Back on Bike
12-21-2006, 05:17 PM
Thought this was a bit of a laugh
MAN RULES
1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following
circumstances:
(a) when a heroic dog dies to save its master
(b) the moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse
(c) after wrecking your boss's car.
(d) one hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game"
(e) when she is using her teeth.
3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally
killed and eaten by his buddies.
4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a
friend out of jail within 12 hours.
5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off
limits forever unless you actually marry her.
6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is
forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for
another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly
optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the
birthday boy's choice.
8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not
the weakest.
9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you
may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's
playing.
10: You may fart in front of a woman only after you have brought her
to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of
flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.
11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink ONLY when
you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless
model. And it is free...and even then it is dubious.
12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you
allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.
13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see
anything.
16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as
spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to
drink as much as the other sports watchers.
17: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of
pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.
18: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of
yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.
19: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting
weights:
(a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
(b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
(c) Another set and we can hit the showers!
20: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal
footing: ie. both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other
situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you
need.
21: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on
longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone.
Hang up if necessary.
22: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a
friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the
discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.
23: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime
green, orange or sky blue.
24: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for
Christmas? with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox.
End of story.
MAN RULES
1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following
circumstances:
(a) when a heroic dog dies to save its master
(b) the moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse
(c) after wrecking your boss's car.
(d) one hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game"
(e) when she is using her teeth.
3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally
killed and eaten by his buddies.
4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a
friend out of jail within 12 hours.
5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off
limits forever unless you actually marry her.
6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is
forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for
another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly
optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the
birthday boy's choice.
8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not
the weakest.
9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you
may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's
playing.
10: You may fart in front of a woman only after you have brought her
to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of
flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.
11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink ONLY when
you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless
model. And it is free...and even then it is dubious.
12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you
allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.
13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see
anything.
16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as
spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to
drink as much as the other sports watchers.
17: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of
pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.
18: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of
yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.
19: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting
weights:
(a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
(b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
(c) Another set and we can hit the showers!
20: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal
footing: ie. both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other
situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you
need.
21: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on
longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone.
Hang up if necessary.
22: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a
friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the
discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.
23: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime
green, orange or sky blue.
24: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for
Christmas? with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox.
End of story.