When does it stop getting worse?

[HipGnosis6]

At the end of July I spent the very last of the money from my savings account to save one of my pets. A few weeks later, the other one of my wonderful black cats was put into a medical crisis when my boyfriend, who had agreed to see to their evening meal and medication while my mother was out of town, gave her 10X the correct dose of her medication. It was an honest mistake and he felt terrible about it, but it was still upsetting to come so close to losing both of my beloved animals in so short a time.

I left my job in August when the owner of the company expected me to be compliant as he blatantly disregarded the contracts we had with our wonderful manufacturers. I had already been looking for work for several months, and have been wildly unsuccessful at finding a new job. After being out of work for over a month, I finally got placed into a temp position for a few weeks. It'll end and I'll have to face the holidays without any income. My family has been giving me some financial support but only very grudgingly. I've had to face the "your brother was unemployed for a year and didn't have to ask us for help once" lecture almost every day.

In the interim, I was hit by a car (http://forums.teamestrogen.com/showthread.php?t=9501) on the way home from an interview. I wasn't badly hurt, but the bike needs a new rear wheel and I can't afford to have it fixed. My bike and the bus are my only means of transportation.

And this week, my boyfriend of nearly two years left me. I don't pretend to understand why it happened, but he's gone. I guess he felt too pressured by his worries about my well-being.

The paperwork for my financial aid got submitted in plenty of time but it didn't get processed and now I don't have funding for my next quarter at school. And I certainly can't pay for it out-of-pocket. If I stop attending, I'll be expected to begin to repay my loans, and I can't. I can ask for forbearance, but I don't feel good about it.

It's just been one bad thing after another and I don't know what to do any more.

/whine

[Dogmama]

Many years ago, I spent $1,700 to have my German Shepherd's ACL repaired. I had $2K in my bank account. A month later, she got very ill. Didn't know what was wrong, many visits to vet for expensive diagnostics, finally had to ease her along her path.

I wouldn't change a thing. When my vet would tell me how much a certain test, or specialist would cost, I'd look him in the eye & say, "You can't scare me with money."

I know it's tough now, but things DO work out.

If you have copies of your school paperwork, go stand on some administrator's desk until they make an exception. They can always get stuff through. If you were an athlete, you wouldn't have to worry :mad:

Don't know if you're religious, but remember: Your higher power never lets you walk down a dark hallway without opening a window. You are in God's care and She loves you.

[margo49]

Had a couple of phases in my life like this (one thing after another)
Main thing is to concentrate on "the very moment".
Generally at any particular moment nothing really terrible is actually happening to us you see. So we're either thinking about the past (that is already done with ) or worrying about the future (which may or may not turn out like we are worrrying).The odd occasion that The Very Moment *is* an emergency - adrenaline and friends/random bystanders will get you thru it. Trust The Universe.
Also do not expect too much of ourself *as well* (eg putting the finishing touches to The Unified Theory you have been working on the past 5 years in your spare time)
All the religions have their tricks too. Dust off the old books or beads or simply sing!

One last hint: don't go for retail therapy unless it is something cheap and small that you will use up in a short time eg hand lotion) or it will still be hanging around years later reminding you of this time.

[BleeckerSt_Girl]

HipGno...
You can look at these things a different way (is the cup half empty or half full?):
1) Your cats both got terribly sick but you were able to save them and now they are doing better than before.
2) You left your job because you have high principles. You now have another job which is bringing some money in while you continue looking for a new job. Other temp jobs may come along in the meantime to fill in the gaps.
3) At least you HAVE family that you can borrow money from in emergencies.
4) a car hit you while you were biking, but amazingly, you came away uninjured, and even your damaged bike is repairable eventually.
5) a relationship that was not working out ended. You are free to explore new possibilities should they arise. Or just explore being yourself for a while.
6) you can probably get them to rush-process your paperwork if you march in and explain your situation. If you skip this semester however, you probably won't have to make loan payments if you are still don't have a permanent job yet.

Hoping this presents another way of looking at it, or just a little food for thought.... :o

[esther231]

{{{{{HipGnosis}}}}}

Life is hard sometimes.

Lisa's right, everyone is right who has posted. Just a mess to get through it all sometimes. But keep doing the next right thing - like you have been. And, eventually, it turns again.

Rooting for you.

[Bicyclette]

HipGnosis -

I'm so sorry you're going through this - I was there many years ago - it's not an easy place to be - but if you take it one day at a time you will get through it - as they say "this too shall pass"

I would be marching my happy a** into financial aid and demanding some options from them since it was their responsibility to process your forms. That, to me, is just not acceptable. There are always options - you just need to find them.

Good luck - you'll get through this..

[KnottedYet]

Hang in there, do what everyone else said. And I "ditto" what everyone else said.

The financial aid debacle is THEIR fault, so be sure you follow up on that.

[Tri Girl]

Hip, keep your chin up. I can't say anything different than what's been said, but just know I'm thinking of you. You're not alone- you have us to come to when you need an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on! {{{big hugs}}} :)
Hang in there, things are bound to get better!

[Bad JuJu]

I haven't got much to add, but want to express my support. Lisa S. H. and the others gave excellent advice, esp. about dancing on somebody's head at your Financial Aid office. Does your school have a Student Affairs office? You might check in there, too. I wouldn't shut up until I'd gotten satisfaction, if I were you.

I know it's hard to motivate yourself to be so emphatic when you're just feeling sad and miserable, but sometimes if you can get angry enough, that will help to motivate you. And this financial aid situation sure seems like just the ticket to cause some serious anger.

And all this will pass--you know that, right? We're all in your corner, girlfriend.

[uk elephant]

It'll stop getting worse when it starts getting better and the trick is to look for the small bright lights rather than wait for the full solution. You managed to get a short term temp job. That's a start. When I've been in similar situations (and I've been desperate for jobs a few times), even a short temp stint has been a step in the right direction. And even before this contract ends, keep looking for extentions or new jobs. I've generally been lucky by tracking down every temp agency in the vicinity and stopping in at least once a week to remind them that I'm still looking for work. My first job assignment here in the UK was just by luck. I went in to the temp agency to pester them again for the fourth week on the run and by random chance they had just had a job come in 10 minutes ago. They put me through a typing test and I got started the following week. If I hadn't been there insisting, I'm fairly certain they wouldn't have given me a chance. It helps not being too picky too. The "highlight" of my working life was my summer working at the public toilets in town in the little booth charging each person the equivalent of $1 to enter.

The same pestering goes for beaurocrats in the financial aid office. In my experience beaurocrats do not think until somebody pesters them enough to do so. They follow the daily routine and need a bit of shaking up and pestering to use common sense. So march down there whenever you can and keep calling when you can't go to the office and keep pestering until they help you find a solution.

And in general, never give up. No matter how bleak it seems it will get better again. And remember that there are a whole bunch of people over here rooting for you!

[Python]

There's an old saying: "It's always darkest before dawn".

We've had more than our share of downs, especially with serious illness in our family - son's a renal dialysis patient, has been for almost 5 years since he was 15 and my husband had a major heart-attack just over 2 1/2 years ago which meant he had to give up his job so money's been very tight ever since. He's got a new job now with the prospect of making good money.

I'd do what others have advised - jump your own height to make them take notice if necessary.

Just hang in there. Things will get better.

[mtkitchn]

HipGnosis6,
Sounds like you are going through quite a rough patch. I hope you get the financial aid issues resolved, and that things start to look up for you. It doesn't seem like it now, but you will be all the stronger when you get through these times.

[run it, ride it]

It stops getting worse once you hit rock bottom--when one huge bad thing that you couldn't have conceived puts all the other problems in perspective. It will get better after you realize, "it honestly can't get worse. Well, F**; I'll just stick along for the ride then." It won't be a swift recovery; in fact, it may be so incremental that you don't notice it.

Write everything down. Don't look at it for a few months. Come back to it and think, "wow, well, it's not great but it's better than it was." Some things, like your boyfriend leaving you or the trouble with your pets, won't be so sharp and painful in your memory.

The financial stuff: talk to everyone you can. Counsellors, banks, your family--SOMEONE will have a solution, or a set of solutions. The biggest part is wanting it bad enough. It sounds like you do.

It's true that usually bad things aren't happening to us -right this second,- unless, of course, your mental state of being clouds everything over with panic and paranoia. Your life could be perfect on paper but miserable on the inside. It's not what happens to you, it's how it affects you.

[Bikingmomof3]

Everything has basically been stated by others. I just wanted you to know I was thinking of you and we are here for you. (((((Hugs)))))

[Trek420]

Just wanted to let you know that this board has been and can be a tremendous source of support. I know I leaned on you all too much when I went through the year from He** or was that years?

I often think about my dear late cousin Marvin (who died much too young of Lukemia, thanks TnT riders). Anyway he was such a great guy and he had this philosophy that you "go ahead and make a decision, make your best one, if it doesn't work out you make another....repeat." You zig zag your way through it all.

Lots of stuff is follow through and I'm all about making lists and checking things off, also with the tuition aide thing I'm the undisputed queen of escalating to higher ups and heads should roll on that one.

Just keep moving, things will get better, you'll see.

[LBTC]

Hip

You'll get through it

I'm proud of you for going to school
for loving and caring for your pets
for leaving a job on principle

You can't be a bad person if I'm proud of you. And you can't get stuck where you are with all of us lifting you up from the inside.

Everyone has said so much, but I'll say a little again:

There are lots of people in a beaurocracy who can say no. Keep asking to see their supervisor until you find the one who can say yes.

And picture yourself, your pets, surrounded by butterflies. On the way to and from interviews, whenever you are stressed, whenever you want to be happier. Surprising, but for me those wings are magical (or godlike).

hugs and butterflies

Namaste,
~T~

[Dogmama]

Lots of stuff is follow through and I'm all about making lists and checking things off, also with the tuition aide thing I'm the undisputed queen of escalating to higher ups and heads should roll on that one.


What she said. I work at a major University (read: layers of red tape) and if you get to the right level of administrator, they can get things done.

[Xrayted]

Yeah, financial aide stuff is really harrowing to sift through. I agree, you have to be willing to jump through hoops and kick people in their nether-regions to get them to do their jobs sometimes. (me? for various reasons, ended paying every last darn cent out of pocket :eek: - sucked through some savings, but it was worth it- love, love, love what I do. :D ) Get after them and don't give up until you get satisfaction!

On the bent wheel issue, I PM'd you about it. ;)

Take care and try to keep a smile! You've got lots of support here anytime you need it! :) :)

-X.

[cherinyc]

I wish there was a simple answer...there is not I'm afraid. But....like many of the others on this board...Been There, Done that, and that, and that...
Like you, I am not a product of an over-generous family. I have put myself through school twice, and racked up the bills for it. Against my better judgement, there was a lot that I put on credit cards when I had no other option. I haven't used the CC's in years, and still owe what I make in a year. (I am currently a temp as well, with 2 degrees. They say there are all these jobs out there, but....they're just not in the right field I guess.)

Money problems suck! It's the root of all evil. Really!

The boyfriend issue...he obviously wasn't strong enough to stick with you in hard times, so screw him.

With all of the bad stuff however, it will pass. It's hard to think that when you're eyebrow deep in crap...but remember these 2 things:
1) Everything happens for a reason
2) Sometimes you have to taste the bitter, to be able to enjoy the sweet.

Hang in there buddy. You'll get through.
cheri

[spokewench]

What kind of bike do you ride, what kind of replacement wheel do you need?

You never know what old parts might be lurking around a TE Member's garage?

the Spoke Wench

[Popoki_Nui]

Good grief! It always seems to happen at once, doesn't it? Hang in there HipGnosis. I'm sorry I can't help with the bike, but I may be able to help with your vet bills if your cats need to go to the vet again while you get your situation figured out. And you WILL get it sorted out...it doesn't seem like it some days, but things do work out. Keep the faith, sista!

Please email me at catlover@ii.ca or meow@victoriacatrescue.com if you need financial assistance for your beloved cats.

Purrs 'n headbutts,
Sherry.

[HipGnosis6]

I just wanted to thank all of you for your words of support. Thanks, ladies. You're the best.