

[Brandi]

This is super personal (but now that we hava guy on the board maybe this will help me).
My dh and i have been together for 20 years. He is 10years older then me. We have always had a good physical relationship but... Well the past year or so there have been a few times when things have not worked right with him. I have never delt with this on any level. And I can tell it bother's him. We kinda talk about it but it is odd for us for some reason. He does have high blood pressure and is taking meds. He bikes all the time like me so he is in good shape. But when it happens we are both kinda weird with eachother and it is awkward. Any advice?

[Brandi]

sorry i should have posted this in the health section!

[Tri Girl]

Brandi, it is a hard topic to talk about. My sister went through this with her DH, and what helped them was going to the doc and talking about it with him. He wound up going on Cialis (I think that's it), and it's made all the difference in their physical relationship.
I would advise that you seek medical help. It might be awkward for him to see his doc, but going is important. There might be other things that need to be looked at medically, and a doc can make sure all is working right and lead him in the right direction.
I hope you get this resolved soon, as I'm sure it's putting unneeded stress on your DH (and you, too). :)

[Brandi]

Thank you. I know the Dr thing is a good idea. I just don't know if my dh would be able to bring it up to he's Dr. We both seem to play it off as something else every time it happens. We both seem to have no back bone on this subject. and with high blood pressure I don't think you can take those drugs for ed.

[makbike]

Brandi:

Is it possible that ED is a side effect of your husband's high blood pressure medication? When was the last time your husband had a thorough check up? It is an uncomfortable topic to address but it is not one that should be swept under the rug. Please talk to your husband and have him see a doctor.

[Duck on Wheels]

Blood pressure meds can do this. After all, an E is pumped up by blood. My dh is also on blood pressure meds, and this was a potential side effect his doctor talked with him about. I suggest that your dh take this up with his doc next time he's in for a bp check-up. If the bp is under control, then maybe he can reduce the med levels. If not, then he'll have to check with the doc before taking cialis or the like, as it might interact with the bp-regulation. For now, he should assume it's the meds and not himself as such that's causing the problem.

[Dianyla]

For now, he should assume it's the meds and not himself as such that's causing the problem.
Yes, seconding this. Granted, ED already has enough of a psych-out component. The last thing your DH needs is to develop a "complex" about something that probably is 95% medication related. :o

ETA: In the meantime, he'd better not have Oral Dysfunction.

[Brandi]

Some good responses here and a lot of different things to think about. I am going to talk with our Dr since we both have the same one and see if he can't approach my husband in a informative way. He is supposed to go in for he's next check up soon. And the meds do seem to mess with him. He would rather not be on meds at all. But it seems to be genetic. Cause he exsercises and watch's what he eats soooo.....
I have been a bit worried that maybe it was me, but I know better. So I think talking to my Dr about advise on how to handle this gently with him might be the right thing.

[anakiwa]

Brandi-

A couple of thoughts.

Your husband should definitely talk to his doctor (and believe me it won't be the first time his doctor has had a conversation on the topic). Encourage him to bring up the issue first thing during his next visit (if he's nervous and waits until the very last minute there may not be time to adequately discuss it). It's fine if you want to talk to the doctor, but it's his body and he's the one who really needs to have the conversation.

Blood pressure meds can definitely cause ED. That said, not controlling high blood pressure is not a particularly good idea. It might be worth trying a different med though.

High blood pressure is not a contraindication to taking meds for ED (active chest pain or nitrate use definitely would be though). If it's something that your husband and you want to try, talk to the doctor and get his/her opinion.

Lastly, don't be afraid to talk about this- there are more people out there than you think whose sex lives are less than perfect.

[Canyonlands]

Hi Brandi,

Noodle's DH here. I'm 41 and have never had trouble in this area. I'm not on meds aside from acid reflux and asthma. Furthermore, you know your hubbie better than anyone on the board hopefully. That said, I'd really think he'd want to be the one bringing it up (so to speak) with the Doc. I would have to believe he's planning to even if he may be playing down his concern with you. Speaking strictly for myself, there's no way I'd let this go past a consultation without mention. See if you can confirm that this is your husband's intent.

Ron

[Brandi]

I agree with what everyone is saying. Just for the record I don't have a lot of people I can talk to about this. All of you don't know me so for some reason it is easier then talking to people we are always around. I would feel wierd if we were with friends and having them wonder "I wonder if they are ok", "I wonder if their problem has been worked out". Sometimes the comfort of strangers is the way to go with certain subjects. Does that make any since?

[mimitabby]

yes. it makes plenty of sense. we're more or less anonymous. My dh was on zoloft for 2 years. it ruined our sex life for that time. it was awful. Now we're both older so it isn't as important. You never mentioned his age or yours so I've been kind of hesitating. Sex is nice, but as we get older, it loses some of its glamour and interest. and other things replace it (like affection and social interactions)

[Brandi]

Hi Brandi,

Noodle's DH here. I'm 41 and have never had trouble in this area. I'm not on meds aside from acid reflux and asthma. Furthermore, you know your hubbie better than anyone on the board hopefully. That said, I'd really think he'd want to be the one bringing it up (so to speak) with the Doc. I would have to believe he's planning to even if he may be playing down his concern with you. Speaking strictly for myself, there's no way I'd let this go past a consultation without mention. See if you can confirm that this is your husband's intent.

Ron
I was going to talk to the Dr for myself not for my dh. Just how I can handle it. And then maybe when my dh goes to see him the Dr can say something like, " In case you didn't already know , that medication your on can cause problems with..." Then the subject is on the table. You know what I mean? There will be an opening for him to bring it up if he wants to. I love my dh dearly and truley believe deep in my heart "For better or worse" I just want him to have a good normal life.

[Dianyla]

I was going to talk to the Dr for myself not for my dh. Just how I can handle it. And then maybe when my dh goes to see him the Dr can say something like, " In case you didn't already know , that medication your on can cause problems with..." Then the subject is on the table. You know what I mean? There will be an opening for him to bring it up if he wants to.
Even though you two are husband and wife and share the same doctor, this essentially boils down to asking your doctor to breach patient confidentiality and trust.

[Duck on Wheels]

Just to insert a positive thought ... My dh also has a hereditery (sp?) high bp problem. He is also on various meds, one of which seemed to be doing the job for a few years without interfering in our love life, but then his bp rose again. So the doc put him on another, which while not interfering a whole lot (a little maybe, but not a lot) also didn't bring his bp down. Still, dh is slim and fit and wasn't all that worried. For his 60th birthday he treated himself to a 10-day hike in the Chinese Himalayas. And when he came back, his bp had fallen :) So now his doc agrees that the prescription dh needs is for an occasional high-elevation hiking holiday :D And meanwhile, we're waiting to see how long the drop in bp lasts.

[Brandi]

A couple of you have asked our age. I am 38 and my dh is 48.

[hellosunshine]

i know nothing on this subject,but i do have a hunch that touch is very important through any crisis,keep touching,just affirmation that you still feel the physical attraction as i guess hes feeling very muddled and his self esteem will be on a kind of spiral.im sure though you do touch,you seem a caring,loving kind of person,.....it doesnt have to be sexual touch,hugs are ace.

[Mr. Bloom]

Brandi, silver asked me last night why I didn't respond here...I must have overlooked this thread. Sorry.

First, I am 43...and I KNOW first hand what your DH is experiencing. I assure you that this is something that strikes to the core of a man's self perception and one that should be handled with sensitivity. Having said that, I'm a transparent guy and didn't hesitate to confront it with my Dr.

The focus in the responses is on BP medication. There are other potential causes...low testosterone, nerve damage from biking, normal aging, life's stresses (generally my problem), and so on.

I encourage you each to be careful about being "kinda weird with each other". The fact is that as you age, you'll be confronted with this more often and you don't want weirdness to rule the day. One way might be to know how you'll respond before this happens and divert the activity to other mutually satisfying options. Many men enjoy satisfying their wives in other ways.

I also encourage you to not 'take the bull by the horns' on this one. Please make him feel the unconditional love that you've vocalized in this thread. But he's got to be the one to take this to the next step...

I'll add one more thing, ED medications are very misunderstood. They do not CAUSE the arousal, they ENABLE it. Despite cartoon stereotypes, the pill does not arouse you...it still requires the mental desire.

I'm sorry to make this long...I'll gladly answer any other questions you have if you want to pose them here.

[Trek420]

Just to insert a positive thought ...Still, dh is slim and fit and wasn't all that worried. For his 60th birthday he treated himself to a 10-day hike in the Chinese Himalayas. And when he came back, his bp had fallen :) So now his doc agrees that the prescription dh needs is for an occasional high-elevation hiking holiday :D And meanwhile, we're waiting to see how long the drop in bp lasts.

sorry for the thread hijack....I want DH's dr:D ;) :cool: "the prescription for your arthritis and bad knees Trek is a weeklong cycling holiday. Here, let me write it out. Yes, it's fully covered by insurance and you'll be excused from work through FMLA, I'll sign the paperwork"

[Brandi]

Brandi, silver asked me last night why I didn't respond here...I must have overlooked this thread. Sorry.

First, I am 43...and I KNOW first hand what your DH is experiencing. I assure you that this is something that strikes to the core of a man's self perception and one that should be handled with sensitivity. Having said that, I'm a transparent guy and didn't hesitate to confront it with my Dr.

The focus in the responses is on BP medication. There are other potential causes...low testosterone, nerve damage from biking, normal aging, life's stresses (generally my problem), and so on.

I encourage you each to be careful about being "kinda weird with each other". The fact is that as you age, you'll be confronted with this more often and you don't want weirdness to rule the day. One way might be to know how you'll respond before this happens and divert the activity to other mutually satisfying options. Many men enjoy satisfying their wives in other ways.

I also encourage you to not 'take the bull by the horns' on this one. Please make him feel the unconditional love that you've vocalized in this thread. But he's got to be the one to take this to the next step...

I'll add one more thing, ED medications are very misunderstood. They do not CAUSE the arousal, they ENABLE it. Despite cartoon stereotypes, the pill does not arouse you...it still requires the mental desire.

I'm sorry to make this long...I'll gladly answer any other questions you have if you want to pose them here.
Awww thank you for responding. I thought this thread had died. So there is another reason having a guy on the site is nice.
I am going to let him handle it.He goes to he's Dr's in the next few weeks and I might lightly mention it to him before he goes. I am handling it with kit gloves (is that right). It is so much easier for women to hide it then a guy and I understand it is got to be more difficult mentally. We have had a long very good intimate relationship. I had to realize it was not me. I am trying to help him in more subtle ways (won't get into details,it would take this site into a new dimension we don't want to go) Lucky for us it does not happen all the time. Again thank you for your input is it very valuable to me. Thanks for being here! All of you!

[mary9761]

Hi Brandi,
I'm sorry to just be finding this thread as well, you mention your dh has high bp, is there ANY possibility of sleep apnea, diabetes etc? My dh has sleep apnea and has to sleep with a CPAP at night to make sure he continues to breathe through the night. One of the side effects that we were told about was E.D. among other things.
We have worked around the situation with creative solutions. If you haven't been able to get him to mention this to the doctor yet, there are more reasons other than sexual to have him possibly bring it up to his doctor. I know it bothers my dh, but as I said we work around it in other ways since the medications are A. quite expensive and B. I'm not sure that the sample that he was given at one point by a urologist ISN'T why he went from perfect vision (used to be OS -radar tech- in Navy) to being nearly blind in one eye. This was before they suddenly have figured out that loss of vision could possibly be a side effect of the meds because of how they work with blood flow. It's just recently that I'm thinking the two might be related.
I hope everything works out for you both. Assure him though especially if you find out it's medically related, that it's NOT him. I have to remind my dh that it IS from his sleep apnea and that he's not just "broken" (not the words I want to say, but let him know you love him and you can experiment with other ways to pleasure each other)
Good luck

[annie]

Brandi,

This is not an uncommon problem, especially as people age. It's not something as secretive and hidden as in the past, either. My DH has had ED for some years now. (He's 53.) And, yes, at first, it was extremely difficult to even talk about. We'd keep coming up with one excuse after the other as to why nothing was working right. Finally - HIS choice - he made an appt, saw a Dr. and got a prescription for Viagra. It's still not perfect. Spontaneous sex is rarely a possibility. We have to plan ahead so he can take his little blue pill. But it IS much better and worth the extra planning. He feels better about himself, which is just as important as the physical act. Having said all this, I have to add, he does not have the problem of high BP. I would hope that there is some other drug available that wouldn't have such an effect on the BP, but I honestly don't know. All I can tell you is that if your hubby is willing to talk to his doctor, and there is something that can help, by all means, encourage him to try it. And like Mr. Silver said, it isn't an automatic Stand Up and Salute pill. There still needs to be arousal. You are just as involved as you ever were. Don't give up. Do what you can for both your sakes.

Annie