What did we do?? :-(

[solobiker]

Well as some of you remember, my DH and I moved back "home" to upstate NY after living in CO for 10 years. We thought we wanted to be closer to family, get back on the water and get away from the heat. We have been back for about 4 months and it is still a struggle trying to get used to being back. We both found jobs, but my DH does not like his very much and he is worried about job security. He keeps comparing it to the job he left which is hard not to do. My job is fine for the most part. Sometimes I just wish I couuld turn the clock back. I haven't been so depressed in a long time. We talk about possibly just moving back, but that costs so much and I dont know if that would be the right thing to do. It was getting too hot out there for us and crowded too. Well thanks for the ears, just needed to get that off my shoulder as we don't have too many people to talk to about this.

[DDH]

I'm so sorry, I wish I could help. It is not fun being in a job you don't like. Maybe you both should talk about it and give it like 6 more months or something and see how it goes from there. In the meantime, put as much money (if you have any extra) aside to save up to move back if that is what you decide you need to do.

It's hard getting adjusted when you move. Your out of your comfort zone. You have to make new friends, learn new jobs. Basically your life probably feels topsey turvey. That can be very stressful.
Give it some time, you may settle down with time.

[velogirl]

Where in upstate are you? I grew up in Elmira, undergrad in Ithaca, lived in Schenectady for a while, and MBA and work in Syracuse.

[chickwhorips]

the same thing happened with my parents. they were bound and determined to move to phoenix, which they did, after 5 years to the day they moved back to wisconsin. they are still in wisconsin, but not 6 months later they were both asking what had they done. its been 3 years since they moved back and built a beautiful new house.

try to stick it out for a bit longer, but if you feel its for the best to move back then go. it is expensive to move, unless you can find a job that will pay for moving costs. any chance in that?

[CyclChyk]

I learned a couple things from moving from GA (homebase) to NH and back to GA again. Moving that far from what you know is hard. Even tho you are moving back to where you used to live, things change. People change. Your thought process changes. So its different the second time around. And theres the adjustment of your expectations not being met, so it becomes like moving someplace totally new all over again. Often I wanted to move back to where I had left because it was familiar and comfortable. And once you have it in your head that you are dissatisfied with where you are it just makes it that much harder to accept. Its like the whole theory of the glass being half empty or half full. You kinda fixate on the half empty.

Once I accepted that I was stuck *where ever* and started looking for the positive instead of the negative, my attitude changed my mood. And I became happy again.

I know it sounds all hoekee but it really is a state of mind. It doesn't happen overnite. And I'm willing to bet CO wasn't all peaches and cream the first little while??

Just my 2cents, FWIW. And for the record, I would move back to NH in a heartbeat. I so dislike GA, but I am happy, and I am content. So it makes the rest kinda fade away.

[chickwhorips]

try living in alaska for a couple of years and then going back home. competely different! i'm going down to phoenix next month and its really going to be different! life is much faster there then wisconsin.

[Kitsune06]

I always have a hard time moving. I move, and hate it there for a good year- then it starts feeling like 'home' again. My first year in Oregon (vs. Wisconsin) I literally cried when it got cold and rained, because it would never snow. Oh, and I have seasonal depression. (Oregonians, you know how often it rains.)
Then I moved up to Portland Metro from Eugene. Hated it. Tolerated the lack of snow (went biking in the snow for my birthday!) but life was busier, bike trails were fewer, and life was different. I visited home (Wisconsin) and hated it- everything was different, people were so judgmental (red-state chunks of WI) and everything was sooooo sloooooow. I go back to Eugene and still pine for it, but maybe someday that will change... but every time I mention it to someone who 'went to college there once' or 'lived a summer there once' they always reminisce about it so happily... *sigh*

[solobiker]

Thanks for all of your support. I really appreciate it. It has been 10 years since we have lived here, so maybe my expectations are too high, then again we did just pick up our lives, moved 1700 miles back and both started new jobs. We also cant do too many of the hobbies that we used to do until we get into a house as we both do woodworking and need the garage for the big tools. Sorry for complaining about such trivial things as i know things could be much worse.

[Trekhawk]

Once I accepted that I was stuck *where ever* and started looking for the positive instead of the negative, my attitude changed my mood. And I became happy again.

I know it sounds all hoekee but it really is a state of mind. It doesn't happen overnite. And I'm willing to bet CO wasn't all peaches and cream the first little while??

Just my 2cents, FWIW. And for the record, I would move back to NH in a heartbeat. I so dislike GA, but I am happy, and I am content. So it makes the rest kinda fade away.

Great advice CyclChyk and trust me I know. I have lived in six different places in the last ten years. Each time we move with my husbands job I suffer from the old OH MY GOD THIS PLACE SUCKS and lots of that is because its just different and the fact that I dont know anyone to start with doesnt help. Now I know that I will experience that feeling each time we move Im ready for it. It can sometimes take a good year or two before you start feeling comfortable in a place and start to make good friends. Give yourself a bit of time and really try hard to look at all the positives about your new place like CyclChyk said.

Trek-not looking forward to her next move-hawk

[ClockworkOrange]

Thanks for all of your support. I really appreciate it. It has been 10 years since we have lived here, so maybe my expectations are too high, then again we did just pick up our lives, moved 1700 miles back and both started new jobs. We also cant do too many of the hobbies that we used to do until we get into a house as we both do woodworking and need the garage for the big tools. Sorry for complaining about such trivial things as i know things could be much worse.

THIS is just the great thing about communities such as TE. It brings people closer/together, even though to most, we are just names on a screen. I have belonged to a community that is based in the UK...........and have made so many very good friends............anyway, enough of that.

You are not complaining and it is not trivial, sure things could be worse but for this moment in time it is obviously upsetting you so very much.

Perhaps if you had not made the move you would have regretted it, at least you had the guts to give it a go, so few do that.

I so hope things start working out for you and your husband.

Hey, have a real special weekend with your husband, get home, lock the doors, take the phone off the hook...........and just enjoy being together. OK, I live in LaLa Land? But it can be fun! ;)

Take care.

Sally

[chickwhorips]

can i move to LaLaLand an live with you clock?

[ClockworkOrange]

can i move to LaLaLand an live with you clock?

No way, I'm far too selfish to share all the fun...............:D But if you ever find yourself over in the UK, I'd make u a cuppa and lend you my rose tinted glasses.

BTW........your Blog is brilliant, think you have a secret LaLa Land yourself. Did loads of the little quizzes, so now I am Betty Grable...........bit spooky, she actually died at my age, yet one quiz said I would die at 76..........ce la vie!

Now RIPS, you've made me hijack this thread..........doh!

Sally

[Thistle]

[QUOTE=Trekhawk;134770Each time we move with my husbands job I suffer from the old OH MY GOD THIS PLACE SUCKS and lots of that is because its just different and the fact that I dont know anyone to start with doesnt help. Now I know that I will experience that feeling each time we move Im ready for it. It can sometimes take a good year or two before you start feeling comfortable in a place and start to make good friends. Give yourself a bit of time and really try hard to look at all the positives about your new place like CyclChyk said.

Trek-not looking forward to her next move-hawk[/QUOTE]

Good advice Trekhawk. Moving is really hard. Just know you have a fellow biker in Canberra when you get here. More than happy to help you settle in :)

[Katiek]

I agree with the other posters - any move is troubling at first and always stressful. It takes longer than you expect to adjuts - even if you really wanted to move. But remember that there was a reason you wanted to go. It's easy to remember the things you liked about CO (and I'm sure there were many), but something there made you want to explore other options.

give yourself some time and see how you feel in a year or two. I'm sure as you get settled and have more time to relax and enjoy the new location you'll start to feel better. If not, then you can have the fun of figuring out where to next.

[rocknrollgirl]

Where are you in upstate NY????

[Trekhawk]

Good advice Trekhawk. Moving is really hard. Just know you have a fellow biker in Canberra when you get here. More than happy to help you settle in :)


Thanks theav - Im looking forward to meeting you. :) :)

[Fredwina]

I'll agree with everybody else here. It easy to second guess and beat yourself up, but no one has invented a time machine yet, so they only way you can go is forward. I've been 5 places in 10 years, and have been in LA for about 2. I still think , maybe I shouldn't have moved , but always remind myself that I didn't have a job there, either, and It doesn't help not to able to do the things you love.

[solobiker]

I am near the Rochester area. There is some nice biking along the lake:)