Different level riders?

[mtngirl]

My bf has gotten me back into mtn riding but he is a much stronger rider. When i go w/him to ride he waits for me to keep up, but when we ride with anyone else he leaves me behind and rides off with the others. I'm working to be faster b/c i hate to be left behind. Am I a baby to think he should wait up for me? I hate to ride alone!

[rocknrollgirl]

Well,
We have heard this story from many women on this site. There are several things you may want to try to remedy the situation.

1.Talk to him about it if you have not already. Let him know how you are feeling.

2. Maybe you two can ride together on certain days and he can go off with a faster group once a week or something.


3. Find some other people to ride with. Check out mtbr.com, they have a regional forum, and maybe you can hook up with some other riders that way.

4. Throw out an invite here, there may be some women in your area that want to ride.

You will get faster over time. And one of the ways that will happen is by rding with people faster than you, so don't give up your rides with the BF. It is never fun to be the one that the group is waiting for, feeling like you are holding them up, so until you get faster....find a slower group.

I ride with my DH and a group of really fast guys. Sometimes I am last when we ride together, and my DH rides up front. I know that he feels really torn, he wants to be up front stretching his limits, but he worries about me in the back of the group. But riding with these guys has made me much faster...so there is a payoff.

I hope some of this helps.

Ruth

[littlegrasshopp]

my fiance and I have this problem sometimes. We finally set a plan to look at the week ahead...we need time together and he needs time to focus on his ride - just like I do. That means he rides faster and I stop at obstacles and do them over and over to get better. On those days we try to plan a big group (that includes all stages of riders). But when I'm trying something completley new - like new fork, shifters or right now, clipless pedals..he knows he needs to stay close by for the first couple of rides...to give moral support and tweak the bike if needed. That works well for us most of the time.

[ima_bleeder]

I've had very similar issues riding with my guy. We're at very different levels of both fitness and technical ability. And basically I've solved them as rocknrollgirl suggests.

I try to explain to him very clearly, and without getting emotional, exactly what I need from him. Obviously, it's better done ahead of time than in the moment. My rules: Don't get so far off ahead that I think you've forgotten about me. I'm likely to decide that we're on different rides, and go where I please instead of following you. (But I'm a little feisty that way). And don't go so far in the other direction that you're smothering me. I don't need my hand held, I just want to be sharing the experience with you.

Encourage him to go out on rides with friends who I know will challenge him more than I can. The more challenging the better. And then we go riding the next day. That has a way of leveling the playing field a little :D

And it's been fantastic finding a few compatible riding partners for me. I've really loved having the opportunity to go out riding with a couple of local women, and sometimes we'll all go out as a larger group with GR (hubby) and a couple of other local guys.

Yesterday we went out on what GR was calling a "suffer-fest". I was the only one obviously suffering though. Sixteen miles, three thousand feet of climbing, took us four hours total time with a few breaks.

I was devastated that my girlfriend couldn't make it, but one of the local guys that sometimes rides with us came along. He's somewhere between the two of us in both fitness and technical ability. I was so relieved that the two guys had each other to compete with. Seriously, the last thing I needed while I was gasping for breath was GR hovering about and chatting me up all the way to the top of the mountain. The man's a machine, and apparently doesn't need to pause to breathe.

We had one 'stop helping me, I need to do this on my own' moment. And a couple hours later we had a 'thank you, yes, you can haul my bike up this hike-a-bike section ... oh my god my legs feel like lead' moment. Many times he was off ahead with the other guy, and then we'd all catch up and chat a little.

We weren't all together all the time, but we were all sharing the same experience. There was kind of an ebb and flow to the ride. I'm still hurting, but it was a lot of fun!

[mtngirl]

Just want to thank you gals for taking the time to give me some perspective. I do need to find some others to ride with, my bf is a single speed endurance guy who races in the expert class and regulary ends up w/trophies and all his friends are in the same realm. Life is a race for him.

I usually ride alone and it would sure be fun to find someone closer to my level. I live in South LA County, CA. If anyone is interested in riding together, let me know, post here or send me a message. Not sure how to describe my level other than i don't think i'd call myself a beginner, but if you are anywhere around here i'd love to try riding with you. BF does regularly plan out of town weekend riding trips for his group and it would be great if i had someone who wanted to go along and ride together. None of my girlfriends are into riding at all. I am planning to go ride the Fullerton Loop tomorrow after work around 5 if there's anybody up for it, it' a pretty easy ride, i think about 11 miles long, only a couple short hills to climb.

Thanks again!

(I'll also copy this last part into a new thread so more people will see it.)

[rocknrollgirl]

Pots it on the new riders forum also, just make sure they know it is a mt bike....

[Steph]

I understand how you feel! My dh is so much faster than I am, which is o.k. as long as he stops every now and then to make sure I haven't fallen off of the mountain :-). I'm also just paranoid about being out in the woods alone. We ride with his cousin alot and he is usually behind me and that is reassuring to me also. My dh rides with a group of guys during the week that I couldn't even begin to keep up with that really challenge him. I am hoping to find some female riders in my area too. Too bad I'm in Alabama or I'd ride with you. My friends think I'm nuts for mtb'ing.