oh no...............

[hellosunshine]

built a fortress,!impervious!independant,SINGLE AND HAPPY.


and then whatdoyouknow............MET A MAN ,BY MISTAKE......................



now,8 weeks on,need some statistics,when does the infatuation wear off?coz i usually wake up to reality within 19 days.AND IT HASNT KICKED IN YET!

[chickwhorips]

hmmm... sounds like me. i built up that same fort and a trojan horse came in. it usually took me less than 19 days to realize the trojan horse was just an imposter, but then BF got in and two years later he still has the horse inside the fort! :eek:

moral of story: may not be a bad thing. don't know statistics to help you, but i could make one up to make you feel better. :cool:

[Python]

built a fortress,!impervious!independant,SINGLE AND HAPPY.


and then whatdoyouknow............MET A MAN ,BY MISTAKE......................



now,8 weeks on,need some statistics,when does the infatuation wear off?coz i usually wake up to reality within 19 days.AND IT HASNT KICKED IN YET!

Yep. Happened to me too. Just when I'd asserted my complete and total independence of the male species...I met a man, right when I least expected it. Seven years later we're still together - and happily married:D

[RoadRaven]

Oh... I know this...

I think it goes away at different times for different people... and for some it kind've lingers on...


I don't want mine to go, though, and don't expect it to...

I have been happily infatuated for 21 years :D


Relax and enjoy the ride... infatuation does not necessairly mean loss of reality or independance.

Enjoy it, whether is 9 weeks, 7 years, 21 years or unending...

Life is about living and we should live and love to the fullest

[BleeckerSt_Girl]

Seven years so far, the head-over heels honeymoon just keeps getting better and better...


(or should I say heels over head???) :eek: Sorry!

[pooks]

and two years later he still has the horse inside the fort! :eek:


Now that's what I call stamina.

:D

[Bikingmomof3]

It has been 16 1/2 years for me, well 18 if you count when we first met. :D

[CyclChyk]

(or should I say heels over head???) :eek: Sorry!

LISA!!!!! Shame on you! And I thought those kinda things only happened in the movies!! ;)

[hellosunshine]

Oh My God!!!!ok,am Holding On Tight!

[Bad JuJu]

28 years and counting, married for 25 years just last month, still holding hands. We did a nice leisurely 25-mile ride on our anniverary--a mile for each year.

True love still happens.:)

[Lise]

You all give me so much hope!

Be happy, sunshine! I'm happy for you. :D

[makbike]

I'll echo what others have said, enjoy the ride and your time together. I met my love 2 years and 7 months ago (who's counting) on Valentine's day. We are still going strong and that infatuation has turned into a deep love. Take it one day at a time and make the most of each minute you have with each other.

[esther231]

I think it's so cool too. :) Enjoy!!!

We've been together 36 years. Married 30. I can't believe it's been that long. Sure doesn't feel that long. I like it though.

[LBTC]

18 years married, 23 together. Most people think we're not old enough for that, probably a side effect of finding love young.

oh, and I had just decided I didn't need a boyfriend to be happy. that's when we met.

still holding hands, still happy in love!

enjoy the ride!
~T~

[margo49]

Know the one!
Mid-May 1985 - and still going strong.
Religious bigotry (from *both* sides), ongoing racism, imprisonment; nothing has beaten us (or even kept us down for long).
If I would marry anybody it would be him.

[salsabike]

Hohoho, sunshine---that's just how it happened to me too! Just when I'd decided I was ready and happy to be alone, along came Mr. Salsa. 21 years later, I still think he's the coolest guy I know.

[Kitsune06]

...and with luck, as time goes on, you'll keep finding out how much you complete each other (in all those little ways you didn't know anything was missing!)

Scary, no?

[kaybee]

Sunshine, that's how it happened for me too. We've been together for 24 years, married for 20. How the heck did I get that OLD? :eek: Enjoy!

KB

[Melstar]

built a fortress,!impervious!independant,SINGLE AND HAPPY.


and then whatdoyouknow............MET A MAN ,BY MISTAKE......................



now,8 weeks on,need some statistics,when does the infatuation wear off?coz i usually wake up to reality within 19 days.AND IT HASNT KICKED IN YET!

Hey hello sunshin. stratford upon Avon... nice place.

Infatuation hasn't worn off yet?? I guees it Might be TRUE LOVE!!

[ClockworkOrange]

built a fortress,!impervious!independant,SINGLE AND HAPPY.


and then whatdoyouknow............MET A MAN ,BY MISTAKE......................



now,8 weeks on,need some statistics,when does the infatuation wear off?coz i usually wake up to reality within 19 days.AND IT HASNT KICKED IN YET!

Hi hellosunshine

That was no mistake, some might call it fate.................why should the infatuation wear off?

Just enjoy today, never mind about tomorrow.

Similar thing happened to me at the grand ol' age of fifty! Really did not want or need a guy, I was too independent...................6 years on and now living together and so very happy. :p

Lovely to hear your story. :)

Sally

[mudmucker]

when does the infatuation wear off?

Ah, 8 weeks. You are still in the stardust phase.

After noting some of the responses, this will seem fairly analytical. Just about all my relationships occurred when I wasn't looking or expecting. Aside from the obvious compatibility, my experience has been that the initial stardust phase lasts from 9 months to a year and a half or so. You know, you are immersed in clouds with silver linings, that feeling of really looking forward to seeing that person, still getting to know that person. There still is that level of politeness because maybe not all boundaries have been explored. To me, the real patterns of the relationship emerge after about a year or year and a half where some of the more complex issues/boundaries have been stretched and explored. If stardust hasn't fallen like lead at that time, then relationships seem to move on to a different kind of intimate level.

[DDH]

I think I am still infatuated at times with my DH. We have been married 17 years as of last Friday and together all in all, 21 years.

There are times that I want to kick him, but I am sure he might like to kick me sometimes too. :eek: All in all though, I don't know what I would do without him. He is my rock, my hero and the person I want to see and spend time with the most from day to day.
I think once you get past the he's not perfect stage, and start learning their faults and can still live with them, then it's a match!! :D

[Brandi]

Yea me too... !19 years of massive adventure, romance travel I have it all.... but best of all I have shared it with my best friend and lover... my dear husband!!!!!!

[Triskeliongirl]

I think its really interesting that so many of us on this board have such long term stable marriages. We've been married 21 years, soon to be empty nesters, but still riding bikes together. Is it the free spiritidness that keeps us cycling that keeps our marriages fresh?

[hellosunshine]

im not sure about that last comment,i race mainly with men,and the amount of marriages that have failed as the wives feel several rungs down the ladder to their bike obsession.....anyhow,like you also said,it groovy isnt i!in his world of mushed up marriages,SOME DO WORK:)

[Geonz]

Yea, I think people are responding in kind... but others are just lurking (and smiling, 'cause it's nice to read good things). The timing was interesting (in a good way :)) for me...

[run it, ride it]

Three years ago I cut off a 6-year-long-distance relationship because the guy was getting too possessive. I was happy as a clam all by myself.

...Not a year later, a new long-distance boy comes along. I told myself he didn't know what he was getting into, so it wouldn't last. I carefully distanced myself. Did he ever prove me wrong. We had some rough patches, but in the end we both gave in and stopped holding back, and we've been hopelessly in love for the past year.

I'm not sure he ever learned how to ride a bike, and he's made it quite clear I will never get him on the back of a horse... but hey, he also said he didn't want to go sailing and ended up loving it. We have our own very separate lives (we live three hours apart), and on the surface not much in common, but our base values are the same and we never run out of things to talk about. I'm in love with him a little more each day. We have passion, trust, respect, compassion, sacrifice, compromise, and communication. To me, that's what love means.

My housemate is currently in an exclusive casual relationship. Which, of course, she insists isn't a relationship. She doesn't want to get into anything serious because she's moving back and forth to school and doesn't want to do the long-distance thing. Well, the guy 'cheated' on her with his ex and just doesn't respect her. Sure, they have a good time, but at what expense?

Relationships with us kids these days are endlessly complex... we want our autonomy but loneliness prevails. Distrustful flings ensue. So you know what? I'd rather be with a boy I'm completely in love with and trust with every ounce of my being, even though the stakes are higher, even if it's not the most logical decision, even if I have to make other sacrifices: even if I'll be devestated when it ends. If it doesn't hurt to let go of, it wasn't worth having.

[LBTC]

If it doesn't hurt to let go of, it wasn't worth having.

As with so many things, even more true for love. Well said!

Namaste,
~T~

[Kitsune06]

this is true- but also, I think, that it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. In this life, our finest achievements can't be kept and collected like trophies- in reality, a trophy is just a piece of metal and stone- its only real value is sentimental and attached to the memories it came with- as is anything of real 'value' at the end of our days.

I've done crazy, stupid things for love and believe that love, experimentation and experiences are worth everything. "Do not resist temptation- it may not pass by your way again."

Love, requited or not, passion, romance, excitement and the thrill of seeking or attaining all of these are what life is about. The day you stop seeking excitement, happiness and passion is the day you're ready to die... and that's not youth speaking... but it sure seems easy to forget these things when commitments take presidence in your life.

[Thistle]

28 years and counting, married for 25 years just last month, still holding hands. We did a nice leisurely 25-mile ride on our anniverary--a mile for each year.

True love still happens.:)

oh i love that .... a mile for each year :D mind if we copy you??

same story, completely over men, completely fine on my own, and bam, this hunk re-enters my life (knew him before but i was engaged). Married 14 years, together 16, wouldnt be without him for the world :D even though he sometimes drives me nuts!!!!!

[ClockworkOrange]

.........................Love, requited or not, passion, romance, excitement and the thrill of seeking or attaining all of these are what life is about. The day you stop seeking excitement, happiness and passion is the day you're ready to die... and that's not youth speaking... but it sure seems easy to forget these things when commitments take presidence in your life.

You have summed it up superbly.

The real excitement, happiness and passion happened to me only six years ago but is continuing, it will do until I am reliant on a Stannah stair lift...........come to think of it, even that could be fun. ;)

You have the right attitude...........I so wish others could take this on board..

Young head on old shoulders eh! :D Excellent post.

Sally

[spokewench]

18 1/2 years so far - It has its bumps but were still happy! We've been almost 20 and our kitty, Big Kitty will be 20 next year! The Cat has more stamina than we do I think!

But so far so good

[mimitabby]

I guess in March it will be 29 years!

We started dating in December (I told my self that I would never get involved with this guy) he proposed to me IN DECEMBER. I waited a month. Said yes,
if you're willing to make a commitment; he said he felt the same way.

We got married in March, neither of us had a job...We had #1 son in November.. at which time neither of us were working either. Anyone making a prediction
would have said we wouldn't last. but we didn't last, we THRIVED.

Our kids used to brag about having dinner at home with both parents to their friends.

We are still friends, still romantic. I really got a good DH.

the rule: an adaptation of the golden rule: do MORE than the 50% you think THEY should. If you both try to do more than 50% of the work, it will come out all right.

[Raindrop]

OK, at first I didn't like him, then he turned out to be not quite the a$$ I thought he was, then I dated him and then we were very close friends for the next twenty years and then finally, two years ago, I married him. Guess I'm either a slow learner or just really, really careful??:eek:

He really is the best part of me.:)

[CyclChyk]

Raindrop I love your sig line!!! I too am Vertically Challanged :)

[kelownagirl]

So nice to hear of all these wonderful, long-term relationships! Gives me hope that mine will last...

[KnottedYet]

I have decided there is no such thing as romantic love. Just "miserable" and "slightly less miserable." Or maybe "miserable in a different way."

Somehow I missed the entrance to the world of happy spouses.

(but I have a really nice bike! :p )

[chickwhorips]

(but I have a really nice bike! :p )

as long as you have that KN. (even if it took forever to get there or so it seemed.)

[margo49]

I have decided there is no such thing as romantic love. ."

Somehow I missed the entrance to the world of happy spouses.



Romantic love is a construct of American Cultural Imperialism solely designed to alienate women from our natural sexuality and distance us from our true feelings to the point we won't know what we're doing and won't even care with whom.
Sadly, it is effective; on women *in* relationships (and not just het ones) and women not and (the worst and most dangerous) women looking for a relationship
[and I will not add "gets down off soap-box" or "pushes inner Late 1970's - early 80's Feminist Ideologue back into cargo-bag of memento's of Glorious Revolutionary Past" because I talk like this all the time. Really]

Yeah, there was a run of people there for a few posts telling how long they had been together with their Various Others. (I was even one of them!) Re-reading it en masse it was *just too much*. Of course each of us was only speaking for herself but it made such a stream of posts.

[hellosunshine]

well,what do ya know,tipped water over computer,it died,sooooooooo had to ring him at home and..............GUESS WHAT GALS!!!!!!HIS WIFE ANSWERED......."oh yes but we lead seperate lives"was the reply.methinks friends yes!lovers NO.:)

[kaybee]

Oops! Good thing you found out early.

KB

[BleeckerSt_Girl]

What a jerk to not even mention that he was married. The old "Yes, but we lead separate lives" routine?...UGH!!! :mad:

[esther231]

Unbelievable.

I'll hold him down while you hit him.

[DebW]

Well this thread certainly turned around. Afraid I'm in the "romance is overrated and generally unnecessary" camp (except as applied to bikes of course :D). Though there's something to be said for having an SO who'll pick you up from the ER after you crash your bike, even if he does laugh when he finds out you crashed.

[BleeckerSt_Girl]

Well there are wonderful romances and then there are disappointing or even lousy romances- life is full of variety!

[Geonz]

Yea, ain't that the truth!

Hey, it was when I called a fellow and his obviously-no-longer-ex girlfriend answered that I decided "THIS IS THE WEEK to meet new people... think I'll try out the bike club!" (There were no secrets about it, though.) IT was the start of a very beautiful relationship with my bicycle and bike riders :-)

[margo49]

Unbelievable.

I'll hold him down while you hit him.

With the sledge-hammer I'll pm you

[chickwhorips]

Unbelievable.

I'll hold him down while you hit him.

With the sledge-hammer I'll pm you

add me to that list to help. just send him up here and we'll pour some bacon grease on him and leave him to find his way back to town.

[spokewench]

Let's go one more step - pour bacon grease on him and tie him to a tree!

[Kitsune06]

Um, woah woah woah...

I'm still "technically" married. I was when I met my GF and when xdh met his GF. There are rare instances where people are 'married' but are still dating etc.

That said, he's a **** (just asterisks, but fill in the space with your word of choice) for not being up front about it. Even if he really likes you and was afraid of 'scaring you off' honesty wins far more points. (and besides, in that situation, generally, his 'wife' would also be there to tell you "Yeah... he's just my roommate for now") unless they're swingers or the like...

BUT... I've been in a torch-and-pitchfork mood for awhile, so Alaska, Bacon Grease, and Trees sound like a good idea. Some farm girl should bring a burdizzo, too. Just for giggles and to watch him go white. :D I know, I'm bad.

[Grog]

Sorry girls, this talk makes me really uncomfortable.

If I read this on a guy's board about a woman not telling a man she was married, I'd get more than uncomfortable. So I try to be symmetrical.

You can say I have no sense of humour if you like... I'd rather say that I have very low tolerance for physical violence, even in words thrown around just for fun.

[esther231]

You're right. It's just play but I'm sorry it made you uncomfortable. No harm intended.

[Kitsune06]

I'm 'mostly harmless' for a reason- even if I'm a madwoman. Though I'd use the same terms for any friend of mine (male or female) who "done mah friend wrong" but yeah, I got a little wound up. No harm intended...

[pooks]

Well, call me old-fashioned but that guy wouldn't even be a "friend" after that stunt.

As for romantic love being a modern American construct -- I don't think so. It was actually a subversive European construct -- subversive because women writers started writing love stories about women who actually managed to bring men to their knees in the name of romantic love. Romance at that time was the horrifying idea that young girls and women who were supposed to be bartered off to the highest monetary and political advantage to the father would instead find a way to use "love" to subvert the system.

Ah, the power.

[Kitsune06]

Pooks- that was very much my take on it... I just hoped someone who knew what they were saying would say something first (because I could go on and on talking around the subject, but never actually define my thoughts...)

(I can see it now, Pooks saying "Aryn! SPEAK!!!" *whap!*)

but yeah, perish the thought that in a world of dowrys and marriage chests, a woman should choose a poorer man out of love instead of the richer man per an arrangement.

Call me the artsyfartsy romantic type, but I think love and romance are both very real and very much alive today...

[pooks]

There have been some very romantic true life love stories in my family. My dad walked into a USO in New Orleans in WWII and looked across the room and saw my mom. There was another woman standing there, and he said to her, "If you'll introduce me to that girl over there, I'd appreciate it. I'm going to marry her."

The woman was my grandmother, who said, "Over my dead body!"

Two weeks later my grandmother was threatening to jump off the Louisiana State Capitol if my mom married my dad, and six weeks later, they were married.

They were married for ... oh gosh, over 55 years when he died.

However -- these long marriages almost always have VERY rough periods. I know mine has had them! I was certain I'd end up divorced a few years back, but now I'm happier than I've ever been. So romance sparks but only hard work and lot of give and take keeps it going.

[Kitsune06]

There are some fantastic stories of romance etc in my family, too... My ex- so great for doing things that would "make great stories someday"... so bad at being a real person in day-to-day life. It's all a balance, and in there, you've either got that spark of chemistry, or you don't...

Oh, love is such a fickle thing...

[KnottedYet]

Call me the artsyfartsy romantic type, but I think love and romance are both very real and very much alive today...

but, but, you're still married?:confused:

[Kitsune06]

only legally. Due to recent events and circumstances, I think I can safely say I don't even know him anymore. He's no longer the person who was once my other half. I paid my half of the divorce costs (it's expensive...) and God(ess) willing, he and his GF's new job will pay the other half.

I should just change my entire name for good. =P

[DDH]

Omg, I just read that he was married. What a jerk!!! :eek:

[chickwhorips]

The woman was my grandmother, who said, "Over my dead body!"

Two weeks later my grandmother was threatening to jump off the Louisiana State Capitol if my mom married my dad, and six weeks later, they were married.

They were married for ... oh gosh, over 55 years when he died.

i take it she didn't jump.

kit we both know the truth.

[pooks]

She didn't jump.

[Kitsune06]

I'm 'mostly harmless' for a reason- even if I'm a madwoman. Though I'd use the same terms for any friend of mine (male or female) who "done mah friend wrong" but yeah, I got a little wound up. No harm intended...



kit we both know the truth.

You're right. I'm a little more than 'mostly' harmless, but if I wasn't, I'd hardly belong on Team Danger! :D
Ok, that and harm can be intended if people mess with those near an' dear.
CWR, you're keeping me honest... :rolleyes: